


Beacause of you

by Lexkru



Series: Because of you [1]
Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan, clexa - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - The 100 (TV) Fusion, Anxiety, Clexa, Depression, Drinking to Cope, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Intersex Lexa (The 100), Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Cancer, Mentions of Suicide, Minor Character Death, Multi, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:08:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 34
Words: 139,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25318075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexkru/pseuds/Lexkru
Summary: Lexa a recovering alcoholic who just lost her mother has spent the last two years trying to deal with the pain. When her dad gets a job in California she meets a girl who relates to her in so many ways. They find ways to help each other through their issues.(I'm not good at summaries, this is a high school au where we will follow Clarke trying to get out of a toxic relationship while Lexa is finding ways to deal with her moms death.)(Also G!P Lexa)
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Jake Griffin, Anya & Lexa (The 100), Anya/Raven Reyes, Bellamy Blake/Echo, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Luna, Clarke Griffin/Raven Reyes, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Indra & Nyko (The 100), Octavia Blake & Clarke Griffin, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Series: Because of you [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1982746
Comments: 190
Kudos: 555





	1. Hi, My name is Lexa and i'm fucked up.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi welcome to my newest story. I do want to issue a few trigger warnings this story does deal with depression, alcohol abuse, self harm, suicide, and anxiety.

When it comes to fear Lexa would admit she wasn’t always the best at handling it. There were days she would face her fears head on and others when she would run. Running was easier especially when that fear is too much to handle and one day it was.

The day that haunts her the most, the day she regrets letting her fear win, the day her mother died. She hated thinking about the day but it was constantly replaying in her mind. Reminding her that she chose to run instead of watching her mother die.

Even doing the simplest things became harder because those thoughts would over run everything. And before she knew it going to school was hard, eating at the dinner table was hard, looking at her father and older sister was hard because there was always something missing. Something she could never have back no matter how much she wanted it.  
And although her mother’s death was two years ago, it still affected her till this day. Of course over time things got better but better will never be good, at least not in Lexa’s mind. She accepted that her life would never be good again, because the good in it was gone.

The first year she found ways to cope with those feelings, she called it coping but they were distractions more than anything.  
She went to more parties, drank way too often, hung out with all the wrong people because in the moment it felt right. It was what she thought she needed until one day something happened that made her realize she didn’t need those things anymore.

During her year of drinking and partying she also developed quite the reputation for sleeping around. Everyone in her school knew she wasn’t your typical girl; in other words they knew she had something extra between her legs and she didn’t care that they knew. If anything it made girls more curious which fed into her downward spiral more than she’d like to admit.

She slept with any girl she found herself drinking with and it was a good distraction until it wasn’t. For the most part she was always cautious about using protection during sex until one night she didn’t.

She hardly knew the girl but that didn’t matter at the time, she was drunk off her ass and she didn’t want to go home so she went to the girls place instead. The next morning she could hardly remember anything but that was typical after a night out for her so she brushed it off. A few weeks later she got a call from the girl saying she was pregnant and it was hers.

To say she was mortified would be an understatement, she was beyond scared and she wanted to run. She didn’t want to face the fact that she could have a kid, especially when she was already a mess.

That night she decided she couldn’t continue on the way she was so she went to her dad and told him everything. He knew about he drinking and even tried to get her under control at points but she wouldn’t budge, until now.

She told him about the girl and the baby and he was shocked but he didn’t berate her she just hugged her. He hugged her while she cried and assured her, they would get through it together and for the first time since her mom died, she didn’t feel alone.

A couple days later she got a call from the girl again telling her it was a false alarm and that she wasn’t pregnant. She apologized for the confusion and they never talked again.  
That was a year ago and Lexa hasn’t had a drink since. She cleaned up her life, got her grades up and worked on her relationship with her dad and sister and things were ok.  
Her life had some sort of balance again until her dad announced their move. After years of trying he had finally gotten the promotion he wanted the only problem was it was in California.

Lexa wasn’t sad about the move but it was her junior year in high school and the thought of making new friends and not graduating with the people she’s known her whole life was scary.

Anya on the other hand who is Lexa’s older sister by a year was beyond excited for the move, that was until their dad informed her, they weren’t moving to LA. But to a small beach town called Arkadia.

“I can’t believe I have to spend my last year of high school with complete strangers.” Anya wined.

It was the day of the big move and they were standing in the airport getting ready to leave. Anya had complained the whole ride there while Lexa tried to soak in everything she could about her hometown. She didn’t think she would be so ok with leaving but she was. Even though scary, starting over didn’t sound so bad to her.

“Do you want to complain about it some more? I mean it’s only been the whole two months we’ve been packing and the entire car ride.” Lexa said, dodging a punch from her sister. They were pretty close before everything that happened but now, they were slowly finding their way back to their buddying relationship.

“Shove it.” Anya rolled her eyes, attempting to hit the girl again.

“Anya.” Gustus, their father who was checking their bags turned to watch the girls play fighting behind him.

“She hit me back!”

“You’re older.” Lexa smirked.

“She’s right Anya, I see toddlers behaving better than you girls.”

“They probably aren’t uprooting their whole lives.” Anya murmured.

“We’ve discussed this, it’s a good opportunity. Would you rather me turn it down?” Gustus asked.

“Of course not, that doesn’t mean I don’t get to complain and be a brooding teenager. This one did it for a whole year.” Anya said pointing to Lexa who replied flipping her off.

‘Now boarding flight 307 to California, please have your tickets ready at the door.’

“That’s us, let’s go.” Gustus smiled big before leading the way to their plane.

This was the first time Lexa and Anya were flying and although she tried to act like a badass Anya was scared shitless. She even insisted on holding Lexa’s hand while the plane took off.

The flight wasn’t long but by the time they arrived it was almost sunset. Gustus called them a cab which took them to their new home.

A few weeks earlier when Gustus flew down to meet his new bosses he also took the time to find and rent them a new home.

The house was a beautiful green color with a small garden out front and even a pool and hot tub out back. When they walked inside Lexa took in everything she could about the place and immediately knew her mother would’ve loved it.

“I knew she would pick this one so I had to get it.” Gustus smiled.

“She would’ve loved it.” Anya smiled.

They just stood there for a moment silently all thinking about the same person, they all missed her but knew she was with them anywhere they went.

It had been a few hours since they arrived and Lexa was setting up her new room, all the furniture from their old house had arrived the day before. She moved everything around until she got to where she wanted it.

Her room was huge and even with all her stuff in it, it still looked empty. She made a mental note to ask her dad if she could get a desk to fill one of the corners.

“Lexa! Dinner.” Anya yelled.

When she went downstairs Gustus and Anya were already eating at their dining table. It was the same table from their old house, one that her mom picked out.

“Thanks for waiting.” Lexa said, grabbing a plate and filling it with the Chinese takeout.

“You’re welcome.” Anya said sarcastically.

“So are you girls excited for school in a couple days?”

“So excited.” Anya sighed dramatically. “I can’t wait to start school with people who’ve probably known each other their whole lives.”

“What about you Lexa?” Gustus asks ignoring his other daughters comment.

“It should be interesting.” Lexa said trying to find better words but she couldn’t. She honestly didn’t know what to feel.

“Well as soon as we get settled, I’m going to start looking for a new doctor.”

After the pregnancy scare and drinking escapades Gustus suggested Lexa get a therapist and she agreed. She knew she wasn’t dealing with things the best and she needed the help. Therapy did help but trusting a new doctor and retelling everything she’d been through didn’t sound appealing to her.

“I was thinking I could stop therapy.” Lexa murmured.

“Lex—” Gustus started to say.

“It’s just that I feel fine, and Dr. A said I could still do my sessions with her over facetime if I felt like I needed them.” Dr. Avertromhill or Dr. A as Lexa called her, was a therapist in Seattle.

Lexa could see her dad was thinking it through, she knew he was scared she would fall into her old habit from a year ago no matter how many times Lexa tris to convince him she won’t. He’s protective and she loves that but this she honestly did feel fine.

“Ok, promise you’ll schedule the sessions if you need them.”

“I promise.” Lexa smiled, maybe she could be normal after all.


	2. Welcome to Arkadia!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Anya start there new school!

It was the first day at her new high school and Lexa had no clue what to wear. She was down to her last choice, which was a green flannel and black skinny jeans, two thing she wore almost every day. There wasn’t time to try on anything else so this had to be her choice.

“Hurry up!” She could hear Anya yelling for her downstairs.

She quickly slipped her long brown hair into a high ponytail, checked herself over one more time then ran downstairs. 

“About time, you could’ve at least done your hair if you were going to take this long.” 

“And you could’ve at least tried to not look like a hooker.” Lexa whispered, smirking when she sees her sister roll her eyes.

“You love my style.” That was true, Lexa had always like Anya’s grunge aesthetic.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t criticize it.” 

“Alright girls let’s go before we’re all late.” 

They all hurried into the car before taking off down the street, the school was within walking distance but Gustus volunteered to drive them today.

When they pulled up to the school Lexa immediately thought they were in a movie. This place didn’t look real and it was definitely fancier than her old school, which unlike this one wasn’t on a beach.

“Is everyone in this town rich?” Anya asked looking at all the luxury cars that decorated the parking lot.

“It’s a small town, the economy here is booming. It’s one of the mean reasons I took the job here.” 

“Does that mean we’ll be driving a mustang soon too?” Anya said with hopeful eyes.

“You won’t be driving anything until you pass your diving test.” Gustus laughed. Anya had already failed three times. “Lexa on the other hand who passed on the first try will probably be driving soon.” 

“How can you buy her a car and not me?” Anya argued. “I’m older!”

“Me and Lexa had a deal, whatever she saves I’ll match it. Unlike you she had a job and her own money.” 

“You’re such a golden child.” Anya turned to look at Lexa who was smirking in the back seat. 

“It’s called being responsible.” Lexa knew as soon as it came out her mouth how hypocritical it sounded, but for the past year she has been responsible.

“Yeah, yeah.” 

“Alright girls get inside, have a good day and make good choices!” Gustus smiled.

“Good speech.” Anya mocked. 

Gustus finally pulled of leaving the two girls at their new school.

“Ready?” Anya asked staring at her younger sister.

“Do we have a choice?” 

“I guess not, let’s go.” 

When they walked inside the hall were filled with people everywhere laughing and joking around with each other. No one really turned to look at them which they were thankful for.

They got to the front office and sorted their schedules out and got an official greeting from the vice Principle Kane. Lexa thought it was weird he greeted them but chalked it up to them not getting a lot of new students. 

After everything was sorted the Counselor called down two student who would be giving them a tour of the school. 

“I didn’t think we’d get this much attention.” Anya said.

Before Lexa could reply two girls walked into the office and started talking to Kane. One of the girls had golden tan skin with dark brown curls that framed her face, the other pale milky skin with long blonde hair and eyes so blue Lexa felt lost in them. They were both beautiful but the blonde definitely had Lexa entranced, so much so she zoned everything else out around her.

“Lexa.” Anya nudged her sister. “You’re literally staring at her.” 

“Am not.” She tried to avert her eyes but there was no use, she was totally staring.

“Alright ladies this is our Junior Class President Clarke.” Kane motioned to the blonde who flashed smiles at both girls. “And this is our Senior President Costia.” 

“Welcome to Arkadia.” The blonde smiled.

“And Polis high.” Costia said earning a glare from Clarke. Something about it made it seem like they didn’t get along.

“Costia will be giving you your tour Anya and Clarke will be giving you yours Lexa. They are the same grades as each of you so with their help hopefully the transition will be easy.”

“Cool.” Anya says, looking at Costia with a smirk which goes unnoticed as she’s too busy staring at Lexa.

“Alright well, Lexa we can start whenever you’re ready.” The blonde smiled and Lexa was sure she was an angel.

“Lead the way.” Lexa smiled.

They walked around the school for what seemed like forever as Clarke told her what each room was. She even showed her the beach area of the school which is where most people eat lunch.

“If you give me your schedule, I can show you to your first class.” Clarke said, getting no response. “Lexa!”

“What? Sorry I spaced for a second.” What was this girl doing to her?

“It’s no problem, I can’t imagine starting a new school my 3rd year of high school. Where did you move from?” 

“Seattle.” 

“I’ve always wanted to go there! What made you move here?” 

“My dad got a new job.” 

“Well that sucks, but I hope you’ll give Arkadia a chance. It’s honestly a beautiful place to live.” 

“I haven’t seen much of it since we got here.” 

“You should definitely go exploring, there’s a lot here to see.” 

“I will.” Lexa wanted to ask her to be her tour guide but that seemed to forward. When she looked up from her schedule, she found those blue eyes staring at hers. Was it possible Clarke was checking her out too? 

“Franco.” Lexa said.

“What?” Clarke finally broke her stare, red quickly covering her face.

“My first class, Science with Ms. Franco.” Lexa smiled.

“Oh, right! Follow me this way.” 

They walked down the halls silently until they reached her class.

“This is Ms. Franco’s class; class starts in five minutes. You should be good to go in if you’d like.” 

“Ok, thank you for showing me. And thanks for the tour.” 

“Clarke Griffin.” Clarke held out her hand. “I felt like I should properly introduce myself not as your class President.” 

“Lexa Trikru.” Lexa shook the blonde hand, if she didn’t know better, she’d think she’d felt a spark.

“Trikru, I like that.” Clarke smiled. “Have a good day Lexa Trikru.” 

“You too.” Lexa murmured but by the time the words escaped her mouth, the blond was long gone.

The rest of the day went by quickly, everyone seemed nice and all the teachers were great. There was a moment Lexa felt like everything would be ok, something she hadn’t felt in a long time.

By her fourth class she had already made a friend called Lincoln who invited her to eat with him at lunch. She hardly saw Anya but when she did, she introduced the two and they got along well.

By her fifth class she finally seen the blonde again who flashed her a warm smile as she took a seat. They didn’t talk but it was nice seeing a friendly face in her classes.

When lunch rolled around, she found that Lincoln group of friends included Clarke and that made her even more excited to sit with him.

She didn’t know what she thought of the blonde, there was no doubt she was beautiful but they had hardly talked and Lexa wanted to change that. Lunch was the perfect opportunity to do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will focus on Clarke!


	3. I liked it better when you weren't talking!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn more about Clarke and her life!

It was lunch time and Clarke was at her regular table with her group of friends. She had completely zoned out any conversation they were having as she tried to finish her drawing.  
Since before she could remember drawing had always been a part of her everyday life, she loved it. Drawing, Martial Arts, School, Family, and her friends were all the things that made up her life. And for the most parts she had a great life.

“Clarke!” Octavia yelled. Octavia was one of her closest friends.

“Are you trying to impair my hearing O.”

“Well you wouldn’t give me attention.” Octavia tried her best to fake pout. “Anyways Skai beach tonight, are you in?”

Skai beach was the beach that made their town known. The sands of it were a vibrant orange color and the sunsets were always a sight to see. It’s also known as the teen hangout spot after dark.

“Sure.” Clarke responded before returning to her drawing.

“Great!” Octavia shrieked. “Lincolns picking us up at 8. Speaking of.” Octavia smiled at her boyfriend as he walked to join their table.

“Hey babe.” Lincoln smiled, kissing his girlfriend briefly.

“You two literally just seen each other.” Raven Clarkes other best friend said.

“Fuck off Reyes. Who have you got with you babe?” Everyone looked at the two girls behind Lincoln.

“This is Lexa and Anya, they just moved here.”

As soon as she heard the name, she couldn’t stop her head from popping up. There she was the beautiful brunette from the tour and her fifth period class.

“Hi guys!” Clarke offered a smile before continuing her drawing.

“Hi, I’m Raven, this is Octavia, Murphy, Emori and Clarke.”

“Nice to meet you guys.” Lexa smiled, turning he attention to Clarke.

“How’s the first day going?” Clarke asked the brunette.

“So far so good.”

“That’s good!”

“You guys should come to Skai beach tonight, we’re having a bonfire it’ll be fun.” Octavia suggested.

“I’m down.” Anya said.

“Sounds fun.” Instead of replying Clarke offered another smile before going back to her drawing.

“Hey babe.” Clarke turned to see her on again off again girlfriend Luna standing behind her.

She wasn’t sure what they were this week but she assumed on since Luna was approaching her. Their relationship was complicated to say the least, they had a lot of issues, mostly Lunas clinginess and jealousy.

The two had been seeing each other for the past year but lately it’s mostly just been about sex. They weren’t together but that didn’t stop them from sleeping with each other, which made things messier.

“Luna.” Clarke wanted to scowl at the girl but she couldn’t, that damn smirk she used always worked and she couldn’t help but crumble.

“Going to Skai beach tonight?” Luna asked

“Maybe.” She was definitely going, but she didn’t need to know that.

“Meet me before?” That’s code for let’s have sex.

“I’ll think about it.” She didn’t have to think, she knew she would be there.

“I’ll even pick you up, I know how much you love riding in my car.” Luna smirked; she knew what she was doing.

“I’ll let you know.” Clarke did love that car until one day when she couldn't love it anymore thanks to a rumor.

“I’ll see you later.” Luna smiled before walking back to her table.

“You better not go see her.” Octavia said.

Clarke looked around realizing everyone heard their conversation which was fine, they all knew the rocky relationship she had with Luna. None of them approved but they all knew about it.

“All I said was I’ll think about it.”

“That means you’re going.” Murphy who was usually was the quiet one of the group decided to speak up. She loved her friends but she knew what she was doing.

As normal conversation proceeded Clarke couldn’t help but notice the look on Lexa’s face when she was talking to Luna. It wasn’t sad just blank, which was whatever. She didn’t need some girl she barely knew judging her relationships.

After lunch was over Clarke did what she does every Friday, which was work at her dads restaurant. She didn’t need the money but she liked to help and it was a good excuse to apply for work privileges during school.

Her dad ran one of the most popular restaurants in town called The Ark. It was sea food based like most places in Arkadia but his was the best.  
Her mother who worked as the head doctor at their local hospital helped him open it when Clarke was around 10. They didn’t need the money but Abby encouraged him to do something he loved so then The dropship was born.

When she arrived, she saw Murphy who also got a job there thanks to her. Unlike her he actually needed the job to help his dad with bills and save for college. They’d been friends for years so Jake didn’t hesitate to give him a job, even though on the outside he was a little rough he was actually a sweetheart.

“A little late their princess.” Murphy called from the kitchen. For the most part he did dishes and made the occasional salad if needed.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m, here aren’t I?” Clarke went to her locker and changed into her work shirt.

Luckily for her, her dad was pretty laid back on the dress code. The only they had to wear was The Ark shirt and a name tag.

“Clarke! I forgot you were coming in today.” Jake loved that his daughter wanted to work at his restaurant. Their family was pretty wealthy but that didn’t matter to Clarke, she always preferred earning things.

“Every Friday dad.” Clarke smiled.

“Right well are you staying all night?”

“Just until 6, there’s a bonfire tonight. Do you care if I go?”

“Sounds fun, Murphy will you be going to?” Jake asked the boy.

“I work till 9 so probably not.”

“Even if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be there dad.” Clarke smiled. “He doesn’t do social events”

“Well you should go anyways Murphy; you can take off when Clarke does. I’ll still give your other 4 hours.” Jake always treated Murphy like family and although he would never admit it, he paid the boy extra to help with his dad.

“Yeah Murphy come hang out with us teens, I’m sure Emori will come.” Clarke smiled at the boy who was giving her an obvious fuck you face.

“Looks like we got some tables, you’re up baby girl. I’ve got some papers to fill out.”

“Daddy’s girl.” Murphy whispered when he knew jake was out of ear shot.

“Grunge monster.” Clarke poked her tongue out for before grabbing her book and going onto the floor. She would admit it wasn’t the greatest insult but she made it up when they were 10 and it stuck.

Waiting tables wasn’t as hard as Clarke thought it would be, she even kind of liked it. She loved talking to the customers and even made friends with the other waitress that worked there.

“Looks like it’s going to be a busy night.” Clarke was standing by the hostess standing waiting for another table. She also like the talking to the hostess that was working tonight. Her name was Ontari and although she was a couple years older than Clarke, they instantly clicked the first time they worked together.

“Friday’s usually are.” Ontari replied. “Any plans tonight?”

“Just a bonfire at Skai beach.”

“Sounds fun.”

“It could potentially be. Luna wants me to come over before.” Clarke had vented all her Luna related problems to Ontari for the past year and she wasn’t the biggest fan.

“And you’re going to go?”

“I said I would think about it.” Clarke sighed.

“So you’re going.”

“That’s what I said.” Murphy who was busting a nearby table added before returning to the kitchen.

“I always tell myself I won’t go but then I see her and I just give in.”

“Listen Clarke.” The girl sighed. “I can’t tell you what to do but I think you deserve better, especially after she—”

“She didn’t.” Clarke interrupting already knowing where this conversation was going. “She told me she didn’t”

“And you believe her?”

Clarke wanted to say no, she wanted to say she knew it was true but she didn’t want it to be. It couldn’t be.

“Yes.” Clarke murmured; she knew the girl didn’t believe her but she didn’t question her.

“If it were just sex, I’d say go for it but you guys have a past. A toxic one. Sometimes it’s just better to move on.”

“I know.” She couldn’t muster anything else, just I know because she knows. Moving on would be easier than whatever it is they’re doing.

“We’ll talk about this later, now cheer up hot stuff we have customers. And even better it’ll probably be your last table.”

Clarke did her best to smile when she turned to face her customers, she wasn’t new to faking a smile.

When she turned around, she found Lexa and Anya standing there with a big tall guy she assumed to be there dad. Lexa still had her school clothes on but her hair was down and Clarke could help but admire how good it looked down.

“Welcome to The Ark.” Clarke smiled.

“You definitely don’t look like you would work here. Or anywhere for that matter.” Anya said.

“Anya.” Gustus warned.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me Anya.” Clarke winked. “But anyways, I’m Clarke and I’ll be your server tonight. Would you guys prefer a booth, table or outdoor seating?” Clarke tried her best to be professional but she could help but notice how beautiful Lexa’s eyes were. They were so green, the kind of green she would never be able to mix with her paints.

“I think we’ll do outside, that sounds nice!” Gustus smiled.

“Ugh, do we have to?” Anya moaned.

“Ignore her, outside is perfect.” Gustus said.

Clarke grabbed a few menus before escorting them to the outside patio.

“Here’s your menus and I’ll be right back with some warm bread and to get your drink orders.” Clarke smiled handing the menus out until she reached Lexa’s where there hands touch for touch for a second causing both of them to jump.

“Thanks Clarke.” Lexa smiled.

_God no one’s ever said my name like that before._

She quickly walked to the kitchen grabbed some bread and took it to the table.

“Have you guys decided on drinks?” Clarke asked pulling out her notepad.

“I’ll have a Raspberry Lemonade.” Anya said.

“Just a water for me.” Lexa said still looking at her menu.

“Do you guys have a good wine selection?” Gustus asked.

“We do, if you turn your menu all the way to the back towards the bottom, you’ll find any alcoholic beverage.”

“Can you even serve alcohol?” Anya asked seriously.

“I can, someone else has to make the drinks but I can bring them to the tables.”

“I’ll get a glass of the Moscato.”

“Coming right up, can I put any appetizers in for you guys?”

“What would you recommend?” Gustus asks.

“I may be a little biased to say everything but if you enjoy crab, we have the best crab cakes in town.” Clarke smiled proudly.

“Biased how?” Lexa asks,

“My father owns this restaurant so I’m inclined to say everything is good because well it is.” Clarke smiled. “You won’t be disappointed with the food.”

“Crab cakes sound nice.” Gustus smiled. “Are you girls ready to order?”

“I want the crab pasta.”

“I’ll get the chicken Caesar salad please.” Lexa handed her menu back to Clarke flashing another smile.

“And I’ll get the crab legs with potatoes.”

“Great, I’ll get your order in and bring your drinks out.”

After serving their drinks and food Clarke went back to talking to Ontari doing the occasional check in with the table. It wasn’t long before they were bringing the bill up to Ontari so they could pay.

“True to your word everything was great Clarke!” Gustus said handing his card to Ontari.

“I’m glad you guys enjoyed.”

“Are you going to the bonfire?” Lexa turned to the blonde.

“Yeah, Octavia enjoys dragging me out of the house, what about you?”

“We’ll be there.” Lexa smiled.

“Good, Skai beach is beautiful especially at sunset.” Clarke smiled.

“I can’t wait, I guess I’ll see you there.” Lexa smiled one more time before walking out with her family.

“She’s cute.” Ontari smiled.

“She is.” Clarke murmured. “I gotta go, I want to shower before the beach."

“Just the beach?”

“I don’t know yet.” Clarke sighed.

“Well, be safe.”

“I will, love you- call me. I want pancakes Sunday morning with you.”

“I’ll be there.” Ontari smiled.

Clarke hurried to the back and changed into her regular shirt before leaving.

“Need a ride?” Clarke turned to Murphy who was also getting ready to leave.

“Emori should be here, I guess I’ll actually have to go to this thing after all.” Murphy sighed.

“It won’t be so bad, cheer up grunge monster.” Clarke smiled before taking the back door out to her car.

When she was walking to her dark blue jeep, she noticed Luna leaning on her shiny red Mercedes convertible.

“What are you doing here Luna?” Clarke walked past the girl throwing her bag in her car.

“I know you work Fridays and I told you I wanted to see you before the bonfire.” Clarke hated how good she looked right now, her amazing caramel skin and her wild curly hair and those hazel eyes. _Damn her._

“I said I would think about it.”

“Well are you done thinking?” Luna smirked. “I just want to talk.”

Clarke could say no, she could get in her car and drive home and get ready to hang out with her friends.

“Talk about?”

“Us, I know you would agree we have a lot to figure out.” They did but she knew talking would be the last thing they would do. “I really miss you Clarke, I miss touching you and holding you I miss us.”

Clarke could feel her body heating up.

“My house.” Clarke said before getting in her car and driving off. Of course she shouldn’t have invited her over but her house was empty and she knew she wouldn’t say no.

* * *

It wasn’t long before clothes were being ripped off and Luna was pushing Clarke onto her bed half naked.

“Fuck Clarke.” Clarke could feel her body vibrate at the moan the other girl was making and she loved it. She had Luna at her mercy and she love it, she loved her seeing the girls face right before she was about to cum and the way her moans sounded was like music to her ears. 

She loved it even though it felt so wrong and they both knew it but they continued anyways like they always would.

When they were finished Clarke got in the shower and threw on some high wasted shorts and a grey tank top before going back into her room. Her boobs and butt were perfectly displayed and she loved it.

“I’m surprised you’re still here.” Clarke looked at Luna who was still sitting on her bed even though they finished having sex thirty minutes ago.

“I told you I wanted to talk.” Luna said making her way over to the blonde, 

“So talk.” Clarke turned to the girl and prepared herself to hear everything she’s heard a million times for the past year.

“I don’t want to just have sex with you and leave Clarke.” she sighed, 

“Why not? You’ve done it many times before.” She didn't want to do this, she didn't want to talk. 

“Well I don’t want it anymore.” Luna sighed, “I want to be with you, things were so good in the beginning and I miss that.”

“Things were good in the beginning but I didn’t do anything to mess that up you did.” she yelled, not realizing how loud she actually was, a screaming match was the last thing she needed right now. 

“Really? I thought you believed me; I didn’t fuck her Clarke.” Luna yelled back, 

“I liked it better when you weren’t talking.” Clarke could feel her nails digging at her palms, but she didn’t care she clenched her fists tighter.

“I don't want to argue anymore Clarke, just think about what i said.” Luna got up and moved closer to the girl. “And those shorts show off your ass too well, people will stare.”

“I’m counting on it, maybe I’ll get lucky.” Clarke smirked; provoking Luna became her new favorite thing after they broke up. Seeing her face knowing she sees everyone staring at her body made her happy. It shouldn’t but it did.

Luna didn’t say anything she just rolled her eyes and left and Clarke was glad she did.

She put on a few accessories and sandals before going downstairs to go to Octavia’s who was her next door neighbor. They have been friends basically since birth and inseparable since so when her mom bought the house next to her, they couldn’t have been happier.

She crossed her yard into there’s and opened the front door like she had hundreds of times before.

“O.” Clarke yelled.

“Coming, Lincoln should be here in a sec.” Octavia called from upstairs.

“Princess.” Bellemy who was Octavia’s older brother pulled her in for a hug.

“Going to the beach too?” Clarke asked.

“Might as well, Echo’s in the kitchen. You want something to drink?”

“Sure.”

As they walked into the kitchen Clarke was greeted by Bellemy’s girlfriend Echo.

“Lookin hot Blondie.” Echo smiled hugging the girl. “Who are you trying to impress tonight?”

“Luna probably.” Bellemy rolled his eyes.

“Nope, tonight I won’t be trying to impress anyone. I’m going to drink cheap liquor with my friends and have a good time.” Easier said than done.

“Damn straight.” Octavia screamed from the door. “Lincolns here.”

The drive was no more than 5 minutes and in all honesty they could’ve walked.

When they arrived the sun was finally setting and the beach was already filled with people.

“We’re back bitches!!!” Octavia screamed which made everyone laughed. Even those the beach was always full today sparked the kickoff of what they called bonfire season.

They found Raven, Murphy, Emori and a couple of their other friends as well crowed by one of the tables.

“Hey guys.” Clarke said.

“Welcome to bonfire season.” Raven smiled. “Hey there’s Lexa and Anya.”

Clarke turned to see the two girls heading their way. Lexa was no longer in her school clothes instead she had ripped black jeans and a tank top that showed her muscles amazingly. Her hair was also down which Clarke decided she liked better than the ponytail.

“Hey guys.” Lincoln greeted the girl motioning for them to sit.

“So this is Skai beach.” Anya said looking around.

“Amazing isn’t it?” Raven said.

“It’s definitely not like any beach I’ve been to.” Anya answered, taking note how beautiful the girl was.

“Scientists have been trying to figure out why the sands so vibrant orange for years.” Clarke added.

“No luck?” Lexa who up until this hadn’t said a word looked at the blonde.

“Not yet, I think some things don’t always need to be figured out. Why can’t things just be, without there being some big answer.” Clarke said staring at the brunette.

“So Anya, you like Polis high so far?” Raven asked the girl.

“It’s alright, there are some things I like about it.” Anya smirked.

“I’m going to get a drink.” Clarke said before walking over to the keg.

She hated beer but it was the only thing anyone ever brought to the bonfires. It honestly didn’t matter; she needed a drink to get through this night.

The keg took a minute to work but before long she had a cup of nasty teenage grade beer in her hands. After wiping her hands she started to head back to her friends when she saw to figures laughing and talking by the fire.

“You've got to be fucking kidding me.” Clarke cursed to herself, looking closer she immediately knew this would indeed be a long night.


	4. Fire on Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa talk a bit!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!! i just wanted to thank the people who've read this so far like it! This idea wouldn't leave me alone so i had to right it.

Lexa surprisingly was having a good time at the bonfire; she wasn’t drinking and she knew Anya was watching her closely just in case she does. But truthfully, she didn’t need to drink, she didn’t want to. If this were a year ago, she’d probably be trashed trying to finding some new girl to sleep with, but that’s not her anymore.

“Oh shit.” Octavia said, pulling Lexa from her thoughts. She followed her eyes into the direction where she saw Clarke arguing with the girl from earlier. _Luna._

“Why are they fighting now?” Raven asked.

“I saw Luna talking to Costia a few minutes ago, Clarke probably saw.” Lincoln sighed.

“What’s their deal?” Anya asked, Lexa knew it was for her benefit.

“It’s a long story, basically Clarke and Luna used to date until Luna cheated.”

“But if you let Clarke tell it, Luna didn’t cheat. Honestly, she’s just in denial, the next day Costia was bragging about how she had sex with Luna in her car.” Raven sighed. “As if that’s something to brag about, but Clarkes hated her ever since.”

“Why does she hate her if she doesn’t believe it happened?” Lexa asked.

“Like I said, she in denial. She knows Luna did it she just doesn’t want to accept it.” Raven sighed.

Lexa continued to watch Clarke argue with the girl until the blonde finally stormed off. She could tell by the look on the blonde’s face she was crying.

A few more minutes passed and Lexa decided to take a walk on the beach. She loved talking to everyone but this was the first party she’s been to since last year and it was starting to feel weird. She didn’t know how to do this anymore; she wasn’t used to being sober at a party. It’s not that she wanted to drink it’s just that she didn’t know how to have fun at a party without drinking.

The farther she walked the easier it became to breathe; the beach was beautiful when it was dark. She made a mental note to come back during the day to see how beautiful it is then.

“Not enjoying the party?” A voice behind Lexa said, she walked little closer seeing it was Clarke. She had tears streaming down her face and bloodshot eyes but she still looked so beautiful.

“I am, I just needed a little break I guess.” Lexa took a seat next to the girl. “I’d say you were the one not enjoying it.”

There was a long pause before Clarke replied.

“This definitely isn’t how I planned to spend my night.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

There was a long pause again as Clarke just watched the waves crash again the water. Did she want to talk about it?

“I doubt you want to hear about all the ways I screw up my life.” Clarke sighed.

“Is this about that girl?” That was a dumb question, obviously it was but Lexa didn’t know what else to say.

“Yes because that girl is a pain in my ass.” Clarke chuckled but Lexa could hear the hurt behind it.

“So why do you still talk to her?”

“That’s the question everyone asks, I even ask myself that and I can never find an answer.” Clarke paused for a second, still watching the waves. “Have you ever felt like a part of you is just broken? And no matter what you do or how you try to fill it, it still feels empty.”

“Yes.” Lexa knew that feeling all too well.

“I tried so many times to use Luna to fill that hole and for a while she did, for a while she made me happy. And then she made that hole even bigger and more difficult to fill. She broke me even more and I let her and I still am, and the worst part is I don’t know why I’m letting her. Even when everyone around me is telling me our relationship is toxic, I still make the same mistakes with her.”

“Maybe you love her.” Lexa murmured.

"Or maybe love just sucks.” Clarke stood up from the sand. “I’m sorry for unloading all of this on you even though we barely know each other.”

“I don’t mind.” Lexa smiled.

“Maybe I can show you around sometime as a thank you.” Clarke suggested. “I can be your tour guide, not only for school but for Arkadia.”

“I would like that.”

“Cool, well I’m partied out. I’ll see you at school Monday.”

“See ya.” Lexa watched the blonde walk over to her friends and tell them goodbye before disappearing into the night.

Lexa decided to sit in the sand a little longer before going back to the others. She thought about everything Clarke had said and how much she related to it. Alcohol and sex were her versions of trying to fill her emptiness.

“Hey.” Anya sat next to her sister.

“Hey.”

“You okay?”

“I’m fine Anya.”

“Are you thinking about drinking?”

“No.” Lexa knew her sister meant well but she wished she would just trust her.

“I’m sorry for asking, it’s just I know this is your first party since you quit.”

“I’m glad you’re here.” Lexa smiled.

“Me too.” Anya wasn’t one for being sentimental but when it came to her sister, she would do anything for her no matter what it was. She wasn’t going to let Lexa fall back into her old habits, this time she would be there. “We can leave if you want.”

“We should hang out for a bit and enjoy the night.”

“Alright let’s go.”

* * *

The next morning when Clarke woke up, she decided to spend her Saturday drawing. She had her training session later with O but for now drawing was what she needed.  
She went through her morning routine quickly then took her drawing supplies downstairs to their sunroom.

It was her favorite place to draw and it was nice to sit in the sun and not get sweaty. Their sunroom was fully glass and filled with plants thanks to her mother who loves to garden. The sunroom was her mother’s safe haven but Clarke loved it just as much. They had a huge fluffy sofa chair her mom got her so she could sit and draw it and she loved it. It was probably her favorite room of the house.

“Hey sweetheart, how was the bonfire?” Abby asked already dressed in her work outfit.

“It was fine.” Clarke said pouring herself a cup of coffee.

“Sounds vague but I’ll let it go, I’m going to cook dinner tomorrow tonight since your dad won’t be at the restaurant.”

“Sounds good.”

“You can invite Luna if you want, we haven’t seen her in a while.” Clarke had introduced her parents to Luna when they first started dating and they liked her. She spent a lot of time at their house until they broke up.

“Why would I do that?”

“Well seeing as she was here last night, I assumed you two were back together.”

“How do you know that?” Clarke looked at her mom questionably.

“I wouldn’t if you didn’t continuously forget to type in the damn alarm code. You know it sends the footage to my phone anytime you don’t type it in.”

This was the fourth time Clarkes forgot to type in their code to shut off the alarm system. The first time she forgot the police showed up and scared the hell out of her. They showed my mom how to check the video from her phone anytime the alarm goes off so she can she who’s there before calling the police.

“Sorry for that but me and Luna aren’t together she just wanted to talk.” She knew her mom knew that wasn’t true, she had the unfortunate pleasure of walking in on them one day and ever since she doesn’t question why Luna’s there. Except today.

“Right, well invite her or don’t either way dinner tomorrow tonight be here.” Abby kissed her daughter before grabbing her keys. “Love you.”

“You too.” Clarke smiled.

_Time to start drawing._

* * *

Lexa usually enjoyed waking up early so she could do her daily exercises without being bothered. This time she wasn’t so lucky since for some reason Anya was awake too.

“Lincoln invited me to the gym in a few hours, want to come?”

“You don’t work out.” Lexa squinted; the last time Lexa seen her sister workout was never because she never did it.

“I don’t but Raven’s going to be there so I’m going to be there.” Anya smirked.

If Raven was going to be there that probably meant Clarke was too.

“Sure, I’ll go.”

“We’re leaving at 2. Also dad wants you.”

“Is everyone a morning person now?” Back in Seattle neither of them ever woke up before noon on the weekends.

“Must be the California air.”

Lexa threw on some sweatpants and slides before heading downstairs to find her dad.

“You wanted to see me?” Lexa racked her brain for anything she could’ve done wrong since they arrived but there was nothing.

“Yes, I know you girls went to a party last night. I just wanted to check in.”

“I didn’t drink if that’s what you mean, you can ask Anya.” Lexa understood why everyone was worried but her but it was a little discouraging.

“I did, I just wanted to be sure.”

“Dad I understand I haven’t earned your trust fully but I really am trying.” Lexa sighed.

"I know you are.” Gustus motioned for his daughter to sit with him. “After your mother died Lexa you scared me and I know you feel bad because you weren’t there but you turned into someone I didn’t know anymore.”

“I know and I’m sorry.” Lexa could feel the tears welling up.

“I just worry about you, both of you girls. I know I’m not your mother but I will always be here for you girls.”

Lexa hated herself for making her dad feel like he wasn’t enough, he was hurting too and she shut him out. She shut him and Anya out when they needed each other the most.

“I know dad.”

“And if you’re struggling, you’ll come to me?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, are you planning on getting a new job? I know working helped you a lot.”

“After I get settled in to school, I’ll apply for work privileges.” “Can I go now?”

“Yes, and I love you kid.” Gustus smiled.

“I love you too dad.”

Lexa spent the rest of her afternoon organizing her room and watching random YouTube videos until it was time to go the gym. She threw on some black jogger pants and a tank top before going downstairs where Anya was waiting.

* * *

When they got to the gym the place was pretty full and there was a huge crowd around something that was going on. As soon as they walked in, they were greeted by Lincoln who was standing at the front desk.

“Hey guys, Welcome to Grounders Gym and boxing.” Lincoln smiled.

“Do you work here?” Lexa asked.

“My parents own it; I help sometimes but mostly just workout.”

“What’s going on over there?” Anya pointed to the crowd of people.

“That would my mom’s spar class if I had to guess it’s probably Octavia and Clarkes turn. They always turn the most heads.”

“This Clarke girl gets more surprising by the day, first working as a waitress and taking fight classes.” Anya said to which Lexa agreed, Clarke definitely wasn’t your typical rich kid.

“Clarke may come from money but she’s cool, you guys want to watch?” Lincoln asked and they nodded.

When they walked over to the crowd Lexa saw a darker skinned lady with short hair standing by barking corrections at the girls but she couldn’t see them yet.

After maneuvering her way around people she finally had a clear view of the two girls fight. Both girls had their hair in braids with leggings and sports bras with the grounders logo on them.

Lexa couldn’t help but appreciate how good Clarke looked as she focused on figuring out Octavia’s next move.

She saw as Clarke blocked all of Octavia’s swings letting only one hit her staff. They circled each other slowly before Clarke caught the other girl off guard swinging her staff knocking Octavia off her feet.

“Well done Clarke.” The women who Lexa assumes is Lincoln’s mother. “We still need to build your strength but your improving.

“Thanks Indra.” Clarke held out her hand helping Octavia off the ground.

“Octavia you did well as always, we’ll work on your defense strategy next time. Are you free Monday after school?”

“Yes.” Octavia had a good relationship with her boyfriend’s mother, although the beginning started out rocky.

“You and Clarke keep practicing; I want one more match before you leave today.” Both girls nodded before Indra went to help the other students.

“Good job princess.” Octavia smiled

“You too.”

Lexa watched as Clarke and Octavia continued to practice, she couldn’t help but stare. The blonde was amazing.

“If you’re done being creepy you should probably work out.” Anya said

“And what will you do?

“My reason for coming is sitting right there.” Anya pointed to Raven who was sitting with her laptop.

“Have fun.”

Lexa spent most of her time lifting weights with Lincoln who was really good company. She was really grateful that she met him on her first day.

“Hey Lexa.” Lexa looked up to find Clarke smiling at her. She was still in her workout clothes but her braids were now taken out and her wavy hair was flowing down her back.

“Hey, I saw you match. I didn’t know you could fight like that.” Lexa really didn’t know anything about her at all.

“Well like I told Anya, there’s a lot you don’t know.” Clarke smiled. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your work out, I just saw you over here as I was leaving.”

“It’s no problem I’ve been done for a while I’m just killing time while I wait for my sister to stop flirting with your friend over there.” Lexa pointed to where the pair was laughing and joking in the corner.

“They seem to be hitting it off pretty well.”

“Yeah, Anya’s whole reasoning for coming here was Raven.”

Before Clarke could reply a voice from behind them caught her attention.

“Hey Clarke.” Costia the girl from the tour and bonfire stood behind them full smirk covering her face.

“Hey bitch.” Clarke replied without a single drop of friendliness. Lexa honestly didn’t know if she should leave or stay.

“Luna just dropped me off, I’m sure you can still catch her if you hurry.” Lexa could see Clarke getting mad as she clenched her fist.

She wasn’t sure if she were about to punch her or not. After a few seconds Lexa could see the tiniest bit of blood in the blondes palms where her nails were dug into her skin.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t even bother, I’d doubt you want to be in that car after what we just did.” Costia smirked.

“If that’s the case I’ll tell Luna she should probably get a new car. God knows the what std’s you left on those seats.” Raven said with the biggest grin as she watched the girl roll her eyes. “Are you still spreading Chlamydia around or did you finally bite the bullet and get treatment.”

“Fuck you Raven, you know that rumor wasn’t true.”

“Do I?” Raven smirked. “Now listen up if you keep bothering Clarke, all the std’s you have will be the least of your worries, so fuck off Costia.”

Costia didn’t reply instead she stomped off and join her friends near the treadmills.

“Thanks Rae, but I had it.” Clarke sighed.

Lexa could tell the girl was on the verge of tears again.

“I know you did, but my cousin needs to be knocked down a peg. I’m tired of her being a bitch to everyone.”

“Costia’s your cousin?” Lexa asked.

“Don’t hold it against me or anything.”

“I’m going to go; I’ll see you guys later.” Clarke picked up her bag before walking out the door.

“Wait.” Lexa called after her. “Can I walk you home? Unless you drove then that’s fine”

“I always walk to the gym, but you don’t have to walk with me if you don’t want to.” Lexa could see that Clarke was trying to hold back her tears.

“I want to.” Lexa smiled and blonde nodded as she led the way.

She sent a quick text to Anya telling her she was walking home before turning her attention to Clarke.

The walk was silent for the most part mostly because Lexa had no clue what to say. She didn’t want to pressure Clarke into to talking but she also wanted to know if she was ok.

“You probably think I’m pathetic.” Clarke said.

“What? No, why would I?”

“I know my friends probably told you about Costia and Luna, I know you’re wondering why the hell I still put up with her.”

“It’s none of my business to wonder about it.” Lexa sighed.

“But you do have an opinion on it.” Clarke looked at the girl

“I guess the only opinion I have Is that you deserve better.”

“How do you know that? You don’t even know me.”

“You’re right I don’t but from what I’ve seen you’re an amazing person and your friends have nothing but good things to say about you. I think you deserve someone who’s just as good as you. Someone who’ll make you happy.”

It was silent for a few minute and Lexa didn’t know if she had over stepped.

“I have breakfast plans with a friend tomorrow, but I’d love to show you around after.” Clarke said with a smile instead of the sad face she’s had the whole walk.

“I’d like that very much.” Lexa smiled, maybe too hard but she didn’t care.

“Great, here give me your number and I’ll text you the details.” Clarke handed her phone over to the girl watching her type her number in with a smile, After Lexa typed her number in, she handed back to the girl.

“This is my house.” Clarke pointed to the big brick house that stood behind them. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow Lexa Trikru.”

“See you tomorrow Clarke Griffin.” Lexa smiled as she watched Clarke walk up her drive through and into the house.

Lexa didn’t live to far from Clarke so her walk wasn’t much longer. The only thing on her mind was seeing Clarke tomorrow. She almost wished it were nighttime so she could go to sleep already but alas it was only 4 o’clock, and she had nothing to fill her day.

But that didn’t wipe the smile off her face, she was seeing the blonde tomorrow and that’s all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next couple chapter will be out soon!
> 
> don't forget to leave reviews, i'd love to know what you guys think!


	5. Pancakes Cure Sadness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIIII!!! I'm so happy with the feedback so far! i just wanted to thank you guys so much for reading!
> 
> (p.s for some reason when i was writing i accidentally named Jakes restaurant the dropship, it is called The Ark! sorry for the mix up i fixed it but just incase you guys were confused here is the explanation!

Is was Sunday morning and Clarke just pulled into their local dinner to meet Ontari. When it comes to seafood Clarke would say hands down her dad did it the best, but when it came to pancakes TonDC dinner was her go to.

When she walked in, she saw Ontari waiting for her in their usual booth.

“Hi!” Clarke greeted her friend before sitting.

“Hey hot stuff, I already ordered. Pancakes with whip cream and lots of syrup on the side.”

“You know me so well.” Clarke laughed.

“It’s the same every time we come here.” They didn’t come every Sunday but they made it a point to at least come a few time a month.

“Pancakes cure sadness, haven’t you heard?” Clarke smiled, taking a drink of her coffee the girl ordered for her.

“I’ve been told once or twice.” The girl smirked. “So how was last night?” Ontari quirked her brow.

“We had sex and she asked me to get back together. I mentioned Costia without actually mentioning her, she accused me of not believing her then commented on my outfit.”

“What were you wearing?”

“Low cut top and booty shorts basically.” Clarke sighed.

“And then?”

“She said it showed off my body too much then I said good and she left. Later at the bonfire I saw her talking to Costia and we got in a fight.”

“Oh Clarkey.” Ontari reached and grabbed the blondes hand.

“I know what you’re going to say Tari, I’m well aware of what you guys think of me.”

“You ant to know what I think of you Clarke? I think your amazing and smart and beautiful and so damn caring. And I watch you break your heart over and over and it hurts me to see you like this. I know you care about Luna but living in denial will only break you more. You deserve better.”

Clarke didn’t say anything, she never did when her friends tried to talk about her and Luna.

“Can I ask you something?” Ontari asks quietly.

“What is it?”

“What did Luna say when you asked her if she cheated? You never told me, you just said she said it didn’t happen.”

“She told me Costia was lying and all she did was give her a ride home.” Clarke sighed.

“And you believed her? If you tell me right now that you believe then I’ll let it go.”

“It’s easier if I believe it.” Clarke whispered.

“Easier how?”

“If I believe she didn’t cheat then that means I was enough for her. That means I didn’t do anything wrong to make her cheat. If I believe her, I don’t have to think about her fucking Costia in the same spot we’ve had sex so many fucking times. Things would just be easier.”

“Easier than slowly falling apart? You can tell me you’re ok with casually having sex with her until your blue in the face and I still won’t believe you Clarke. You deserve more and I can’t wait until the day you realize that.” Ontari wiped the tears from the blondes face as the waitress sat their food down.

“I hate you for making me cry in public.” Clarke chuckled.

“I know. Just think about all your options ok?”

“I will.”

After they finished their food Clarke hugged the girl goodbye then got into her car to drive back home.

She texted Lexa that she would pick her up in a couple of hours for her official tour of Arkadia. She was excited to see the girl, even though they just met Clarke enjoyed her company. When she talked to Lexa, she didn’t feel like she was being judged and she liked that feeling.

* * *

Clarke would be picking her up in 20 minutes and she still couldn’t pick out a stupid shirt. She didn’t want to wear her regular flannel she wanted to actually try, but she had no idea what that even meant.

“She’s showing you around town, I’m pretty sure you down need to bust out your best shirt for that.” Anya who for the last 30 minutes has been criticizing everything her sister put on.

“Why are you still here?”

“It’s fun watching you panic.” Anya smiled; she could see that her sister was actually freaking out. Even if it were about a shirt, she knew Lexa wouldn’t stop until she found the right one.

“This one.” Anya held out a band tee. “This is casual and shows personality, she’s taking you around town you should be comfortable and this is your favorite shirt.

Lexa threw the shirt on and some black converse with it, she didn’t look over the top but it still looked like she cared.

She brushed her hair out a bit deciding to leave it down.

“She’s here.” Anya said looking out Lexa’s bedroom window.

“Do I look ok?”

“Yes, now go have fun and calm down. I can see you worrying already.”

“Tell dad bye for me.” Lexa said before grabbing her phone and wallet.

When she walked outside, she saw Clarke standing outside of her jeep. She was wearing black shorts with an oversized long sleeve and doc marten boots. Her blonde hair was in waves down her back and she looked amazing.

“Hey nice shirt.” Clarke smiled. “I love Queen.”

“Thanks me too.”

“Are you ready for the best tour of your life?”

“I am.”

“Then hop in Lexa Trikru, our first stop Skai boardwalk.” Clarke hoped in her car and Lexa followed.

The car ride was nice, Clarke had the top down on her car and Lexa loved it. It wasn’t too hot today so the wind felt nice running through the open car.

“Who is this?” Lexa pointed to the radio.

“Lana Del Rey, it’s called Dark paradise.”

“I like it.” Lexa smiled.

“She’s amazing, I saw her last year during her La to the moon tour it was amazing.” Clarke smiled sadly as she remembered who accompanied her on that trip.

“I’ve never been to a concert before.”

“You should definitely try to go to one day, they’re amazing. We’re here.” She gestured to the peer, parking her car in the nearest place. “I thought we could get the touristy stuff out of the way first.”

“Lead the way, tour guide.”

“First stop flight school.” Clarke laughed at the confusion on Lexa’s face.

“Flight school?”

“You’ll see come on.”

They walked down the boardwalk passing almost everything and Lexa was starting to get worried until the blonde stopped in front of a building. They walked inside and were greeted by the worker.

“Welcome to Flight School!”

The walls were covered in pictures of people standing next to planes and rockets. Lexa had no clue what she walking into.

“We’d like to go to space please.” Clarke smiled.

“Alright Let’s get you guys signed and suited up, blast off is in 10!” The worker smiled before going to fetch their paperwork.

“Clarke what exactly is this place?”

“It’s a flight school if you want to learn to fly you can come here. But if your like us they’re other ways you can fly to.” Clarke smiled. “You can pick different places to fly but I thought you’d like space.”

They signed their papers and the worker walked them back to the main room that held a rocket.

He gestured for them to climb inside and put astronaut helmets on them. Lexa was starting to get skeptical until she felt the rocket lifting up. She’d be lying if she didn’t think for a split second they were actually going to space.

A few seconds later her helmet flashed and the rocket continued to move. The next thing she knew her whole head was surrounded by space, and she finally understood it was Virtual Reality.

It felt so real, and everything looked so beautiful.

“You like?” She could hear Clarke beside of her ask.

“I love it.”

Lexa watched in aww for the next couple minutes as she floated around in space. Weirdly she felt peaceful, and calm. Two things she hasn’t felt in years since her mom died.  
When it was over, they thanked the guy and Clarke insisted on paying.

“You didn’t have to pay.”

“It’s only ten dollars each, beside I invited you out.” Clarke smiled. “Ok, next stop Skai beach.”

“But I’ve already been to sky beach.”

“Not this part, trust me you’ll love it.”

They walked onto the beach, Clarke carrying her boots and Lexa her converse. They took a few turns until they come upon some rocks surrounding what looked like a cave.

“It’s a little dark so be careful.” Clarke warned, before climbing over a rock and into the cave.

They didn’t have walk much before they came across a waterfall. It wasn’t a big one and Lexa was sure if you didn’t know it was here you would never see it but it was amazing.

This beach just gets better and better.” Lexa said admiring the small cave.

“I used to come here all the time to draw, it pretty relaxing.”

“I’ll have to come back one day to admire it more.”

“Want to get some ice cream before our next stop?” Clarke suggested.

“Only if you let me pay.”

“Deal.”

They walked back to the boardwalk and went to the ice cream place Clarke suggested.

Lexa ordered a vanilla milkshake while Clarke got a cone full of chocolate. As Lexa was paying, she noticed two familiar faces walking towards them. By the time she tried to rush Clarke off to find a seat it was too late, she had already saw them. _Luna and Costia._

Lexa could see the guilty look on Luna’s face a soon as she seen Clarke standing there. Costia on the other hand was looking quite smug trying her hardest to make Clarke feel bad.

“I’m going to go into this store.” Costia told Luna, smirking at Clarke once more before walking off.

“You can’t call me back? I was calling you all day yesterday.” Luna asked the blonde. Lexa could see her digging into her palms the same as she did yesterday when she saw Costia.

“Why would I want to talk to you? This is the 3rd time in a week I’ve seen you with her. Stop calling me, I’m done.” She wished she meant that but she knew how things worked by now. Done never really meant done for them.

“Can we please just talk alone?” Luna asked, side eyeing Lexa.

“I can go.” Lexa turned to Clarke.

“No, we were just leaving besides we have nothing left to talk about Luna.” Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand and walked off before Luna could reply.

Neither of them said much until they reached a bench, where sat and ate their ice cream.

“I’m sorry about that.” Clarke murmured.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” Lexa said honestly.

“So Lexa Trikru tell me about yourself.” Clarke didn’t want to think about Luna anymore.

“What do you want to know?”

“How about you ask me a question and I’ll ask you one. I’ll start. What’s your favorite color?”

“Mhm, probably blue but not any generic blue like.” Lexa racking her brain trying to find a description. “Like your eyes, deep ocean blue.”

Clarke could feel her cheeks warming up.

“Ok, my turn.” Lexa said. “What’s your favorite hobby?”

“Drawing hands down.”

“I figured you would probably say you sparring class.”

“I do love training, but drawing is the biggest part of my life. It’s the only thing I can count on to make me feel good.” Clarke said. “It’s a good outlet.”

Lexa could see the sadness in the girls eyes.

“Anyways, my turn. Is it just you Anya and your dad that moved here?” Clarke could see the girl physically tense up at the question. She didn’t stop to think that would be too personal. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No you didn’t.” Lexa paused a second. “It used to be me, Anya and my parents but my mom died a couple years ago so now it’s just us.”

“I’m so sorry Lexa, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s really fine, I just don’t talk about it much.”

“Were you close?”

“Yes, she was like my best friend.” Lexa smiled. “We pretty much did everything together.”

“That must’ve been nice.” Clarke smiled.

“It was, are you close with your parents?” This was the first time in two years Lexa has a had casual conversation about her mom. Not including her therapist.

“We are, I love my mom but I would have to say I’m more of a daddy’s girl.” Clarke laughed.

“Does he make you work at The Ark?”

“He doesn’t make me but I do enjoy it, it’s a good way to spend time with him and I get work release from school so I thought why not. I know at first glance I probably seem like a preppy rich white girl but I like to earn my money and working at The Ark allows me to do that.”

“I get that, I worked when I was in Seattle. I didn’t necessarily have to but I like earning my own money as well.” Lexa sighed. “Can I ask you something else?”

“Sure.”

“Do you always do that with your nails?” Lexa could see Clarke tense up at the question. “It’s just that I’ve seen you do it a couple of times.”

“I don’t remember how it started but yeah.” Clarke sighed. “I don’t mean too, but sometimes I just get so mad and the next thing I know I’m squeezing my fist so hard my nails are cutting my palms.” Clarke hesitantly held out her hand.

Lexa could see the imprint and scars from the nails.

“Fighting helps with the anger, so that’s nice and it get’s mom my off my back about it.”

“I’m sorry if I over stepped.”

“It’s fine, for some reason it’s easy for me to tell you things. “Clarke smiled.

“Do you want to walk for a while?” Lexa suggested.

“Sure.”

So they did, they walked on the beach talking about anything that came to mind and it was nice for both of them.

“I do have other places to show you but unfortunately I have a family dinner to attend. Can we make this a two parter? I totally underestimated the time.”

“That’s perfectly fine with me.” Now she had another excuse to see the blonde outside of school.

“Perfect, let’s get you home.”

The car ride home was nice, they continued to get to know each other until they reached Lexa’s house. Clarke insisted on walking her to the door and she wasn’t opposed to it.

“I guess I’ll see you at school.” Clarke smiled, swaying awkwardly. She had no idea why she offered to walk the girl to her door. Now that she was there, she had no clue what to do.

“Yeah and thank you for doing this. I had fun today.”

“I had fun too.” Clarke smiled. “Good night Lexa.”

“Good night Clarke.” Lexa smiled as she watched the blonde climb back into her car.

Once again, she couldn’t help but notice how beautiful the girl was.

‘I’m am so fucked.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has some choices to make in the upcoming chapters!


	6. Absolutely do not throw a party in my house Clarke, I mean it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's what you're in for:  
> Abby's parenting  
> Party! !  
> Sister Fight  
> Clarke being dramatic bc of O  
> More Drama  
> Clexa moments  
> Breakdown  
> More Parenting

It was Thursday night and Clarke was at Octavia’s house brainstorming things they could do this weekend. The school week was almost over and Clarke couldn’t have been happier.

She had spent most of her time either avoiding or arguing with Luna and she was tired of it. Luckily, there was Lexa who always managed to keep a smile on her face.  
They had spent a lot of time together during the week and she really liked the girl. She could rely on the her not to judge her for anything thing she does and that was what she needed. Of course she could talk to her friends about her problems but they usually would say the same things. With Lexa, the girl gave her good advice without being judgmental about it and she appreciated that.

“How about Skai beach?” Octavia suggested. They had pretty much spent the whole day after school on her couch watching movies and being bored.

“We do that almost every weekend.” Clarke sighed.

“Your phones ringing princess.”

“It’s my mom.” Clarke grabbed the phone and clicked the green button.” Hey mom.”

“Hi Abby.” Octavia yelled.

“She says hi, yes I know I’ll be home soon. Ok I’m coming.” Clarke sighed as she hung up.

“What was that about?”

“Her and my dad are driving up to Santa Monica tomorrow to talk to an interior designer about redoing The Ark. Apparently, she wants to go over the house rules with me before they leave. Like I’m 12 years old or something.” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“When do they come back?”

“Sunday, I think.”

“This is perfect.” Clarke didn’t like the grin her friend was giving her right now.

“No, I know that grin. That’s your ‘I’m going to get Clarke in trouble with my bad ideas’ grin.”

“We’re throwing a party at your house tomorrow night!” Octavia squealed.

“Why not? It’ll be fun.”

“Why can’t we throw here at your house?”

“Do you want my mother to kill me?! Even if she will be at work. Night shifts don't save you from being killed Clarke!" 

“Like mine won’t!”

“Come on Clarke, we’ll clean everything up before Sunday they won’t even know. Worse come to worse your dad will defend you.”

“Oh my god, why am I friends with you.” Clarke sighed slumping further into the couch.

“You love me, you know you do!”

“I’ll think about it.” Clarke was such a pushover, but a party didn’t sound too bad honestly.

“I’ll starting calling everyone now.” Octavia squealed and grabbed her phone.

“I’m leaving.”

“We’ll discuss details tomorrow.”

“Great.” This wasn’t going to be good. She quickly crossed the path over to her house and prepared herself for the speech her mother was about to give.

“I called 20 minutes ago Clarke.” Abby yelled when she heard the door opening.

“Sorry to keep you waiting your majesty.” Clarke and Jake had given her that nickname years ago because she was usually bossing both of them around.

“Ha ha.” Abby hated it when they called her that. “We’re leaving early tomorrow so I’m giving you this speech now.”

“Yay me!” Clarke said sarcastically earning a look from her mother.

“She knows the rules Abby, Clarkes an angel she always listens to us.” Jake kissed his wife on the cheek before going to the fridge.

“You hear that mom, I’m an angel.” Clarke smiled.

“Well then you won’t have a problem hearing me reiterate what you already know then.” Abby smiled back. “No skipping school, nobody comes through that door including Luna.”

Clarke cringed at the name.

“Not even O?” she asked.

“Octavia, Bellamy, Raven and Murphy being allowed here goes without saying, anyone else and I will kill you. Got it?”

“Yes your majesty.”

“Good, also you answer every single one of my calls. I don’t care if I call you ten minutes apart you answer.”

“That’s excessive.” Clarke murmured.

“Oh and just in case it wasn’t implied ** _Absolutely do not throw a party in my house Clarke, I mean it_**!”

“When have I ever thrown a party mom?” The truth was never, but by this time tomorrow she was sure her best friend would make sure it was filled with people.

“Abby, I think she gets it.”

“Then that’s all.” Abby smiled.

“Will you still be working tomorrow Clarke? I have my manager closing down for me.”

“I’ll be there, lunch is over at 1 so I’ll probably work until 7 or 8.”

“Sounds good, goodnight baby girl.” Jake kissed her forehead.

“Goodnight you two.” Clarke smiled before running upstairs to her room to call Octavia.

“This is the part where you tell me your having second thoughts.” Octavia said as soon as she picked up.

“If you know that then I’ve clearly went along with too many of your stupid plans.”

“Well you can’t cancel now; I’ve already invited people.”

“Just keep it small O, please.”

“Fine, I am thinking BYOB though.”

“I can have Ontari buy a few thing as well.” Perks of having an overage friend.

“I can’t wait, I’m already so excited.”

“We’ll talk tomorrow. Coffee before school?”

“Always! Night love you.”

“Love you.”

‘I guess I’m really doing this.’

* * *

It was Friday morning and Lexa had been constantly hearing about Clarkes house party all day. She thought her and the blonde had been bonding all week, yet she still hadn’t been invited.  
Usually they had fifth period together but the blonde was nowhere to be found, it wasn’t until lunch that she seen her beautiful blue eyes light up at seeing her.

“Hey, I didn’t see you in class.” Lexa joined what she would consider her friends. They had all welcomed her with opened arms and she was happy they did.

“I had to make up a math test since I leave after lunch on Fridays for work. I haven’t really seen you today, I know you’ve probably heard but I’m having a party tonight. Do you think you can make it?”

There it was, the thing Lexa’s been waiting for all day. A personal invite from Clarke herself.

“I have heard, and I’d love to come.” Lexa could feel Anya’s eyes burning a hole through her head but she chose to ignore it for now. She knew without a doubt she’d be hearing about it later.

“Good! It should be fun I’m hoping it’s very lowkey.”

“I’ve heard pretty much everyone in school talk about. I’m thinking it’ll be a huge turnout.”

“Great.” Clarke face planted in her hands. “My mom is going to kill me, like actually murder me.”

“Why are you throwing this party? It seems like your pretty worried.”

“You always ask the logical questions.” Clarke sighed. “You can blame this one over there for this party.” Clarke pointed to Octavia who was eating her lunch.

“What did I do now?” Octavia asked.

“When my mom kills me, I’ll make sure to leave a note telling everyone you're actually the one to blame.”

“Relax Clarke, if you get caught so do I you know our moms find it satisfying punishing us together.”

“At least we’ll die together I suppose.” Clarke groaned.

“That’s the spirit.” Octavia grinned.

“I should go, I have to get to work. Murphy you want a ride.”

“Sure.”

“I’ll see you later Lexa.” Clarke flashed a warm smile before leaving with Murphy towards the exit.

The rest of lunch went by and Lexa managed to avoid Anya for the rest of the day, but unfortunately, they lived in the same house so avoiding her wasn’t going to be easy.  
It was a few hours later and Lexa managed to pick a decent outfit without stressing for once in her life. It wasn’t anything special just dark ripped jeans and a tank top with a black flannel over it.

“I’m going to this party with you.” Anya who was standing by the door said.

“Were you not going anyways?”

“No, me and Raven were going to catch a movie, but now we’re going to the party.”

“You could still go out with Raven; I don’t need a babysitter Anya.”

“I’m not babysitting you I’m just trying to look out for you.” Anya sighed. “There’s going to be alcohol everywhere, I don’t want you to get triggered.”

“And I appreciate that you care, but I wouldn’t go if I didn’t think I couldn’t handle it.” Lexa didn’t want to hear this anymore.

“I think you’d go anywhere Clarke was, even a damn crack house.”

“What is this about? I’ve literally done nothing all year, no drinking no partying nothing. Then as soon as I want to have a little bit of fun you and dad handle me with kid gloves.” Lexa huffed. “I’m fine, I’m going because Clarke who is a _friend_ invited me and I enjoy her company.”

“And that’s fine Lexa I just think you could enjoy her company in a place not filled with alcohol and teenagers doing body shots and god knows what everywhere.”

“You know what, I don’t think this is about me potentially drinking, this is about you. You're trying to overcompensate for the year you spent not giving a fuck if I was drunk or not. You didn’t care then, so don’t care now.” As soon as she said it, she felt like a dick, and the look on Anya’s face made it worse but she didn’t take it back.

“That’s not fair Lexa, you aren’t the only one who lost her! I wasn’t ok either but that didn’t matter, it only mattered that you were off drunk somewhere sticking your dick in random girls and not remembering it the next day! So, sorry if I had a hard time trying to help you when I couldn’t even help myself.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Lexa mumbled, 

“Whatever, like it or not I’ll be at the party.” Anya stormed off slamming her bedroom door.

She was grateful her dad wasn’t here to hear them fighting because then neither of them would be going to any party.

* * *

Clarke’s workday went by quicker than expected and she was a little sad it did cause now she had to go throw a party that could potentially get her grounded for life.  
When she got to her house Octavia, Bellamy, Echo and Raven were already there setting everything up. She had given O her key earlier just in case she didn’t get off on time, sadly for her she had.

“How’s it look princess?”

Clarke looked around not much had changed besides a few speakers and some tables by the pool for drinks.

“Did you take anything breakable upstairs?”

“Yes.” Octavia answered.

“And you took pictures of where everything was so we can put it back? You know she’ll check.”

“I have all the pictures on my phone ready for Saturday morning when we clean the house.”

“There just one more thing.” Clarke said watching the girl freak out thinking she forgot something. “Saturday morning you’re responsible for cleaning. This may be my house but this is your party. If you don’t agree I’ll lock the doors and no one will come in here.”

“God you sounded just like Abby.” Bellamy laughed.

“Fine, I’ll clean are we good now?”

“Yes, I’m going to shower.”

“Hurry I told everyone 9.” Octavia yelled.

“It’s 7:45.”

“You take a long time getting ready sometimes.”

“Whatever.”

Clarke dragged herself in the shower, the water felt so amazing she contemplated staying in there all night instead of going downstairs. Eventually she forced herself out and got dressed. She decided to wear her favorite leopard dress that showed off her ass perfectly, and her black motorcycle boots to dress it down a bit. She put some light curls in her hair and just a little bit of mascara and a bright red lipstick for a pop of color. After looking herself over she determined she couldn’t look hotter if she tried, all she needed now was a drink to get through this night.

When she finally made an appearance it was already almost ten and she figured she avoided everyone enough. The house was almost half full and her she hated herself for agreeing to this. She found her friends out by the pool which was perfect because she needed a drink.

“Pretty good turn out princess.” Echo said.

“This is crazy! And everyone’s not even here yet.” Octavia smiled.

“Don’t remind me.” Clarke threw back a shot wincing at the taste.

“There’s Raven with Anya, aren’t they so cute together?” Octavia waved the girls over to where they were.

“Where’s Lexa?” Clarke asked Anya as soon as she was in hearing distance.

“She was right behind us; she may still be outside.” She could see the girl panic a little as she turned to look for her sister.

“I’ll go find her.” Clarke put her cup down before going back inside the house.

It seemed like there were triple the amount of people than five minutes ago and she prayed it was just her mind playing tricks on her.

“Hey beautiful.” Luna smoothly walked in front of her stopping her from moving.

“I don’t remember inviting you.” Clarke said. “And I definitely didn’t invite that trash bag.” Clarke looked at Costia who was way too comfortable on her couch.

“I don’t need an invite, and just because you see me and her in the same place doesn’t mean we’re there together.” Luna sighed. "Like at pier, i ran into her and we talked for maybe a few minutes." 

“Right well I’m sure I’ll see you with her before the nights over because your just that predicable.”

“And I’m sure I’ll see you with the new girl, what is she your new girlfriend?”

“If she was it would be none of you business.” Usually Clarke would use this to make Luna jealous, but she didn’t want to do that using Lexa.

“Did you wear this dress for her too?”

“You like it?” Clarke smirked as she snaked a hand around Luna’s neck who immediately grabbed her ass in return.

“You know I do baby; your ass looks so amazing right now.” Luna smirked.

“Well enjoy it because that will be the last time, you’ll ever get to touch it.” Clarke smiled before walking away, hoping it’ll be the last time she’ll have to.

It didn’t take long for her to find Lexa who was sitting outside on her porch all alone.

“Hey, are you okay?” Clarke sat next to her offering a smile.

“I’m fine, just getting some air before I came in.” Lexa smiled. “Quite the rager you have here.”

“Don’t remind me.” Clarke laughed.

“I think it’s time you except that fact that this party is happening and make the most of it.”

“You know what, I think you’re absolutely right. Dance with me?” Clarke stood up and held out her hand.

Lexa wanted to say no, but what would be so bad if she danced? Just because she can’t drink doesn’t mean she can’t have fun.

“Let’s do it.” Lexa took her hand as she led them to the living room where the music was playing.

She couldn’t help but stare at the way Clarke’s butt looked in that dress and it was driving her crazy. The song was changing and Clarke immediately started grinding on her.

“Relax.” Clarke whispered in her ear her red lips smiling against her neck.

The more the song went on the more she loosened up and grabbed the blondes waist guiding her through the song. Clarke continued to grind on her for the next couple of songs and Lexa loved every minute of it, even when Luna was giving her the death stare. She could’ve danced with her all night but the more Clarke pushed her ass on her the harder she could feel herself getting. She didn’t want to freak Clarke out so when the song ended, she excused herself to the bathroom. When she was done sorting herself out, she found Clarke sitting by the pool waiting for her.

“Everything ok?” The blonde asked, Lexa had run off pretty quickly.

“Yeah, fine.” She smiled.

“Do you want a drink?”

“No, I’m good.” God, she hated that question.

“I noticed you weren’t drinking at the bonfire either, do you just not drink?”

She could just tell her she didn’t drink but she felt like opening up to her, which was something she would never normally do.

“Do you remember when I told you my mom passed away?” Lexa asked to which Clarke nodded. “Well after she died I kinda went off the deep end, I pretty much spent a whole year binge drinking and partying. Once I realized I couldn’t do that anymore I quit drinking, and I’ve been sober for about a year now.”

“I’m so sorry Lexa, I wouldn’t have invited you if I knew!” Clarke sighed. “We can leave if you feel uncomfortable.”

Lexa was happy that Clarke was willing to leave her own house party just so she didn’t have to be around alcohol.

“No, I’m fine. I’m much better now and it’s much easier to be around alcohol compared to a year ago.”

“What made you stop?” Clarke asked curiously.

That was a loaded question which had simple answer, a pregnancy scare. But then she would have to explain how she could get a girl pregnant.

“So that’s a complicated story.”

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, I want to I’m just trying to find the right words.” Lexa stopped to think for a second. “So in order to tell the whole story you’d need to know that I was born Intersex, which I could go into the specifics about chromosomes and genetics but it’s a little more complicated. What I’m trying to say is I have things other girls don’t.”

“Oh so you have a –-“Clarke started to say.

“Yep.” Lexa answered quickly.

“Well I appreciate that you trust me enough to tell me.” Clarke smiled.

Lexa hasn’t always gotten the kindest reactions when it came to her being intersex but growing up her mom made it a point to help her feel accepted in her own body. And she was thankful for that.

“I’m only bringing it up so awkwardly right now because like I said, it ties into the story.” Lexa laughed; she was thankful Clarke didn’t make a big deal of things. “So anyways during my partying phase I was also doing a lot of sleeping around and for the most part I was always safe but one night I wasn’t. This girl I barely knew ended up calling me a few weeks later saying she was pregnant and that was enough to scare me straight.”

“Did she have the baby?” Clarke asked nervously, 

“No, a few days later she called me and said it was a false alarm. I was grateful I wasn’t having a kid but thinking I was, woke me up. After that I cleaned up my life, and for the past year I’ve been trying to do right.”

“I didn’t see you through your party phase but you seem really good now.” Clarke smiled.

“I feel a lot better now, some days are hard but I can’t slip back into that anymore.”

“Is that why Anya’s been staring at you all night?” Clarke asked. “At first I thought she was giving me the evil eye but now it kinda makes sense.”

“She definitely watching me, we kinda had a fight over this before we came. I said some hurtful things to her that I wish I hadn’t.” Lexa sighed.

“Maybe you should apologize.”

“I will, but not tonight. I’ll let her brood for a few more hours.” Lexa smiled.

“Well for the rest of the night I will be your sober companion.” Clarke said seriously. “We don’t need alcohol do have fun tonight!”

“You don’t have to do that Clarke.”

“I want to, now come on.” Clarke held out her hand.

“Where are we going?”

“To my favorite room of the house.”

Clarke and Lexa maneuvered their through the dancing crowd as the blonde led them toward the back of the house.

When they reached a stop in front of them was a full glass sunroom, Lexa could understand why it would be anyone’s favorite room. It was completely open with a small view of the pool and a full view of the stars.

“This is amazing.” Lexa murmured as Clarke opened the door for them to enter.

“When I was little, I used to come in here and stare up at the stars, they didn’t seem so far away then.” Clarke sighed. “But now my mom loves it to keep all her indoor plants and I love it for drawing.”

“It’s really calming.”

“It is.” Clarke agreed. “We can sit in here and talk until the party’s over. Only if you want.”

“I’d like that.” She would sit anywhere if it meant she could talk to the blonde.

And so they sat and laughed and talked until finally it was 1 am and people had the good sense to leave.

“Ok, I think I’ve excepted that this party was happening enough. Anyone who’s still here is getting kicked out.” Clarke grabbed her shoes that she kicked off and reentered the living room with Lexa not far behind.

When they got in there Raven, Anya, Lincoln, Octavia, Bellamy, and the others were all huddled near the door.

“O, what’s wrong?” Clarke could tell something was going on.

“Costia and Luna is what’s wrong, I’m going to kill those bitches.” Octavia was livid to the point where her brother couldn’t even calm her down.

“What happened O?” She didn’t want to hear it, but she couldn’t run from this one. Not when it’s in her house.

“Listen Clarke I know it’s not my business what’s going on with Luna and I don’t want to overstep but I have to. Your my best fucking friend and I’m so tired her treating you like shit, I can’t watch it anymore.”

“What did she do O?”

“She was in your fucking kitchen making out with Costia, in your own house Clarke! It doesn’t even matter if you guys aren’t together anymore, she didn’t have to bring that here to obviously hurt you. And I know you don’t want to believe that she cheated— “

“O.” Clarke interrupted.

“No Clarke please listen, she cheated on you, it happened. You can’t act like it didn’t anymore, because it did and I know it hurts but you’re making it worse hooking up with her and letting her manipulate you.”

“I know what I’m doing O.” That couldn’t be far from the truth.

She could see the defeated look on all her friends faces, they were done trying to convince her. It was up to her now.

“I’ll be back tomorrow to clean.” With that Octavia was out the door.

“We’ll see you tomorrow.” Bellamy smiled.

“Lex, we’re leaving too.” Anya pointed to Raven.

“I can give you a ride.” Clarke suggested.

“Ok.” Lexa nodded.

“I love you.” Raven hugged the blonde.

“Love you too Rae.”

“Thanks for the invite blondie.” Anya smiled before her and Raven left.

“Clar—”

“Do you want to swim?” Clarke interrupted, the last thing she needed was Lexa feeling sorry for her or trying to give her advice.

“I didn’t bring anything.”

“I have some shorts you can wear.”

_What the hell, carpe diem right?”_

“Ok.”

Clarke ran upstairs to her room and grabbed Lexa a pair of her basketball shorts she uses to train.

“Thanks.” Lexa smiled before going in the bathroom to change.

She took her clothes off, folding them neatly before throwing the shorts on with her sports bra. When she walked back out to the pool, she found Clarke already in with just her bra and panties on. She assumed she would grab herself something to wear as well but I guess not.

“Don’t be scared, it feels great.” Clarke grinned.

Lexa climb in the pool tensing up to prepare for the coldness but it never came.

“Wow it really does feel nice.” She sank herself further in the water enjoying the nice warmness.

“We have a pool warmer, I figured you wouldn’t want to be in a freezing pool at one am.”

“Are you ok?”

Was she? Probably not, _but that’s tomorrows problem._

“I’m fine.” She smiled moving closer the brunette. “Thanks for asking though.”

“Of course.” Lexa smiled.

They sat in the silence enjoying the water and watching the sky and all Lexa could think about was how much she wanted to kiss the blonde. She wanted to but she didn’t want to ruin everything between them.

“Your eyes look really beautiful right now.” Lexa tucked a piece of damp her behind the blondes ear.

Clarke looked up, “Thank you.” She could feel her cheeks warming up.

The way the blonde was looking at her seemed she wouldn’t be opposed to a kiss.

“You’re welcome.” Lexa moved closer.

They both stared at each other both unsure of what their next move should be.

“Fuck it.” Lexa whispered before crashing her lips on the girls.

Clarke immediately returned the kiss, wrapping her arms around Lexa next pulling her closer. Lexa was on cloud nine, kissing the blonde was a better feeling than any amount of alcohol she could ever drink. It was the best kiss she’d ever had, until she felt Clarke pull away.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa said. “It’s just I thou—”

“No Lexa don’t apologize please. That kiss was amazing it’s just I have a lot going on.” Clarke sighed.

“I get it, you’re still involved with Luna. I understand.” Lexa swan to the stairs of the pool grabbing a towel before she went inside.

“Lexa wait please!”

“Clarke it’s fine really I get it. You still want to be with her. I’m sorry for overstepping.” Lexa could feel her chest tightening, something she hasn’t felt in a while. She ignored it the best she could and put her clothes back on, all she wanted to do was get out here.

“Lexa please wait.” Clarke grabbed her hand as she tried to walk out the door. “I do have a lot to figure out with Luna but I don’t want to be with her. I like you; I like talking to you and I want to kiss you I really do. I just need to figure some things out and properly end things with Luna so when I do kiss you again, I can fully be there and enjoy the moment.”

“I understand that Clarke.”

“Please don’t walk, I said I would take you home and I will.” Clarke threw her dress on not really caring about her if she was still wet and grabbed her keys.

The car ride was silent, Lexa spent the whole ride staring out the window while Clarke tried to focus on the road. When they finally pulled in Lexa’s driveway neither of them said anything for a few moments.

“Goodnight Clarke.”

“Lexa.” The brunette let go of the door allowing Clarke to finish. “Just—I just need some time to figure things out, ok?”

There was short pause.

“Ok.” Lexa offered a sad smile before opening the door and walking towards her house

As Clarke sat in her car watching the girl walk into her house, she couldn’t help but wonder if she messed things up for good.

The next morning Clarke woke up to Bellamy, Octavia and surprisingly Murphy cleaning her house. They didn’t see her come down so she decided to surprise them with some coffee and waffles. Granted they were just eggo’s but it’s the effort that counts right?

“Hey guys and made some coffee and waffles, it’s in the kitchen.” Clarke smiled.

“Thanks princess.” Bellamy winked.

“It’s eggo’s isn’t it?” Murphy asked.

“Why are you here again?”

“I was promised 50 dollars.”

“So generous of you to lend your time for a profit.” Clarke smiled.

“Says the one not cleaning up after her own house party.” Murphy added, disappearing into the kitchen.

Octavia didn’t budge though instead she just kept picking up trash from the party.

“Are you really not going to talk to me?” Clarke sighed.

“Not if you’re going to bitch about how mad you are. I know I went about thinks wrong and for that I’m sorry but everything I said was true.”

“I know and I’m not mad Octavia.” The girl turned her head at the blondes words. “You were right, all of you were and I know that. I’ve always known that. I know you guys criticize my relationship with Luna for good reasons and I thank you for that. It’s just hard.” Clarke could feel the tear and she hated it.

“Clarke.” Octavia immediately threw down the trash in her hand and wrapped her arms around her friend.

“It’s so fucking hard O because she’s my first everything and I love her, but I hate her so fucking much too. She ruined me Octavia, she ruined me and no one will want me because I’m so fucked up because of her.” The tears were uncontrollable, this was everything that’s been building up for the past year. Everything she suppressed because she thought that was easier, she thought that would make it better but it didn’t.

“Is that why you keep seeing her? Because you think no one else will want you? You have to know that’s not true Clarke.”

“I know they won’t, the only reason she does is because she just as fucked up as me.” Clarke sobbed. “She fucking cheated on me and lied and I let her back into my life. I did that, I could’ve stopped there but I couldn’t, I couldn’t let go of her.” Clarke gasped; it was the first time that she ever said out loud that Luna cheated on her. She felt like there was no air left in the room, she couldn’t breathe.

“Clarke you have to calm down and breathe.” Octavia hated seeing her like this, of course she wanted Clarke to wake up to what Luna was doing to her but seeing her like this was hell and she despised it.

“I want to let her go Octavia; I have to but I don’t know how.” Clarke cried. “I love her even after everything, how can I love her after all she’s done to me? I don’t know how to get out of this. I don’t know what do.”

“I'll help you.” Octavia said, wiping the blondes tears.

“All of us will.” Clarke looked up to see Bellamy and Murphy both standing around them.

“We’re here for you princess, always.” Murphy who hated sentiments wrapped him arms around the blonde the other joining in as well.

“I love you guys.” Clarke cried.

“We love you too Princess.” Bellamy smiled.

* * *

It was the next morning after the party and Lexa decided to sleep in. She hadn’t thought of anything other than the kiss she had with Clarke all morning and it was bothering her. It’s not that she regretted it, it was an amazing kiss but she wished the aftermath would’ve been different. Of course she understood Clarke reasoning for pulling away but it still worried her none the less. From what she could tell about her and Luna’s relationship, it seemed like it was a never ending cycle. But she couldn’t worry about it, all she could do was what the blonde asked and give her time.

Meanwhile she still needed to talk to Anya which she was dreading. She knew everything she said last night was horrible and untrue, if anything she wasn’t there for her sister when she needed her. She was the selfish one in the situation and she needed to make it right.

After a very awkward breakfast Lexa knocked on Anya door preparing herself for this talk. It couldn’t just be an apology, they needed to discuss the aftermath of their mothers death no matter how much they didn’t want to.

She slowly knocked a couple times waiting for the girl to answer.

“Come in.” The older girl yelled.

“I wanted to talk to you for a minute.” Lexa half expected her to say no but that wasn’t her sister.

“So talk.” Anya was known for her straightforward ness, she hated beating around the bush especially when there was an issue in their family.

“I’m really sorry for the things I said to you last night, I know I was a bitch to you and I’ll never forgive myself for how I acted when she died.” Lexa hated thinking about it but there were nights where she wasn’t pleasant to be around. And although Anya was hurting too, drunk Lexa didn’t care she made sure everyone else was as miserable as her. “You lost her to and I should’ve been there for you, and instead I made your pain worse and I’m sorry.”

Anya sighed. “Lexa, I know you’re trying to do better now and I’m proud of you, I’m not trying to be overbearing I just— I can’t see you like that again.”

“I know.”

“There was honestly a time where I was holding my breath waiting for some officer to come tell us you drunkenly fell off the pier or something and died. You were so unpredictable and I was scared for you.”

“I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say, she hated that she did this to her.

“I know you are and I forgive you, I know you think we don’t but me and dad both do. We just want you here and safe, she would want that for all of us.”

“I’m never going down that road again Anya I promise you, and when I’m struggling, I won’t run this time. You’ll be the first person I call.”

“Come here.” Anya wrapped her arms around her little sister and held on tightly, something she hasn’t gotten to do in a very long time.

* * *

Saturday came and went and Clarke was staying the night at Octavia’s house. After her breakdown, the day before the two decided to have a girls night and just relax with each other. But now it was Sunday morning and Clarkes mom was texting her demanding to see her and Octavia at the house.

“Why does she want to see both of us?” Octavia asked, they were slowly walking up to Clarke front door both of them nervous wreck.

“Obviously, she knows.” Clarke was not prepared for the punishment she was about to face.

“Oh no, you have your car keys, right? We could just drive off before she sees us.” Octavia suggested.

“Finally one of your plans I can get behind.” They tried to run the jeep before they were seen by anyone.

“Going somewhere?” Abby stood at her front door hand on her hips.

“Uhm, just to get coffee! I didn’t want to greet you and dad empty handed.” Clarke smiled.

“Both of you inside now.” Abby didn’t wait for them to reply before walking back into her house.

“We’re so dead.” Octavia whispered.

“At least we’ll die together.” Clarke said mimicking her words except this time there was no snarky comment from Octavia.

When they entered the house Jake, Abby and Aurora who is Octavia’s mom were waiting for them in the living room.

“Ok, this is really bad.” Octavia said spotting her mom.

“So girls anything exciting happen Friday night?” Abby asked, sipping her tea staring daggers at the two girls.

“Not that I can think of.” Clarke croaked, yep they were dead.

“Are you sure? Because I got an alert from the alarm company again when you didn’t type in the door code Clarke. Except it wasn’t Clarke it was Octavia and Bellemy carrying in huge speakers and several Alcohol bottles might I add.”

Clarke glared at Octavia who had completely buried her face in her hands, she reminded the girl 5 times to type in the damn code.

“No one has anything to say?” Abby asked the other parents staring holes in them as well.

“Look Abby it was all my idea!” Octavia blurted.

“What was?”

This wasn’t happening, if her mom new she had over 50 strangers in her living room alone she would be grounded for life.

“To get drunk.” Clarke said, Octavia looking at her with wide eyes. “We got drunk Friday night; they brought the stuff in here while I was at work cause I gave them the keys.” Granted this excuse only works if her mother didn’t view the rest of the footage from that night, which usually she never does.

“You got drunk?”

“Yes, we blared loud music and got drunk until we fell asleep. I don’t want to incriminate anyone else but the only people in here had approval from you. Which now that I’m saying that incriminates them all since, you’ll know exactly who I’m talking about.” Clarke sighed.

“So you mean to tell me You, Octavia, Bellamy, Raven, and Murphy got drunk in this house on Friday night?” Abby said clarifying.

“No, just me Octavia and Bell.” No need to drag the others, down right? Plus Bellamy is 21.

“Why would you do that Clarke?” Jake asked.

“Because I was sad.” Clarke said, was she actually pulling this card? “Luna cheated on me and I was sad I wanted to get drunk and forget so I made O and Bell join me, It’s not their fault they were trying to comfort me and it wasn’t O’s idea she’s just trying to cover for me.”

Everyone was silent for a few minutes while the parents all looked at each other trying to figure out what to do. Octavia quietly snaked her hand through Clarke’s and squeezed along with mouthing ‘Thank you’.

“Alright, I’m not happy you all were drinking in here in here that being said I am glad you were somewhat safe and didn’t do it publicly.” Abby said eyeing both girls. “What punishment do you think Aurora?” Abby smiled.

“Hmm, I don’t know Abby, what did you have in mind?” Like Octavia and Clarke their parents were very close friends, it’s actually how the pair know each other. They did love their parents friendship but it made getting in trouble together terrifying.

“If anything you’d just be punishing me for having a broken heart.” Clarke said.

“Hasn’t the poor girl suffered enough?” Octavia added.

“I’m sorry that happened to you hun but did you really have to get drunk?” Aurora asked.

“You know teens Rory; they naively think alcohol helps problems.” Clarke sighed; she was committed to her story now and she knew throwing her childhood name for the women in the mix would help.

“That may be so but you still can’t just have no punishment Clarke.” Abby said. “You’re only 17 years old, and I know since you’ll be 18 in a few months you think you’re grown but that’s not the case.”

“I understand completely mom, I’m prepared for whatever punishment you see fit.”

“She’s taking responsibility, I think that should count for something.” Jake said, he’s always been the chilled parent.

“Alright you can be grounded for 2 weeks instead of 3, that means school and work nothing else.”

“You too Octavia.” Aurora said.

“What about training?” Both girls said.

“Training is how often?” Abby asked

“Just on Saturdays and Wednesdays.”

“Ok, that’s fine but nothing else. No friends no nothing.”

“Got it.”

“Now come here Clarkey, let me give my poor baby a hug.” Aurora held her arms out.

“Thanks Rory.”

And although her story wasn’t completely true a hug was exactly what she need at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some angst coming up next!


	7. Heartbreak Cafe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably what you've been waiting for.

A few days had past since the whole house party incident and Clarke had avoided school the best she could. She didn’t want to see anyone especially Luna because that meant they would have to talk. Obviously, she couldn’t avoid It forever and thanks to her mom forcing to go to school she would have to face it sooner or later.  
To her surprise Luna stayed out of her way, except for the occasional ‘I’m sorry’ text and ‘Can we talk’. They did need to talk, like actually talk and Clarke knew that but she still avoided it the best she could.

When she went back to school, she realized she wasn’t the only trying to avoid people, Lexa was as well except it was Clarke she was avoiding. She knew she told her she needed time but in her mind that didn’t mean they couldn’t talk.

Day’s went by and the most they spoke to each other were the occasional hi and bye. Lexa even went as far as to sit at a new table during lunch. Her friends said he was because she has a project with Harper, the girl she sitting with but Clarke knew that wasn’t the only reason. By Thursday night her grounding took a turn when her mother invited her out to get ice cream. She was technically still grounded but Abby said she was making an exception tonight since it was her night off.

“What flavor will you get?” Abby asked, they were at the same place her and Lexa went during their tour and annoying that was al she could think about.

“I’ll just take vanilla in a cup please.”

“Really? You always get a chocolate cone.” Abby looked at her daughter.

“I’m not really feeling chocolate tonight.” Clarke sighed; she wasn’t really feeling anything. All she wanted was to lay in her bed and waste away.

Alright.” Abby said, ordering their ice creams while Clarke waited at the table.

While waiting for her mom she watched the waves crash onto the shore of Skai beach. There’s so much she needs to do and so many decisions she has to make so why can’t she just do it? Why can’t things have a simple answer?

“Ok, you need to talk to me.” Clarke looked up seeing her ice cream in front of her and her mother with a worried face. “What happened with Luna?”

“Do I have to talk about it?”

“Only if you want to, I can see that your really hurting Clarke and I’m worried.”

What could she say? How can she describe her feelings to her mother who already thinks she’s crazy?

“I’m sorry that you're worried, I’m fine it’s just a lot to deal with.”

“I know heartbreak is hard Clarke but I promise you, you don’t have to bear it alone. You have so many people who love you, lean on us.”

The problem wasn’t the people who loved her, the problem is the person who doesn’t.

“I know and I’m grateful for you guys.” Clarke tried to smile.

“Are you doing it again?” Abby asked, she knew what she was talking about she didn’t have to say it.

“No.” She replied quietly.

“Let me see you hands.” Abby held her hand out waiting for her daughter.

“Mom!"

“Clarke, let me see them.” Abby sighed.

She knew there was no use in in fighting it so she did as she asked, she watched as her mom looked at the fresh scars in her palms.

“Clarke, why didn’t you tell me you started doing this again.”

“It was only once.” More like once a day, she hated the way her mom was looking at her. Like she broken.

“I think you should start seeing a Psychologist.”

“Mom, it was one time.” Clarke cried. “I don’t need to talk to anyone please.”

“Clarke I’m trying to help you; I know you only do that when your mad or upset over something. You can’t keep hurting yourself.”

“I’ll stop, I swear.”

“I’m cutting your nails tonight!”

“Fine.”

“And we’re going to talk to your dad about the doctor, just as a maybe.”

“Whatever.” Clarke sighed, her ice cram was melted and her tolerance for this outing had diminished. “I’m going home.”

* * *

“Why don’t you just go talk to her?”

“I can’t.” Lexa sighed.

For the last week Lexa has been eating lunch with her new friends Monty, Jasper and Harper. She met them thanks to having a group project and they all really clicked.  
She disclosed to Harper what happened with Clarkes in hopes of receiving good advice that’s not ‘Stop being a pussy and talk to her’ as her big sister put it so kindly.  
The party was a week ago but she through it would be best to give Clarke her space. So that’s what she done for the last week, the blonde has tried to talk to her but she only offered a hi and casual conversation. Making Clarke feel bad wasn’t her intention but she didn’t see how they could still be friends at this point.

“Well why not?” Harper asked.

“Because she asked for time and I’m giving her that.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t talk to her.”

“I know it’s just easier this way for now.” The last thing Lexa needed was a reason to be sad, she couldn’t let her feelings get wrapped up in Clarke and Luna’s right now.

“If you think that best I’ll let it go.”

“Thank you.”

Lexa glanced over to her old table seeing Clarke facing her, she was focused on a drawing but she looked like she hadn’t gotten much sleep. She wanted to talk to her and make sure she was ok, but after a week of not talking it felt weird. So instead she decided to ask Anya later if she knew anything. When school was over Lexa and Anya climbed into Raven’s car who was giving them a ride home. She didn’t know what was going on with the two and she didn’t ask, obviously it was romantic though.

The drive was filled with the two talking and laughing about random things while Lexa sat in the back seat with her headphones in. When they got to the house, she thanked Raven and went inside. Gustus was still at work so they had the house to themselves for a couple hours.

“Dad wants to eat at The Ark tonight.” Anya said.

“Ok.” A part of her wanted to see Clarke there but the other hoped she wasn’t.

“Your not going to give Clarke the cold shoulder while she taking our order, are you?”

“She’s not the only waitress Anya, and of course I won’t give her the cold shoulder.”

“I mean you kinda already are.”

“She asked for time.”

“I know but what’s the real reason your staying away?”

Ugh, she hated the way everyone could read her like an open book.

“I just don’t need added drama ok, her and Luna seem to have a lot going on. I don’t know if I can handle that.”

“I get that.” Anya sighed. “Maybe once she’s figured everything out you two will have a chance.”

“Maybe.”

* * *

“I need to just do it.” Clarke sighed. It had been a couple of hours since school ended and she was sitting her bedroom with Raven and Octavia trying to figure if she should call Luna to finally talk.

“I know you don’t think you’re strong enough Clarke but you are. If this is what you feel like you need to do, then do it.” Raven said.

“And we can come with you if you want.” Octavia suggested.

“No I have to do it alone not to mention we are technically still grounded and I’m already sneaking out to do this.” Clarke picked up her phone and clicked on the name she’s been dreading to text. “I’ll have her meet me at The Floukru Cafe.”

“Are you sure you want to do it there?”

It truly felt cruel to do it there since it was where they had their first date, but she had to do it in a public place where they couldn’t just decide not to talk and have sex.

“All bad things end where they begin, I guess.” She typed the messaged asking the girl to meet and sent it. “It’s done.”

* * *

When the got to the Ark they were greeted by the same hostess from the first time they ate there.

“Welcome to The Ark, unfortunately our outdoor seating is closed for the next few weeks for renovations but we do still have booths and table available for you!”

“A booth would be lovely.” Gustus smiled.

“Right this way.”

They followed the women to a near booth and took their seats, there were no signs of Clarke so far not that she was looking.

“How are you guys doing today?” A man who Lexa assumed would be there waiter came up to their table.

“Looks like you guys get to be served by the boss.” Ontari smiled. “Enjoy guys.”

“You’re the owner?” Gustus asked

“That would be me! I’m Jake Griffin it’s nice to meet you guys.”

“You wait tables at your own restaurant?” Anya asked, earning a glare from her father.

Jake laughs. “Not usually but my daughter who usually works today couldn’t make it so I figured I’d fill in instead of calling someone last minute.”

“Oh, well you must be Clarke’s dad.” Gustus said. “She was out waitress last time and she was just lovely.”

“Clarke usually is, I’m glad she provided you guys with great service. Can I get you guys any drinks?”

Clarke couldn’t work today? Is she ok?

* * *

There it was Floukru Coffee shop. She asked Luna to meet her here 20 minutes ago and she agreed. She hadn’t been back here since there first date, not because it wasn't good but because of the memory.

It was the first time she had ever been on a date and everything was seemingly going wrong. Luna had planned at beach dinner for the two that got rained out 10 minutes into it. After being soaked by the rain the pair ran into the coffee shop to wait it out. Everything was different then, Luna was different and so was Clarke..

_August 10, 2019_

_“I can’t believe that happened I’m so sorry!” Luna said, they found a table inside the empty coffee shop. “I should’ve checked the weather.”_

_“It’s fine.” Clarke laughed. “I’m still having a good time; I mean watching trying to run in the wet sand with candle sticks and picnic basket was pretty funny.”_

_“I’m glad you found my struggling funny Griffin.” Luna laughed._

_“It was funny but I’m glad we can still enjoy the night together.”_

_“Me too.” Luna smiled. “You know I was surprised you said yes to this date.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because I’ve been trying to get your attention for years and you never noticed me.”_

_“Maybe I was just waiting for you to finally have the balls to come up to me and ask me out.” Clarke smiled._

_“Well then how did I do?”_

_“I think arranging soccer balls on the field to say, ‘Date me’ was a little much but it was cute.”_

_“There wasn’t enough to spell will you go out on a date with me, I knew I should’ve made a sign instead.”_

_“No, it was perfect.” Clarke grabbed the other girls hand. “And I’m glad you asked me.”_

_“I’m glad you said yes Skai girl.” Luna smiled_

_“God I can’t believe you still remember that.” Clarke laughed._

_“Well it might’ve been the first grade but my memory is pretty resilient. Plus you’re the one that made it up.”_

_“It was all I could think of for my superhero name plus I really love Skai beach.”_

_“Well I always liked it Skai girl.”_

When Clarke walked into the coffee shop, she noticed how everything looked the same, the tables the chairs even the posters. Then she noticed the girl sitting at the same table they had a year ago.

“Hi.” Clarke managed to say without sounding like she would cry.

“Hi, baby.” Clarke could tell Luna was sad, maybe she knew. Maybe she sensed they were over too.

“I really think we need to talk, like really talk no holding back.”

“Ok, let’s talk.”

“I’m going to ask you something and I really need you to be honest Lu, I won’t get mad and I won’t storm out I swear.”

“Clarke.” Luna sighed, running her fingers through her hair, 

“Please.” Clarke whispered.

“Fine.”

“Did you do it? Did you have sex with her?”

“Please don’t do this Clarke, I’m trying to do better for you. I want to fix this.” 

“Just answer the question, I need to hear you say it. Please.”

“It was only the one time.” Luna confessed, “Any other time it was Costia trying to make you mad or me talking to her because you wouldn’t answer but we only had sex the once.”

“Why did you do it?” Clarke could feel the hot tears on her face but she needed hear why, why did she ruin them for this one girl. 

“I don’t know, I fucked up. You went to that party that I asked you not to go to and I was angry. I was angry because I knew everyone there would be all over you and I hate when they look at you like that. You know that.”

“So you fucked someone else? You did that because I wanted to go have fun with my friends, where I didn’t care who was staring at me or who wanted my attention because they weren’t you. I only wanted you Luna.” she's waited months for an explanation and this was it? 

“I know and I’m sorry please just let me make it up to you. Please Clarke.” Luna was crying to and for once Clarke felt like she actually cared, but it was already too late.

“I’ll never be enough for you Luna.”

“Baby that’s not true.” Luna said grabbing the blondes hands, 

“I’ll never be the person I was a year ago when we sat in this restaurant and laughed while we were soaking wet from the rain. I’ll never be that person who spent her first time having sex on the beach with some she loved. I’ll never be that person again and I thought it was because of you and maybe that’s partly true but I let myself down too. I let you run all over me and use me because I love you and I thought that’s what I was supposed to do but I can’t anymore.”

“Clarke.” At that moment it was clear she thought they were going to work it out and be together after this. “Please.”

“You cheated on me because of your own insecurities because you were to worried about everyone looking at me, you didn’t notice I was only looking at you. And now I can’t even do anything without feeling like shit because now I’m the insecure one, and I’m too worried about if you're somewhere fucking some girl who doesn’t even care about you!”

“I made a mistake Clarke but I can fix this please. Please baby, I love you more than anything and right now I just need you tell me how to fix this.”

“Did love me when you were fucking Costia in your car? Or when you were with her at the bonfire or when you were kissing her in my fucking house a week ago?”

“I only did that because you were dancing on that fucking girl in front of me. You do shit to hurt me too Clarke!” she yelled, 

“I know and for that I’m sorry but I didn’t do that to hurt you Luna, I did that because for once I was having fun. I was with someone who didn’t try to constantly break me and it felt nice." 

“So you’re doing this for her then.” Luna snarked.

“No I’m doing this for me, I’m doing this so I don’t hurt myself anymore. So you can’t hurt me anymore.”

“I’m trying to fix it.” Luna murmured, 

“You’re trying too late.” Clarke cried. “It’s way to late.”

“I can’t take any of it back Clarke but if I could, I would!”

“Well you can’t and now there’s just one more thing from you.”

“Anything.”

“I need you to let me go because if you don’t, I won’t go and I really need to do this.”

“Baby!” Luna cried,

“If you ever loved me you would do this for me Luna, Please jus —just let me go. No calls, no texts no more hooking up, just a clean break." 

“That’s what you want?” Luna cried. "You want us to be over?" 

“I want to be with the Luna who asked me on a date using soccer balls and planned a romantic date on the beach for me. The Luna who made me laugh and smile, now you just make cry and i can't do that anymore." 

Luna didn’t reply she just stared at the blonde whose tears were making a small puddle on the table and for the first time she realized how much damage she actually did to the person she was suppose to love. So instead of fighting she got up from her seat and sat beside Clarke. She grabbed her face connecting their lips, the kiss was soft but it said so much, it said i'm sorry and i love you and bye forever, Clarke wanted to cling to it. She wanted to hold her there, she wanted to question if this was really the right choice, but that quick moment of second thoughts solidified why this needed to happen. 

“I'm sorry skai girl,” She looked into the cloudy blue eyes wiping the tears from the blondes face before grabbing her bag and leaving the coffee shop. Clarke watched as the girl left tears still running down her face as she pulled out her phone.

“I know you're busy but can you please come and get me?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii! so I wanted to clarify a few things starting with Clarkes mental health, like Lexa she's had struggles in the past and we'll explore that but she is also someone who self-harms. Her main way is when she's cutting her palms with her nails and there are times when Abby makes her cut her nails so she finds other ways. This story is their journey trying to get better.
> 
> who did Clarke call?  
> next chapter will be lighter!


	8. I know you're not ok.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is focusing on Clarke, but don't worry Lexa will be back next chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline of this story  
> CURRENTLY:EARLY SEPT 2020  
> SCHOOL STARTED AUG 2020  
> CLARKE:  
> CLARKE/LUNA DATED AUG 2019  
> CHEATING HAPPENED MARCH 2020  
> OFFICIAL BREAKUP APRIL 2020 BUT THEY WERE STILL SEEING EACH OTHER UNTIL LAST CHAPTER.(SEPT 2020)
> 
> LEXA  
> MOM DEATH SEPT 2017  
> DRINKING PROBLEM AFTER MOMS DEATH 2017-LATE 2018  
> TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY(MOMS DEATH) SEPT 2019  
> MOVED TO ARKADIA LATE AUGUST 2020

“Clarke?”

It had been 20 minutes since Luna left the café and Clarke couldn’t move, she couldn’t get up and she called the one person she needed right now.

“Mom.” Clarke tried holding her tears in but it was useless, she wasn't even sure if she ever stopped crying, 

“Clarke what’s wrong?” Abby asked rushing to her daughters side, 

“It’s over mom, really over this time.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Abby whispered, wrapping her arms are her daughter. “I’m so sorry Clarke.”

“I loved her mom.” Clarke sobbed.

“I know honey, and I know this may not be what you want to hear but you will get through this. The way you’re hurting right now won’t always be there, I promise Clarke.”

“I’m sorry for sneaking out.”

Abby laughed lightly still holding her crying daughter. “We’ll talk about that later, I’m glad you called me.” It truly shocked Abby that her daughter did call her, when it came to her personal issues, she usually preferred Jake. “Let’s go home.”

“I can’t leave.” Clarke cried. “I feel like I can’t move.”

“Just take my hand and we’ll do the rest together.”

* * *

The next morning when she woke up, she felt dreadful, her whole body hurt, and her heart felt like an empty pit of nothingness. There was no sense of regret just loss, she didn’t think she would do it. She didn’t think Luna would leave but she did, she let her go. She did what Clarke was too weak to do.

Wasn’t this the part where the feeling of impending doom lifts like some imaginary shield of fog? Why doesn’t everything feel better? Why is she still hurting if Luna was gone?

“Clarke.” Abby said, knocking on the girl bedroom door. “Get dressed and meet me downstairs in an hour.”

“Mom, I just want to lay here and die please.” Clarke pleaded.

“Please just do it Clarke, I’d like to talk to you.”

“Ugh, fine.”

Clarke dragged herself out of the bed and into the hot shower where she stood, she didn’t grab soap she just stood. Moving was harder now, so she added that to the list of things that were harder post Luna. Finally, she threw some leggings and an oversize band tee on before heading downstairs. When she entered the living room, she saw Octavia and her mom as well as her parents standing around.

“What did we do now?” Clarke groaned.

“Nothing this time sweetheart.” Jake smiled.

“It’s time for me and Aurora to get our roots touched up so we thought why not make it a girl’s day!” Abby said.

“Mom, the last thing I care about is my hair.”

“It’ll be fun Clarke.” Octavia said. “I refused to let you mope around all weekend so you either come or I’ll make it my personal mission to annoy the hell out of you.”

“It doesn’t have to be anything drastic; you could just get a trim and enjoy someone else washing your hair.” Aurora smiled.

“What do you say?” Abby asked.

There was always the possibility she could run to her room and lock it before anyone bothered her, although her mom does have a key. The other option would be to go and have a distraction instead of continuously going over everything that happened last night in her head.

“Fine, let’s go.”

“Yay!!” Octavia squealed.

“Can we get food before?” Clarke asked.

“How about Pancakes?” Abby suggested, knowing it’s the girl’s happy food. “I haven’t been to TonDC Dinner in ages.”

On the way to the diner the car ride was quiet, no one mentioned why the girl was so miserable and she didn’t know if she preferred that. She would see them sneaking glances at her, checking if she’s ok. Maybe she wasn’t ok, but what would glancing at her do? Force her to talk about it, so she can tell them how much she regretted it already, but then they would tell her it was for the best and it was. So what can’t she see that? Why can't she see that life would be better without Luna. The girl she loves...

When they were pulling into the lot of the diner Dark Paradise started playing through the speakers and she thought of Lexa, and how it played in her car that day she showed her around. It’s been a week since they talked, and she hoped it wouldn’t be like that forever. It felt like doing the right thing not mixing her feelings in with her drama. There are so many things she needed to figure out and work through before she could have anything romantic. Still, she liked Lexa a lot and even if it couldn’t be romantic right now her friendship would mean a lot to her.

“Remember we used to come here every Sunday?” Octavia asked as they walked into the restaurant dragging Clarke from her thoughts.

“I still do sometimes with Ontari, if you would wake up on time you could come.” Clarke pointed out.

“I know, but we train on Sundays now so I have to get all the rest I can.” Octavia shrugged.

“Alright girl’s let’s get a table.”

One of the waitresses greeted them and led them to a nearby table. Clarke always loved the staff here and used to want to work here because of the 50’s set up. All the waitresses wore the fluffy poodle skirts and old-fashioned hairstyles which made it more appealing to her.

“Hi ladies, Clarke it’s good to see you!” She knew most of the staff since she’s been a regular for years.

“You too, how’s the baby?” Clarke smiled.

“Driving me crazy, but she happy and healthy so, so am I!” the waitress smiled. “What can I get you guys?”

“Can I get Pancakes and whip cream with eggs, bacon and wait French toast sounds good too.” Clarke looked up to see the other women staring at her. “What, I’m hungry ok.” She explained.

“I’ll have the same!” Octavia smiled, if anyone could keep up with her eating it was O. “By the way, isn’t this the most lenient grounding we’ve ever had?”

“Don’t get used to it.” Aurora said.

After their food was served, they kept a casual conversation going and for a second Clarke forgot about everything. She just enjoyed time with her family, and it was exactly what she needed. That’s the thing about a distraction it can pull you out of your head as fast as it can throw you back in.

“Alright I had to call last minute to get and appointment for you girls, Octavia I know you like Lincoln's sister Gaia and Clarke Niylah had an opening as well.”

They were now at one of the only hair salons in Arkadia, which they were regulars at. Clarke never strayed from her normal wash and trim so she figured today would be nothing new. Clarke quickly found her way into the stylist’s chair who she usually had. Her name was Niylah and over the years the two had become friends.

“It’s been too long Clarke; your hair is so long I love it!” Niylah said. “Are we just doing a trim or are you actually going to let me work some magic on this hair.”

For as long as Clarke has been going to Niylah the girl has always begged to dye her hair and she’s always refused. She liked her hair for the most part and she’s never died it.

“I have had the same hair my whole life.” Clarke admits, trying to think of a time where her hair was anything other than long and blonde. The only thing that came to mind was a very terrible haircut in elementary she was forced to wear.

“Don’t tease me Clarke, are you actually saying what I think you are?” Niylah gasped.

“Fuck it, let’s do something different.” Why not right? Her life needs change why not start with the hair.

“Oh my god!” Niylah squealed. “I something I’ve been wanting to try, it’s a bit drastic though.”

“I just have one request.”

* * *

  
“Are you ready?”

It had been a couple hours since she started getting her hair done and it was finally finished.

“I’m ready.” She was nervous, she didn’t know what color Niylah chose because she wanted to be surprised. Thinking back that doesn’t seem so wise.

She closed her eyes tightly shut while the women spun her chair around revealing her new hair. Her hair was now shoulder length, per her request with fiery pink engulfing the bottom half of her hair which was Niylah’s touch. She looked like a new person with short hair and the pink added some fun to the mix, something she hasn’t had in a while.

“Wow.”

“You look so good!” Niylah smiled. “Please tell me you don’t hate it.”

“I actually love it!” Clarke smiled, running her hands through her short hair. “This pink is amazing!”

“I knew you would!!” Niylah cheered. “Let’s go see what the others think.”

Her mom and Aurora had been done a while but apparently Octavia decided to switch it up too.

“O!” Clarke screamed. “Oh my god, I love it.”

The girl had cut her hair into a long bob and added some vibrant red streaks to the front pieces adding a nice pop to her jet black hair.

“Me? Look at you! I haven’t seen you with short hair since elementary school! It looked so good! And the pink, I love it!” Octavia screamed.

“My mom’s going to die, while your mom will live for it.”

“I know, you look like Lava Girl!”

“And you look like Warren Peace from sky high.” Clarke laughed.

“He has great hair, so I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Oh lord.” Abby said, examining the girl’s hair.

“Ah! You girls looks so good, I have to take a picture” Aurora shrieked with excitement pulling out her iPhone snapping a picture of the duo sporting their new looks.

“isn’t great?” Octavia said twirling around.

“It’s definitely a change.” Abby said still staring at Clarke’s bright pink hair. “Do you like it Clarke?”

“I think it looks amazing.”

“Well, then that’s what matters.” Clarke could see Abby trying to find something good to say. “I’ll go pay.”

“She hates it.” Octavia laughed.

“Well I think you look so good Clarkey!”

“Thanks Rory.”

“Let’s get you girls home.”

Clarke quickly gave Niylah a hug and thanked her before leaving the shop.

The whole drive Abby was quiet, she figured it was because of the hair, she’s never been one to like un-natural hair colors. None the less, Clarke loved it and that’s what mattered.  
After saying goodbye to Octavia and Aurora they walked into their house.

“Clarke, I was hoping to talk to for a second?”

“Is this about my hair?”

“No honey if you like I’m really fine with it. I actually want to talk about you seeing a doctor. Me and your dad talked it over, we both feel like it could be beneficial to you.”

“Mom, I said I was fine.” Clarke sighed. “You cut my nails; I haven’t been doing it!”

“I’m not even sure you ever stopped doing it Clarke, I saw your hands.”

“So, then I’ll stop for good, okay?” Clarke proclaimed.

“Even then Clarke there are some other things you need to deal with.”

“So, what you want me to talk to someone about a breakup? I don’t need to go to a fucking doctor for that.” Clarke yelled, this would be the time she wished her nails were still long and still sharp.

“Your breakup is just one thing I think you need to work on Clarke, it’s time you’ve properly dealt with your depression as well. I know you don’t want to try a new medicine, so maybe talking to someone will help.”

“I don’t need help!” She was trying to keep calm but the more this conversation continued the angrier she was getting.

“You do Clarke and that’s okay! I’m just trying to make decisions I think will help you! Frankly, you should’ve started therapy months ago after what happened!”

“No, no. Don’t even bring it up! This isn’t months ago.” Clarke yelled. “I’m fine now, I’m fine. I’m ok why can’t you just listen?”

“What’s going on?” Jake asked as he walked into the foyer.

“Why are you going along with this?”

“Clarke what is this about?” Jake asked trying to get closer to his daughter, but she kept backing away.

“I was just telling her that we both agreed that her starting therapy would be beneficial.” Abby said.

“Why didn’t you wait for me?”

“I didn’t think she would react this way and the appointment is in the morning.”

“What the fuck! So, it doesn’t even matter what I want?” Clarke screamed. “You weren’t even going to give me a choice?”

“It’s just one appointment Clarke, then we can go from there.” Abby said pleading for Jake to intervene.

“Clarke look at me.” Jake said. “Please, sweetheart.”

“How could you agree to this?” she cried.

“Because I love you, and although you think you’re managing everything well, I know when you’re not ok. I knew it months ago and I know it now.”

“Please don’t make me go.”

“Even if it will help you?”

“Going last time didn’t help why would it now?”

“You didn’t want to do the therapy last time, if you give it a chance it could be helpful Clarke.”

“I’m not going!” Before the two could reply Clarke ran upstairs to her room and locked the doors.

“Fuck!” She screamed, knocking everything off of her dressers and tables in the process. This was too much; her anger was boiling up to a point where she felt like she was going to explode.

“Clarke let me in now, or I will get the key!” Abby yelled.

“GO AWAY!”

“Clarke please just let me in.” Abby pleaded.

“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”

“Fine, I’m getting the key.” Abby says.

“UGH!!!” She was pissed, how can someone tell her she’s not fine? She was fine.

“I’m fine.” Clarke murmured to herself in the mirror. “I’m fine, I’m fine FUCK!” And before she could think the mirror was in pieces and blood was everywhere.  
“Clarke!” Abby who had gotten the key to unlock her door stood and starred at what she had just done. The mirror was shattered, and Clarke’s hand was filled with small cuts and gashes all over. Her throat felt like it was incapable of making a sound, so she just stood and watched her mom rush to aid her hand. It didn’t hurt, she felt numb like she couldn’t feel anything anymore.

“Clarke, please talk to me.” Abby voice was quivering, and Clarke knew she scared her. This wasn’t the first time she had scared her parents like this, but every time it happened the shittier it felt. They wouldn’t say it, but they were scared of what she could do if she got really mad.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soon we'll see exactly what Clarkes been dealing with the last few months and we'll see hoe Lexa handle's the anniversary of her mothers death.
> 
> **sorry for spelling errors**


	9. Hi my name is Clarke and i'm fucked up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke goes to her appointment, some Lexa and raven moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i just wanted to say a few things before you read, one being about mental health. I am not a professional but i do struggle with some of the things these characters do. I will never portray mental health in a negative way in this story but everyone experience with mental is different! If i ever feel like i'm diving into something i don't know much about i will do the proper research!
> 
> Also i know the last few chapters have been Clarke heavy and thats just me setting things up, there will be times when a chapter is just Lexa that's just how i'm choosing to write it! Lexa is my favorite character so she will get her time in this story! and if it wasn't clear Clexa is endgame, it just may take them a minute to properly find each other!

The weekend came and went, and Lexa was now in her fifth period class of the day. It was the same class she shared with Clarke, but the blonde was nowhere to be seen. She decided she was going to break their weeklong silence and finally talk to the girl. 

After their kiss she was a little bit embarrassed but now she wasn’t, she knew her relationship was complicated, and she understood why she backed out. It didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends. 

Of course, she only came to this conclusion after an online session with Dr. A who told her that sometimes having a friend beats having a girlfriend and she agreed. She started her sessions again not because anything was wrong but the day, she dreaded most was coming up and she needed the extra support. 

After class she decided to sit with everyone at the lunch table again which didn’t include Clarke because she hadn’t seen her at all today.

“Where’s blondie?” She heard her sister asks the others.

“She’s not here today.” Octavia said, from the looks of it there seemed to be more to the story.

“Is she ok?” Lexa asks

“She’s fine, just taking a day off.” Clearly Octavia knew something, but it wasn’t Lexa place to pry, she just hoped the girl was ok.

“Hey Lexa, I heard you might be interested in a job.” Raven said, pointing her fork at the girl.

“I’ve been looking for the last couple days mostly at restaurants and retail.”

“Well you’re search ends now; I have a job for you. Only if you want it.” 

“What is it?” Lexa asks.

“Well Anya told me your handy at fixing cars and the shop I work at is hiring. It’s nothing crazy just some receptionist work like greeting people let them know prices. But Sinclair is cool he’ll probably let you assist with fixing the occasional car.” 

“That sounds better waiting tables, where should I come to apply?” 

“The job is yours, I put a word in for you.” Raven winked.

“Thanks Raven, I really appreciate it!”

“You should be thanking me, I’m the one that told her you like fixing cars.” Anya huffed.

“Babe shut it. Your very welcome Lexa.”

Raven and Anya officially started seeing each other romantically, the two had immediately clicked and Lexa was happy for her big sister.

After school she rode with Raven to meet the owner of the shop she would be working at. It would be after school so she doesn’t have to sign up for work release so that was nice.

“Welcome to Sinclair’s auto shop! Most of us just call it the shop though.”

“You never told me what you do here.” 

“Well I am a women of many talents Lexa.” Raven smirked. “But mostly I fix and install Bluetooth systems, GSP’s, pretty much anything on the technological side of things.” 

“Sounds cool.” Lexa says as they walk through the shop.

She used to fix cars with her dad when they lived in Seattle and she really enjoyed it, so she was excited to be here. 

“Sinclair this is my friend Lexa, I was telling you about her.” A man no more than 40 turned around from the car he was fixing and greeted them, he seemed nice at first glance as he greeted them with a big smile.

“Right, Lexa it’s nice to meet you. I’ve been trying to fill this position for a while, we don’t get many new people around here.” 

“I’m really grateful for the opportunity so thank you for giving me a chance.” 

“It’s no problem, just don’t let me down kid.” 

“I won’t.” Lexa says seriously.

“Can you start Wednesday?” Sinclair asks, still fixing the car.

“Yes sir, I can.” 

“Good, I’ll see you then. We’ll fill out the proper papers and everything then.” 

“I’ll be here.” Lexa smiled.

“Come on, I’ll take you home.” Raven says. “Me and Anya are watching a movie tonight at your house wanna join?”

“An interrupt you romantic evening? No thanks.” This was the first time she had been invited to hang out with the pair they wouldn’t stop kissing each other so she went upstairs to her room.

“Your dad’s joining us too so there will be no funny business, I can’t speak for what could happen after the movie tho— “

“I’ll stop you right there, I don’t need to know.” 

“So, are you in?” Raven says ignoring the girls last comment.

“What are we watching?”

“It’s come to my attention your sisters never seen Scott Pilgrim vs. The world, so I have to fix that.” 

“Scott what?” Lexa asks confusingly.

“You guys are unbelievable, me Clarke and O love that movie it’s so great!” 

“I guess we’ll find out tonight then.” 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Clarke we’re going to be late.” Abby yelled; for the last 15 minutes Clarke has been stalling.

“You could always leave without me.” Clarke murmured. After everything that happened last night Clarke was now sporting stitches and a bandage on her hand. 

The glass cut her pretty deep after she punched the mirror, so she had to go into her mother’s office last night to get it fixed.

They didn’t talk much after, but Clarke finally agreed to go to her appointment, even though she still wasn’t thrilled about it.

“I promise it won’t be so bad.” Abby smiled. “Now let’s go.”

They arrived at the office far too quickly for Clarke’s liking but unfortunately for her the town was small and everything was close together. 

As they walked up to the door Clarke could feel the pit in her stomach growing more and more by the second. Almost as if she could sense it Abby grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly.

“It’ll be fine.” She flashed a reassuring smile before opening the door.

The office was small but nice littered with mental health posters all over the walls which made Clarke want to crawl in a hole. She wasn’t oblivious, she knew she had some issues, even some diagnosed ones but she didn’t want to be here. 

“Hi, you must be Abby.” A man with tanned skin and short dark hair a greeted them. “We talked on the phone, but now that I see you, I think we’ve probably ran into each other at the hospital before.” 

“It’s definitely possible I’m usually there running around somewhere.” Abby laughed. 

“Well it’s nice to formally meet you. I’m Dr. Jackson, and you must be Clarke.” Jackson smiled but Clarke didn’t reply.

“You’ll have to excuse her she isn’t exactly thrilled to be here.” Abby nudged her daughter.

“That’s alright! How about we go and talk while your mother fills out some forms.” Jackson motioned for Clarke to follow into his office.

“I’ll be right out here Clarke.” Abby said and Clarke nodded a reply.

The room was filled with only a brown leather couch and a Leather chair to match, there were some random accessories and a desk as well. Clarke noted how plain the room was compared to the waiting room before sitting down.

“So, Clarke I know your not to thrilled to be here but even though Psychotherapy can seem daunting when given a chance it can be a really effective way of treatment. I know you were diagnosed with Depression about 6 months ago, can you tell me what you were feeling leading up to your diagnosis?” 

Clarke didn’t want to talk about it; she didn’t want to be here and even the idea of not saying anything crossed her mind but that would only make things worse. Even though she knew she needed to be here but talking about this never made her feel better.

“Before I got diagnosed, I was struggling with a lot of different things I guess.” Clarke mumbled.

“Can you tell me about those things?” 

“I guess just dealing with a lot of stress about school and relationships, I was running for class president for the next school term so there was a lot of pressure. There would be days where I felt… hopeless is the only way I could describe it, there were days where that feeling would last.”

“When did you finally decide you needed to see someone about this?” 

“I really wouldn’t say I decided it was more of my parent’s decision.” Clarke sighed, leaning farther into the couch. “There were a couple days where I wasn’t sleeping well, and my mood was just... I don’t even know how to describe it. I remember being on spring break and I didn’t even want to talk to anyone. I pretty much locked myself in a room for a week and I think that’s when they knew something more was happening.” Clarke thought back to that time, about how her parents kept trying to talk to her, about how she would ignore all of Octavia calls and when she finally did talk to them she told them she was just having problems with Luna, which wasn’t the case at that time.

“Did feeling those things scare you?” 

“It was… hard because I couldn’t understand why I was feeling them. I’ve always struggled with trying to control my anger and now it felt like I couldn’t control any of my emotions.”

“Is your anger something you feel like you’ve gained control over since your diagnosis?” 

Clarke tensed up at the question, she definitely didn’t have control over her anger. If anything, it’s spun out of control worse than before.

“How about we discuss something a little lighter.” Jackson proposed clearly sensing Clarke’s discomfort. “Do you have any hobbies or past times you feel help you relax when your angry?” 

“I draw.” Clarke admits.

“Drawing is good, it’s always good to have an artistic release for me I would say knitting helps.” 

“Really?” Clarke asked surprisingly which make Jackson laugh.

“I know I probably don’t seem like the knitting type, but it keeps me calm and relaxed, so I enjoy it.” 

“I also do fight training, that helps with the anger a little.” Clarke murmurs.

“I see you’ve got an injured hand is that from your training?” 

Clarke looked down at her hand studying the bandages wrapped around it, she wished this were from training instead it was from her being stupid.

“No, I didn’t get this from training.” Clarke sighed. “I punched a mirror last night after my parents told I had to come here.”

“Why do you think you reacted that way?”

“Because I was upset.”

“Do you always harm yourself when your upset?” 

“Sometimes.” Clarke whispered.

“Does harming yourself make you feel better?” 

“No, it just- it makes me feel something other than mad I guess.”

“I know when you’re in the moment that may seem like your only option, but I promise you Clarke it’s not. You’re already halfway there with your drawing and your training but we can find other methods that can help you control your anger as well.” 

“Ok.” 

“Perfect now let’s take a step away in a different direction. Your mom tells me you are dealing with a breakup, do you want to talk about that for a second?”

“What exactly did my mom already tell you.”

“The least information possible, I never ask for too much details. I know you have your doubts about being here Clarke but in the end, it is your choice of what you want to tell me while you’re here.”

“She didn’t tell you about what happened a few months ago?” 

“She did but I’m leaving that up to you to discuss.”

“Maybe I’ll talk about it but, - just not today.”

“I’m okay with that, how about we start with your relationship. Can you tell me about it?” 

“What do you want to know?” 

“Whatever you’re comfortable with sharing, did you guys have any issues?” 

“In the beginning everything was perfect, we never had issues and if we did, we always worked them out. But after a few of months things took a turn and we were having more issues.”

“Like what?”

“Well she started getting jealous over everything I did. She never wanted me to go out without her because she thought people would try to hit on me. She would always turn things back on me whenever she was feeling insecure and it was a lot to handle.”

“Was she ever harmful to you?”

“If you mean physically then no.”

“Sometimes emotional abuse can be just as severe, when you say she would turn situations back to you can you give me an example?”

“Like if she was jealous over other people looking at me, she would say it was my fault for wearing revealing clothes and try to make me feel bad.”

“And did it?”

“It made me feel insecure in my body definitely, but it also made me mad and confused because I didn’t know how to make her feel like she didn’t need to be jealous.”

“Did you ever stop doing certain things out of fear she would get upset?” 

“In the beginning I did, I would have most of my skin covered and I wouldn’t go anywhere she didn’t want me to. But then there was one day I did go somewhere she didn’t want me to, and she decided to do something that ruined us forever.”

“And what was that?”

“She cheated on me and the person she did it with told the whole school. When I heard the rumor, I confronted Luna and she said it was a lie and that she just gave her a ride one night.”

“Did you believe she was telling you the truth?” 

“I didn’t know what to believe so I ignored it completely. I told Luna I believed her, and we dated a month after that before we broke up. She would always reassure me that the girl was lying to spite me but deep down I knew that wasn’t the case” 

“When you say you ignored it do you think you were trying to convince yourself it wasn’t true?”

“I thought it would be easier if I believed her, but I was clearly wrong.” 

“After the breakup did you two cut off all communication?” 

“Not exactly, we started hooking up which made things worse I think.” 

“Worse how?”

“There was a lot of pettiness and back and forth. We would always try to make each other jealous and she did that by using the girl she cheated with.”

“What kind of things did you do that you knew would make her jealous?”

“I did what I knew she hated like wearing relieving clothes and talking to other people at parties or school.” 

“Reflecting back on it now, do you think you were trying to make her jealous, or was it an attempt to make her feel the way you did when she cheated on you?” 

“I wanted her to feel bad, as bad as she made me feel, I guess. I wanted her to cry the way I did for months but in the end, it never made me feel better. And I hated myself for trying to stoop to her level.” 

“Sometimes we view revenge as tipping the scales so that they’re even, it’s easier to view getting even as the only option when you don’t want to walk away from an unhealthy situation.

“I tried to walk away; I wasn’t strong enough.”

“I think you are strong enough Clarke, it’s just up to you to believe that. You can’t get stronger by hiding things though, there are somethings where the tough choice is your only choice and you have to take it. Whether that’s a breakup or a life choice or just picking a school to go to. In the end only you can choose how you want to live your life. The easy isn’t always the best way, facing our problems head on and working through them is more effective.” 

“So, do you think what I did a few months ago was taking the easy way out?” Clarke asks, fiddling with her bandage.

“I think maybe you thought it was.” Jackson replies.

“Well I wasn’t going to do it.” Clarke mutters. “I know what it looks like, but I wasn’t.”

“Is this something you’re ready to discuss with me?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Then maybe this is a good place for us to stop for the day, I want you to think about that situation. The feelings and actions that led up to it and when ready we can talk about it, ok?” 

“Ok.”

“Now let’s go talk to your mother and we’ll sort your next appointment, if you still want to come back.”

“I don’t think I’ll have much choice.” 

“Well you could’ve not talked to me today so maybe a part of you knows this could be good.” Jackson smiled.

“Maybe.” 

When they reentered the waiting room Abby was waiting just like she said she would be.

“Abby I was just telling Clarke we’d discuss scheduling her next appointment, if possible, I’d love to see her tomorrow after school since our session was shorter today. After that we can find one day of the week that would suit her best.” 

“That sounds good.” Abby replied, waiting for Clarke to groan or roll her eyes but it never came.

“Well then I’ll see you tomorrow Clarke.” Jackson smiled.

“Thank you, Dr. Jackson.” Clarke replied before going to wait in the car. She would admit coming here wasn’t as terrible as she thought it would be but talking about everything especially what happened a few months ago was something she hoped she’d never do. Not because she didn’t want to move from it but because it scared the hell out of her knowing that it happened.

“Ready to go?” Abby asks, snapping Clarke out of her thoughts.

“Yes.” 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“So, this is based off a video game?” Lexa asks. 

They were 30 minutes into Scott Pilgrim and so far, she was actually liking it, her dad on the other hand not so much.

“Yes, or maybe a comic book I’m not sure.” Raven answered.

“Why exactly would someone name their band sex bob om?” Gustus asks seriously.

“Dad, someone is having video game style fights with his new girlfriends seven evil exes and that’s your question?” Anya replies turning to look at the man.

“This movie is quite strange Raven.” Gustus mumbles.

“Come on Gus, just wait for The Clash at Demon head to perform they’re so much better.” Raven responded.

After the movie Raven and Anya disappeared into her room and Gustus to bed leaving Lexa bored in her room. 

It was getting late so if anything, she could just go to sleep if she got too bored but instead, she decided to reactivate her Instagram. After getting sober she decided social media wasn’t something she needed. But alas that was a year ago and she kinda missed following her favorite celebrities’ lives. 

When she logged back in, she had a shit ton of notifications, some likes, some messages from her old friends and some follow requests one being from Clarke. 

She clicked on her page and was instantly bombarded with pictures of the girl’s artwork with the occasional selfie. The girl was extremely talented when it came to art and from the looks of her Instagram, she didn’t stick to just one style.

Lexa accepted the follow and followed the girl back liking a few of her pictures in the process. In a last-minute attempt to see more pictures of the blonde she decided to look through her tagged photo’s. 

Most of them were her and Octavia with Raven added in the mix occasionally, scrolling down further she noticed a picture of her, and Luna covered in paint laughing as someone snapped the photo. 

They looked extremely happy which is a far cry of how she’s seen them interact, if anything it reminds her of how a good situation can go so wrong.

She didn’t have much experience with love back in Seattle, mostly she only entertained the idea of random hookups. There were a few time’s where she had a girlfriend, but it was never anything serious. 

Honestly, she was almost convinced it wasn’t possible for her to have love in her life, especially when her mom died. Nothing seemed possible after that, but she was slowly learning realizing maybe that’s not the case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is Lexa heavy and Clexa heavy as well ;)
> 
> also we will find out the situation Clarke is referring to soon.


	10. September 18th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't going to post this today but why not? Enjoy!

When Lexa woke up for school the next morning, she quickly got ready and ran downstairs for a quick breakfast. Anya and her dad were already eating so she grabbed a bowl and pour herself some cereal.

“I wanted to talk to you girls before you went off to school.” Gustus said, pouring a cup a coffee in the process. “I know Friday is a hard day for all of us, so I want you girls to come to me if you need to talk about anything.”

September 18th aka the worst day of Lexa’s life, the day her mother died. She hated that a having a death anniversary was a thing, she didn’t want to talk about how her mom’s been gone for 3 years. She didn’t want to look at pictures of her and reminisce on good times, they shouldn’t have to do that she should be here. Whenever that date rolled around, she elected to stay in her room all day and think about not drinking so that’s exactly what she would do.

“I was thinking we could eat dinner together that night.”

“Sounds good dad.” Anya said forcing a smile.

“Fine, can we go know?” Lexa sat her bowl in the sink and grabbed her bag before heading outside.

She knew she was being a bitch, but she didn’t want to talk about the day anymore.

"You didn’t have to react like that.” Anya shouted, running to catch up with her. “Before you react you need to realize he lost her too.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Lexa huffed.

“We’re not going to argue over this Lexa, all I’m saying is when it comes to mom you always act like you’re the only one who gets to miss her.”

Lexa was silent.

“I’m not saying this to throw it your face, but you weren’t there when he was crying himself to sleep every night or staring at her stuff in their room or staring at her photo like it would make her appear. I know you don’t like the day, none of us do but if Dad needs this dinner then please just let him have it.” Anya pleaded, getting a nod from Lexa in return. “Now come on before we’re late.

* * *

“So, Clarke how are you feeling today?” Jackson asks.

It was the next day and Clarke was back at Jackson’s office like he asked.

“I’m fine.” Clarke answered.

“Your mom told me you decided to stay home from school this week.”

“I got all my work; I just needed some space.”

“Space is good, hopefully you can go back Monday morning with a clear head.”

“I hope.” For the last couple of days Clarke hasn’t had much contact with her friends.

Octavia had been texting and calling her nonstop, but she just needed some time to sort out her issues, issues Octavia doesn’t know about.

“Yesterday we kind of dove straight in but usually I like to ask some introductory questions just to get you comfortable and learn a little more about you.”

“Ok.”

“I know your parents have persuaded you to come here but in your own words what do you feel is your biggest problem? Like what do you struggle with the most?”

“I guess my anger.”

“Ok, yesterday we discussed finding some methods to deal with your anger, is that something you want?”

“Yes.”

“And what about your other feelings, when you’re not feeling angry what’s something else you have a hard time dealing with?”

“I guess there are times where I feel overwhelmingly sad and just exhausted.”

“Can you think of situations where you feel contributes to those feelings?”

“My last relationship and just school stress I suppose.”

“How is your school life? I know yesterday you mentioned running for class president, did you win?”

“Yes.”

“Does that role carry a lot of responsibility?”

“Somewhat, most of it is simple stuff like organizing homecoming and different events for your class. Right now, we’re about to start organizing the homecoming.”

“That sounds like it could be fun.”

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

School was starting to feel like too much of a routine for Lexa, it’s not that she didn’t like school but doing the same things everyday was starting to drive her crazy. She went to the same classes and saw the same people and it was getting too repetitive. Lucky for her today was the day she would start her new job.

“So, this will be your main setup.” Sinclair, who was her new boss, was giving her a tour of the shop. It wasn’t a big place, but it was nice.

She knew she wouldn’t get to fix many cars which was fine, she was mostly excited just to work in a place that’s not food or clothes related.

After showing her around Sinclair left Lexa to look over the price list and any information she would need to know. She had always been rather good at memorizing so remembering this stuff would be no problem.

“Hey new girl.” Raven smiled. “What do you think so far?”

“I like it, I haven’t done much but I did get to hand Sinclair a few tools.”

“Sounds groundbreaking.” Raven laughed.

“Very monumental stuff, but it’s been pretty chill today.”

“It’ll pick up over time, so do you have any plans this weekend?”

Clearly Anya hadn’t mentioned what Friday was for them, which doesn’t surprise her. She didn’t like talking about it much, neither of them did.

“Probably not, what about you?”

“Everyone’s being boring, Octavia’s mad because Clarke won’t talk to her, Anya’s being weird, and I don’t want to hangout with anyone else.”

Clarke won’t talk to Octavia? That’s weird, she hadn’t seen the girl in a few days but obviously something was up with her.

“What do you mean Anya’s acting weird?” Lexa asks.

“She’s just been really distant, I asked her what’s wrong, but she said nothing. Obviously, I know that’s not the case I just don’t know what I did wrong.” Raven sighed.

“Listen Raven, I’m sure you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“It feels like it though.”

She should just tell her, even though it wasn’t her place, but the girl was obviously worried. Anya will probably kill her but that’s a problem for later.

“Raven I’m sure it’s not you, Friday is kind of a hard day for us.” Lexa sighed. “It’s the day our mom died; it’s probably why she’s being distant.”

“Oh, I didn’t know.” Raven frowned

“She doesn’t talk about it, none of us really do honestly.”

“What should I do?”

“Just let her know you’ll be there for her, and if she wants to talk about it, she’ll come to you.”

“Right, well the same goes for you to Lexa. I’m not just dating your sister, me and you are friends too.” Raven smiled.

Lexa just smiled, she liked Raven and she was happy Anya had her since she’s never seen the girl date anyone.

* * *

It was Thursday night and Lexa was hauled up in her room doing some homework. They hadn’t discussed Friday since her dad proposed they have dinner and Lexa was feeling more anxious about it than anything. She didn’t want to go to this dinner because she knew what would happen. They would talk about all things her mom used to do and how amazing she was, but she wasn’t there yet. She accepted that she was gone but she till couldn’t even look at the women’s picture without feeling like she wanted to cry.

“What the hell Lexa!” An incredibly angry Anya rushed into the girl’s room holding up her phone.

“What?” Lexa asked confusingly.

“You told Raven about mom.”

“She was worried about you I was just trying to help.”

“Well I don’t need your help, it’s my choice to tell her not yours!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t think you would be this mad.”

“Of course you wouldn’t.” Anya rolled her eyes before storming off back towards her room.

She figured she be a little upset, but she never imagined this, after hearing the door slam she got up to close her own door. Trying to focus on homework was pointless, her mind wouldn’t like her think about anything else. She just needed to get through tomorrow, and everything else will be fine.

The next morning, she woke up earlier so she could slip out of the house without talking to her dad and Anya. She wanted to skip the awkward breakfast since she would already have to do dinner.

When she got to school, she realized it was another day without Clarke. The girl hadn’t been to school all week which seemed really strange. She missed talking to her especially now since she was the only one, she’s even mentioned her mom to besides Raven.

Lexa was walking to her next class when she felt someone walk up next to her, for a second, she thought it was Clarke but nope, it was just Anya.

“I don’t even want to know what happened to you this morning, but you better be at dinner tonight.”

“I never said I wasn’t going Anya.” Even though she really didn’t want to.

“Let me rephrase, I hope you’re at dinner tonight with a decent attitude.”

“Whatever Anya.” Lexa went into her classroom hoping the girl wouldn’t follow and to her surprise she didn’t.

She had gotten a text from her dad asking if she was ok and she told him she was, the last thing she wanted him to do was worry about her. She would be fine, at least that’s what she keeps telling herself.

The day went by and Lexa felt like she was dragging herself form class to class without learning a thing. She zoned out most of it opting to listen to music instead, it’s not that she didn’t want to listen, but her brain wouldn’t shut up long enough for her to learn anything.

When she got home, she hid in her room while her dad prepared their dinner. They hadn’t exchanged many words just a how was your day and dinner will be ready soon.  
Anya was still mad about her telling Raven, so they hadn’t talked much either.

“Girl’s dinner.”

Here it was, the thing she’s been dreading all day. It wasn’t like they haven’t ate dinner together since she died but the day made everything different.  
When she got downstairs, she noticed Chicken Alfredo on the table, her mothers favorite. They used to eat it all the time but that stopped when she died and now here it was again.

“I thought I would make her favorite.” Gustus smiled.

“Looks good.” Anya says taking her seat.

Lexa sat in her chair reluctantly not sure if she could do this. Her dad passed around their plates, but Lexa just stared at hers.

“Is there anything you guys want to share, any memories you’ve been thinking of today?” Gustus suggested.

“Sure.”

“No.” Lexa says earning a glare from Anya.

“Lexa.”

“No, it’s fine, I just thought you girls would want to talk about her.”

“We can if you want dad.” Anya said. “I’ll start, I remember how she used to always cook this for us because it was the only thing, she was good at making.” Anya laughed.

“She wasn’t the best cook.” Gustus smiled.

“She did make Chicken Parm once that wasn’t to terrible.” Anya smiled. “Except for the burnt pieces.”

This is what she wanted to avoid; she didn’t want to talk about the memories they have. She didn’t want to laugh at something she used to do or talk about how she couldn’t cook; she didn’t want to do it.

“Oh I almost forgot, I thought it would be nice to have her picture out here while we ate.” Gustus got up and grabbed a frame from the kitchen

When Lexa looked up, she saw her, her long brown hair, her tanned skin and those big green eyes that looked so much like her own. She’s spent the last three years avoiding those eyes, but here they were staring holes into her skin.

“No.” Lexa whispered.

“Lexa!” Anya glared.

“No, no why would you do that? Why would you put her picture on the table?” She was hyperventilating, all the air in the room was gone and she couldn’t breathe.

“Lexa, calm down I can put it away.” Gustus tried to comfort his daughter but the closer he got, the farther she backed away.

“No, I can’t do this.” Lexa cried. “I can’t sit here like this I can’t.

“Lexa please just take a deep breathe.”

“I can’t do it.” She repeated. “I have to get out of here.” She quickly grabbed her bag before running out the front door.

She kept running until she couldn’t hear her dad yelling her name and she finally felt like she could breathe. She was only a couple of blocks from her house, but she didn’t want to go back, she couldn’t. Instead she walked further until she reached the nearest convenient store.

When she went inside, she went straight for the waters, she opened the door and got one out. As she was turning away, she noticed the section of the store she feared the most.

‘Turn away.’ She whispered to herself, but her feet wouldn’t listen. The closer she got to the isle the more desperate she felt. She stopped for a second checking her wallet for something she should’ve thrown out a long time ago, her fake ID.

She turned into the section looking over all the alcohol they had to offer and most of it Lexa has drank before. She picked up a cheap bottle of liquor before taking It up to the counter.

The lady working was an older woman who looked like she should be retired and at home in bed. Lexa handed her the ID watching her closely to see if she can tell it’s a fake. A part of her wants the women to realize it is.

The women skims over it handing back to Lexa before ringing her drink up.

“That’ll be $10.75.”

Lexa hands over her money, grabbing the bag before leaving the store as fast as she could. Her phone was ringing nonstop, but she ignored it, she couldn’t talk to them. Not now, not after she just bought the one thing, she told herself she would never buy again.

* * *

It was Friday night and Clarke was in her room cleaning the mess she made the other day. The glass was everywhere no matter how many times she swept it up there would still be small pieces on the floor.

She hadn’t been to school all week and Octavia was calling her constantly wondering what’s going on with her. She wanted to tell her friends everything, but she had to deal with it first and to her surprise the therapy was helping.

As she was picking up stuff off her floor, she heard her phone ringing again. Thinking it was O she went to silence it, but it wasn’t O calling this time.

“Lexa?” Clarke answered, they hadn’t talked in a while, so her calling was very random. “Wait… are you ok?..... ok stay there I’m coming to get you.”

Clarke hung up the phone quickly grabbing some shoes before running outside to her car.

“Hey.” Clarke turned quickly to find Octavia running towards her car.

“O, I really can’t talk right now.” Clarke tried to shut her car door, but the girl stopped it.

“What the hell Clarke? You’ve been avoiding me all week; I just want to know what’s going on. Abby won’t tell me anything and you… Did I do something?” Clarke could see how stressed the girl was about the situation.

“Look O I will tell you everything tomorrow but right now I have to go... I promise we’ll talk.”

“Fine.” Octavia removed her hand from the door allowing the blonde to close it.

She pulled out of her driveway and tried her hardest not to speed to the girl, but she had no idea what was going on, Lexa didn’t sound like her usual self.

When she got to the lot, she parked her jeep before heading towards the beach where the girl said she would be.

It was dark out but the farther she walked the easier she could make out a small figure sprawled out in the sand.

“Lexa?” Clarke took off her shoes so she could walk faster toward the girl.

“Clarke! Oh you have short pink hair now.” Lexa scrunched her nose examining the girl. “I love it.”

“Lexa, what’s going on? Why are you hear?” Clarke looked around confused, it was almost 11 pm and the girl was at the beach alone.

“To enjoy the beach silly.”

Clarke walked closer the girl and that’s when she noticed the empty bottle and it made sense, she was drunk.

“Ok, come on we have to get you off of the beach.” Clarke bent down attempting to grab the girl, but it quickly backfired when she yanked the blonde’s arms pulling her down with her. “Lexa!”

“Oops.” Lexa laughed, pulling Clarke into her lap. “You’re really pretty you know.”

Clarke couldn’t stop the blush forming on her cheeks, the girl was clearly drunk, but she enjoyed the compliment.

“Lexa you’re drunk and it’s late and I really need to get off the beach.”

“Drunk? Who said I was drunk!”

“Well it’s very obvious but the empty bottle right beside you is proof enough, but we’ll talk about why your drunk later. Now get up.” Clarke tried to be her serious face on, but Lexa’s pout was so cute, and she was struggling to even get the girl to stand up.

“Yes ma’am.” Lexa said sarcastically trying to pull herself up from the sand.

After struggling for at least five minutes Clarke finally got Lexa to her car, a part of her thought she should call Anya, but she know how Lexa would react.

“Your jeep reminds me of Stiles from teen wolf.” Lexa pushed the seat all the way back, trying to find a comfortable way to lay.

“I didn’t peg you for a teen wolf fan.” Clarke laughed, poking the girl making sure she doesn’t go to sleep.

“Dylan O’Brien is amazing.” Lexa yawned.

“If you go to sleep, I will kill you Lexa!” Clarke pressed on the gas.

“Please don’t take me home, my dad will kill me first.” Lexa wined.

“You’re coming home with me.”

“Oh, sounds intriguing!” Lexa replied, sporting the biggest grin.

“Alright stop flirting and tell me why you’re drunk.”

“Maybe I just wanted a drink.”

“After a year of being sober you just wanted a drink for no reason? Nothing happened?”

There was a long pause, Clarke focused on driving but ever so often she could see Lexa wiping a few tears from her face. She didn’t want to force her to tell her anything, so she just drove in silence.

When they got back to Clarke house, she thanked god her mom already left for the hospital her dad was home, but he was fast sleep when she left. She had no idea how she would explain her new drunk friend to her parents.

Clarke quietly opened her door allowing Lexa to walk in and leading her upstairs towards her room. Clearly Lexa left all of her flirty drunk banter at the beach because now she was silent. Clarke quickly texted Raven telling the girl to let Anya know Lexa was safe with her, then helped the brunette into her bed.

“Today’s the day my mom died.” Lexa said quietly.

It made sense; Clarke knew that was the reason the girl started drinking in there first place.

“I’m so sorry Lexa.” Clarke said sitting on the bed beside the girl.

“I was fine, until my dad pulled out a picture of her and I freaked out. I haven’t...” Lexa stopped a minute trying to prevent the tears from spilling her eyes. “I can’t… see her face without feeling like I want to die. I miss her and she’s gone forever, I don’t know how I’m supposed to live with that.”

Clarke pulled Lexa into her lap, comforting her the best she could, she’d never seen this side of Lexa and it was heartbreaking. The girl she’s talked to has always seemed happy or as happy as she could be. Lexa obviously has her own demons to fight and she wanted to say something encouraging, but what? To have faith, or everything will be ok with time? She couldn’t say those things because the truth is, they’ve made anyone feel better.

“I can’t believe I did this.” Lexa mumbled, realizing the gravity of taking her first drink in a year. “After a whole year and i… I fucked it up. I’m such a fuck up, I’m always going to be a fuck up. I’m never be ok…I’m.”

“Lexa listen to me.” Clarke grabbed the girls hand wrapping them in her own. “You’re not a fuck up, I know I haven’t known you long, but I know you’re stronger than this. I know losing your mom is something you can never un-feel, but it won’t always be like this. As hard as it is you have to live it, I know it hurts but there will be a day when it won’t hurt so much. I promise.”

Lexa didn’t say anything she just cried silently in Clarke’s lap while the girl stroked her hair. She could feel the alcohol in her veins, and she hated it, she hated that she did this. All she could hear was Anya telling her she’s acting like the only one that lost their mom and she hated herself more. She was selfish when it came to this and she couldn’t be anymore, she had to deal with her shit so her family could deal with theirs.

“Thank you for picking up tonight.” Lexa whispered.

“Thank you for calling me.” Clarke smiled slightly still running her fingers through Lexa’s hair.

It wasn’t long before the girl was fast asleep snoring slightly every few seconds.  
Clarke gently moved the girl from her lap to a pillow and laid the comforter over her. She quickly got some Advil and water sitting beside the girl for when she wakes up  
Although her bed was huge, but she didn’t want to make Lexa uncomfortable, so she got an extra bedspread from her closet and spread it over her floor. She didn’t mind sleeping down there as long as Lexa was comfortable it didn’t matter. Not long after laying down she felt herself slowing falling asleep wrapped in her blankets.

* * *

Lexa woke up the next morning embarrassed and hungover when she recalled last nights event. As if getting drunk wasn’t bad enough she had a full breakdown in front of Clarke, someone she barely knows and probably never will get to know now.

She sat up in the bed trying to get her head to stop spinning so she could get up. When she was finally stable enough, she turned over noticing Clarke wasn’t in the bed with her. After standing up fully she saw the girl cuddled up with blankets on the floor and she felt terrible.

“Do you usually stare at people when you first wake up?” Clarke asks, eyes still closed but a smile on her face.

“Not usually.” Lexa said, “You didn’t have to sleep on the floor.”

“I just wanted to make sure you were fine.” Clarke said eyes fully open now. Her short blonde and pink hair was everywhere, and her eyes were tired, but she still looked beautiful.

“I’m really sorry for last night.”

“Don’t be, I didn’t mind.”

“Still, it’s a little embarrassing.” Lexa said, clutching her head trying to make it stop throbbing.

“Here take these.” Clarke went to the nightstand grabbing the water and Advil she sat out last night.

“Thank you.” Lexa took the pills and drank the water before sitting back on the bed. “Please tell me I didn’t say anything stupid to you last night.”

“Nope, you’re in the clear. Although I did find out you’re a Dylan Obrien fan.” Clarke laughed.

“He pretty great so I’m not too embarrassed about that one.” Lexa smiled. “I am rather embarrassed of my breakdown though.”

“We all breakdown sometimes Lexa.” Clarke said, quickly glancing to her mirror before sitting next to the girl. “Every day can’t be a good day.”

“I guess that’s true.” Lexa sighed. “Where have you been this week?”

Clarke thought about the question, physically she’s been at home, mentally she’s been all over the damn place.

“It’s sort of a long story…. Do you like pancakes?” Clarke asks changing the subject.

“Of course.” Lexa answered uncertainly.

“I know a place that has the best pancakes, meet me downstairs in 10.” Clarke said, grabbing some clothes and exiting the room.

Lexa just decided to go with it, she went to the bathroom and tried to make herself look not hungover. She wanted to have Clarke take her home first so she could change but she didn’t want to face her dad and Anya until she had to.

After achieving basically nothing in the bathroom Lexa went downstairs where Clarke was waiting for her.

“Ready?”

Lexa nodded and they went out to the car, it was almost noon, but no one was really outside yet except for them.

The drive was weirdly silent the only noise coming from the radio. Lexa didn’t know if she made things weird by asking Clarke where she’s been, but the blonde hadn’t said a word. Even when they arrived at the diner, they looked at their menus for at least 10 minutes before Clarke finally spoke.

“I didn’t mean to be ominous about anything I’ve just been trying to figure out how to word things.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything if you’re not comfortable.”

“No I am I just… I guess you could say I had my own little breakdown.” Clarke said, putting her menu down. “After the party I had a lot of things to figure out, I thought all I needed sorted out was Luna but that wasn’t really the case.”

“Are you and Luna…” Lexa started to say.

“Done.” Clarke sighed. “Ending things was a huge step for me but as it turns out I have other issues to deal with.”

“Well I’m sorry you had to end things with her.” Lexa was in fact not sorry the two ended things, but she did feel bad for the blonde.

“Don’t be, it was long overdue.”

“So is that why you weren’t at school?”

“Not exactly, I never planned on missing school but as I said I kind of had a breakdown and…” Clarke has never told anyone about her depression, she didn’t like people looking at her like she was broken but she knew Lexa wouldn’t do that. “I guess this breakdown stemmed from me not dealing with my problems properly.”

Clarke looked at Lexa just to check if she was looking at her like she was broken but she wasn’t. She was looking at the girl with caring eyes and open ears.

“A few months ago during the end of my sophomore year I was diagnosed with depression. I thought everything would fine because they gave me these pills that I figured would basically cure me. Obviously, that’s not how it works but that’s what I thought. Anyways I was on the pills for a couple of months and they started to make me feel…. Worse. I had a…. another breakdown of sorts and I decided to not take the pills anymore. Months past I figured I was managing fine but I wasn’t, and my parents noticed. So last week they made me start Psychotherapy which has surprisingly helped a lot.”

Lexa never thought this is what the blonde would say when she asked when she wasn’t at school. She figured maybe she had the cold or was sick but no, that wasn’t the case.

“Are you ok?” As soon as she said it, she regretted it, “Sorry I know that was stupid.”

“It’s not stupid.” Clarke laughed. “I actually do feel ok, better than a week ago.”

“I’m sorry I was avoiding you; I should’ve texted or something.”

“I should be apologizing to you, I’m sorry about the party and the kiss. I should’ve reacted differently, so I don’t blame you for avoiding me. I was sort of a mess.”

“I’m sorry I kissed you.” Lexa whispered, as amazing as that kiss was it wasn’t what Clarke needed after the events of the party.

“I’m not.” Clarke smiled. “It was a good kiss; I just wasn’t ready for it

“Maybe we can forget it and start over?”

“We don’t have to forget it.” Clarke shook her head. “But I would really like to be your friend again.”

“I would like that too.” Lexa smiled.

Clarke smiled at the girl looking into the green eyes that she missed the past week, she thought about texting Lexa, but she figure she would talk to her in person and she was glad she did.

“These better be the best pancakes of my life.” Lexa said smiling, looking at the menu again.

“They will be.” Clarke smiled.

* * *

It was an hour and half later and the girls were sitting in Lexa’s driveway after eating at the diner.

“I made sure Anya knew you were with me last night, if that helps any.” Clarke said watching the girl stare at her front door.

“Thank you.”

“Are you going to tell them you were drinking?”

“I have to.” Lexa sighed. “It’s time I fully deal with things.”

“I can come in with you if you want.” Clarke suggested.

“Thank you for offering but I have to do this on my own.” Lexa took a deep breathe and opened her door.

“Lexa.” Clarke said, “I meant what I said at the party, the next time we kiss I will fully enjoy it but until then I’m really happy we’re friends again.”

Lexa smiled and nodded. “Thank you for everything Clarke Griffin, I’ll see you Monday.”

“See you Monday Lexa Trikru.” Clarke smiled.

Lexa stepped out of Clarkes car and slowly walked towards her front door, there was no avoiding this, she to face the music.


	11. I had no choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiii! just letting you guys know this is a little triggering so heres your warning 
> 
> also i re-read this like 5 times and i'm sure there will still be errors sorry! 
> 
> also, also thank you everyone for the reviews! it makes my day reading them!

When Lexa walked in her house it was completely silent, she was almost convinced it was empty until she heard someone in the kitchen. She walked towards the noise trying to even out her breathing, but she was nervous and scared, definitely scared.

After the short walk she saw her father in the kitchen cleaning, mostly wiping an already clean counter which she knew he did when he was anxious about something.

“Dad.” Lexa murmured, causing her dad to turn around to face her.

“Lexa.”

“I know you’re mad and I’m sorry, I’m sorry for the way I acted last night and for the last three years. I haven’t been able to handle this and I don’t know if I ever will be able to. I miss her and I hate myself for not being there when she died, but I’ve been selfish. I know you guys are hurting too and I always make it about me so I’m sorry. She was your wife and I wasn’t there to comfort you instead I was out causing you more stress and I’m sorry.”

“Lexa we all deal with things differently, I never expected you to be ok immediately. I know you didn’t get to say goodbye and I’m sorry for that, but your mom loved you girls more than anything. She wouldn’t want all of us to go on like this, she would want all of us to grieve together, all of us.” Gustus said, looking past Lexa.

When she turned around Anya was standing in the door frame with red eyes and a hoodie on. Lexa knew she had probably been crying and once again she wasn’t there.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa said, looking at her big sister. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you again and I’m sorry for leaving yesterday.”

“I’m sorry too.” Anya said, wrapping her arms around her sister. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I know it may not seem like it, but this will get easier girls, as long as we lean on each other.”

“There is one more thing I need to say.” Lexa said, “I want you to have this.” Lexa pulled out her fake ID and handed to her father. “I used it last night and I got drunk, I swear this is the first time I’ve used it in a year though.”

Gustus picked up the Id and looked at it for a second before grabbing some scissors and cutting it.

“Thank you for giving this to me.” Gustus said.

“I’m sorry that I let you down.”

“Lexa you’ve spent the last year doing everything possible to make your life better, one slip isn’t the end of the world. I’m proud of you for coming to me, and we’ll deal with this together.”

Lexa didn’t say anything she just allowed her dad to wrap his arms around her, something she hasn’t done in a while. Her dad wasn’t mad or disappointed in her, she wasn’t a complete failure, and maybe one day she would be ok. Maybe.

* * *

When Clarke got home, she texted Octavia to come over so they could talk. She couldn’t avoid the her forever and she knew Octavia wouldn’t let her anyways. After telling Lexa some of the truth it didn’t seem so bad. But maybe that’s because she knew Lexa would understand, she didn’t know if O would or if she would look at her like she was crazy.

She heard a knock on the door she quickly ran to her room grabbing an envelope before going to get the answer it.

“Since when do you knock?” Clarke said, letting the girl in

“It’s sort of been a while.” Octavia said walking through the door.

“I know and I want to tell you what’s been going on.” Clarke sighed, motioning for towards the living room. “I know I’ve been avoiding all of you guys and I’m sorry for that I’ve just had a lot going on.”

“I’m listening.”

“Do you remember Spring break a few months ago? When I wouldn’t come out of my room?”

“Yes, when that monster Luna did something to piss you off.” Octavia rolled her eyes; she hated that girl.

“That wasn’t true, that was actually a time we weren’t having problems ironically. I just told you that so you wouldn’t ask me questions.” Clarke could see the confusion in the girl’s eyes. “The truth is I really didn’t know the reason I couldn’t leave that room, I just couldn’t. It honestly felt like there was this weight sitting on top of me and I couldn’t move. My parents would try and talk me some days and I just… I don’t know... it was like everything movement and every word was hard. I barley ate anything, and I had no energy it was honestly terrifying. After week or two of feeling like this my mom made me go to the doctor and that’s when they diagnosed me with depression. After that I was put on pills, but I had a bad reaction to them and I… I almost did…” The envelope in her hands felt heavier every second she kept talking.

“Clarke, I love you, and no matter what you tell me today that’s never going to change. You’re my sister forever and if you’re not ready to tell me everything then that’s ok.”

Octavia pulled her sleeve down and wiped the tears from the blonde’s face.

Clarke took a deep breathe.

“When I was on the pills, I felt like everything was worse, these thoughts were always filling my head and I couldn’t make them stop. I couldn’t think straight, and I honestly thought I was going crazy.” She paused, “There was one day where I felt like my head was going explode because these thoughts wouldn’t leave me alone. I couldn’t stop it and I really needed to, I didn’t know what else to do so I sat down and wrote letters for all the people I love. One for my parents and Aurora, one for Bellamy, one for Raven, one for Murphy, one for Lincoln, one for Luna and one for you. Then I drove to the rocks past Skai beach where the water ends and went the highest I could.” She could see Octavia realizing what she was saying.

“I stood on the edge for at least 30 minutes because I really felt like this is what I needed to do it, that if I wanted to make everything stop, I needed jump. And I wanted to jump, but once got there I couldn’t move, and I felt like this was another thing I couldn’t even do right. But I just stood there motionless until my mom showed up. She had gotten off of work early and found my letters, in them I told her where I would be thinking she would find them when she got off hours later.” This was the first time Clarkes ever said this out loud. “And if my mom didn’t come, I really don’t know what would’ve happened.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” Octavia tried to steady her voice, but she couldn’t.

“You didn't know.”

“But I should’ve known Clarke!” Octavia shouted. “I spend almost every day of my life with you, I should’ve known.”

“I don’t blame you O, I was… I wasn’t ok then but I promise you I’m doing everything I can so I can be ok now. That’s why I needed you to know this because I can’t hide it anymore. I have to deal with it.” Clarke opened the envelope and pulled out the girl’s letter. “A few days after everything happened, I told you guys I was going on a surprise vacation, but my parents just took me to Gigi's and Pops who were down in San Francisco at the time. When I came back, I convinced myself and my parents I was fine, and I’ve been on auto pilot ever since.” Clarke sighed.

“Is that mine?” Octavia pointed to the envelope in Clarke’s hand.

“Can I read it to you?” Clarke asks,

“Ok.” Octavia nods.

**_Dear Octavia,_ **

**_I haven’t decided if you will ever read this but if you are, then there’s some things, I need you to know. First, I love you, I wish I could write about the first time we ever met but fortunately I’ve been blessed to have known you from birth. We’ve spent our whole lives together and I can honestly say my life would suck without you. (sorry to quote Kelly Clarkson but it’s true) You are my sister; you’re my platonic soulmate and I love you more than anything please always remember that. I’m sorry I’ve been acting crazy lately turns out I actually am. I wish I were strong enough to tell you what’s going but I’m not and I’m sorry. There’s only so much you can run from, but my problems never seem to leave my head and I can’t run from that. I know you’ll try to blame yourself, but you did nothing wrong no one did, this is on me and it’s the only way. So promise me that you’ll be happy and promise me if you aren’t, you’ll talk to someone. Unfortunately for me there aren’t enough ways to tell you how much you mean to me, but I hope you know. I hope I did enough for you to know and if I didn’t, it would just be another thing I failed at. Take care of Bell and Rory and our friends. Take care of yourself and thank you for always showing up for me, always. -love Clarke._ **

“Clarke.” Octavia sighed, wiping the tears from her face. “I love you.”

Clarke wrapped her arms around the girl squeezing her tightly as they both cried in each other’s arm.

“I love you too.”

“Promise me if you ever feel this way again that you’ll come to me, please?” Octavia begged.

“I promise I will.” Clarke agreed. “I’ve been doing Therapy as well and that’s helped a lot.”

“What about the medicine?”

“For now I’m not taking any, if in the future I want to start a different kind I’ll look into it.”

“Are you going to tell the others?”

“I wanted Raven to be here today, but she was busy so I’m going to tell her but I don’t know about the others. I love them but I just don’t think I’m ready for everyone in my life to know.”

“I get that, they would get it too.”

“Thank you for giving me a chance to explain, I’m sorry I haven’t been around this week.”

“I’m sorry for being a bitch about it, life just feels so wrong if we don’t talk.”

“I know, that’s why my life would suck without you.” Clarke smiled.

“Alright Kelly Clarkson.”

“It’s such a good song though.” Clarke laughed.

“It really is.”

* * *

I was Sunday morning and Lexa decided cook breakfast for her family which she regretted immediately after starting. She wasn’t the worst cook but like her mother she wasn’t the best. Bacon was done, burnt but done and so were the eggs but after trying to fix French toast for 30 minute she decided to give up on that. Instead she put some bread in the toaster and made a pot of coffee.

As she was setting the table the smoke detector started blaring through the house. She ran into the kitchen realizing she left the stove on from her French toasts and batter was dripping off of the pan.

‘Fuck.’ Lexa hurried to clean the stove before opening the windows to try and clear out the smoke.

“Lexa what’s going on?” Gustus ran into the kitchen attempting to see what the noise was about.

“Who’s trying to burn down the house this early?” Anya grumbled.

“First of all it almost noon and second of all I’m making breakfast.” Lexa sighed, “Or trying to at least.”

“God couldn’t this family have at least two decent cooks.” Anya snarked.

“Us girls got mom’s cooking abilities.” Lexa smiled,

“What you’ve cooked so far looks good.” Gustus smiled, motioning to the almost burnt bacon and the eggs and toast.

“At least the toast isn’t burnt I guess.” Anya shrugged.

“Let’s eat.”

After finally getting the smoke alarm to shut off the three of them went other dining table to eat.

“Chewing this bacon makes me want to die.”

“Anya it’s not that bad.” Gustus said, eating his food.

“Because you like burnt bacon, I guess it’s the effort that counts so thanks Lex.”

“You’re welcome.” Lexa hated the bacon to, the only thing she actually ate was the toast and coffee.

“So Lexa it was nice of Clarke to come to your rescue the other night.” Anya smirked.

“Clarke from the restaurant?” Gustus asks,

“Yes, she’s a friend.”

“For now.” Anya winked.

“She seems like a great girl you should ask her out.”

“No dad, she just got out of a relationship plus we’re friends.”

“Well having friends is great too.”

“All right this food is gross, and I have to go meet Raven.” Anya took her plate to the kitchen and disappeared upstairs.

“How are you feeling today?”

“I feel better.” Lexa answered playing with the burnt bacon on her plate.

“Have you thought more about what we discussed?”

Last night after Lexa confessed that she relapsed Gustus had suggested starting Teen Group Therapy (TGT) meetings. When she quit drinking before she just stopped but back then she was still doing therapy.

“I don’t know, I feel like I could just have sessions with Dr. A.”

“And you can still do that, but I think TGT could be helpful, I did some research last night and they have a group that meets on Mondays. It’s for kids your age who have had substance abuse issues. I think it will be really good for you to have people you can relate to.”

“Do I have to go?”

“I can’t make you go Lexa, but maybe you can just go tomorrow and get a feel for it.”

“Ok.”

“Great.” Gustus smiled, “I’ll send you the link to the website so you can look it over.”

* * *

“Ready?” Octavia asks turning to the blonde.

They were standing in the entrance of school a place Clarke hasn’t been to in what felt like years. To everyone else this was just a regular Monday morning but for Clarke this was the beginning of a new her. She wasn’t the same person who walked these halls a week ago. Now she is self-aware, someone who is choosing to acknowledge their problems and fix them. Someone she never thought she could be. So much can change in week but there was still a long way to go.

“I am.” Clarke smiled, linking arms with her best friend as they walked down the halls.

“Homecoming planning starts today, are you going to be ok working with Costia?” Costia like Clarke was a class president so they both had to work on school projects together.

“I’ll be fine.” Clarke said, actually meaning it. “I honestly haven’t thought about it, me and Luna are over. There’s nothing she can say that can make me mad anymore.”

“Good, but just in case you change your mind I will kick her ass.”

Clarke laughed. “I know, but there’s no reason to. I’ve officially disconnected from that situation.” Clarke stopped at her locker.

“Hey bitches.” Raven said, “Welcome back Griffin, sorry I couldn’t come over the other night.”

“It’s ok, we’ll hangout soon.” Clarke said closing her locker.

“So now that you’re single who will you take to Homecoming?” Octavia asks, smirk fully covering her face.

“I’m thinking I’ll probably go alone.” Clarke answered, going alone didn’t sound terrible.

“Well you still have a couple of weeks to decide.”

“You’re obviously going with Lincoln.” Clarke pointed to Octavia, “Are you going to ask Anya?”

“Of course, I’m thinking of fireworks spelling ‘Homecoming?’, that seems doable” Raven pondered the idea for a second.

“She seems like a very lowkey person don’t you think she would hate that?” Octavia asks,

“She would definitely secretly love it while visibly hating it, but she can’t refuse me. Have you seen this face?”

“Who can’t refuse you?” Anya says, standing behind the girl along with Lexa.

“You babe, I’m trying to explain to these two how cute I am and how you can’t say no to me.” Raven smirked and Anya just rolled her eyes.

“That big head of yours never fails to surprise me.” Anya says.

“Hey.” Lexa smiles at Clarke.

“Hey, how are you feeling today?” Clarke asks, admiring the girl long hair flowing down her shoulders. God, she looks so good with her hair down.

“Better, how about you?”

“I’m good.” Clarke smiled, “Homecoming planning started today so that’s exciting.”

“Oh, I had no clue it was coming up.”

“There are posters everywhere.” Clarke laughed pointing to a poster behind the girl.

“Right, my heads must’ve been to far in clouds to notice. It seems a little late to start planning.”

“Technically we got everything together a month ago, now we just have to get everything organized. We also have to work out spirit week. Do you think you’re going to go?”

Clarkes asks, Lexa is amazingly beautiful so there’s no doubt someone will ask her.

“I suppose I could, I’ve never been to a school dance before.”

“Well they’re usually fun, as fun as a teacher chaperoned party can get, I guess. Spirit week is always exciting though, I hope to see you dressed up.”

“Depending upon the themes, you just might.” Lexa smiled.

“I guess I’ll have to wait and see then.” Clarke smiled as the bell rang, “Unfortunately a class presidents’ job never ends, I’ll see you in class.”

“See you.” Lexa waved, watching the blonde walk done the halls.

“You should totally ask her to the dance.” Raven suggested to Lexa.

“Wait, you and Clarke?” Octavia turns to Raven wanting more details.

“We’re just friends.” Lexa groans.

“For now.” Anya adds.

“You like her?” Octavia asks eyeing the girl.

“We’re friends.” Lexa reiterates, trying to hide the blush in her cheeks. Of course she liked Clarke but right now a friendship with her was enough until the girl was ready for more.

“You can like a friend, me and Lincoln were friends for years before we dated.”

“Even if I did like her it’s not what she needs right now so we’re friends.”

Octavia stared at the girl for a second before smiling “I like you.”

* * *

It was fifth period the class Clarke and Lexa shared, and the girl was excited to see her. She almost hated how excited she was but for some reason the blonde did that to her.

“Can I sit?” Lexa looked up to the smiling blonde.

“Of course.” Lexa quickly moved her bag from the chair and made room for her, “Sorry no one usually sits here.”

“Oh, I can go sit in my other seat if you want.” Clarke replied seriously.

“NO!” Lexa yelled. “I mean no, you can sit here. I’d like it if you sat here, I mean if your comfortable at your old seat then that’s fine too but if you want to sit here that’s fine as well I –”

“Lexa.” Clarke laughed. “You’re rambling.”

“I just made that whole situation so complicated.” Lexa wanted to smack herself, she never rambles. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be it was cute.” Clarke smiled and Lexa just looked.

Cute? She called her cute, was this a way of flirting? Should she say thank you? Or compliment her back? Definitely compliment her back.

“Yo—”

“Ok class, today we are watching a film.” The teacher says, interrupting the girl, “This isn’t an opportunity to talk, you will have a worksheet to fill out as the video plays. Tomorrow we will finish the video and discuss the answers.”

A student turned out the light as the teacher put the video on the smart board. History wasn’t Lexa’s favorite subject, but she didn’t hate it either, having Clarke sit next to her made it a little better though. She didn’t know how she was supposed to pay attention to the movie with the girl beside her. Her blue eyes glued to the screen with her short blonde/pink hair in two cute braids. Looking at her was way more interesting than some history film.

* * *

It was lunch time and Clarke and Lexa walked together into the cafeteria since they just had class today.

“Are you sitting with us today?” Clarke asks the girl.

“Yes, I think I will.” Lexa had been sitting back and forth between her two friend groups but today she wanted to sit with Clarke.

Clarke led the way to the groups regular lunch table outside on the sand where they’re friends were already there.

As her and Lexa walked over Clarke noticed Luna sitting with her soccer friends. She hadn’t seen her since the café.

“I’ll meet you over there.” Clarke says to Lexa who nods.

Walking over to the girls table she could see her friends tense up, they were no doubt expecting an argument from the two but not this time.

“Hey.” Clarke said, watching the girls face turn from happy to confused. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure.” Luna answered with a small smile. “Your hair is different.”

“Yeah,” Clarke laughed, “I just needed some change.”

“I like it.” Luna smiled, “What did you want to talk about?”

“Us actually, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. It was selfish of me to tell you to let me go, I should’ve been strong enough to do it myself.”

“It was the least I could do Clarke.”

“Luna, I know you’ve made mistakes and I have to; you were right I did do stuff to hurt you and I should’ve never done that. Our relationship wasn’t perfect but you’re my first everything and I’ll always cherish that. I know things didn’t turn out how we thought they would, but I am sorry. For so long I wanted to hate you, but I never could and that made me angrier. And I can’t hold on to this anymore, now I just want you to be happy and I want to be happy so if being with Costia is what you want then don’t hold off because of me. I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want to be with Costia; I had my chance with my dream girl, but I blew it.” Luna smiled sadly, “I want you to be happy Clarke, and I promise I won’t interfere, I wish there was a way we could be friends, but I know it’s to late for that.”

“Yeah... Do one thing for me?”

“Of course.”

“Try to be happy, try to be a better you. I’m trying and for once I think everything will be ok. Just promise you’ll try?”

“I promise.” Luna said hugging the girl.

“I love you Lu, even if it’s not romantic I’ll always love you. Never forget that.”

“I won’t, I’ll always love you too Clarke, now go before you make cry in public.”

“I’d hate to do that.” Clarke laughed. “Bye Luna.”

“Bye Skai girl.”

As Clarke walked over to her friends, she ignored the looks she was getting from them, instead she enjoyed the feeling she waited so long for. Freedom, even if they were already over it finally felt finished. The chapter was closed, and she was done.

“Everything ok?” Octavia asks carefully.

“Everything is good.” Clarke smiled, for once that was true.

“We were just discussing homecoming.” Raven says changing the subject. “The proposals have started.”

“I had the misfortune of seeing one earlier.” Anya groaned.

“Same.” Murphy added equally annoyed by the gesture.

“You guys are so doom and gloom.” Emori says rolling her eyes.

“Guess that means we won’t see Murphy holding a boom box and a poster outside of your window Emori.” Raven sneered.

“Why is the theatrics necessary for a school dance?” Murphy asks.

“It’s romantic.” Clarke says, “You know that thing that normal people do to express love towards others.” Clarke teased.

“Bite me Barbie.” Murphy rolled his eyes.

“Grunge monster that’s mean.” Clarke frowned.

“Guys John is very romantic; he just doesn’t want you guys to know he has a heart.” Emori ruffes up her boyfriend’s hair.

“Can we not talk about me anymore.” Murphy grumbled.

“So Clarke are you going with Luna?” Lincoln asks causing Octavia to shove him. “What?”

“No, we’re not together. I’ll probably go alone, plus I’ll have you guys to dance with.”

“Damn straight, unless someone asks you.” Octavia smiles quickly glancing at Lexa before anyone could see.

“Can we not talk about homecoming anymore today? I already have to talk about it for the next couple weeks.” Clarke sighed.

“Lexa are you liking your job?” Lincoln asks in attempt to change the subject.

“Yeah it great so far.” Lexa smiled.

“Where are you working?” Clarke asks the girl.

“With Raven at Sinclair’s.”

“Clarke paints cars there sometimes.” Raven adds.

“Really?”

“Only a couple of times and never for a customer just Sinclair and another employee there, Jordyn.”

“Wait you did Jordyn's car?” Lexa recalls seeing the black Camaro outside the shop painted with flames on the hood. She had admired the work on it, and it doesn’t surprise her it was Clarkes doing because she was talented.

“That was me.”

“Wow I’m impressed.” Lexa says,

“Thanks, it was my first time doing anything like that, so I was beyond nervous. It’s not like a canvas where you can throw it away it’s a car but Jordyn trusted me.”

“Probably because he was secretly hoping you’d let him take you out.” Raven smirked. “You are single now maybe you should.” Raven ignored the glare she was getting from Anya. She wanted to see Lexa’s reaction and from the way the girl was stabbing her salad she knew she hit a nerve.

“I think I’ll pass.” Clarke murmurs, the only person she’d be accepting any date from in the near future was sitting next to her not at the auto shop up the road.

* * *

It was after school and Clarke and Lexa were sitting together out-front talking until Clarke had to head to homecoming planning.

“Are you going to go?” Clarke asks, referring to the TGT meeting her dad wants her to attend today.

“I told my dad I would, but I don’t know.” Lexa sighed.

“Do you think it is something that will help you?”

“I don’t know, I guess the only way to find out would just be to go.”

“I would go with you if I didn’t have to work on homecoming stuff.”

“Thanks for the offer anyways.” Lexa smiled.

“Of course. Where is the place?”

“The City of Light apparently.” Lexa says causing Clarke to laugh. “What?”

“My friend Wells is the supervisor there, I told him that was a stupid name when he asked me to paint the building.” Clarke laughed. “The city of light is many things, but I’d say it’s mostly just a community center. Don’t let the name fool you, Wells is an amazing guy. He’s good at what he does so if you do decide to go, I think it will be worth it.”

“What’s with the name? It sounds kinda of cult-ish.”

“He says he wants it to be a city of light for people, a safe haven where people can escape from their lives for a bit. I supposed that only applies to the people who aren’t there for TGT.”

“Is Wells an addict or something?”

“No but his father was, I’m not sure if Wells runs the TGT meetings, I’d probably say Jaha does.”

“Jaha as in the principle?”

“The one and only.” Clarke says seeing the look on Lexa’s face, “He’s a nice guy, him and my father are friends. Don’t let his being the principle make you not want to go. If you honestly feel like this will help you Lexa, then you should go.”

“I guess you’re right.” Lexa stood up taking a deep breathe. “Wish me luck?”

“Good luck, text me when you’re done.” Clarke smiled encouragingly.

“I will.” Lexa replied before walking away.

* * *

“Alright everyone today we need to settle on Spirit Week themes, Friday is of course game day, so we wear the school colors. That leaves four days, so we asked each class President to choose one theme for the remaining days. We’ll give you a couple minutes to reach your final decision.” Ms. Green they’re teacher left them to chat amongst themselves.

Clarke was sitting with the other class presidents and the others who volunteered to help them. Thankfully for her one of the volunteers was Lincoln so she didn’t have to fake conversations with the others. With the exception of Costia everyone else was quite nice but having an actual friend present was comforting.

“So I’ve chosen Disney day for the seniors.” Costia smiles, “Come dressed as your favorite Disney character.”

“Freshman’s have chosen Dynamic Duo.”

“Sophomore’s choose pajama Day.”

“Juniors choose Decade Day.” Clarke says finally, she was actually excited for all of the themes.

“Sounds good guys, we’ll go in order by grade Freshman start Monday.” Ms. Green said. “Now we need to finish our final posters, I know you guys decided you wanted to save the budget for prom so we’re not going with a theme. As far as decorations what do you guys recommend?”

“Before we start,” Clarke says, “I just wanted to let you know I got the photo booth we talked about. A family friend of mine is going to loan it to us, the only thing we have to do is some Promo.”

“That’s great!” Ms. Green cheered, “One more thing I can mark off the list.”

“That really is great Clarke.” Costia smiles, “I’m sure me and my date will enjoy that.”

“I hope so.” Clarke smiles back, there was no one this girl was getting her worked up over Luna anymore.

“Anyways, today we need to finalize posters. Clarke, I know you volunteered to design them. Are they ready for printing?”

“I have the mockup on my computer, I’ll email it to you by the end of day.” Clarke confirmed.

“Good, ok now we just need to go through last years decorations and see what’s useable and what we need to get.” Ms. Green says, “Seniors and Junior Presidents and Volunteers follow me, Freshman and Sophomore’s start going through that pile of stuff.”

* * *

When Lexa approached the building where the TGT meeting was taking place she almost wanted to turn back around and go home. It was one thing to talk about your problems with one person but doing it in a group seemed scary. She didn’t want to talk to other kids about how she fucked up her life for a year.

“Hey.” A younger dark skin guy comes up to Lexa while she leans against the building. “Are you here for a program?”

“I- I guess I’m here for the TGT meetings.” Lexa mumbled.

“Alright well it starts in about 10 minutes if you want to come in.”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

“Well, what’s holding you back?”

“I guess just the thought of talking to a group of people about my issues.”

“I know it probably seems nerve racking but that’s usually how everyone feels their first couple of meetings. Sometimes TGT isn’t for everyone, getting a sponsor or one on one therapy could be more effective. If you decide to go in you won’t be forced to talk, you could just listen today.”

“Really?” Lexa asks.

“Yes, and if you decide to come back then you can share your story.”

“That sounds like something I could do.”

“What’s your name?” The boy asks.

“Lexa.”

“It’s nice to meet you Lexa, I’m Wells.” The boy smiled.

“You’re the one Clarke was telling me about.”

“You know Clarke?” Wells smiled.

“We go to school together, she told me you worked here. She had nothing but praise for you.”

“That sounds like my Clarke.” Wells laughed.

‘My Clarke’ Lexa didn’t know what to do with that.

“We are childhood friends, she’s the best. Probably one of the best friends I ever had. We don’t see each other too often because we’re both busy but she’s a good friend to have.”  
“She is.” Lexa agreed.

“So Lexa, have you decided if you’ll go in?”

“I’m already here, so I guess I am.” Lexa smiles and follows the boy in.

* * *

“So Lincoln not that I don’t think this is your scene but why are you here exactly?” Clarke asked, they were stuck in the gym untangling fairly lights and going through old decorations. Not exactly the fun side of planning but Clarke didn’t mind.

“I needed my volunteer hours for the semester, not that going to a soup kitchen or animal shelter is bad, but I figured this would be more fun.” The boy answered.

“Once we start decorating the fun will begin, I tried to convince O to volunteer but she has training.”

“Yeah my mom’s been working her pretty hard as her second.” Lincoln says, “But you know O she doesn’t mind.”

“So Clarke do you have a date to the dance?” Costia asks, who for some reason decided to set up right next to them.

“I guess that would be my business Costia.” Clarke smiled; this bitch was not going to ruin her mood.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed if you don’t hun, I’m sure Luna will throw you a pity date.” Costia smirked.

“What exactly is your problem with me?” Clarke asks, this couldn’t be just about Luna there had to be some reason this girl hated her.

“What do you mean? I don’t have a problem with you.” Costia replied innocently.

“Clearly you do, I can’t imagine this is all because of Luna or maybe it is I don’t know but it’s gone on for too long.” Clarke sighs, “Look Costia I’m done doing whatever this is with you, me and Luna aren’t together and if this all because you like her maybe you should just tell her. I’m not going to get in your way, because I just don’t care anymore. Being a bitch to me isn’t going to achieve anything, there’s nothing you can do that can make me mad anymore.”

Costia stares at her for a moment taking in everything the blonde said in.

“We’ll see about that.” Costia smiled before going to grab more lights.

“You really don’t know why she hates you?” Lincoln asks amusingly.

“No…” Clarke looks at the boy, “Do you?”

“Well there was last year when you beat her for that Art reward.”

“Really? That’s why?”

“There is also that time you beat her in the talent show.” Lincoln laughs. “That one was funny actually.”

“It’s not my fault she can’t sing! She should’ve picked a different talent.”

“Then there was Costia asking out Luna, only for her to declined then a couple days later asked you out.”

“Wait, has Costia hated me this whole time and I just never noticed until she slept with Luna?” Clarke asks seriously, could she really be that oblivious?

“Pretty much yeah.” Lincoln says matter of factly.

“Wow, in any case she really knows how to hold a grudge.”

“That she definitely does.” Lincoln laughs.

“Welcome everyone my name is Thelonious Jaha, you can call me Jaha.” The man smiles, “I run the Teen Group Therapy sessions here, and I can see we have a few new faces.”

Lexa wanted nothing more than to fall into a hole in the group, everyone seemed to look her and another girl who apparently one of the new faces too.

“We encourage everyone to share their story but if you choose to just listen today that’s fine too.” Jaha smiles, “So I think it would be fair for me to start with my own personal story and what led me here. My life growing up was complicated, my father was mixed up in some… less than moral situations to say the least. My mother had died when I was young, so he was all I had and everything he did to me was normal because it was all I knew. Anytime he would disappear for hours and come back with expensive gifts and groceries I figure he just paid from his job. And for years that’s what I thought until I was about 17 and found out he was actually dealing drugs and had some gang affiliations. When found that out I felt like everything I knew had been in my imagination or made up and in a sense it was. That when he was buying gifts with his paycheck it was actually from selling drugs or when he would disappear for hours, he wasn’t at a real job, he was somewhere beating people up or robbing them for money. Realizing all these things shook my whole world and I didn’t know how to handle it. So one day when my father came home, I confronted him, and I told him he wasn’t the man I thought was and that I was ashamed to be his son. I’ll forget the way he looked at me when he realized my naïve way of the world was shattered. I didn’t give him a chance to give me an explanation I just left. I went and stayed with friends basically couch surfing for months. Eventually about 2 years later I ended up on the streets, and that’s when the real trouble started. I met people who I never should’ve met, and they introduced me to drugs. I spent months using anything honestly, heroin, meth all the hardcore drugs until one day I ran into someone who saved my life. He knew me from school and took me into his home and decided to help me. He gave a place to stay and the support I needed. I knew I could call my dad because he never kicked me out, I left on my own but now I was a hypocrite. I had chastised him relentlessly for selling drugs and here I was strung out on them. I was ashamed to call him but with the support of my friend Jake I finally did.”

_Jake as in Clarke’s dad?_

“When I called him, he immediately broke down in tears, he wanted me to come home, he wanted to help me. He was no longer dealing drugs and he found a good job working in manufacturing. When I went home my dad welcomed me with open arms, he wasn’t mad or ashamed just simply happy have me back. I went to rehab and got myself clean it took a lot effort, but It was worth it. I finished everything I needed to get my diploma then went to college for my teaching degree. I know it may like my recovery was simple, but it wasn’t easy, I had setbacks and trials, but I wanted to be clean there was other option in my mind. So I did everything I could to work for it. People who haven’t struggled find easy to say just stop drinking or just stop doing drugs but everyone in the room knows it’s more complicated than that. During your time here I want you to be able to voice your struggles, I want you to overcome your addictions and I want you guys to feel like you have a real future, because all of you do.” Jaha says, “Now would anyone else like to share?”

Lexa listened as the other shared their stories, not everyone spoke but the one’s that did had similar stories to her. They either lost someone or lost something that made them want to do drugs or drink or whatever their addiction was. Of course she figured there were other teen who have the same problems as her, hell she used to party with them in Seattle, but this is different. This is a group not trying to bury their issues with drinking but trying undo all the issues they gained from drinking. There are people in here actually trying to be better and she’s trying to be better, she’s trying to be the person she was before her mom died but that’s not possible anymore. She can’t be someone unscathed by life who hasn’t experienced loss, a loss so big that set a chain reaction of the things that ruined her. If she didn’t loss her mom she wouldn’t be here, she wouldn’t have a drinking problem, she would be the person she used to be. Or maybe she wouldn’t, maybe something else would’ve happened that caused her to start drinking and lead her right back here. The what ifs don’t matter because her mom did die, and she is here and maybe this is what she needs right now.

When the meeting was over Lexa walked outside finding Wells hanging some posters on the windows.

“How’d it go?” Wells asks smiling at the girl.

“It was actually good; your dad is very encouraging.”

“That he is, does this mean you’ll come back?”

“I think so.” Lexa smiles, maybe she will be back.

“That’s great, I’m glad I’ll see you around here.”

“What exactly do you do here?” Lexa asks, silently admiring the painted building.

“I do many things, mostly run the building make sure everything is running.”

“So you’re the boss.”

Wells laughs. “I guess I am, but my dad does own the building. I mostly work with the younger kids most days if I’m not doing managerial duties.”

“Well you seem to be doing a good job.”

“Thank you.” Wells smiled, “I’m glad you’ll be coming back Lexa, will you tell Clarke hi for me?

“Sure.

* * *

“Thank you for helping me carry this, what would I do without a friend with such big muscles.” Clarke smirks, watching Lincoln put boxes into her jeep.

“Glad to know that’s the only reason you keep me around.” Lincoln laughs.

“That and the discount at grounders.” Clarke joked.

“Lord knows you couldn’t afford the full price.”

“Shove it, Indra wouldn’t let me pay the full thing.”

“She does have a soft spot for you and O.”

“That is true she does love us.” Clarke added, “Really thank you for the help, I’m glad you’ll be volunteering for the next few weeks.”

“This wasn’t so bad, maybe I’ll even help with prom.”

“Prom is a whole different ballgame, we have the theme, the venue, the drink and food, backdrops and so much more.”

“Well maybe just winter formal.”

“That ones pretty easy to organize, anyways are you going over to O’s?” Clarke asks getting into her jeep.

“Yeah, I didn’t drive today though will you give me a ride?”

“Obviously get in loser.”

“Are we going shopping?” Lincoln adds,

“I knew there was a reason we were friends.” Clarke laughs starting the car.

“Blame Octavia for my knowing mean girl’s references.”

“Octavia huh?” Clarke eyes him, “She hates that movie.”

“Ok you caught me, I only watched it out of boredom though.” Lincoln adds,

“I’m sure.” Clarke laughs. “Don’t worry I’ll keep it to myself.”

“Whatever.” Lincoln murmurs causing Clarke to laugh even harder.

* * *

When Lexa got home Anya and her dad were in the living room watching a movie together. She planned to sneak by and go up to her room, but her dad is too quick for that.

“How was it?” Gustus asks still looking at the screen.

“It was ok.” Lexa answers, “I think I’ll go back.”

“I’m glad to here it, if you want to talk about it, you’ll come to me?”

“Yes I will.” Lexa was grateful for the space; throughout her downward spiral her dad has never pushed her. He’s been patient and caring and she appreciated that.

“Dinners in the kitchen, we ordered pizza.”

“Ok, thanks.” Lexa ran up the stairs to her room, took her shoes off and laid on her bed.

Today was long and she was tired, it was only about 8pm and she had homework, so sleep was out of the question. She pulled out her phone and pulled the number she’s been eager to text all afternoon.

Lexa: Hey-

* * *

“Tell O I’ll see her in the morning.” Clarke yelled out to Lincoln as he walked across the lawn to Octavia’s house.

When she walked into her own house the lights were on and her dad was sitting in his office on his computer. She usually didn’t see him most nights because he typically closed down the restaurant, but tonight he was here.

“Hey dad.” Clarke says, sitting on his office couch.

“Hey baby girl, how was your first day back?” Jake smiles, turning his full attention to his daughter.

“Good, really good actually. We started homecoming stuff so that’s exciting.”

“It is that time isn’t it, when is the dance?”

“Spirit week starts next week leading up to the dance on October 2nd.”

“I’ll have to take off that night so I can see you off.” Jake says excitingly.

“Dad it’s just homecoming.”

“It doesn’t matter I need pictures of you Octavia, and Raven of course oh and whoever your date will be.”

“My date will be myself, is that so bad?”

“Not at all!” Jake says, “I still want pictures.”

“I don’t want to bring the mood down but can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“That day when mom called you, when she found my letters did you read yours?” Clarke asks, watching the look on his face drop and think for a second.

“I did, but not until a few days ago.” Jake answers finally.

“Why now?”

“Because looking at you now I can see you’re already doing so much better, you look happier and I know you’re not faking it this time. And I know there’s still a long way to go but I know you know now that your life is worth living. It didn’t matter if me or your mother told you that, you had figure it out on your own and I feel like you did. If I would’ve read that letter months or even weeks ago, I would know that it’s possible you still felt those things and that… that scared me. It scared me knowing I could wake up and you would be gone. I didn’t want to read it because it was supposed to mean you were gone, that I had lost you forever. But I read it and i know now that I could never loose you, not ever.”

“I’m sorry that I did it, I’m sorry that I wrote those letters and I’m sorry I was going to… I’m sorry I scared you.”

“I know, I’m just glad you’re here Clarke.”

“Me too.” Clarke hugged her dad.

When she entered her room, she couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief, she was happy to be home and happy that she got to talk with her dad. She still hadn’t talked to Jackson about her incident but now she felt like she might at their next session. It was time to move on and she was ready.

**_**beep beep**_ **

Clarke grabbed her bag and dug into her phone was in her hand. She unlocked it and the message on her screen made her smile.

 _ **Lexa:**_ Hey, so it turns out you were right Jaha isn’t bad and Wells is unbelievably nice. Also your artwork on the building is extraordinarily beautiful, just like you. -8:23pm

 _ **Clarke:**_ If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were flirting with me Lexa Trikru, first complimenting my artwork and calling beautiful. What did I do to deserve so much praise? 8:25pm

 ** _Lexa:_** Well I figured you deserved a compliment when I’m not a drunken mess in your car. Plus both things are absolutely true! And Thank you for encouraging me to go today btw, I think it actually will be good for me. 8:26pm

 _ **Clarke:**_ I’m glad you went and I’m glad you think it will help you! And thank you. 8:27pm

 _ **Lexa:** _For what? 8:27pm

 _ **Clarke:**_ Liking my artwork. 8:28pm

 ** _Clarke:_** And calling me beautiful. 8:28pm

 ** _Lexa:_** People must tell you that all the time. 8:29pm

 ** _Clarke:_** No one that matters. 8:30pm

 ** _Lexa:_** Am I no one? 8:30pm

 ** _Clarke:_** I wouldn’t be thanking you if you were. 8:31pm

 ** _Lexa:_** You did call me cute in class today so I should thank you too. 8:32pm

 ** _Clarke:_ **I’m sure people call you cute among other things all the time. 8:33pm

 ** _Lexa:_ **No one that matters. 8:35pm

 ** _Clarke:_** Let me guess, I’m not a no one? 8:35pm

 ** _Lexa:_** You most definitely are not a no one Clarke Griffin! 8:36pm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter in a couple of days!


	12. Date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls homecoming dresses! Imagine them with a few inches added to the bottom lol!
> 
> Raven: https://www.lucyinthesky.com/shop/isabella-pleated-satin-dress-in-deep-red
> 
> Clarke: https://www.lucyinthesky.com/shop/couture-evening-dress-in-dragon-fruit
> 
> Octavia: https://www.lucyinthesky.com/shop/daniela-plunge-dress-in-black-lace
> 
> Emori: https://www.lucyinthesky.com/shop/fleur-de-lace-cutout-shift-dress-in-navy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, 13 will also be shorter then 14 will be homecoming!

“What about this one?” Octavia asks,

It was Thursday afternoon and Clarke, Octavia, Raven and Emori were at the mall trying on dresses for homecoming next week. So far Octavia was on her fifth dress and everyone else was on their first and second.

“It’s a little low cut.” Clarke said examining the dress, it was a beautiful blue form fitting dress with the back cut out.

“Lincoln would love It though.” Octavia smiled looking herself over in the mirror. “Maybe in black, definitely black.”

“All right ladies, try and keep your panties on.” Raven called from the dressing room.

“Let’s see it Reyes.” Emori says

In true Raven fashion the girl pushes the curtain back dramatically and struts out in a satin red mini dress that hugged her body perfectly.

“Wow.” Clarke mutters.

“That’s hot!” Octavia admired her friend.

“Truer words have never been said.” Raven smirks at herself in the mirror. “There’s no need for me to try on anything else I mean look at me.”

“You look amazing Rae.” Clarke says, “Anya’s going to die.”

“She is isn’t she.” Raven smiles, “All right Emori your turn, let’s find you something so hot that even Murphy will- “

“Don’t even finish that sentence please.” Emori interrupted. “I think I’m going to go with this one.” Emori holds up a deep navy lace mini dress with the back cut out.

“Sexy, I love it.” Clarke shrieked.

“Ok Clarke you’re the only single one here. We need to find you a dress that makes you look hot as hell so you can get a few girls and guys attention.” Octavia proclaimed, looking through the dresses they pulled.

“If she wants attention all she has to do is ask Lexa to be her date.” Raven smirked.

“Wait, Lexa?” Emori asks turning to the blonde.

“She’s my friend guys.” Clarke tries to distract herself by looking through the dresses.

“But she totally likes you and I’ve read your texts with her; you guys flirt non-stop.” Raven added.

“What do you mean you read our texts?” Clarke looks at the brunette.

“I mean exactly that I read your texts.” Raven says matter-of-factly, “Well not on your phone on Lexa’s. I was eating dinner at Anya’s the other night and she wouldn’t stop smiling at her phone it was honestly super cute. Finally I’m like who are you texting, and she didn’t want to tell me. So we wrestled for the phone for like 5 minutes and I read all your cutesy little messages.”

“Anything juicy?” Octavia grinned.

“It was pretty tame honestly.” Raven replied, “But that’s not the point, the point is you two clearly like each other so why haven’t either of you done anything about it?”

That was a good question, the past week they’ve been texting a lot and hanging out at school. She does like Lexa so what is holding her back? Fear of rejection? Fear of getting hurt? Fear that she’s not good enough?

“I just got out of a relationship.” Clarke said finally, but is that really why?

“Technically you and Luna broke up months ago, just answer this. Don’t cover it up with a joke or say you’re just friends, just be honest. Do you like her?” Raven asks seriously.

“Yes I like her.” Clarke mumbled

“Why don’t you ask her out?”

“I don’t know I just… things get messy when you date a friend. Me and Luna were friends and now we’ll never be friends again. I don’t want that to happen with Lexa.”

“I’ve spent a lot of time with Lexa and she’s a good person, she beautiful, smart, annoyingly nice and she likes you. I don’t think she would ever purposefully hurt you Clarke.” Raven added.

“Maybe not but... I don’t know if I want to risk it.” Clarke explained,

“Just think about it, it’s just a dance after all.”

“I will.” Clarke replied, “I’m going to go try this one on.”

Clarke took her dress into the changing room and quickly tried the dress on. This would only be her 2nd dress, but she was tired of shopping luckily for her, her 2nd try was a match. She loved the way she looked and felt in it, it was a little different, but she loved it.

“Alright I think I found the one.” Clarke called from behind the curtain.

“Let’s see it!”

Clarke walked out of the dressing room in a short multicolor sequin dress with a high mesh neckline. The sequins created a beautiful intricate pattern leaving the back of the dress fully open.

“Holy shit! Will you be my date instead?” Octavia said shockingly looking at her best friend.

“Your ass looks so amazing, oh my god every girl is going to hate you. You look that good!” Raven added.

“I love it Clarke, you really do look hot.” Emori smiled.

“Ladies I think it goes without saying, we’re definitely going to be the hottest bitches in Arkadia next Saturday night.” Clarke smiled.

“Hell yes!”

* * *

_Friday Morning_

“Are you going to dress up next week?” Anya asks, they were currently sitting outside waiting for school to start.

“I don’t know maybe; I can’t imagine you are.” Lexa eyes her sister.

“Raven wants to do decades day.” Anya says unimpressed. “Pajama day sounds doable.”

“Did you ask Raven to the dance?”

“I didn’t know I had to since we’re dating, but that didn’t stop her from asking me.” Anya confessed, “I would tell you how she did it, but I don’t think you want to know.”

“Why?” Lexa asks confused.

“It’s pretty….” Anya searched for the right word. “Explicit.”

“Say no more.”

“Are you going to ask anyone?”

“You mean Clarke?” Lexa sighs,

“Yes, I mean Clarke, why haven’t you asked her?”

“She asked me for time Anya, this is me giving it to her.”

“I think with the amount of disgusting flirting you guys do it’s clear she likes you back.”

“She can like me, that doesn’t mean she’s ready for a relationship.”

“Look I’m not trying to push you but it’s just a school dance, going together doesn’t mean you’re going to get married next month.” Anya says, “Although something tells me you wouldn’t mind that.”

“I hate you.” Lexa mumbled, maybe asking Clarke wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

_*****School bell***** _

“Babe, Lexa.” Raven smiled as she approached the girls.

“Hi Raven.” Lexa replied, throwing up a little as her sister kissed her girlfriend.

“I’ve missed those lips.”

“You guys just saw each other last night.” Lexa says rolling her eyes.

“Ignore her she’s just jealous.” Anya says kissing her girlfriend once more.

“Well Clarke was right behind me I’m sure she wouldn’t mind a kiss.” Raven grinned.

“Who wouldn’t mind a kiss?” Clarke asks causing Anya to laugh and Lexa to look horrified.

“I was just telling Anya I wouldn’t mind another kiss.” Raven said winking at Lexa.

“You guys are adorable.” Clarke says.

“Adorable?” Clarke can see Anya visibly cringe at the word. “We’re adorable?”

“Babe we’re so adorable.” Raven smiles, grabbing the girl’s hand and pulling her towards the school.

“My sisters’ sort of allergic to all words that sound lovey.” Lexa turns to the blonde.

“I can see I think I traumatized her.” Clarke laughs, “I hope that’s not a family trait.”

“It’s not, you can call me adorable and I’ll remain completely sane.”

“Good.” Clarke smiled, “Can I walk you to class?”

“I’d like that.” Lexa smiled walking towards the entrance.

“So got any plans this weekend?” Clarke asks,

“Nope, I’ll probably just sit in my house.”

“You could do that, or you could come see a movie with me.” Clarke smiled.

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Lexa raised her brow.

“I’m asking you to see a movie with me.” Clarke rambled, “And if you want it to be a date then I’d like that.”

“I would very much like to see a movie with you Clarke.”

“Cool, tomorrow ok?”

“Tomorrow is perfect.” Lexa tried to hide her excitement, but it was physically hard.

“It’s Lexa, right?” A voice asked from behind the brunette. When she turned around, she saw that it was Costia, who she’s never talked to in the month of being here.

“Um, yeah?” Lexa could see Clarke looking between the two trying to figure out what’s happening.

“I’m Costia but you probably know that.” The girl smiled, “I just was wondering if I could talk to you for a second?”

What the hell is going on Lexa thought, why does someone she’s literally never talked to in her life want to talk to her now?

“I should go,” Clarke murmured, “We’ll talk later.”

Lexa couldn’t even reply before the blonde took off down the hall.

“Not to be rude but why do you want to talk to me?” Lexa asks,

“Well I’ve seen you around school and I think you’re very beautiful.” Costia said while running her hand down Lexa’s arm.

“Uhm, thanks?” What the hell is happening?

“You’re very welcome.” She smirked, “Anyways since your new I figured you probably don’t have a date yet to homecoming. Me and you should go together.”

Wait what? Not only was she putting her clammy hands on her, but she wasn’t even going to properly ask her, not that she would say yes but still.

“You seem…... like a-” God what’s the best way to describe a trash person but in a nice way? “Okay person but I’m sorry I’m going have to pass.”

“What?” Costia grunted visibly shocked that Lexa rejected her.

“I said I’m going to pass on homecoming.” Lexa repeated, “Not homecoming itself just homecoming with you. What I’m trying to say it I don’t want to be your date, sorry.”

“I’m the best date you’ll get around here so maybe you want to reconsider, we can have some fun afterwards.” Costia winked.

“No thanks.” Lexa says plainly before walking into her classroom, luckily for her the girl didn’t follow. That was random as hell, Lexa thought.

* * *

“So did you do it?” Octavia asks,

“Yes O I did, she said yes.” Clarke answered continuing her notes since they were still in class.

“Yay! I have to come over to help you get ready for your date!” Octavia squealed, getting attention from there other classmates which included Luna who acted like she didn’t hear.

“We’re just going to a movie Octavia I don’t need help getting ready.”

“Don’t ruin this for me Clarke!” Octavia complained, “I’m thinking a dress.”

“I’m thinking jeans.”

“A dress with cute shoes and curled hair.” Octavia said ignoring the blonde.

“Jeans with a cute top and casual hair, maybe even sneakers.”

“On a first date?” Octavia gasped.

“O your blowing this out of proportion, it’s hardly a date and we’re just seeing a movie. I don’t know what’s going to happen after this.” Clarkes mind drifted to Costia coming up to them before class. What could she want from Lexa?

“Can I ask you something?” Clarke turned to her friend.

“Of course.”

“How long would you say Costia has hated me?”

“Oh god, does forever count?”

“Why am I the only one who hasn’t realized she hated me this whole time?” Clarke asks, there’s no way she that oblivious.

“Well I guess before Luna you took all of Costia jabs as friendly competition or a friendly rivalry.” Octavia explained, “Did something happen with her or something?”

“Not really I mean she’s her usual bitchy self, luckily Lincoln volunteers after school so she typically stays away.”

“My little body guard.” Octavia smiled,

“Then this morning when I was walking with Lexa discussing going to the movies-“

“Discussing your date.” Octavia interrupted.

“Anyways I was walking her to class and Costia came up to her and asked to talk.”

“Ewh, why?”

“I don’t know I sort of left before I could hear more.”

“Well I hope you’re not worried Lexa likes her or anything.” Octavia says, “Clearly Costia has some sort of grudge against you for reasons only god knows but don’t let her ruin this. Lexa likes you and Costia is bitter and jealous and will probably die an old hag with 40 cats after she’s slept her way through Arkadia.”

“I just don’t understand why she hates me; Lincoln says it’s because I beat her at a few things.”

“I’m quite sure everything you guys have competed for you won, that’s probably why she hates you. I mean that talent show performance she did was just fucking terrible. I don’t even understand why she would pick singing as a talent.”

“That’s what I said!”

“Anyways it doesn’t matter, fuck Costia she’s no one. Enjoy your date and don’t worry about anything else. Ok?”

“Ok.” Clarke murmured.

* * *

“She did what?” Raven shouted.

“Calm down.” Anya rolled her eyes.

It was there break between classes and Lexa was catching them on her eventful morning.

“I swear it so embarrassing being related to her.” Raven groaned.

“What did you say?” Anya asks,

“Obviously no, not that she even asked it was more implying I will be her date.”

“She’s creepy.” Anya cringed.

“You have no idea.” Raven sighed, “I’m sure she only asked you to make Clarke mad. Which speaking of did she ask you?”

“Ask me what?” Lexa replies,

“To go on a date with her, well she said she would ask you to a movie but me and O know it’s obviously a date.”

“Yes she did ask me, we’re going tomorrow.” Lexa smiled,

“Oh my god!” Raven shrieked, “I’m so excited.”

“You don’t get this excited for our dates.” Anya looked at her girlfriend.

“Watching a movie at your house and having sex in your room is not a date.” Raven proclaimed, “Although I love doing both of those things very much.”

“Really.” Lexa groaned.

“Well then I’m taking you on a date tomorrow too.” Anya said.

“Babe!” Raven smiled, “Where?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Oh my god, I can’t wait. I have to get to mechanic’s, but we’ll talk about this later.” Raven kissed the girl before running off to class.

“I have no clue where I’m going to take her.” Anya huffed.

“To the movies, with me and Clarke!” Lexa said quickly,

“What?” Anya looked at her sister.

“Please come, the more I think about it the more nervous I get, and I don’t want to do something stupid.” Lexa wined.

“Lexa,-“

“Please Anya.” Lexa pulled out the puppy dog eyes, her secret weapon.

“Ok put the eyes away I’m not dad, that shit doesn’t work on me.”

“Just please come.” Lexa begged.

“Fine, but you’re paying.”

“Ok!”

* * *

It was fifth period and Lexa was sitting in her seat when Clarke walked in and sat with her like she had been doing all week. She loved having the blonde next to her even if they didn’t get much opportunity to talk.

“Hi.” Clarke mumbled as she got out her notes for class.

“Hey.” Lexa smiled, “How’s your day going?”

“Fine so far, how about you?”

“Good.” Lexa replied, “I actually wanted to ask you something.”

“Ok.” Clarke looked up from her notebook.

“Is it ok if Raven and Anya join us at the movies? Anya was kind of panicking for where to take Raven on a date, so I suggested they join us.”

Clarke didn’t know what to think by this, did she misread the situation? Did Lexa not want to go on a date with her? Maybe she should’ve been clearer about it being a date.

“Yeah, sure.” Clarke finally said, “That’s totally fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Totally, it’s fine with me.” Clarke smiled, it was fine that her ‘date’ was now not a date or was it now a double date?

Before Lexa could reply the teacher started his lesson but she couldn’t help but wonder if Clarke was actually fine with it. Maybe she just ruined her chance to have a good date with her, I mean it was supposed to be a date, right?

After class was lunch which the two usually walked to together.

“I’m actually not going to lunch today, me and Murphy have to head to the restaurant a little bit early.”

“Right, I forgot you work Fridays.”

“Yeah, so I’ll see you tomorrow I’ll text you or Raven the time.” Clarke responded before walking towards the exit.

Maybe that was a little unnecessary, but she was sad that her date was being crashed. She made a mental note to text Raven an I hate you message later.

When she got to her car Murphy was already waiting so they got in and drove to the restaurant.

“You know Emori’s making me wear a tie?” Murphy groaned, starring out the window as they drove.

“That is usually what guys wear to dances.” Clarke snarked,

“Yeah…” Murphy sighed, causing Clarke to look at him. This wasn’t his normal annoyed sigh, this was different.

“All right what’s up?” Clarke asks,

Murphy didn’t reply he just kept starring out the window.

“Murphy.”

“She doesn’t know me.” Murphy finally said.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean she doesn’t really know me; she doesn’t know I’m basically a poor no one who works because they actually need to. Which most of the kids at our school don’t need to. She doesn’t know things about my dad and other stuff, stuff that you know. She doesn’t know those things and I don’t own a stupid tie! How much do those even cost?”  
“Murphy, I know Emori she may not know everything about you, but she definitely knows a side of you only a few people have ever seen. She likes you a lot, I know she does because I had hear about it yesterday while we were picking out dresses. Whether your poor or rich doesn’t matter, I know I can’t talk because I’ve never struggled in that way but Emori is more understanding than you might think.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means maybe you two have more in common than you think and once you’re ready to open up she’ll accept you. All of you, as for a tie I know what color she’s wearing my dad will loan you one. There’s no use in buying one just for you to burn in later.”

“Please tell me she’s not wearing pink.”

“I tried to stop her, but she had to have the brightest pink dress they have, I’m talking neon pink.”

“You’re lying.” Murphy gasped.

“I am 100% lying, but your face really made my day.” Clarke laughed,

“I hate you.”

“I love you!!”

They had been in the restaurant for a couple hours and it was a pretty slow day, granted it was only 5:30 so dinner should pick up soon.

“Clarke!” Ontari cheered as she walked through the door. “I haven’t seen you in like 2 weeks.”

“I know I took a little bit of time off.” Clarke hugged the girl.

“Well catch me up while it’s slow, what’s new?”

“Um, well I do have some good news for you.” Clarke smiled, “Me and Luna are finally done.”

“WHAT? THAT’S GREAT!” Ontari shouted.

“I knew that would get you excited.” Clarke laughed,

“Are you ok? I know how hard that must’ve been.”

“It was hard but now that it’s done, I wish I had done it sooner.” Clarke said honestly.

Before Ontari could answer another voice behind them interrupted.

“What the hell griffin!” Raven said walking up to the girls, “What’s with the ‘I hate you’ texts!”

“You came all the way here to ask that?” Clarke asks the girl.

“Yes because what the hell? I’ve been trying to figure out what I’ve done wrong for hours but I’ve been good lately!” Raven argued. “Hi Tari” Raven waved at the girl.

“Hi Raven!”

“Don’t say hi to her! You haven’t been a good because you ruined my date!”

“How did I ruin it?”

“Wait you have a date?” Ontari asked happily,

“Not anymore because Raven and her girlfriend are joining along!”

“Wait, I was under the impression that you invited us.” Raven said, customers were starting to stare at them but neither of them cared.

“Why the hell would I do that? Lexa asked me if you guys could come.”

“Well then we just won’t come!”

“You have to come now because if you don’t, I’ll look like a total bitch!”

“Well I wasn’t going to say anything-” Raven snarked.

“Ladies.” Jake interrupted, “Raven it’s been too long, I hope I’ll see you for homecoming pictures!”

“You will if you daughters not being a bitch by then.” Raven hugs the man sticking her tongue out at the blonde. “I missed you too Jakey, how’s Abbs?”

“She fine and it’s none of your business.” Clarke answered. “And don’t call him Jakey.”

“Well it looks like you girls have a lot to figure out, might I recommend you do it outside.” Jake smiled,

“Fine, let’s go.” Clarke grabs the girl pulling her out the door.

“You can’t seriously be mad at me, I didn’t know.”

“I’m not mad ok, I just... you said she liked me back and now I’m not so sure and I’m doubting that asking her out was a good idea. And I don’t know if I should just cancel or not because obviously, she doesn’t want to be alone with me and I – “

“Ok Clarke first of all breathe, she does like you. You should’ve seen how happy she was when she told us about the date.”

“So why the hell did she invite you guys?”

“I don’t know maybe she was nervous; I’ll ask Anya. We really don’t have to come.”

“No, it’s fine.” Clarke sighed, “I don’t even care if you guys are there, I just want to make sure she wants to be there with me.”

“Trust me she does, and tomorrow you’ll see.” Raven smiles.

“I hope.”

“Did she tell you that monster Costia asked her to homecoming?”

“She what?!”

“Lexa obviously said no but I think she was also a little creeped out.” Raven laughed.

“Ok, I have to figure out why this girl hates me.”

“Honestly, I wouldn’t waste your time, she’s clearly just jealous of you. I don’t think there’s more to the story.”

“Still it’s super weird.” Clarke said, “She did tell me she couldn’t wait to take pictures with her date, I assumed it was Luna, but she probably meant Lexa.”

“Too bad she’ll be your date.”

“Maybe.” Clarke mumbled, “Come to my house tomorrow to get ready?”

“Duh.”

“And you’re driving, I’ll be too nervous.”

“I’ll be your chauffer, but you don’t have to be nervous trust me.”

“Clarke, we got tables.” Ontari yelled, peeking out the door.

“Go, we’ll talk later.” Raven hugged her friend, “Bye Ontari!”

“Bye Rae!”

When Clarke entered the restaurant, she greeted her customers and tried to resume business as usual.

“So you have a date!” Ontari said, obviously waiting this whole time to ask.

“I do, her name is Lexa.” Clarke couldn’t stop the smile forming on her face from hearing the girls name.

“The girl that ate here with her family?”

“That’s her.”

“Damn, that family has some good genes the sister was definitely hot!”

“That’s Raven’s girlfriend.” Clarke laughed,

“Damn her.” Ontari mumbled, “She always takes the good ones.”

“I thought you were still dating Echo’s friend.”

“No, it was more of a casual hookup thing maybe I’ll give him a call when I leave here.”

“Do you guys ever do actual work?” Murphy mumbled, cleaning a table behind them.

“Of course we do Murphy!” Ontari smiled,

“Do you need a ride home I think I’m going to head out soon?” Clarke asks,

“Sure this is my last table.”

“I’ll meet you at the car in like 20?”

“I’ll be there.”

“What time do you get off?” Clarke asks Ontari,

“I close, pancakes Sunday?”

“YES! Then I can tell you all about me date!” Clarke smiled,

“See you then hot stuff.”

After finishing up her last couple of table Clarke did all of her closing rituals and told her dad bye before leaving. She dropped Murphy off then went home and got ready for bed. She needed to get all the sleep she could after all she does have a date tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clexa date coming soon


	13. If Hookups Equated to Romance, I'd be an Expert

_Saturday Night:_

The first time Lexa ever went on a date it was in ninth grade and the girl asked her to go skating. She was a nice girl, but they didn’t have much in common and Lexa soon learned that she just wanted to get in her pants. At this time Lexa didn’t really sleep around so she declined the girls offer. The date was pretty bad all together and the two never spoke again.

Now three years later Lexa is going on her second date and she was beyond excited. This time she was going with a girl she actually liked and had a lot in common with. She didn’t have to worry that Clarke’s only motive was to get in her pants, which is something new. Usually girls only want that from her, but Clarke wasn’t like that. She actually asks Lexa questions and wants to get to know her. Which is why she was so excited for their date, there were no ulterior motives, just a girl who wants to spend time with her.  
The date was in an hour, but she was ready to go. There was no indecisive decision making when it came to her outfit, or which shoes would look better with what. Her outfit was on and her hair was down, and she felt great. She felt all the teen giddiness that goes with a first date, a first real date.

Clarke had texted her an asked if a scary movie was ok and she said it was, so they were seeing a movie called The Turning. Scary movies don’t really faze her but she was hoping that fazed Clarke so they could have the stereotypical moment when she jumps into her arms.

Of course Anya wasn’t thrilled about the movie choice, despite her tough exterior she hated scary movies. Although she claims it’s not the scariness it’s the suspense that makes her uneasy, which basically means she’s a pussy.

“Are you sure you can do a scary movie?” Lexa asks her sister; they’re currently sitting in her room killing time.

“I said it was fine Lexa!” Anya yells frustratingly

“Ok, calm down. Geez.”

“Still nervous?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think so I’m just excited.” Lexa smiled,

“I’ve never seen you excited over a girl before.”

“Well I’ve never see you excited over anyone until Raven.”

“No one will ever excite me like Raven does.”

“Awh, that was pretty cute.” Lexa smiled,

“Ugh, anyways I like Raven is all I’m saying. I’ve never liked anyone before.”

“I know, I’m happy you found her.”

“I’m happy you found Clarke.”

“Me and Clarke aren’t on the same level as you and Raven.”

“Maybe not yet but I can see that she makes you smile and laugh and that’s something I haven’t seen in a while.”

“Says the person who’s never happy.”

“Yeah well we all have to play our part, mine just happens to be grungy emo older sister.”

“And mine is fucked up alcoholic younger sister.”

“Like I said we all have to play our part.” Anya laughed, “Maybe that was you for a while but we both know that’s not who you are anymore.”

“I don’t really think I know who I am.” Lex murmured.

“Then you’ll figure it out.” Anya says, “You know it’s a cold day in hell when I have to be the voice of reason.”

Lexa laughs, “Thank you.”

“For?”

“Being my grungy emo older sister who just so happens to be encouraging.” Lexa says, “And for coming on this date with me.”

“You don’t have to thank me; you are paying after all.” Anya smiled, “It’s almost time to leave, I’m going to go finish getting ready.”

“Gotta go pick out your best pair of fishnets and ‘grungy’ biker boots?” Lexa laughed,

“Fuck you.”

* * *

“I can’t believe Raven gets to go and I don’t.” Octavia pouted.

“I didn’t ask Raven to come, Lexa did.” Clarke responded, rummaging through her clothes for a shirt.

“Well I still think it’s not fair.”

“You could go out somewhere with Lincoln.” Raven suggested.

“Fine, I’d rather hangout with him anyways.”

“I think I’m just going to go with this.” Clarke threw on an oversized black sweater with jean shorts and her docs.

“Cute.” Raven said, “Hair?”

“It’s so short now I never know what to do with it.”

“It’s cute how it is, there’s still some curl to it.” Octavia adds.

“You seem chill, I take it you’re not nervous anymore?”

“I’m still nervous I’m glad you can’t tell though.” Clarke sighed,

“Why are you nervous? Lexa likes you, you like Lexa.”

“I know it’s... I’ve only every been on dates with one person. I guess I really don’t know how to date.” Clarke confessed.

“No on ever knows how to date Clarke.” Octavia says, “We just figure out along the way.”

“But what if we actually get together and I’m not... And it’s not what she was expecting.” Clarke huffed.

“What do you think she’s expecting?” Raven asks,

“I don’t know, someone experienced I suppose.”

“Experienced sexually?”

“That and just romantically I guess.”

“Clarke everyone has a past, I’m sure she’s not comparing herself to Luna, so you don’t need to compare yourself to anyone she’s ever been with.”

“You’re right.” Clarke sighed,

“Aren’t I always.” Raven smiled. “Now are you finally ready?”

“Yes.” Clarke looked herself over one more time, “Can we walk? It’s kind of nice out?”

“Sounds good, I’ll text Anya to meet us at the theater.”

“Wish me luck?” Clarke turned to Octavia.

“You don’t need it, it’ll be great.” Octavia hugged the girl, “Don’t be nervous, enjoy your time with her don’t think too hard about things ok?”

“Ok.” Clarke nodded,

When they got downstairs Abby and Jake were sitting in the living room watching tv.

“You girls going out?” Abby asks,

“Clarke and Raven have a double date, I wasn’t invited.” Octavia sighed.

“Date?” Abby smiled,

“Her name is Lexa and we’re going to the movies.”

“Lexa, have I met her?” Abby asks,

“No, maybe you will one day.”

“Mhm.” Abby hummed,

“Don’t be out too late, you girls have fun.” Jake smiled,

“But not too much fun.” Abby added,

“Goodbye.” Clarke yelled pushing her friends out of the door.

“Have fun guys.” Octavia hugs both girls.

“Me and Ontari are getting pancakes tomorrow, you guys are coming.”

“Yay! I love pancakes!” Raven cheered.

“What time?” Octavia groaned.

“11am sharp, you better be ready.”

“Fine, you guys go before your late.” Octavia waved the girls off before walking over to her house.

The best thing about living in such a small town is for the most part you can walk everywhere. The beach is always a couple minutes away and the shops are just up the road. Even the houses are close together, so everyone is basically your neighbor. The movies was only a ten-minute walk and it gave Clarke time to clear her head.

“I have to warn you Anya hates scary movies.” Raven says as they walk

“What? Why didn’t you tell me, we can see something else?”

“No it’s fine, she’ll have me there to comfort her.” Raven smiles, “I’m sure Lexa will comfort you too.”

“You know I don’t get scared by movies.”

“Doesn’t hurt to act.” Raven shrugged. “We should walk places more often.”

“We used to walk everywhere before we all got licenses.” Clarke sighed, “You could still walk places you know.”

"I know but my car will just be sitting right there and I’m like fuck it I’ll just drive.” Raven says, “Looks like we’re here first.”

The movie theater was littered with a few people standing out front but for a Saturday it was pretty tame.

“I haven’t been here in so long.” Clarke confessed, “I can’t wait for drive in movies to start in October.”

Every October the empty grass field near the beach gets turned into a drive-in movie theater to show all the best Halloween films.

“Maybe they’ll show rated R horror and not just the stupid pg-13 ones.”

“Doubtful.” Clarke responded,

“Hello ladies.” Lexa smiles as she walks up the girls with Anya by her side.

“Hi.” Clarke blushes, Lexa was wearing a tight black shirt and skinny jeans, but the hair is what always does it for Clarke. Lexa looked amazingly good with her hair down.

“We’re going to get the tickets.” Raven said pulling Anya to the entrance.

“You look beautiful.” Lexa said smiling at the blonde.

“Thank you.” Clarke blushed, “You look good too.”

“Thanks, want to head in?”

“Sure.” Clarke walked towards the entrance with Lexa following close behind holding the door open for her. “I hope you’re really ok with the movie choice, I didn’t learn Anya didn’t like scary movies until about 10 minutes ago.”

“Unlike my sister I can handle a little horror.” Lexa laughed,

“That’s too bad, I was hoping you’d get scared and jump into my arms.” Clarke grinned,

“Who says you need an excuse?”

“Movie starts in 5.” Raven shouted from the popcorn.

“Do you want any snacks or anything?” Clarke asked still reeling from Lexa’s last comment.

“What do you usually get?”

“Well not to be super cliché but m&m’s and popcorn is the best thing ever.”

“Is this common?” Lexa asks,

“You’ve never had it?” Clarke asks shockingly,

“Nope.”

“Then we have to get it.”

After ordering their popcorn and mixing the m&m’s the girls head into the theater and take their seats. Clarke and Raven are in the middle seats while Lexa and Anya are on the outskirts.

“So what do you think?” Clarke asks watching Lexa eat some popcorn. “If you hate it, I don’t think this is going to work out between us.” Clarke smiled,

“Luckily for me I like it, it’s the perfect mix of salty and sweet.” Lex replies

“Looks like there’s hope for us after all.”

The lights started dimming as the screen lit up for the previews. There weren’t many people in the theater other than a few other couples.

Clarke could see Anya and Raven cuddled up together in their seats and she was a little jealous.

As the movie started Clarke tried to focus on the screen and not the girl sitting beside her. It got the point where she had no clue what was going on in the movie and she wasn’t sure if that was the movies fault or the girls. Every now and again she would notice her sneak glances and smile and that made her stomach do flips.

God why was she so damn cute?

Towards the end of the movie Clarke decided to do something so teen romcom but she wanted to see if it would work. So she laid her open hand on the arm rest still starring at the screen hoping the girl would take it.

The longer her hand sat there the more she wondered why people did that because it wasn’t a very comfortable position.

Just when she was about to draw her hand back in, she felt warm fingers intertwine with hers. She didn’t look away from the screen she just gave the girls hand a squeezed and smiled. Sure holding hand wasn’t equivalent to resting in each other’s arms but being even this close to Lexa was making her heart melt.

Their hands stayed knitted together for the reminder of the movie and Clarke couldn’t have been happier. When they exited the theater Lexa suggested they go get ice cream next door, to which everyone agreed.

After everyone got their desired flavor, they grabbed a table in the farthest corner of the shop.

“Am I the only one who thought that movie was a little…. unfinished?” Raven asks, licking her cone.

“It was definitely something.” Anya responded, “And stupid.”

“I feel like they were going for the artistic approach, like the ending is up to interpretation.” Lexa added,

“What did you think Clarke?” Raven asks, causing the girl to snap out of her thoughts.

“What? Oh it was fine, kind of strange. Nice soundtrack though.” Clarke said eating a bite from her bowl.

“Babe I saw a cute shirt in the store window across from here let’s go over there.” Raven says eagerly,

“Why don’t you just wait until we leave?” Anya asks clueless to what Raven was trying to do.

“Because I can’t now come on.” Raven pulls Anya out of her seat before throwing a wink at Clarke.

“I’m really glad you asked me out.” Lexa says breaking the silence.

“I’m glad you said yes.”

“Did you doubt I would?”

“Yes? I just didn’t know if I blew my chance when I pulled away from our kiss.” Clarke sighs,

“I understood why you did, I wanted to ask you out, but I know you said you needed time.”

“Thanks for giving it to me.” Clarke smiles, “I know what you probably think of me after seeing the shit show of my last relationship.”

“Do you want to know what I think of you?” Lexa asks staring at the blonde.

“Yes?” _Did she want to know?_

“I think you’re amazing, you’re smart and funny and caring and I like you. I’m not good at romantic stuff but I really enjoy spending time with you and I’m happy to be on this date with you.” Lexa smiled, maybe her nervousness went away.

“I like you too Lexa.”

“I know this probably isn’t the most romantic way to ask giving all the proposals I’ve seen all week.” Lexa looked at the blue eyes staring back her, “But I was wondering if you would go to homecoming with me? I totally understand if you have a date though because it is in a week and I sho- “

“Lexa.” Clarke smiled interrupting the girls rambling, “I would love to go to homecoming with you.”

“Really?” Lexa smiled,

“Of course! I was sort of planning to ask you, but I figured I should take you out on a proper date first.” Clarke smiled, taking in the way Lexa was looking at her.

“Well now it’s my turn to take you out.”

“I’m looking forward to being charmed by you.” Clarke grinned.

“Expect the whole nine yards, fancy restaurant, a corsage, me being the perfect gentlewomen.”

“No other couples?” Clarke quirked her brow,

“Nope I’m keeping you all to myself, everyone else can see you at the dance.”

“I like the sound of that Lexa Trikru.” Clarke smirked,

“What is this foreplay?” Raven interrupted,

“Ugh.” Anya groaned.

“Did you find that shirt?” Clarke asks changing the subject,

“I found something better!” Raven dug through her bag and pulled out a black silk scarf.

“Um a scarf?” Lexa asks,

“A neck scarf which then sparked my inspiration for me and Anya to dress up as characters from grease on decades day!” Raven shrieked, “Obvi I’m being sexy sandy, and Anya will be my Danny Zuko!”

“And she looks so excited about that.” Clarke laughs looking at Anya face.

“She’ll be thanking me when she sees how hot I look in the skintight leather pants.”

“Are you dressing up?” Lexa asks Clarke.

“Of course, I’m basically planning the whole thing I have to dress up.” Clarke replies, “Please tell me you are.”

“I still haven’t decided, PJ day seems easy enough.” Lexa shrugged.

“I didn’t peg you for someone who takes the easy way out.” Clarke smirks,

“I do like a challenge, but I think I’ll save the dressing up for Halloween.”

“Fair enough, you can just enjoy me in my costumes.”

“Awh.” Raven smiled, “You guys are so cute already.

Clarke and Lexa just looked at each other and laughed, they were cute.

“Are you guys ready to go?” Anya asks,

“Let’s go.”

They decided to walk Lexa and Anya home since Raven’s car was in Clarkes driveway. Clarke and Lexa were a few feet behind Anya and Raven who were laughing about something.

“Is homecoming the kind of thing where I have to match you?” Lexa asks as they walked hand in hand.

“You don’t have to but if you want to that would be nice.”

“Alright, what colors are you wearing?”

“I’m wearing an assortment of colors.” Clarke tried to find the best description for her dress. “It’s black with multicolor sequins, honestly you can just wear black.”

“I can do black.”

“I do have to warn you, I am responsible for announcing the homecoming court and crowning the new queen and king so I will have to slip away for a sec.” Clarke said, “Is that ok?”

“Of course, I think I’ll be alright.”

“I would say Costia could keep you busy but unfortunately she’ll be on stage with me.”

“Oh god, did Raven tell you?” Lexa buried her face in her hands causing Clarke to laugh.

“She did, I see she’s on the prowl for her latest victim.” Clarke joked.

“Well I made it very clear I wanted nothing to do with her.”

“Why?” Clarke asks, “I just mean she’s pretty and she asked you.”

“I don’t really know Costia and I don’t want to, I saw the way she treated you at the gym that day and that was enough for me not to like her. Plus I already have the most beautiful girl at school as my date.”

“Alright enough flirting.” Clarke nudged the girl, “Tell me something about you I don’t know. Like what’s your favorite movie?”

“Oh god, um I guess Pretty woman. I used to watch it all the time with my mom, plus Julia Roberts in a blonde wig just does things to you.” Lexa shrugs as Clarke laugh, “What about you?”

“Probably either Gentleman Prefer Blondes or some like it hot, I sort of went through a Marilyn Monroe faze and now those are my feel-good movies.”

“I’ve never seen them.”

“I have them at home maybe we could watch them one day.” Clarke suggested.

“I’d like that.” Lexa smiled,

“What else don’t I know about you Lexa Trikru?”

“Well you’ve seen me drunk so you know I’m sort of a mess.” Lexa tried to find an interesting fact about herself.

“Luckily for you I’m sort of a mess as well, we might just be a perfect match.”

“I can start planning our wedding now if you’d like.” Lexa smiled,

“Why plan, Vegas isn’t a far drive.”

“That is true, and very tempting Clarke Griffin but if you choose to get married one day you deserve the full wedding event.” Lexa smiled. “Thanks again for asking me out, I had a good time.”

They were closing in on Lexa’s house and Anya and Raven were already saying goodbye.

“I had a good time too.” Clarke smiled, Lexa was looking at her with those beautiful emerald eyes and all she wanted to do was kiss her.

“Thanks for walking me home.” Lexa said, she wanted to kiss her, but the choice was Clarkes. She didn’t want a repeat of last time.

“Of course.”

“Ready Clarke?” Raven asked,

“Just give me a minute.” Clarke replied causing Raven to smile and nod. “I. I don’t know if it’s to forward for a first date, but I really want to kiss you right now.” Clarke stepped closer to the girl moving a strand of her hair behind her ear. “If that’s ok?”

Lexa couldn’t even forage a response just nod and weak “Ok.”

Clarke stepped forward gently cupping Lexa’s cheek, taking in the girls amazing scent before pressing their lips together. Her lips were the softest things she ever felt and even though they’ve kissed once before, it was nothing compared to this. This kiss was slow and tender both in no rush for it to be over, so they took their time. Both mutually agreeing with their lips that this was the best kiss either of them have ever had.

Clarke could feel a jolt of energy as Lexa leaned into causing their noses to slightly brush. She was completely lost in the girl so much so that if her house were on fire, she wouldn’t even know it. Everything was silent and all she could hear was her own heartbeat pulsing through her ears.

She gently pulled away bringing up one thumb to brush softly against Lexa swollen lips wiping away the lipstick that stained them.

“Goodnight Lexa Trikru.” Clarke smiled, her hand still cupping the girl’s cheek.

“Goodnight Clarke Griffin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone see the turning early this year? I personally don't know how i feel about that movie. Anyways more coming soon.


	14. Spirit Week Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter originally was so long so i split it up but i will be posting them together!

“You guys should’ve seen her; she had this stupid grin on her face the whole walk home it was honestly heartwarming.” Raven teased.

They were at TonDC dinner eating breakfast and Clarke was gushing about her date last night. It was true after her very out of this world kiss with Lexa she could barely think. She spent the whole walk back to her house thinking about the girl’s lips until she was rudely interrupted by a very annoying Raven who was teasing her. Honestly, she didn’t care, she had a good time and things felt good for a change, that’s all she wanted to focus on.

“Aw our Clarkey is in love.” Ontari smiled looking at the blonde.

“It’s not love guys; it was a really good night and I enjoyed it.” Clarke continued eating her pancakes.

“I’m glad you had a good time; I knew I liked Lexa.” Octavia mentioned, “Also maybe next time we can eat at like 1 or 2pm.”

“11am isn’t early O.” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“It is for a Sunday, plus we have training later.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“So did you ask her to homecoming?” Ontari asks, switching the topic bac to Clarke.

“She asked me actually and I said yes.” Clarke smiled,

“You guys are going to look so good together.” Ontari squealed, happy her friend was moving on from her last relationship.

“I’m so excited for spirit week, are we still doing Dynamic Duo together?” Raven asks the others.

“We can, I tried to get them to change it duo/trio, but the freshman were budging.” Clarke shrugged.

“Either way we can still dress up together.” Octavia said,

“I can’t wait to see all the pictures.” Ontari says, “You guys make me feel so young.”

“You are young Tari.” Raven points out,

“But not high school young.” Ontari sighed, “I love living vicariously through your teenage years, it makes me feel alive.”

The three girls laugh.

“So that’s why you keep us around.”

“Pretty much.” Ontari smiled

* * *

Sunday mornings for Lexa usually consisted of exercise and homework that she didn’t finish throughout the week. But this Sunday she decided to have a chill day and do nothing after attempting to do her math homework for two hours, but she couldn’t focus. Of course that was mainly because she couldn’t stop thinking about anything other than a certain blonde and it was making it hard to focus.

Her and Clarke had been texting back and forth all morning but now the girl was at training, so Lexa decided to start a new Netflix show. It had been a while since she sat and enjoyed tv, so she was a little excited for this.

After scrolling for a while she finally decided on Lucifer, which after spotting the beautiful Maze she didn’t regret it one bit.

“Dad says your getting your car tomorrow.” Anya say, leaning on the door frame.

“Yep, Sinclair knew someone who was selling, and I have enough saved.”

“I can’t wait to have you drive me everywhere.”

“Only if you ask nicely.”

“Yeah, yeah what are you watching?” Anya asks joining her sister on the bed.

“Lucifer, it’s pretty good.”

“Can I watch with you?” Anya asks hesitantly, if this was three years ago, she wouldn’t have asked at all she just would’ve joined.

Then they would’ve joked and made fun of everything in the show because that’s what they did. Or that’s what they used to do, before their mom died, and everything went to shit.

Lexa missed how close they were, they used to do everything together and now they almost barley know each other.

“Yeah.” Lexa smiled finally replying, “So basically so far Lucifer who is the devil left hell and is living in LA with his sexy demon friend maze—“ Lexa continued explaining the show to Anya as they watched on her tv, she pointed out how hot Chole was and soon they had a Team Jacob, Team Edward style battle going.

It was nice to laugh and joke with her sister without there being any harshness or overshadowing of their mother’s death. She was happy to have her sister back.

“So how was last night? We didn’t really talk once we got back, mostly because your head was in the clouds and you kept ignoring me.”

Lexa blushed remembering the aftermath the kiss with Clarke left her in, she was completely dazed and deaf to the world around her.

“It was good, we held hands in the movie.” Lexa remembers seeing Clarke lay her hand down on the arm rest and she didn’t know if it was intentional to get her to hold it or if she was just resting her hand. But she took and chance and seeing the blonde smile when their hands connected was worth it.

“And I asked her to homecoming, and she said yes.”

“Did you tell her Costia asked you?” Anya cringed thinking about the weird girl.

“Raven already had but we laughed about it, anyways and then when we got home, she kissed me.” Lexa paused remembering the kiss for a second, “And it was the best kiss I’ve ever had.”

“Seeing you so smitten is so weird.”

“I could say the same about you, grunge queen. Miss I’m too cool to be lovey dovey.”

“Listen I’m only going to say this once, I really like Raven. She brings out a different side of me, it’s like someone custom made her for me or something.” Anya sighed, “I know that sound crazy especially from me, but I really like her and she’s the only one who gets to see my ‘lovey dovey’ side.”

“Mom used to get to see it.” Lexa murmured, “She used to see a lot of things that no one else will ever get from us.” Will Clarke ever get to see those sides of Lexa? The ‘lovey dovey’ open and honest Lexa?

“Who says they don’t get to see it?” Anya asks, “Look Lexa, I know I’m not the person to get relationship advice from but if you like Clarke you have to let her see different sides of you. When I first was alone with Raven, like really alone I was afraid she would see who I really am. A broken teenage girl who lost her mom and lost her way, but she doesn’t see that at all. People will only see what you let them Lex.”

“Are you saying I should let Clarke see the ‘real’ me?”

“I’m saying that if you like Clarke and you want a relationship with her then you have to be open. You have to let her in.”

“I want to be, but I don’t really know how.”

“You think I did? There is no rulebook Lexa, you’ll know when you’re ready to be open.”

“Wow, hell really has frozen over.” Lexa laughs,

“Tell me about it.”

* * *

Monday: Dynamic Duo

“You girls look so cute! Oh my god I have to send these to Jake he’s going to be so sad he missed it!” Abby continued snapping pics.

It was Monday morning and the first day of Spirit week and Octavia, Raven and Clarke were in the drive doing a mini photoshoot for Abby.  
The theme today was Dynamic Duo but the three decided to bend the rules and do a trio. There was Octavia dressed as Poison Ivy, Raven as Cat Woman and Clarke as miss Harley Quinn.

Of course they had to modify the outfits to fit school guidelines, but they still looked hot. Clarke had on the classic black and red split pants with the matching corset style top. She had her short pink hair in pigtails and black and red eyeshadow to match with a bright red lip. Of course if this wasn’t school, she would’ve went full suicide squad Harley Quinn but gotta keep it PG.

“Alright mom we have to go.” Clarke was loving the photoshoot, but she couldn’t be late for school.

“Take lot of pictures at school I want to see everyone costumes!” Abby shouted to the girl as they climbed into Clarke’s jeep.

“Guys I know this goes without saying, but it’s crazy how hot we look.” Octavia said, adjusting her red wig in the mirror.

“Your telling me I mean; I get to wear skintight leather two times this week.” Raven smiled, “Anya’s going to have a field day.”

“Maybe Lincoln would be into some roleplay tonight.” Octavia wondered seriously.

“If isn’t he’s blind because you look amazing in that costume.” Clarke pointed out. Octavia was wearing skintight green knee length dress with leaves and vines decorating her arms and legs.

“I’m sure Lexa would rip those leather pants off you in seconds if you asked Clarke.” Raven smirked.

“Me and Lexa aren’t in the point of our relationship yet but I’m sure she’ll have a great time looking.” Clarke smiled

“You do know about— “Raven tried to find the words to elaborate, “That she—“

“If you’re talking about what I think then yes I know, she told me.” Clarke responded; she honestly hadn’t thought much of it when Lexa told her she was intersex. She had never met anyone intersex but then again, she’s never met anyone like Lexa.

“She told you what?” Octavia asks clueless to what their talking about,

“Did she tell you?” Clarke asks Raven ignoring O’s question.

“Yeah, I spend a lot of time over there. She was telling me about her drinking and the situation that happened.”

“Are you guys just going to leave me out of the conversation?”

“Uhm, it’s honestly Lexa’s choice to tell you O.” Clarke responded not knowing if Lexa was comfortable with people knowing or not.

“Fine.” Octavia pouted.

“Cheer up, I see your man waiting for you over there.” Clarke pointed towards Lincoln’s car where he, Anya and Lexa were standing.

“We should do a badass I’m the shit style walk over to them.”

“Isn’t that how we walk anyways?” Octavia asks seriously,

“That is true,” Raven pondered,

Clarke parked a few cars down from Lincoln and the girls hoped out of the car. As soon as they started their walk over to the others the girls could see their jaws drop. Clarke for one couldn’t help but feel a little turned on by the way Lexa was staring at her. She almost wanted to laugh but instead she winked at the girl causing her to smirk.

“Cat got your tongue?” Raven smirked,

“I’ve bet you’ve been waiting to say that all morning,” Anya smiled taking in her girlfriend in the full leather jumpsuit. “Babe, I’m speechless.”

“You should see my whip.” Raven whispered in the girl’s ear, “Maybe later you will.”

“I think we’re all speechless.” Lincoln added looking O, “Isn’t duo though?”

“We’re the unholy trinity not duo, plus we don’t mind bending the rules a little.” Clarke smiled moving to stand beside Lexa, “So what do you think?”

“I think you- um you look-“Clarke laughed as Lexa stumbled over her words,

“I look?” Clarke teased, dragging her fingers down Lexa’s arm.

“Incredible.” Really? Incredible is the best you could do?

“Alright Lexa keep it in your pants.” Anya joked.

“Thank you.” Clarke said ignoring the other girl’s comment.

“You very welcome.” Lexa smiled, “Can I walk you to class?”

“You can walk me to the gym, I have homecoming stuff to do this morning.”

“Wow you were right a Class Presidents job really doesn’t end.”

“Tell me about it.” Clarke sighed as they walked into the school, she loved seeing everyone dressed up in their costumes. Spirit weeks were always her favorite. “No costume I see.”

“Nope, I’ve decided to be boring today.” Lexa shrugged, “But it’s nice seeing everyone else dressed up.”

“It is.”

They continued their walk to the gym their hands occasionally brushing which put both of them in a weird mind set. They were in that stage where they weren’t a couple, but they were ‘dating’ and neither of them knew what was appropriate. Do they hold hands down the halls or kiss goodbye when they part ways for class?

“So I actually wanted to ask you something.” Lexa says, leaning against the wall of the gym.

“What is it?”

“I’m going to buy a car today and I was wondering if I could pay you to paint it for me?”

“Really?” Clarke was shocked, she never really planned for painting a couple of cars to turn into a thing.

“Yeah, I loved how Jordyn and Sinclair’s cars look, and I think you’re an amazing artist.”

“Wow Lexa, are you sure you don’t want a professional to do it for you? I mean I would hate to ruin a car, especially your car.”

“I trust you.” Lexa smiled.

“Ok I’ll do it but you’re not paying me.”

“Of course I’m going to pay you.”

“Nope, no you’re not.” Clarke smiled slightly at the girls confused face

“Why not?”

“Because Sinclair and Jordyn didn’t and your definitely not, I’ll do it because you asked me, and I like you.” Clarke smirked,

“Fine then I demand to pay you in something that’s not money.”

“What like sex?” Clarke could see Lexa’s face go pale and she tried so hard not to laugh.

“That’s not- of course I didn’t-.”

“Do you always ramble?”

“Only with you.” Lexa murmured trying to hide her embarrassment.

“It’s cute.” Clarke pushed a loose strand of hair behind the girl’s ear. “I was joking about the sex thing by the way, but it was funny to see you freeze up like that.”

“I’m glad you can laugh at my expense.” She smiled, “But really I don’t want you to do it free.”

“I’ll let you know my price.” Clarke grinned, “I promise it won’t be sex unless that’s an acceptable form of payment.” Lexa groaned hiding her now bright red cheeks with her hands.

“Clarke.” Lexa wined.

“Ok, ok I’ll stop.” Clarke laughed moving Lexa’s hands from her face and intertwining them in her own. “Is this ok?” she motioned to their hands.

“Of course.”

“It’s just I don’t really know the rules here since we’re not a couple I don’t if I should hold your hand or if I can kiss you when I really, really want to.” Clarke studied the brunettes face.

“There doesn’t have to be rules and we don’t have to label it right now; we can just be us.” Lexa suggested.

“Just be us.” Clarke repeated, “I like that.”

_******school bell***** _

“Well you should probably head to your class.” Clarke said still holding on to Lexa’s hands.

“Yeah.” Lexa replied not moving an inch.

They stood there staring at each other as everyone else around them rushed to class. Clarke moved Lexa’s hands to her waist as she pulled her in for a quick kiss.

“I hope that was ok.” Clarke whispered against the girl’s lips.

“It was.”

“I’ll see you in class, and we can talk more about your car.”

“I’ll be there.” Lexa nodded letting both of their hands drop, she stood there for a second watching Clarke walking into the gym. She noticed Lincoln smirking at her which made her laugh then she saw Costia scowling at her which made her quickly turn away from the gym. There was something about that girl that wasn’t right.

* * *

After a couple weeks of the boring stuff they were funny to the fun part of homecoming committee, the decorating. So far everything consisted of the stereotypical high school dance things like fairy lights, decorated tables, stage for the band and the photobooth Clarke set up. Everything was coming together, and it felt good seeing the finishing product.

“Clarke, we have a problem!” A loud panicked voice came from behind the blonde. When Clarke turned around, she found the freshman Class President Sam completely red faced and breathless.

“Problems are the last thing I need Sam.” Being the head of the committee had its perks but it’s obvious downfalls as well. “What’s wrong?”

“I just found out that the band cancelled and now we have no one to play!”

“What do you mean cancelled Sam?” Clarke was internally panicking; how could she find a replacement in four days.

“I don’t know the circumstances I just know they won’t be playing.”

“Great.” Clarke sighed trying to figure out a solution. “What does Ms. Green say?”

“She said we would just have to settle for just the DJ.”

Clarke fought hard for them to get a band, usually it was just a DJ playing everyone’s favorite songs which is fine, but she thought having live music would be cool.

Don’t panic Clarke, don’t panic usually repeating that mantra never did her any good and today was no different.

“Ok, just tell her to give me the day to figure it out.” Sam nodded and ran off.

This was a disaster; everything was on her and if this failed it was on her. For some student’s it’s their last high school homecoming and she’s ruined it.

Ok, she was officially panicking what the hell was she supposed to do now?

“Clarke?”

Breathe Clarke, it’s just a dance you don’t need to get worked up over it.

“Clarke?”

You’ll figure something out and everything will be ok.

“CLARKE!”

“What?!?” She looked up to see a worried Lincoln staring back at her.

“Are you ok? You were pacing for like 3 minutes straight.”

“The band cancelled.”

“Oh,” Lincoln sighed, “That’s too bad, I’m sure the DJ will be just fine.”

“I’m going to get a new band.” Clarke said whole heartedly,

“In four days?”

“By the end of today.”

“Clarke, it’s a little short notice.”

“Doesn’t matter, I’m going to find one.” She was determined to have this dance work out her way.

“I guess if anyone can it’s you.” Lincoln smiled,

Clarke spotted her before she heard her, and she was not in the mood for her bullshit.

“Hey Griffin, I see you still like my leftovers.” Costia stood there in all her annoying glory.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Clarke grumbled,

“I saw you with Lexa, it’s like everyone I show even a little interest towards you go after.”

Clarke knew she should just ignore her and move on; she wasn’t worth the energy, but she was also tired of being pushed around by her.

“Listen psycho bitch I’m not in the mood for your pathetic attempt to piss me off. Since you clearly can’t take a hint Luna didn’t want you and Lexa will never want you so just fuck off!” Clarke could see the stupid grin slowly disappearing from the girl’s face. “And maybe if you weren’t such a bitch someone could actually like you for you and not what’s in between your legs which apparently is not even that impressive. I may never know why you have a problem is with me but if it’s because I beat you at literally everything you attempt then get ready, because anything you sign up for I’ll be there to beat you and I’ll enjoy your pathetic miserable face when I do.”

Clarke walked past the girl leaving her standing there with a scowl, she had bigger problems and she refused to let Costia of all people be one.

* * *

“Where’s Clarke?” Raven asks, it was lunch time and the blonde had been MIA for most of the day.

“She texted me and said she was stuck in the gym, apparently there’s a lot going on with homecoming.” Lexa answered, she hadn’t seen the blonde since this morning.

“Why aren’t you there?” Raven asks Lincoln.

“I can only help during 1st and afterschool plus Clarke is in a terrible mood and I had to escape form there.”

“Why what happened?”

“Well first the band cancelled for the dance and then Costia happened.”

“Oh no.” Octavia sighed, “What did the she devil say?”

“I guess she saw Clarke with Lexa and wasn’t happy about it since Lexa turned her down, but Clarke completely ruined her. Honestly, it was amazing, I’ve never seen Costia so mad.”

“I’m glad she put her in her place.” Raven said. “Speaking of.”

Clarke entered the cafeteria walking over to her friends with a less than happy expression.

“Hello.” Everyone turned to greet the blonde.

“How’s everything?” Lincoln asks,

“Pretty much everything is sorted except for the band.” Clarke huffed, “Hi.” She turned to Lexa with a small smile.

“Hi.” Lexa smiled, “You looked stressed.”

“Being the leader is stressful.”

“You’re the leader?”

“The head of the homecoming/prom committee, all Class Presidents have to help but I was elected to be the head. Which I wanted but it’s always a little stressful, nothing I can’t handle though.” Clarke smiled,

“Are you sure Clarke?” Octavia asks, “I don’t think you should have all this stress on— “

“I said it’s fine.” Clarke through daggers at the girl, she knew why she was worried, but she was really fine. You can’t go through life without stress and she loved planning the dances.

“We heard you took Costia down a peg.” Raven said, changing the subject.

“It wasn’t intentional.” Clarke rolled her eyes, “I had just found out the band cancelled, and she came up to me with her usual bs. I said some rude things to her which I kind of regret but let’s just say I wasn’t in the mood.”

“It was pretty great.” Lincoln laughed, “And the Harley Quinn costume made it even more badass.”

“I’m sorry this seems like my fault.” Lexa said to the blonde.

“Trust me it’s not, Costia’s hated me for years.” Clarke replied, “But I don’t care she doesn’t matter.”

“So what are you gonna do about the band?” Octavia ask,

“I have no clue it’s not like I—" That’s when it hit her, a possible solution to her problem. “I have to go; I’ll be back before schools over. Lincoln can you cover for me?”

“Uh yeah, but where are you going?”

“To get a band.” Clarke explained, “I’ll talk to you later?” She turned to Lexa.

“Yeah.” Lexa had no clue what was going on and looking around no one else did either. They all just watched the blonde frantically run out of the cafeteria.

“That was weird right?” Raven asks,

“Beyond weird.” Murphy added, “And that’s coming from me.”

* * *

Clarke knew this was a long shot, but she had to ask, she may not know anyone currently in a band, but she knows people who used to be. Of course for this plan she needed them to get back together and there was no guarantee they would agree after their less than amicable split.

After frantically driving to The Ark she parked her car and ran inside, technically they didn’t open for another 30 minutes but she knew she would be here. She went through the backdoor and into the employee lounge to see if the girl was there. But she wasn’t so she went to her dad’s office.

“Clarke?” Jake asked confusingly, “Shouldn’t you be at school?”

“Yes but I left because I’m in the middle of a homecoming crisis and I really need to talk to Ontari is she here?” Clarke was talking fast, and she was sure her dad was even more confused than he was before.

“She should be up front.” Jake answered, “Shouldn’t I be lecturing you for skipping school?”

“It’s not really skipping if I’m going to go back.”

“Technically it is skipping if you leave without permission.” Jake tried to hide his smile.

“Well then am i in trouble?”

“This seems important, so I’ll let it slide.”

“You’re the best, love you.” Clarke smiled, walking off to find the girl in question.

She found the girl sitting at one of the tables rolling silverware with her headphones in her ears.

“Thank god you’re here.” Clarke sighed sitting next to the girl.

“Shouldn’t you be in school?”

“Why is that everyone’s main concern right now?”

“Uhm because it’s the time of the day when you’re usually in school?” Ontari looked at the girl smiling.

“I left school because I needed to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“About Ice Nation.” Clarke said watching the girls face fall, this was sort of a sore topic, but she was desperate.

“Clarke.”

“The band for homecoming cancelled and I really need a replacement and you’re the only one I know that’s in a bad that’s actually good.”

“Ok first of all I’m not in a band, I was in one you know we don’t play anymore. I’m sorry about your situation but it’s unlikely everyone will want to play.”

“What If I asked them?” Clarke begged, “Please Tari you are my only hope right now.”

Ontari paused for a second.

“It’s not just up to me Clarke, you know things ended kind of messy with all of us.”

“Ok so what if I talked to Echo.”

“Echo’s not the problem and you know it.” Clarke knew this would be a long shot, but she had to try.

“What if Echo agrees to it and I find a new drummer? You won’t have to call them; they don’t have to be apart of it.” Clarke knew better than to say their names around Ontari, but Nia and Roan weren’t necessary for them to play. It would be easier to find a new drummer than to find a whole band.

“Call Echo, see what she thinks.” Ontari shrugged,

“Thank you, I love you so much and I owe you big time.” Clarke shrieked.

“I said call her it doesn’t mean she’ll say yes.”

“She can’t say no to me.” Clarke smiled, “Plus if she needs a little extra convincing, I’ll have Bellamy help.”

“You know they’re going to be mad once they hear we played without them.”

“Not if you go by a different name, then it’s like a whole new band.” Clarke suggested, “You guys were amazing Ontari and it wasn’t because them it was because of you. Your voice made that band good and they were jealous, don’t let them ruin that for you.”

“Alright fine, I do have condition.” Ontari smiled,

“Oh no.” Clarke hated that look, “What?”

“You have to sing one song with me.”

“What? Why?”

“Because your voice is amazing too and you always kill it at the talent shows why not live like a Rockstar for one night?”

“Fine one song.” Clarke enjoyed singing, she never wanted to do it professionally, but it was a good hobby.

“Do you even know anyone who plays drums?” Ontari asks, “Wait what about O?

“She would be a good option, but this is her dance too.” Clarke’s first thought was Octavia since she’s been playing since she was 10, but she wanted her to enjoy the dance not play it.

“Who else do you know?”

“Literally no one.” Clarke wined, “Ugh, but I’ll find someone. I’ll do it my damn self if I have to.”

“No offense hot stuff but you aren’t very good on the drums, trust me I know.” Ontari laughed remember all the times Octavia tried to teach the blonde to play.

“I know but I’m desperate, let me just talk to Echo first then I’ll go from there.”

“Let me know what happens.”

“I will and thank you Tari.” Clarke hugged the girl before leaving the restaurant. She fixed half of the problem and she’ll be dammed if she let this minor setback ruin everything.

* * *

It was after school and Lexa was with her dad so they could go pay for her car and pick it up. She was beyond excited to finally be driving, she’s had her license since she was 16 but it took her a while to save the money. Of course her dad offered to help but she wanted to do it on her own and now she finally had.

When they pulled up to Sinclair’s shop, she spotted the car in the driveway.

“That’s it.” Lexa said to her dad pointing to the 2010 two-door jeep Rubicon in the driveway.

“It looks nice, are you sure he only wants 6,000 for it, that seems like a steal.” Gustus pointed out.

“That’s what he said, Sinclair says the guy has 3 or 4 cars, so I don’t think he needs the money.”

They got out of the car and walked into the shop to meet Sinclair.

“Hey Lexa, did you see her out there?” Sinclair said referring to the car.

“Yeah, I’m so excited. My dad said the asking price is low are you sure he only wants 6,000?”

“It’s definitely a steal, but that what he asked for.” Sinclair replied, “Raven said you wanted Clarke to paint it”

“Yeah I asked her she said she would, but she won’t let me pay her.”

Sinclair laughed. “That’s Clarke, I’m trying to convince her to do a few jobs, but she hasn’t accepted yet maybe one day. Anyways here’s the keys.”

Lexa took the keys from the man’s hands; she couldn’t believe she actually has a car.

“Enjoy your new car.” Sinclair smiled,

Lexa went to look at her new baby while Gustus and Sinclair talked.

The car was white, but Lexa was going to have Clarke do it dark green. She wanted a design as well, but she had no clue what.

“Ready?” Gustus asks,

“Yep, I’ll beat you home!” Lexa hopped in her new car and rolled the windows down.

“Doing the speed limit of course.” Gustus looked knowingly,

“Of course!” Lexa smiled as she backed out of the driveway in her new car!

As she was driving, she couldn’t help but be proud of herself for buying her own car. Finally cleaning up her act was starting to pay off.

When she got home Anya was outside waiting to see the new car. Even though the girl was a year older she didn’t have her license. She doesn’t like to talk about it, but she failed twice, and Lexa got it on her first try.

“A jeep, nice.” Anya admired the car,

“Isn’t it?” Lexa was still excited, “I won’t be able to drive it until I get a new license plate and all that stuff but here she is. What should I name her?”

“Um, nothing because it’s a fucking car.”

“I’m thinking pearl… or Jesse no Vivian.” Lexa smiled, “Vivian’s perfect.”

“You’re weird.” Anya commented before going inside.

“Why aren’t you with Raven?”

“I just came from seeing her.” Anya smiled, “We had a pretty long couple of hours and I’m tired.”

“Ewh.”

“You asked.”

“Next time I won’t.”

“Clarke was looking pretty hot today; she pulls off Harley Quinn well.” Anya said.

“She does.” Lexa agreed remember Clarke’s costume.

“Does she know your intersex?”

“Yes, I told her.”

“And.”

“And nothing it didn’t bother her; she was pretty unfazed by it.”

“Are you guys dating now?”

“We’re not labeling it right now we’re just enjoying each other’s company and seeing where things go.”

“I like Clarke.” Anya commented.

“That’s a first, you’ve never liked any of my other girlfriends.”

“You mean I never liked any of your conquest, you never dated those girls. Plus I didn’t need to like them you were kind of a whore, so you had new girls every week.” Lexa cringed at the memories; she did keep a revolving door of girls in Seattle.

“That is true, but that’s not me anymore.”

“I know.” Anya said, “Thank god too, you have no clue how many awkward encounters I had with some of those girls.”

“I do know because you’ve told me many times.” Lexa rolled her eyes.

“I know I just want you to know that still haunts me.”

“Poor Anya.” Lexa teased,

* * *

Tuesday: Pajama Day

Clarke woke up early the next morning so she could get a head start for the day. It was PJ day so luckily for her she could be stressed and comfortably dressed.  
The band situation was still looming over her head, she talked to Echo who was down to do it but now she needed a drummer. Apparently, no one is this town plays the stupid drums.

She quickly threw on some black leopard print sleep shorts and a matching tank and robe, yes it was all black, but it fit her mood. Lastly, she added her comfy pink fluffy house shoes and threw half her hair up in a pony leaving the other half down.

“Mom I’m leaving.” Clarke shouted as she dragged herself down the stairs.

“Wait! Let me get a- Clarke can’t you wear something livelier?” Abby examined the girl’s full black PJ set with her wild pink hair. “And the shorts are a little short Clarke.”

“I like this set and I have a robe on everything’s covered.”

“Fine at least smile for one picture.”

Clarke put on her best smile as her mom snapped a few pictures of her. When Octavia came in, she snapped a few more of the two girls in their PJ’s.

“Ready?” Octavia asks, she was wearing red cheetah print PJ set and it was almost as if they planned the whole animal print thing, but they didn’t. “Great mind think a like huh?”

“We’re too much alike.” Clarke responded.

“That’s so true.”

They hoped in the car and drove to school while Octavia played her music through the speakers.

“Do you know any drummers?” Clarke asks the girl.

“Besides me? Not really the other people I took class with were older so most of them have gone to college by now. Why what’s up?”

“I’ve convinced Ontari and Echo to get the band back together for homecoming.”

“Oh my god really? That’s so exciting they were really good.”

“I know but calling Roan and Nia is of the table and I need a drummer to replace Roan.”

“Why didn’t you just ask me?” Octavia looked at the girl.

“Because you can’t play and enjoy the dance.” Clarke sighed, “I’ll find someone I just don’t know who yet.”

“How about the DJ plays the first half of the dance and the band plays the other, that way I can enjoy half of the dance and play the other half.” Octavia suggested.

“I can’t ask you to do that O.”

“You’re not, I’m offering. Plus it’ll be fun.”

“You really want to do this?”

“Yes princess so stop worrying, it’ll be great.”

“I don’t know what I would do without you.” Clarke smiled,

“Ditto princess.”

“Ontari’s making me sing a song.”

“Really, that’s great!”

“I guess, it was her condition for playing. I’m thinking I should go full Envy Adams.”

“Oh hells yes!” Octavia smirked, “Oh my god we can go full Clash at Demon Head.”

When they arrived at school Anya, Raven, Lincoln and Lexa were waiting for them by the entrance door. Clarke hadn’t talked to Lexa since yesterday and she kind of missed her.  
“I see you decided to participate.” Clarke gestured to the girl’s pajamas.

“Seemed easy enough.” Lexa shrugged, “How’s it possible that you can pull of PJ’s so well?”

“God given gift.” Clarke smiled,

“Guys.” Octavia interrupted, “I’m joining a band.”

“What?” Lincoln looked at his girlfriend.

“Well joining one for one night.” Octavia clarified, “Clarke got Ice Nation to play the show minus Roan and Nia so I’m the new drummer.”

“Ice nation?” Anya asks,

“You play the drums?” Lexa also asks,

“Ice nation is their old name.” Clarke corrected,

“And yes I play the drums sexy Lexi.” Octavia winked,

“Anyways, Ontari, Echo and now O have agreed to help me out.”

“And Clarkes going to sing!” Octavia added,

“Really Clarke?” Raven asks surprised, the blonde only ever sang in the annual talent show or in the shower.

“Ontari asked and if it will get her to play the show then so be it.” Clarke shrugged.

“I didn’t know you could sing?” Lexa looked at the blonde.

“Mostly for fun.”

“She’s really good.” Lincoln added.

“I’m ok.”

“I guess I’ll find out Saturday.” Lexa smiled,

“I guess you will.” Clarke smirked, “I’m sorry I went MIA yesterday, it took me forever to try and convince Ontari to play then when I got back to school, I was busy with HOCO(Homecoming) stuff.”

“It’s fine I knew how busy you were, I’m glad you got everything figured out.”

“Me too.”

“So what kind of songs does this band play?” Lexa asked the group,

“Well they used to play like a combination of rock/indie/alternative stuff. They were actually really good.” Raven said.

“What happened to them?” Anya asks causing everyone to look around.

“It’s kind of a long story but basically the drummer Roan and his vile evil sister tried to pull some very horrible things on Ontari, so she left. She was the lead singer and when she left so did Echo and they kind of just broke up.” Octavia explained,

“So what are they going to play at the dance?” Lincoln asks, “I doubt it’ll be ice nation songs.” What are doing after school O?”

“Nothing.” Octavia shrugged,

“Ok I’ll call Echo and Ontari so you guys can practice, are you okay with using drums from the band room or do you want yours?”

“Bell can bring my set in his truck.”

“Ok meet me in the gym at 4.”

“You got it princess.” Octavia winked, “Babe can you believe I’m in a band?”

“Are you skipping class again today?” Lexa asked the blonde.

“Hey, it wasn’t skipping I came back!” Clarke explained, “But no I am not I’ll be in this building all day.”

“Good then maybe I’ll get a chance to see you.”

“I won’t be at lunch, but you can come to the gym and keep me company if you want?” Clarke suggested.

“Am I allowed?”

“Lexa, I thought you knew this already, I’m kind of the boss.” Clarke said a grin on her face.

“Alright boss I’ll be there.”

“It’ll be the longest 4 hours of my life, but I can’t wait.” Clarke smiled, hugging the girl.

“Don’t miss me too much.” Lexa called after her,

“I’ll try not to!”

“You guys are so cute!” Octavia said causing the brunette to turn around seeing her friends staring at her,

“It makes my little heart melt seeing you two interact.” Raven added.

“Thanks?” Lexa said unsure, her and Clarke were cute? Maybe they were, Lexa couldn’t stop the stupid smile form forming no her face. There was a he and Clarke.

* * *

“Maybe a little higher.” Clarke directed, they were hanging the fairy lights and banners today and Clarke was convinced no had vision.

She had it in her head exactly how she wanted everything but no was executing it the way she wanted.

“Here?”

Is he serious? Clarke thought, clearly not there unless they wanted someone to get entangled in freaking fairy lights.

“You know what just forget it, there are tables that still need set up maybe you can do that right!” Clarke knew she was being a bit crazy, but this needed to be perfect. The two volunteers walked off rolling their eyes and cursing the girl under their breathe.

“Is this a bad time?”

Clarke spun around finding Lexa smiling with two ice coffee’s in her hand.

“O told me it’s your favorite.” Lexa gestured to the drink in her hand. “I know you said you already ate so I thought I’d get you some caffeine.”

“You’re amazing.” Clarke smiled taking the ice coffee from the girl taking a sip, “This is the best thing to happen to me today.”

“That bad huh?” Lexa asks looking around the gym.

“Better now that you’re here.” Clarke looked at the girl, “It’s just- none of these people have vision and it’s frustrating. Usually Lincoln can at least do something I’ll like but he won’t be here until after school and these freshmen are driving me crazy. I mean if Sam comes up to me one more time saying we have a problem I might quit this whole thing!”

“No you won’t.”

“You’re right I wont but still, the creative balance in this room is completely fucked.”

“Well I don’t know much but I’d be willing to let you boss me around if it meant things looked the way you wanted.”

“Really?” Clarke asks,

“Just tell me what you want me to do.”

“Ok well I’ve been trying to hang these but no one’s getting it right.” Clarke hands Lexa the lights describing the placement she wants and to her surprise Lexa puts them up perfectly.

“Is here ok?” Lexa asks,

“It’s perfect.” Clarke says barley above a whisper staring at the girl, how could she do something so simple and it impress her so much. “Those two idiots couldn’t even get it close to this.”

“Is there anything else you need help with?”

“It’s really boring but I have to fold some ballads for the HOCO court.”

“If I’m doing it with you it won’t be that boring.”

“You say that now, 40 ballads in and you’ll go crazy.” Clarke laughed, she knew from experience,

But the whole time Lexa didn’t complain, she didn’t mind at all she did anything the girl asked her to. Plus its extra time for them to talk especially since Clarke will be so busy this week.

They asked each other stupid questions and laughed and got to know each other a little better.

“So what song are you going to sing at the dance?” Lexa asked as they continued folding.

“I have a few ideas; I want to do something fun that’s all I really know.”

“Do you sing often?”

“Mostly for fun I’ve done a few talent shows but other than that it’s just a hobby. I do love karaoke nights though. Do you have any hobbies?”

“I used to write, I once tried to learn the piano, but I wasn’t the most patient child.”

“I can play maybe I’ll teach you a song.”

“Is there anything you can’t do Clarke?” Lexa asks seriously,

“My parents put me in a lot of activities as a child, looking back I’m really glad they did. It’s nice having different hobbies, they make for good distractions from life.” Clarke sighed, “You said you used to write, why don’t you anymore?”

“When my mom died, I gave up on a lot of things and writing was one of them.” Lexa sighed, “After she was gone it didn’t feel right doing things I used to do when she was here, so I didn’t.”

“Do you think you’ll ever write again?”

“I don’t know, a year ago I probably would’ve said no but lately I’ve done a lot of things I thought I’d never do.”

“Like what?”

“Like learning how to be ok,” Lexa said, “I guess I just always thought I’d be a mess.”

“I know what you mean.” Clarke knew that feeling all to well, “I’m glad you’re learning to be ok.”

“I’m glad you are too.” Lexa smiled,

They finished folding the ballads in an enjoyable silence stealing glances at each other every now and again. Soon enough lunch was over, and Lexa had to go back to class.

“Thank you for making my day do a complete 360.” Clarke smiled at the girl.

“I’m glad I could, this was actually really nice.”

“If you’re not busy you could come watch the rehearsals later?

“I’d love to.”

“Cool I’ll see you then.”

“See you then.” Lexa smiled before walking off to her next class, she had no idea what Clarke griffin was doing to her, but she liked it.


	15. Spirit Week Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen Scott Pilgrim VS The World is my favorite movie don't hate for referencing it! It's so good watch it!

It was now after school and Clarke was watching the girls set up their band equipment on the stage for the dance. She knew this had potential of turning out really bad, but she couldn’t focus on that. Everything needed to go as planned.

“WE ARE SEX BOB OM AND WE’RE HERE TO MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND GET SAD AND STUFF, 1234!” Octavia yelled mimicking the scene from Scott Pilgrim.

“That name doesn’t age well.” Echo joked, “Such a good movie though.”

“Agreed.” Clarke and Ontari chimed.

“Have you guys thought of a new name?” Clarke asked the girls.

“I don’t know T; do you have any ideas?” Echo asks Ontari.

“Well I never like ice nation as a name my choice was Wicked, but no one liked that.”

“How about Queens of Noise? We’re a band of badass chicks why not name it after the OG’s” Octavia suggested.

“The runaways I like it.” Ontari smiled, “Queens of Noise it is.”

“Alright Queens of Noise we need to make a playlist of everything you want to play, your set will be an hour. I’m giving the DJ the majority of the time since we’re throwing this together last minute.”

“I’m so excited for this!” Octavia made a light beat on her drums.

“You guys warm up, how about with Queens of Noise assuming you all know it.”

“Of course princess.” Echo grabbed her guitar from it’s stand.

“Ready?” Ontari turned to the girls.

Octavia started with the drums then Echo with the guitar and before they new it they were playing the beat of the song. And to Clarkes surprise they all sounded good together. Echo was great on the guitar O was killing the drums and Ontari’s voice was amazing as usual. This could work.

_Queens of Noise, come and get it boys_

_Queens of Noise not just one of your toys!_

Clarke sang along to the group absent mindedly like one of there fans until she felt someone standing next to her.

“Costia.” Clarke barely looked at the girl before turning back to the band.

“Who’s your friend?” She pointed to Ontari who was still singing,

“Why?”

“Just curious,” Costia shrugged.

“I should apologize, some of the things I said to you yesterday were unnecessary so I’m sorry.”

“No, I don’t think you are.” Costia turned to the blonde, “But you will be.” She looked at the band one more time before walking out of the gym.

Great she was probably about to get murdered.

“What was that about?” Lexa asked who just walked in asked,

“I honestly have no clue and no time to care, I’m glad you came.” Clarke squeezed the girl’s hand.

“Of course, am I going to get to hear you sing?”

“Probably not today, my main focus is making sure they sound good together.”

“Honestly, they sound really good together. A runways song too? Perfect.”

“You know good music.”

“I try.” Lexa smiled.

“How was that?” Ontari called from the stage,

“Really good! I feel like this shouldn’t be a one-time thing.” Clarke admitted.

“WE ARE QUEEN OF NOISE AND WE’RE HERE TO SELL OUT AND MAKE MONEY AND STUFF! 1234!” Octavia yells causing the girls to laugh,

“Scott Pilgrim huh?” Lexa said.

“You know it?” Clarke asks, it was an extremely underrated movie.

“I know of it.” Lexa smiled, “Raven made my whole family watch it.”

“And what’d you think?” Clarke eyed the girl,

“I liked it.”

“Thank god because that would’ve been a deal breaker for me.” Clarke joked.

“Your up blondey.” Ontari passed the mic to the girl.

“What? No, you guys need to practice more than me.”

“One song, please I miss your voice.” Ontari begged.

“Fine.” Clarke grabbed the mic and went on stage whispering to Echo and O the song to play.

“I’m Ontari by the way.” Ontari smiled at Lexa.

“Lexa, it’s nice to officially meet you.” Lexa replied, “You have a really great voice.”

“Thank you.”

Lexa recognized the beat immediately and she couldn’t help but smile when Clarke started singing.

_Pretty women walking down the street_

_Pretty women the kind I’d like to meet_

_Pretty women, I don’t believe you, it must be true_

She watched as Clarke sang the lyrics to the song that’s played in her favorite movie. She couldn’t believe she remembered that, she sat in awe throughout the whole performance and when it was over all she could do was smile.

“What did you think?” Clarke asks walking back over to the girl,

“I think you’re amazing and I can’t believe you remembered I said that was my favorite movie.” Lexa wasn’t used to this, usually she expected girls to forget everything she says and for the most part they did, but not Clarke. “Julia Roberts would be proud.”

“Well thank you.” Clarke smiled,

“Pretty good princess.” Echo said.

“You guys are the good ones; I really think this is going to be amazing.”

“Damn right it is.” Octavia added,

“Come up with a list of at least 10 songs you guys can play, we have 3 days to practice.”

The girls continued practicing for another couple of hours before they decided to call it a night. They managed to pick 5 songs to play and practice a few of them, so far, they were making good progress. After the band was finished practicing, they packed everything up and Clarke gave Lexa a ride home.

“I’m glad I got to hang out with you today.” Clarke said, pulling into the girl’s driveway. “Even if it was just at school.”

“Me too.”

“Is that your car?” Clarke pointed to the white jeep,

“It is her name is Vivian.” Lexa said proudly,

Clarke laughed, “I love it, my car doesn’t have a name although Octavia and Luna used to call my car the Skai girl mobile.”

“Skai girl?”

“It’s sort of a long story but basically in elementary school we came up with superhero names and mine was Skai girl after Skai beach.”

“It’s cute.” Lexa laughed,

“So what were you thinking of painting on it?” Clarke asked,

“I’m not sure I know I want it green, like the woods. I like it here, but I do miss the forests and gloomy weather of Seattle.” Lexa sighed, “As for a design I have no clue.”

“After all this homecoming stuff is out of the way I can draw up some things, I have a few ideas in mind.” Clarke suggested.

“You’re the creative one here so I trust your skills.”

“I won’t let you down.” Clarke assured the girl, “I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

“I’ll be there.” Lexa lingered for a second looking at Clarke wondering if it was ok to kiss her, “Uhm I- I’ll see you.”

Before Lexa could get out of the car Clarke grabbed her arm pulling her in for a soft kiss.

“Goodnight.” Clarke smiled,

“Goodnight.”

* * *

Wednesday (Decades Day)

For the theme today Clarke picked a classic 60’s look, her main inspiration was Sharon Tate and Bridget Bardot. She had a off the shoulder blue baby doll dress with white knee-high boots to complete the look. Her hair was the real challenge since it was so short, but a little teasing and a floral headband saved the day. All in all she really enjoyed the look. She managed cut her mother off after a few pictures of her and O who was dressed as a flapper for the 20’s.

Before she knew it, she was once again in the gym except now she was doing homework. She had permission to miss class for most of the week, but she still needed to keep up with her work. Most everything was set up for the dance and it was looking good. The only thing they needed was a walkway and a photo backdrop for anyone who doesn’t want to use the photobooth.

“Hey.” Clarke looked up from her laptop to find Luna standing in front of her.

“Hey.”

“It looks nice in here.” Luna said looking around the room.

“Yeah, it’s coming together. What are you doing in here?”

“Ms. Green asked the soccer team to get all the sport equipment into the locker rooms. I’m guessing they’re in your way.”

“They definitely ruin the vibe I’m going for; we could’ve moved it though I’m sorry she asked you guys.”

“It’s no big deal.” Luna says, “I like your 60’s look, I was sure you’d do Marilyn Monroe.”

“It crossed my mind,” Clarke smiled, “I like your 80’s Aerobics class look.”

“The team picked the look, we thought it would be cool to match.”

“Well you guys look nice, are you going to the dance?”

“I didn’t know if I would or not, but I heard a rumor that I just might get to see Clarke Griffin sing, so I might have to.”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile, Luna had always liked her singing and they always loved singing in the car together.

“I can’t confirm or deny that rumor.”

Luna laughed, “Well I guess I’ll just have to come and find out; I’ll see you around Skai girl.”

“Bye.” Clarke smiled watching the girl walk away. There had never been a moment where she regretted dating Luna but talking to her today made her regret it. They used to be such good friends and it did hurt a little knowing they could never be that again.

* * *

Lexa had a free period so she decided to go to the gym and hang out with Clarke, she figured she would be busy, but she was prepared to offer her help.

As she was approaching the door, she saw Clarke and Luna sitting and laughing together. She knew they were over, and she had no right to be jealous, but she totally was. The two of them had a history and it would be so easy for them to decide they want to get back together. Clarke wouldn’t do that though, right?

Honestly, Lexa didn’t want to think about that possibility do instead she decided to spend her free period sitting at the tables near the beach.

Going to school on a beach was peaceful, hell living in a beach town was peaceful, but she did miss home. Even though it’s the place that holds a lot of bad memories it also holds the good ones. Ones of her mom braiding her hair and taking her for walks through their favorite forest while they talked about nothing and just laughed.

Just thinking about her mother’s laugh made her want to cry because she’ll never hear it again. Sure there were home videos but that’s the past, knowing her mom was her past made her feel uneasy because it shouldn’t be this way. But it is.

“Hey Lexa.” Octavia walked over to the girl and sat at the table with her. “Why are you out here all alone?”

“It’s my free period.”

“Didn’t want to spend it with Clarke?” Octavia smiled,

“I just needed to clear my head.” Lexa answered, still staring at the beach.

“I get that.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”“Do you think Clarke and Luna would ever get back together?”

Octavia was clearly caught off guard with the question taking a few second to muster up an answer.

“No.” Octavia said plainly, “Clarke and Luna will never get back together.”

“How do you know?” Lexa hated the insecure tone in her voice.

“Because she’s like my sister and I know her, it took a lot for her to break up with Luna she wouldn’t undo that. Plus she likes you Lexa, you guys may not be girlfriends just yet, but she likes you. Now I have some questions for you.”

“Oh?” Lexa looked at the girl.

“If you want to date my Clarkey I need you to answer a few things.”

“Shouldn’t I be getting this talk from her dad or something?”

“Jakes way too nice to be bad cop but I rather enjoy it.” Octavia smirked, “Now what are your intentions with Clarke?

“Uh, I- I don’t have bad intentions if that’s what you mean?” Lexa had no clue how to respond, she’s never gotten this talk before.

“Do you want to date Clarke?”

“Eventually yes.” Honestly if Clarke wanted to date her right now, she’d do it.

“Well if you want to be with Clarke you have to show her, I know it’s easier to wait for her to make a move but taking the initiative isn’t bad either.”

“Oh and also if you hurt her, I’ll kick your ass.” Octavia said seriously, “Got it?”

“I do.” Lexa nodded,

“Good, now why are you asking me about her and the she devil?”

“Just curious I guess.”

“I don’t believe that.” Octavia eyes the girl,

“Fine I saw them talking in the gym and I got a little jealous.” Lexa admitted.

“It was probably just friendly talk, not that I think they’ll ever be friends again, but you have nothing to worry about when it comes to Clarke and Luna.”

“Were you friends with her?” Lexa asks, “Luna I mean.”

“We all were friends once upon a time, but people change, and life goes on. Luna was my friend, but Clarke is my sister and she will always come first.”

“I’ve never had a friend like that.” Lexa thought back on her life in Seattle, sure she had friends but none super close to her.

“You can, if that’s what you want.”

“Are you asking to be friends?”

“I’m telling you we’re all here if you want us.” Octavia smiled,

“Thank you,”

“Come on, walk me to class and I can tell you all the embarrassing stories about Clarke.” Octavia stood up pulling Lexa off the bench.

* * *

It was after school and Clarke was watching the band rehears a few new songs. She was impressed how well they all sounded together after 2 days of practice; it wouldn’t surprise her if they became an actual band after this.

“You guys sound amazing!” Clarke cheered, “I’m so excited for Saturday.”

“I’m actually really excited too; I didn’t realize how much I missed this.” Ontari added,

“We are pretty great.” Echo smiled,

“I really think you guys should play after this; you can even start writing your own songs again T.” Clarke said to Ontari.

“Maybe, let’s just get through Saturday.”

“Alright let’s run through a few more songs and then were done.”

* * *

It had been a couple of hours since school ended, and Clarke was laying in her bed still in her 60’s clothes. This week had been so long, and it was only Wednesday, as excited as she was for the dance, she couldn’t wait for it to be over.

After laying on her bed for way too long she decided to drag herself to the shower so she could get ready for bed. Just as she was about to go to the bathroom, she heard her phone beep.

 **Lexa:** _Come to your window._

Clarke ran over her window confused as ever until she saw it.

“Oh my god Lexa!” Clarke looked at the brunette who was standing in her driveway with a sign that read ‘Clarke Griffin will you go to HOCO with me?’ “What are you doing?”

“I know you already said yes but I wanted to ask you properly.” Lexa smiled still holding the sign.

“Hold on I’m coming down.” Clarke bolted out her room and down the stairs ignoring the stares form her parents.

“So is it still a yes?” Lexa asks smiling,

Clarke ignores the girl instead planting a kiss on her soft lips, she didn’t know why she did it, but she did, and she didn’t regret it.

“Is that a good enough answer?” Clarkes asks still inches away from the girls’ lips

“Yes.” Lexa murmured; the kiss had completely caught her off guard, but she wasn’t complaining.

“No one’s ever done anything like this for me before.” Clarke smiled,

“Well they should’ve, you deserve the best.”

“Can I keep the sign?”

“It’s all yours, sorry my art skills aren’t up there with yours. Anya wrote the letters out for me her handwriting is way better than mine and I didn’t want to mess it up.” Lexa spent most of the day thinking about what Octavia said, if she wanted to be with Clarke, she had to show her and that’s what she planned to do.

“It’s perfect Lexa, thank you so much for doing this.” Clarke wrapped her arms around the girl. She has been so stressed out lately and Lexa doing this made all the homecoming planning worth it.

“You don’t have to thank me; I was happy to do it.” Lexa smiled as they stayed in each other’s arms for a few more seconds.

“Oh my god!” Abby shrieked taking a picture with her phone, “This is the cutest ever, Jake! Come see this sign!”

“Mom really?” Clarke was beyond embarrassed,

“What? I was just making sure you were ok you ran out of the house without a word.” Abby explained, “Hi I’m Clarkes mom.” Abby held out her hand to Lexa.

“It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Griffin, I’m Lexa.” Lexa smiled, she could see where the girl eyes from her dad and her looks and hair color form her mother.

“Please just call me Abby.”

“Mom your kind of interrupting.” Clarke eyed her mother trying to tell her to leave,

“Ok, ok I’ll leave you two. But first I need a picture of you two with that sign.” Abby smiled.

Clarke didn’t want to make Lexa uncomfortable as if the other girl could sense what she was thinking she nodded and smiled.

They posed for a picture and Clarke couldn’t help but smile annoyingly big, she was happy, and she wanted to show it.

“You guys are so cute I can’t wait to see you two together at homecoming.” Abby smiled, “I should go see what that husband of mine is up to, but it was nice meeting you Lexa.”

“You too.”

“I’m sorry about her, she’s been taking pictures all week.”

“It’s fine.” Lexa imagined that would be her mom too if she were still here, “My mom was the same way.”

Clarke wanted to punch herself for being so insensitive, “Lexa, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“No you didn’t, at all.” Lexa took the blondes hands, “Mom’s love taking pictures is all I meant, and your mom seems really nice. You kind of look like her.”

“She used to joke that the only thing I got from her was my hair color.” Clarke smiled, “Do you want to come inside?”

“I wish I could but I’m sort of not even supposed to be driving my car yet, so I’m hoping to beat my dad home from work.”

“Well I won’t keep you; I can’t have you getting in trouble and leaving me dateless.” Clarke smiled,

“I would hate to do that.” Lexa decided this time she would take the initiative and kiss Clarke goodbye.

Their lips fit so perfectly together, and it made her want to kiss her every time she was around her.

“Thank you again.” Clarke said now holding her sign, “Drive safely.”

“I will.”

When Clarke went back inside her mother was waiting by the door questions ready which she expected.

“Is Lexa your new girlfriend?” Abby asks following the girl upstairs.

“No mom she’s just- we- we’re just us ok.”

“She seems lovely maybe she can come over for dinner sometime?”

“I’ll ask,” Clarke turned to her mom who was still following her.

“I sent you all the pictures I took, it was so cute of her to make that sign.”

“It was.” Clarke smiled looking down at the poster made specifically for her.

* * *

Thursday: Disney Day!

Lexa like the rest of the weeks decided not to dress up for Disney day, it’s not that she didn’t want to, but she had nothing planned. She did however enjoy seeing Clarke and their friends dress up. It was also entertaining to see Anya mope around in her Danny Zuko outfit that Raven made her ware, although she has a theory that she was secretly loving it.

“Good news.” Gustus said to Lexa as she walked into the kitchen. “You are now on my car insurance which means you can drive today.”

“Finally.” Lexa cheered.

“It’s only been 3 days.”

“3 long days that she was just sitting in the driveway.”

“Besides when you drove it to Clarkes.” Anya said absent mindedly while she ate her cereal,

Lexa threw the nearest thing on table at the girl.

“Ow, what the fuck Lexa?" 

“It was only to Clarke’s and It was important.” Lexa explained to her dad.

“What’s done is done, just drive carefully.” Gustus says, “I’m off to work you girls have a good day.”

“Thanks for that by the way.” Lexa smacked her sister,

“Cause he clearly cared so much.” Anya rolled her eyes,

“Whatever just hurry up so we can leave.”

The drive to school was quick but Lexa was just excited to be driving at all in her new car. She parked in the juniors parking lot and made her way to the front door, Anya by her side.

“No costume today?” Lexa asked the girl while they walked.

“No thank god, Raven wanted me to be Rapunzel but that’s where I drew the line. Apparently, her Octavia and Clarke are dressing as Disney villains.”

“I see that.” Lexa spotted the girls standing by Clarke’s car talking and taking selfies.

Clarke looked amazing as usual in a Cruella De’vil costume that consisted of tight Dalmatian print pants, a black corset crop top and a fur coat. The girl even had half of her head sprayed black.

“Wow.” Lexa looked at the girls costume up close.

“Like it?” Clarke smiled twirling around,

“You look amazing.”

“What about us?” Octavia interrupted.

“You guys look great too.” O was in a queen of hearts costume while Raven was Mother Gothel from tangled.

“Babe it would’ve looked better if you dressed as Rapunzel.” Raven wined.

“How about I make it up to you.” Anya smiled,

“We’ll see.” Raven smirked,

“Anyways, we should probably head inside.” Octavia said,

When they got into the school almost everyone had a costume on, there were a lot of Elsa’s and Ana’s even a couple of Kristoff’s and Sven’s. Disney Princesses littered the halls it was honestly really cool to see.

“There’s my man!” Octavia cheered as Lincoln walked up in his mad hatter costume, “You look so cute!”

“You look amazing babe.”

“Even Lincoln dressed up for O, you could’ve dressed up for me.” Raven said to her now annoyed girlfriend.

“Maybe I just don’t like Disney.” Anya mumbled,

“Everyone likes Disney!” Raven replied,

“Ok then I just didn’t want to dress up Raven!”

“Whatever.” Raven rolled her eyes,

“This is getting awkward so I’m going to go.” Clarke said making her get away.

“I’ll come too.” Lexa added,

“Us too.” Lincoln and Octavia followed the girls.

When they got to the gym Clarke gave them a sneak peak of what they would be in for Saturday night.

“It’ll look so much better when it’s dark and the fairy lights are lit.” Clarke smiled; she was proud of the work everyone did.

“It looks really good Clarke.” Octavia commented, “Definitely better than last year.”

“I’m glad you think so, I just can’t wait for Saturday to actually be here.”

Lexa stood back and watched Clarke happily explain how everything will look for the dance and she was excited that the girl was excited. She could tell how much hard work she put into it and she wanted everything to be great for her.

“Lastly we got the photobooth.” Clarke motioned for them to follow her booth.

“Holy shit this is nice!” Octavia said, it was a pretty big photo booth and was definitely an expensive one. “They paid for this?”

“No, I convinced Nates dad to let us borrow it for free advertisement. All we have to do is have his store logo on posters.”

“You’re impressive Griffin.” Octavia smiled,

“I try.” The girl flipped her hair, “Do you like it?”

“I love it, I’m really proud of you. This is amazing.” Lexa squeezed the girl’s hand.

“Thank you, it means a lot.”

“CLARKE! We have a problem!”

“Sam, I swear to god I’m going to rip someone’s head off.” Clarke turned to the already scared freshman, maybe she should tone it down a bit, “What now?”

“The janitor says there’s too much power running in here, apparently it won’t sustain the stage lights and all the fairy lights, and we don’t know what to do!”

“Sam do I look like an electrician?” Clarke asks the girl not expecting an answer, “Well guys duty calls, looks like you’ll have to see the rest Saturday.”

“I’ve gotta get to class anyways I’ll see you guys later.” Octavia kissed Lincoln bye before leaving.

“Will I see you at rehearsals later?” Clarke asked Lexa.

“Do you want me to be there?”

“I do.” Clarke smiled.

“Then I’ll be there.”

Clarke planted a quick kiss on the girl’s lips before running off to solve yet another problem. But it was ok, she kept telling herself that the outcome would be worth the trouble. Hopefully, that was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homecoming Chapter coming soon!  
> also poor sam!


	16. Homecoming Shenanigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIII!!! The homecoming chapter is finally here! I hope you guys like it!  
> Also i tried really hard to write this performance scene and i honestly hate it but i left it in bc it's a plot point so... we'll see what happens! 
> 
> also link to Anyas outfit if your curious: 
> 
> https://www.windsorstore.com/collections/occasions-night-out-jumpsuits-rompers/products/take-a-second-look-romper-065030085999?variant=30568962916403

Friday: School Colors!

Usually with a high school homecoming dance there is some sort of sporting event leading up to the dance. In the case of Polis High there is a football game on Friday the last day of spirit week but as Lexa quickly learned no one cared about that.

Apparently, Polis’s football team sucked so no one really cared about the game they just looked forward to the dance. Which was fine with Lexa seeing as she wasn’t a huge football fan, but she still found it strange that the game was barely even mentioned all week.

“So does everyone just act like the football team doesn’t exists?” It was after school on Friday and Lexa was sitting at home with Anya and Raven. Clarke was busy doing last minute homecoming stuff, so she opted to stay of her way.

“Yes, they pretty much are the worst team in the state. It would be embarrassing if anyone cared.” Raven replied, “The games are pretty fun if you have a bottle of vodka or something to distract from the fact that team hasn’t scored.”

Anya glared at Raven.

“Really?” Anya rolled her eyes,

“Shit, I’m sorry Lex I didn’t me-.”

“I know Raven it’s fine, the mention alcohol won’t make me explode.” Lexa smiled, “So if you guys don’t go to the games what do you do Friday night before the dance?”

“We get our beauty sleep so we can look good for the dance.” Raven answered, “Speaking of, I should go. I have to meet Clarke and head home.” Raven gathered her stuff. “I’ll see you two tomorrow.” Raven smiled before leaving which Lexa thought was extremely strange.

“Ok, what’s going on with you two?” Lexa asked he sister.

“Nothing we’re fine.”

“Really?” Lexa asks, “Because both of you have been acting weird and she didn’t even give you a kiss or hug goodbye which is not like you guys.”

Anya huffed before walking off into the kitchen with Lexa not far behind.

“Did you really have to follow me?” Anya asked annoyed.

“Yes because I want you to talk to me, somethings wrong.”

Anya paused for second.

“I don’t want to talk about it Lexa, I’ll just sound hypocritical and I can handle my own shit.” Anya sighed,

“I never said you couldn’t handle it; I just want to make sure everything’s ok.” Lexa replied, “How would you sound hypocritical?”

“Listen Lexa there just things you don’t know and-.” she sighed, “Can we go upstairs and talk.”

Lexa was worried, Anya wasn’t a very emotional person and the only time she’s ever actually seen the girl sad is when their mom died. She was tough but even the toughest people have moments of ‘weaknesses.’

Lexa nodded and followed the girl upstairs to her room; their dad was still at work, so the house was quiet and empty which made things feel more ominous.

“Does this have to do with you not want to dress up yesterday?” Lexa asks watching her sister sit on the bed.

“No.” Anya took a deep breathe, “After school yesterday while you were with Clarke at the band rehearsal me and Raven came back here. Things were getting sexual which is fine, it’s no secret that we have sex but when we do, I always make sure my sides are covered up.”

“Why?” Lexa asks, she didn’t know where this story was going but she knew Anya wouldn’t bring it up if it wasn’t something big.

“It turns out you’re not the only problem child Lexa.” Anya sighed, “A few months after mom died things were worse than ever. Dad could barely leave his room and you were off somewhere doing god knows what, while i-. I was trying to cope with all the things I was feeling, and I couldn’t, I didn’t know how so I started doing this.” Anya lifted her shirt revealing old cuts and scars on her hips and sides causing Lexa to gasp.

She had no clue that this was happening, of course she didn’t but she never would’ve thought Anya would do this. And she wasn’t there.

“Whenever me and Raven have sex, I have my shirt off, but it’s always pulled over my hips, so she’s never seen it, until yesterday. My shirt came up a little and she saw the cuts. She asked what they were, and I freaked out, I got mad and I told her to leave and ever since things have been… weird.”

“Anya, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because Lexa you weren’t there, and I didn’t want to give another reason to feel bad. I know what I did was stupid, and I haven’t done it since, mom was… she was the only person who understood me. She saw past my wit and grunge façade and she knew who I was, I never had to tell her. Then she was gone, and it was like I finally knew what true loneliness felt like and I couldn’t handle it. I know you get that.”

“I do.” Lexa whispered, “Does dad know?”

“He’s known for the past 3 years and he helped me through it.”

“I should’ve been there and I’m sorry I wasn’t.”

“Lexa, we don’t have to keep apologizing, it’s fine.”

“No it’s not fine and I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, I promise.” Lexa took her sisters hand, “Now back to Raven, why did you kick her out?”

“I guess when it comes being open, I can’t really walk the walk. I know it’s ironic since I was just you to be open with Clarke and I can’t even take my own advice.”

“You said it yourself Anya, she sees you for who you are. She cares about you a lot, I can see it, it’s almost sickening how much she likes you.” Lexa smiled, “I’m leaving your room right now and you’re calling Raven and telling her to come back over here so you can talk.”

“What if she won’t come back? What if I ruined everything?” Anya quickly wiped the stray tears that escaped her eyes.

“Call her, she’ll come.” Lexa assured her.

“Ok.” Anya sent Raven a quick message. “Thank you.”

“Let me know how it goes.” Lexa smiled before walking to her own room.

She felt terrible about everything Anya had told her and seeing those scars solidified the fact that she hasn’t been the greatest sister, but she was going to be better.

It was only 9pm which was late but not late enough for the girl to be tired, so she decided to turn on Lucifer. She decided there was nothing seeing Maze’s face couldn’t fix.

Halfway into her first episode she heard a light knock on her door, figuring it was her dad she yelled for them to come in. To her surprise It was not her dad at all.

“Clarke?”

“Hey.” The blonde smiled walking over to the girl’s bed. They had seen each other briefly at school but not enough to really talk.

“What are you doing here?” Not that she minded, it was a nice surprise.

“Raven was helping me make some posters and banners for the band and she said she had to come here so I decided to tag along.” The blonde answered, “I hope that’s ok.”

“It’s more than ok.” Lexa was glad she had her nice sweatpants on and not the raggedy ones she usually wears to bed. “Do you want to join me?”

“Yes actually I’m quite exhausted.” Clarke climb onto the bed laying against Lexa’s side.

“You’ve been working too hard.” Lexa wrapped her arm around the blonde pulling her in closer.

“I know, but it’ll all be worth it.” Clarke smiled, being embraced in Lexa’s arms was a feeling she never knew she needed until now. “I’m really excited for tomorrow.”

“Me too, I can’t wait for our official second date.”

“I’m sorry that I have to leave you a couple of times at the dance.” Clarke sighed, not only does she have to announce homecoming court but now she has to sing a song.

“Don’t be, I look forward to seeing you sing. Plus I get you all to myself the whole night.” Lexa smiled,

“It’ll be fun.” Clarke smiled, “Your bed is really comfy.”

“Better now that you’re here.” Lexa nudged Clarke for laughing, “Cliché but true.”

* * *

Meanwhile in Anya’s room

“You wanted to see me?” Raven asks standing awkwardly by the door.

“Come in.” Anya patted the bed gesturing for her to sit.

“Babe- Anya have you been crying?” Raven looked at the girls red eyes and her heart broke a little.

“Yeah I have.” Anya laughed lightly, “I know everyone thinks I’m a robot who can’t cry.”

“I don’t.” Raven whispers.

“I know and that’s why I-.” Anya grabbed the girl’s hand, “I’m sorry for yesterday, I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, it’s just when you saw my scars I… I was embarrassed.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed with my Ahn.” Raven wiped the girl’s tears, “You can talk to me about anything, I would never judge you.”

“I know that now.” Anya sighed, “When my mom died, I didn’t handle it well and I used to cut, I don’t anymore but the scars are still there, and I never wanted you to see them.”

“You don’t have to be ashamed; I love every part of you.” Raven gasped realizing what she said, “I mean I- I- I’m not even going to try and cover it up, I know it’s really soon, but I do love you Anya. You don’t have to say it back I just need you to know.”

Anya smiled tears still coming from her eyes.

“Before I met you, I thought my mom would be the only person to every truly understand me and I accepted that. Then my life got uprooted to this weird beach town and I met this amazingly smart crazy beautiful girl who completely changed my mind about that.” Anya scooted closer to the girl engulfing both of her hands in her own. “You get me without explanation and that’s a type of affection I never thought I’d get, so I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for kicking you out yesterday. Please don’t hate me?”

Raven laughed, tears of her own streaming down her face.

“I can never hate you.”

“Good.” Anya kissed the girl, “I love you too. Forgive me?”

“Of course.”

* * *

Without realizing Clarke and Lexa had both fallen asleep while waiting for Raven to be done. They mostly spent their time talking about nothing and cuddling together.

A few hours later Clarke felt someone shaking her to wake up, when she opened her eyes it was Raven.

“Hey princess, I’m sorry I took so long. Let’s get you home.”

Clarke looked at her phone seeing it was midnight and she hoped her mom was on a shift at the hospital. She reluctantly untangled her arms from a sleeping Lexa before kissing her on the cheek and putting her shoes on.

“Hey.” A groggy Lexa sat up in her bed.

“I’ll wait in the car.” Raven smiled.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Clarke smiled smoothing down the brunette’s frizzy hair. “We have to go.”

“I wish you could stay.” Lexa pouted.

“Me too, but I’ll see you tomorrow.” Clarke smiled,

“I can’t wait.” Lexa yawned laying back down on her pillows. “Come here.” Lexa held out her arms which Clarke willing leaped into planting a soft kiss on the girl’s lips.

“Go back to sleep.” Clarke pulled the covers over the girl planting one last kiss on her cheek before sneaking out the room.

Raven had already started the car, so it was nice and warm when she hoped in, the weather was always nice in Arkadia, but they did get cold nights sometimes.

“Sorry it took so long we kind of fell sleep.” Raven said backing out the driveway.

“It’s ok, did you guys talk everything out?” Clarke asks,

“Yes.” Raven smiled, “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“When you first started dating Luna how long did it take you to fall in love with her?” Raven asks, “I’m sorry for bringing it up but I know she was the first person yo-.”

“Raven it’s fine.” Clarke assured the girl taking a moment to really think about the question, “I remember the exact moment honestly, it was 3 months after we started dating and we were on the beach. It was way past midnight, but we didn’t want to go home so we just watched the waves. Sitting there in her arms I just felt good and I don’t know I just knew that I loved her. So I turned around and I told her, and she smiled the biggest I’ve ever seen her smile and she told me she loved me too.” Clarke smiled slightly at the memory.

“Do you think there’s a time limit? Like there’s a certain amount of time that passes before you can be in love with someone?” Raven asks,

“No, not that I have much experience but it’s different for everyone.” Clarke looked over at her friend and smiled, “When you love someone you really do just know.”

Raven smiled, “I told her I loved her.”

“And?”

“She said she loves me too.” Raven hated the tears that fell down her face.

“That’s a good thing.”

“I know I just, I’m really happy.” Raven smiled,

“I know.” Clarke smiled, “I see it, and it looks good on you.”

“Doesn’t everything?” Raven smirked,

“And she’s back.” Clarke laughed.

They pulled into her driveway and Clarke thanked the lord her mom’s car wasn’t in it.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, drive safe. I love you.” Clarke leaned over the seat to hug her friend.

“Love you too.”

Clarke carefully opened her door trying hard not to make a sound, her dad was usually a heavy sleeper, but she didn’t want to take any chances. Once she was inside, she quietly ran up the stairs stripping out her school clothes and throwing on her pajamas.

Her bed felt amazing but not as amazing as 30 minutes ago when she was in Lexa’s arms. Lucky for her she would see the girl in less than 24 hours and that was enough to make her happy.

* * *

The next morning Lexa woke up with a smile on her face because not only did she get to sleep with Clarke in her arms last night, but she gets to be the girls date tonight.

She struggled with what to wear since she had never been to a dance before luckily her dad was eager to help. They went shopping a few days ago after getting a picture of Clarkes dress to color match. She decided to ask a sales associate for help and thanks to her she found a blazer made by the same brand as Clarkes dress and it matched perfectly. After that she just bought some black dress pants and a black dress shirt.

As she was getting dressed, she decided to leave a few buttons of her dress shirt undone showing her chest. Her boobs weren’t very big, but she figured she didn’t have to be so buttoned up.

She had her natural curly hair flowing down her back and she put a little bit of makeup on with a tinted lip balm over her pouty lips.

imagine this with pants!

“Wow.” Anya said peeking from the doorway.

“Wow me? Wow you.” Anya was in a black romper with mesh sleeves and her blonde hair in a flowy ponytail with bright red lips.

“I know I look amazing.” Anya shrugged, “Are you ready to go? We’re meeting everyone at the pier.”

“Yeah, I’ll meet you downstairs.”

Lexa looked herself over in the mirror one more time taming random pieces of her curly hair before she was satisfied with her look.

Last minute she opened one of her jewelry boxes pulling out a silver necklace with a small jewel in the middle.

“Perfect.” Lexa smiled at her reflection before heading downstairs.

* * *

Clarke’s morning had been pretty hectic from the moment she opened her eyes, not only did she have to get ready, but she had to make sure everything at the school was perfect.

Niylah volunteered to come to her house and do her and Ravens hair which she was thankful for. Gia was also there doing Octavia’s since they were all getting ready at the griffin house.

She decided to go light on the makeup and just so a simple winged liner and mascara with a pink lipstick to finish the look. Her pink hair was fading pretty fast which she didn’t mind, she liked the short blonde look too. Niylah put some curls in it and did a cute halo braid forming a half up half down hairstyle.

“What do you think?”

Clarke stared at herself in the mirror smiling, she felt completely beautiful and she couldn’t wait to see Lexa.

“I love it, thank you so much for doing this.” Clarke hugged the girl and let her get started on Ravens hair.

They had an hour before they had to meet everyone at the pier, so she called Ontari to see where she was.

‘ _Me and Echo are right outside your house hot stuff.’_ Ontari said immediately after answering.

‘ _Just checking, everyone’s upstairs.”_ Clarke replied before hanging up, it wasn’t long before she heard feet coming up the stairs.

“Oh my god.” Ontari screamed, “You guys look so beautiful, I might cry.”

“You guys do look hot.” Echo agreed.

“So do you guys.” Raven replied,

They agreed to both wear black since it was the color of O’s dress and they wanted to look like a put together band.

“Alright O, you’re done.” Gaia handed the girl a mirror.

“Amazing as always.” Octavia smiled, “Thank you for doing this.”

“We’re family, you don’t have to thank me.”

“Alright we’re leaving in 20 minutes so dresses on everyone.” Clarke demanded pulling Ontari in the spare room to help put hers on.

“This is sexy as hell.” Ontari looked at the dress and Clarke stepped into it. “You look amazing.”

“Thank you.” Clarke turned around allowing the girl to do up the buttons for her, she didn’t notice but her hands were slightly shaking, and she was trying so hard to not dig her nails into her palms. After a few seconds she was about to give in when Ontari grabbed her hands.

“Talk to me.” Ontari looked at the girl. “What’s going on in your head.”

“I...” Clarke paused trying to control her breathing, “I just want everything to be perfect tonight, and I want to have a perfect night with all my friends and…. And Lexa.”

“Everything is ok Clarke, there are teachers at the school who are overseeing everything right now, so you don’t have to worry about the dance. As for your night being perfect, that’s up to you. Let go and don’t worry and everything will be amazing. Ok?” Ontari said still holding the girl’s hands.

“Ok.” Clarke nodded and her hands finally stopped shaking. “Thank you, not just for this but for playing tonight. I owe you big time.”

“I should thank you; I haven’t really sung since everything happened and I missed it. I really love playing with Echo and O so maybe after this we could still play.” Ontari shrugged, “But let’s just get through tonight?”

“Let’s do it.”

Everyone was finally ready and downstairs taking pictures for Jake and Abby before they went the pier. The pier is the typical place where everyone goes to take Prom and Homecoming pictures and it’s perfect because of the beach view.

“You girls look so beautiful.” Abby was on her 400th photo of the three girls and almost in tears.

“Alright I want a picture with my girls!” Jake joined the trio all smiling for their photo. Since Octavia’s and Raven’s dads have never been around Jake was the closest thing for them and he loved them like his own.

“Alright girls we’ll meet you at the pier.” Abby said, her and jake were driving in their car while Raven drove Clarke and Octavia.

“Are you driving Tari?” Clarke asked the girl,

“Yeah me and Echo are going to take a few pictures with you guys then go get some food.”

“Ok.” Clarke hoped in the passenger seat of Ravens car.

The drive would be a quick one, but she was still a little nervous.

“I can’t wait to see the girls and Lincoln.” Octavia smiled,

“All three of them basically have god genes so they look good with little to no effort.” Clarke commented, “I mean have you seen Anya’s cheekbone she like a supermodel.”

“That’s my girl.” Raven smiled,

The ride continued and Clarke felt her phone vibrating in her bag and usually that wasn’t a good sign, she just prayed it had nothing to do with the dance and luckily it wasn’t.

 **Lexa-** _I know you’re probably stressed out about the dance so I’m texting you to say everything will be perfect! Can’t wait to see you._

Clarke couldn’t help but smile, hell she almost wanted to cry Lexa had been so considerate all week when it came to her. She can’t count how many times the girl texted just to make sure she was ok; she even helped her hang banners and lights when she didn’t have to. Lexa was special and she was glad that she met her and that she was her date tonight.

“Are you coming Clarke?” Raven poked the girl,

She looked up and they were at the pier, she had completely zoned out the whole ride.

“Yes I was just thinking.” Clarke slid her black converse on and carried her heels in her hands. She loved heels and dressing up, but she wasn’t going to wear the heels when it wasn’t necessary.

The boardwalk was packed with people as expected, everyone was dressed up looking beautiful and Clarke loved to see it. She waved at a few classmates and to her surprise Sam freshman class president wanted a picture with her which she happily took. She liked Sam but being the bearer of bad news is never fun.

“Where did they say they were?” Octavia asks,

“By the pier so I’m guessing near the gift shops and stuff.”

“They’re up there I see them.” Raven pointed to the small group gathered taking pictures, “Your parents beat us, so did Rory and Indra.”

Raven didn’t have to say it, it was clear in her voice she was sad her mom didn’t come. She wasn’t surprised because she never showed up for her, but it still hurt every time.

“Hey.” Anya whispered taking her girlfriends hand, “You look way too beautiful to be sad.”

“Holy hell babe!” Raven examined her girlfriends’ outfit, “You look so good!” 

Clarke looked around and she didn’t see Lexa among the group, she was about to ask Anya where she was when.

“Looking for me?” Lexa smiled watching Clarke turn around, the blonde looked absolutely amazing.

“Wow.” Clarke didn’t know Lexa could get more beautiful but seeing her stand in front of her with a suit on made her knees want to give out. She looked amazing and the blazer matched her dress perfectly and the curly hair was the last straw for Clarke. It’s not humanly possible for someone to look this good.

“Clarke you look gorgeous.” Lexa smiled still examining the blonde.

“I can’t put into words how you look just know it’s somewhere way beyond amazing.” Clarke moved a stray curl from the brunette’s face.

“I got you this, I know these are usually just for prom, but I wanted to get you one.” Lexa held out a light pink corsage and put it on Clarkes wrist.

“It’s beautiful, thank you.” Clarke planted a kiss on the girl’s cheek.

“Lexa you look amazing!” Abby said interrupting the girls.

“Thank you Mrs- Abby.” Lexa smiled, “This is my dad, Gustus.” Lexa waved her dad over.

“Clarke it’s good to see you again you look great.” Gustus complimented,

“Thank you.” Clarke smiled,

“Hi, I’m Clarkes mom Abby, my husband Jake is somewhere around here.” Abby shook the man’s hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, I’ve actually been to The Ark a few times. I had the pleasure of having Clarke and Jake as a waiter.” Gustus smiled,

“Jake lives at that place.” Abby joked,

“Hey Clarke and Lexa, we’re going to take pictures by the water.” Octavia yelled,

“You two go.”

Lexa grabbed Clarkes hand and they walked to joins the others.

“Thank you for the text.” Clarke squeezed the girl’s hand, “Thank you for everything you’ve done all week. Without you I might’ve had a mental break.”

“I’m just glad I could be there for you.”

“Come on love birds.” Raven shouted,

They walked over and joined the group snapping a few pictures as a group and in their couples. In most of them Clarke and Lexa couldn’t stop looking at each other, it was cute.

“Grunge monster you look great.” Clarke hugged Murphy, “Emori you look amazing too!”

“Thanks Clarke, you two look so adorable together.” Emori smirked,

“We totally do.” Clarke smiled feeling Lexa’s hand around her waist.

“Clarke?” Clarke turned when she heard someone call her name from behind them.

When she turned around, she found Reigna, Luna’s mom.

“Hi Reigna!” Clarke walked over to the older women, she hadn’t seen her well since her and Luna were together.

“I thought that was you, you look so beautiful!” The older woman hugged the blonde.

“Thank you so much, how are you?”

“Good, how are you? I’ve missed seeing you at the house.”

Clarke had no clue what to say, it was very likely she’d never be back at that house. I mean she knows they broke up and this is sort of awkward because she’s not here with her daughter.

* * *

“Who is that?” Lexa asks Octavia as she watched Clarke talk to a tall woman with dark curly hair.

“Luna’s mom.” Octavia replied, “She kind of loves Clarke, more than her own daughter it seems like at times.”

Lexa watched as Luna joined the conversation.

“You’re not still worried, are you?” Octavia asks the girl.

“No.” Lexa says honestly, “I trust Clarke and she’s here with me. That’s all I care about.” Lexa smiled.

“You guys really look amazing together.” Octavia smiled, “And you look very daddy-ish tonight I love it.”

“Thank you?” Lexa said unsurely getting a laugh from the other girl,

* * *

“I have to get a picture of you two.” Reigna said pulling out her phone,

“Mom.” Luna sighed, “Clarke should get back to her friends.” Luna shot the girl an apologetic smile.

“It’s just one picture you both look so cute together.” Clarke cringed at the word together, she looked over to Lexa who shot her a smile and nodded telling her it was fine. She really was amazing.

After posing for an extremely uncomfortable picture Clarke said her goodbyes and went back to her date.

“I’m so sorry about that.” Clarke grabbed the brunette’s hand

“Don’t be, it’s fine.” Lexa said,

“The others are eating at The Ark, should we join them?” Clarke asks

“We should.” Lexa nodded, “I really like that we’re a we.”

Clarke smiled, “Me too.” She gave the girl a quick kiss on the lips. “Kissing you is really addictive.”

“Feel free to do it anytime you like.” Lexa grinned,

“I might take you up on that.”

Clarke couldn’t help but see Luna looking at them with a sad expression, she felt a little bad because she wasn’t trying to hurt her, but she told her to be happy and right now she was.

After taking what felt like a thousand more pictures everyone told the parents bye and headed to The Ark for dinner.

Jake had reserved a whole section for them and made the meals free for any student that goes to Polis. Clarke wanted him to charge but he insisted, The Ark was a popular restaurant, so they’d make the money back in no time.

Lexa volunteered to drive so Clarke didn’t have to which she was thankful for.

“Are you busy after school Tuesday?” Clarke asks the girl as they drove.

“I don’t have anything planned, what’s up?”

“I was thinking I could paint your car then, I’m sorry I couldn’t do it sooner.”

“Clarke, I’m in no rush and you were busy. I appreciate your even doing it at all, especially for free.”

“It’s not free I just haven’t named my price yet.” Clarke smirked.

“Well I’m still waiting for your answer.”

“I’ll let you know.” Clarke winked,

When they arrived at the restaurant Octavia, Lincoln, Emori and Murphy were already sitting at the table.

“Hey guys.” Clarke felt Lexa pull her chair out for her, “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.” Lexa smiled,

“Did you guys see Raven and Anya?” Octavia asks eating some bread from the basket.

“No they rode together in Ravens car.” Lexa responded,

“Speaking of.” Lincoln nodded towards the door where both girls were walking in smoothing down their hair and dresses.

“We’re here!” Raven announced,

“Your lipsticks a little.” Octavia started, “Well not on your lips.” She grinned.

“Babe, why didn’t you tell me?” Raven pulled out her phone using it as a mirror to fix herself up.

“I was a little busy if you don’t recall.” Anya smirked, fixing her ponytail before sitting down.

“You guys are gross.” Lexa added,

“Anyways we should order so we can make it to the dance on time.” Octavia suggested,

Most of the dinner was spent laughing and taking selfies and just enjoying the day. Clarke spent most of it in Lexa’s arms when they weren’t eating, she loved being close to the girl. Mostly she loved being with someone where she didn’t feel bad all the time and she knew everyone wasn’t judging her. All of her friends liked Lexa and she liked Lexa, for the first they were all happy at the same time. Raven had Anya, Octavia has Lincoln, even Murphy found someone.

After thanking their waitress who was also one of Clarke and Murphy’s coworkers they all went their sperate ways to go to the dance.

Clarke was excited for everyone to see the finished product and even more excited that she was able to get a live band for the first time at Arkadia.

When they arrived, they parked and walked hand in hand to the gym entrance to hand in their tickets.

“Ready?” Lexa looked at the blonde,

“I am.” Clarke smiled as they walked into the gym under the fairly light tunnel she had crafted. She hadn’t seen it lit up until now and she was so happy with the finished product.

When they entered the gym it was already full of people dancing to the music the DJ was playing. Everything looked great and Clarke knew it was all worth the stress.

“You did such a good job Clarke this is beautiful.”

“It was a group effort but I’m glad you like it.”

“Do you?” Lexa asks watching the blonde look at the work she did,

“I do.” Clarke smiled, “Dance with me?”

“I did promise you a night of fun.” Lexa shrugged smiling as the girl led them onto the dance floor.

The DJ played all the hits new and old and Lexa couldn’t think of the last time she had this much fun after her mom died. Not only was she surrounded by a group of people she called her friends but also an amazing girl. Before she met Clarke, she didn’t think any sort of romantic relationship was in the cards for her. But as she watched the girl dance and laugh and smile in front of her, she couldn’t imagine anything she wanted more.

After an hour of fast paced songs the DJ finally put on a slow song as his set was ending.

‘Everything has changed’ by Taylor swift and Ed Sheeran played through the speakers and everyone grabbed their dates for the slow dance.

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck resting her head on the girl’s chest as they swayed to the beat.

“This has been amazing.” Clarke murmured as they danced.

“It’s not over yet.” Lexa smiled, her hands wrapped around the girl’s waist,

“I know but-.” Clarke paused trying to find the words,

“What is it?” Lexa asked gently,

“I just- I’m so glad I met you Lexa.” Clarke lifted her head looking into those mesmerizing emerald eyes, “I’m really happy and that’s something I haven’t been in a long time, I don’t know if that would be possible without you. So thank you for making me happy.”

Lexa felt like her heart was growing at the blonde’s words.

“You-.”

“Clarke, we’re announcing homecoming court in five.” Sam interrupted,

“Ok give me a sec.” Sam nodded before walking off. “I’m sorry.”

“Duty calls.” Lexa smiled,

“Being the boss never ends Lexa Trikru, can we finish talking when I’m done?”

“Yes.” Lexa kissed the girl, “Go.”

Lexa watched Clarke disappear into the crowd before joining the others.

* * *

“The ballads are all counted, Sam has the results for you.” Ms. Green said and the blonde nodded.

Clarke noticed Costia giving her the usual evil look she tended to do but she ignored it. A problem for another day, she waited for the last song to finish before heading up to the stage with a couple students following with the crowns.

After the crowd calmed down Clarke went up to the mic.

“I hope you guys are enjoying the dance so far!” The crowd cheered, “It’s my pleasure to announce your 2020 Homecoming court. It’s also my pleasure to announce we have our first same sex couple as royalty this year.”

“WOOOOH!” Clarke heard Raven cheer.

“So i've kept you guys waiting long enough, let’s crown our Homecoming royalty!” Clarke opened the ballad pulling out the results. “This year’s Queens are Harper McIntyre and Fox Sheffield!”

The crowd cheered as the two queens made their way up to the stage, Clarke crowned them and congratulated the two. She knew them from school, but they were closer in their younger years. Either way she was happy the school decided to add same sex couples to the ballads this year.

“Let’s make room for our queens so they can have their first dance!” On que the DJ started playing ‘A thousand years’ by Christina Perri and the two began their dance.

Clarke exited the stage prepared to go back to Lexa when she was stopped by Monty, the tech guy as she called him.

“Clarke, we sort of have an issue.”

“Monty.” Clarke sighed, “What’s happened?” She asked hesitantly.

“Well I was fixing the lights to get ready for the band when I… ran into something.” Monty said, “Or someone I should say.”

“Ok, what?” Clarke was getting a little impatient, she had a hot as hell date waiting for her.

“Follow me and I’ll explain plus my mom asked me to find you.” Ms. Green aka Monty’s mom.

After a short walk Monty led the girl to the hallway behind gym where Ms. Green and Costia were standing.

“Ok what is happening?” Clarke looked at the group.

“Costia would you like to tell Clarke what we caught you doing?” Ms. Green looked at the girl who just rolled her eyes.

“What the hell is happening?” Clarke asked again,

“Monty found Costia here setting up a bucket of some red liquid above the stage. As you were announcing the court, she was preparing to dump it on you.” Ms. green explained.

“What the fuck Costia!” Clarke wasn’t even surprised, ok maybe she was a little surprised she would go to these lengths just to humiliate her. “You were going to Carrie White me?”

“Oh relax is was paint not pigs blood.” Costia rolled her eyes,

“Ok what did I do to you?” Clarke shouted,

“Like you don’t fucking know Clarke!”

“I don’t clearly, is it Luna?”

“Oh my god!” Costia screamed exhaustedly, “Why is everything always about a girl with you?”

“Are you fucking kidding me Costia?” Clarke was sure she was in the twilight zone,

“You’ve been out to get me since we were kids Clarke!”

“Ok I knew this already but now it’s even clearer, you’re fucking crazy!”

“Ok girls enough.” Ms. Green interrupted, “Costia the dance is over for you and we’ll see principle Jaha Monday morning.”

“You know what Ms. Green let her stay; I have a performance coming up.” Clarke smiled walking up to Costia, “I’m dedicating it all to you.”

Clarke exited the hallway going back into the gym, she had no clue what Costia’s problem was and it didn’t matter.

“Clarke! Thank god we’re about to go on.” Octavia grabbed the girl who was fuming, “What’s wrong?”

“Costia fucking Lopez.” Clarke replied taking her heels off.

“What now?”

“She tried to pour red paint on me when I was on stage.”

“She was going to Carrie White you?” Octavia gasped, “I’m killing that bitch.”

“I’m changing my song, let’s get the others.”

Clarke ran her new song by the girls who knew it without an issue, Clarkes braid was coming undone, so she took it out and let her wavy hair free.

“Ready?” Ontari asked the blonde,

“Yes.”

“Alright guys up next we have a performance by a new band, let’s give it up for The Queens of Noise!!” Sam announced the band,

Clarke walked up stage with the girls and stood beside Ontari on the mic. The lights were red and bright, but Clarke made sure Costia was in the audience winking at the girl. She also took the time to find Lexa who was smiling and held up her thumbs.

“This goes out to a very special someone, she’s has an affinity for going after people who don’t want her and then blaming it on me. This one’s for you Costia!”

The instrumental overlay played Octavia soon joining in with the drums, the crowd cheering hearing the beat of the song. Clarke started the words.

‘song is Misery Business by Paramore’

_I’m in the business of misery, let’s take from the top_

_She’s got a body like an hourglass it’s ticking like a clock_

_It’s a matter of time before we all run out_

_When I thought she was mine she caught em’ by the mouth_

Lexa watched as the blonde completely smash the Paramore song with Ontari as her backup. Everyone else in the dance was enjoying it to, she did see Costia scowling at the blonde, something must’ve happened between them today.

_She’s got it out for me, but I wear the biggest smile……_

_I never meant to brag but I got em where I want em now_

_Oooooh it was never my intention to brag or steal it all away from you now_

_But god it feels so good because I got her where I want her now_

_And if you could then you know you would,_

_God it just feels so_

_It just feel so good._

Clarke felt amazing performing especially with her friends by her side, Octavia was killing it on the drums and Costia was pissed in the audience. She made sure these next lines hit Costia the worst.

_Second chances they don’t ever matter_

_People never change_

_Once a **whore** you’re nothing more _

_I’m sorry that will never change_

_And about forgiveness we’re both supposed to have exchange_

_I’m sorry honey but I pass it up_

_Now look this way_

_Well, there's a million other girls who do it just like you_

_Looking as innocent as possible to get to who_

_They want and what they like, it's easy if you do it right_

_Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!_

“She’s a freakin Rockstar up there!” Raven nudged Lexa.

“She is.” She watched the blonde dance around the stage, and she was in all.

Clarke prepared for the chorus grabbing Ontari onto her mic.

_Cause God, it just feels so_

_It just feels soooo good_

_I watched her wildest dreams come true_

_And not one of them involving you_

_Just watch my wildest dreams come true_

_Not one of them involving_

Ontari and Clarke danced around as Echo and Octavia had their solo part, the crowd was ecstatic, and she felt amazing. Starting the song she was pissed but now decided to enjoy the moment.

She sung the last line hoping off the stage walking straight to Costia as the crowd parts for her.

“You started something today Costia.” Clarke smiled watching the girl cross her arms and roll her eyes, “But I’ll finish it, and honestly I’m actually really excited for it.” Clarke smirked, “Now goodbye!” she waved watching the girl storm out the door.

“What the hell was that?” Raven walked up to the blonde.

“Just taking out the trash.” Clarke smiled making her way over to Lexa.

“Clarke that was crazy!” Lexa cheered enveloping the blonde in her arms, “Like a good crazy, an amazing crazy.”

“Thank you,” Clarke bowed playfully,

The trio continued their set and the crowd was loving it, they played a wide variety of songs. Some pop, rock, alternative even a couple of classics from queen and tears for fears.

“This song goes out to my favorite blonde.” Ontari winked at Clarke who cheered.

She knew it as soon as it started, her original song choice Black Sheep by Metric but the Brie Larson version from the movie.

Clarke sang along with Raven as they danced around their dates who recorded them. It was honestly exhilarating and every now and again she would catch Lexa watching her with a smile which she loved.

The band finished their last song and the crowd wanted an encore unfortunately the dance had already played over 30 minutes passed the dances ending time, so they had to shut it down. They did get a lot of people asking for information on their next gig which excited the girls. People exited the gym leaving Clarke and the group standing around the stage talking.

“Clarke, Octavia just told me Costia tried to Carrie white you!” Raven said shocked, “I’m gonna kill her!”

“She what?” Lexa turned to Clarke, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because Costia is not ruining this night for me or anyone else.” Clarke explained, “Plus calling her a whore via song was entertainment enough for me.”

“You did kill that Paramore song.” Anya praised, “You really can do it all Blondie. You guys killed it too.”

“Everyone wants to know when your next show is.” Lincoln added,

“I know isn’t it great?” Octavia squeaked, “We have to keep playing guys.”

“I agree, we could really do this.” Echo added,

“I’m down.” Ontari smiled, “Let’s do it.”

“Woooohooo!!” Octavia danced around, “Now let’s celebrate at the after party!”

Clarke looked over at Lexa questionably, there would no doubt be drinking at the party and she wasn’t putting Lexa in that situation.

“You guys go ahead we’re going to head somewhere else.” Clarke told the group causing Anya to smile, she appreciated that Clarke cared about Lexa’s wellbeing.

“Clarke.” Lexa pulled the blonde over to the side, “We can go if you want, I’ll be fine.”

“I was actually hoping I could take you somewhere.”

Lexa looked at the blue eyes staring back at her and smiled.

“Ok.”

“We’ll see you guys later.” They waved to their friends before heading out to Lexa’s car, “Can I drive? It’s sort of a secret spot.”

“As long as your gentle with Vivian.” Lexa said seriously holding out her keys,

“I swear Vivian’s in good hands.” Clare smiled taking the keys.

It was 20 minutes into the drive when Lexa got curious about this secret place, they had pretty much past everything and were entering the next town. They drove up a windy road leading up to a hill with small patch of trees and flower gardens. She could even hear water flowing near, so she figured there was a small rover or something beyond the trees.

“I know you said you missed the forest and unfortunately we don’t have any around, but I thought you would like it here.” Clarke parked the car,

“I love it, what is this place?” Lexa asks,

“This is sanctum it’s a dedication garden, you can plant a tree for someone, and the flowers grow here regularly.” Clarke explained, “Come on.”

“How long has this been here?” Lexa asked, there were at least 40 trees planted here.

“Kane’s mom started it about 45 years ago when she planted a tree for her husband. After that it sort of became a thing and others started doing it.”

“Is it for people who’ve died?”

“Not all of them, you can pretty much plant one for anyone dead or alive. Me and O planted one we were kids.” Clarke led the girl over to her tree,

“What did you dedicate it to?” Lexa asks staring at the huge tree.

“Us, our friendship. Our family.” Clarke smiled, sitting against the tree.

“You guys a pretty close huh?” Lexa followed her lead and sat beside the girl,

“We’re closer than close, her and Bellamy are basically my siblings. And Rory their mom is like my second mom, I love all of them more than I can explain. How about you and Anya are you guys close?”

“We used to be, I always looked up to Anya when we were younger. She was like my protector especially when people found out I was intersex. There were times when they would make fun of me for it, but Anya was always there to defend me.” Lexa smiled, “But once our mom died, we both handled things differently and that caused us to become distant. We are getting closer though.”

“I’m glad you guys are, I saw a picture of her last night at your house.” Clarke looked at the girl, “She was beautiful, you look just like her.”

Lexa smiled, her whole life she was told she looked like her mom and she loved it until she was gone then she hated it.

“I am basically her twin.” Lexa laughed, “When she died, I hated looking at myself because of it. I never saw myself I only saw her but if I was drunk enough, I couldn’t see anything.”

“I’m sorry I brought her up.” The blonde rested her head on the brunette’s shoulder.

“I’m not.” Lexa smiled, “Up until I met you, I couldn’t really talk about her, with you I feel like I can say anything. Like I was going to say at the dance you’ve made me happy too, happier than I’ve been the past 3 years.”

Clarke snuggled up to the girl as they sat and watched the stars.

“Was it hard growing up intersex?” Clarke asked after a few minutes of silence.

“It wasn’t particularly hard, but it was complicated at times. I think if my parents weren’t so accepting then it would’ve been harder. They always made sure I was comfortable in my body and that helped. Growing up I wasn’t bullied to much because of it but there were a few times where people were mean. High school sort changed everything because girls were more interested in me which I wasn’t used to.”

“How many girls have you slept with?” Clarke asked curiously,

“Oh god,” Lexa groaned trying to think, “Honestly I don’t know, before my drunken hookups I had never slept with anyone, but I was partying almost every night. Granted I didn’t sleep with someone every night but most nights I did, I wasn’t making any good choices then.” Lexa sighed, “How about you?”

“Just one.” Clarke said, “I’m less experienced I suppose.”

“That’s not a bad thing, I would give up all my stupid hookups just to have one night that actually meant something. This person meant a lot you?”

“Yes.”

“Then that’s all that matters, I was around a lot of people that viewed sex as some prize and I fed into that. Not saying that hooking up is wrong but meaningful sex beats random hookups any day.”

“You were never with anyone you cared about?” Clarke looked at the girl,

“I suppose there was once, it was the night after my mom’s funeral, and I was hanging out with some friends. I wasn’t drinking but being there was a distraction and that was enough at that moment. There was this girl her name was Tris; she was a friend of Anya’s, so I knew her. We hung out that night and I lost my virginity to her, we didn’t like each other but we cared about each other and I guess that was enough then. Afterwards she stopped talking to Anya which confused her, and I never told her why instead I started drinking and avoiding her, well avoiding everything.” Lexa sighed, “That’s the only time I had sex where it was not completely meaningless, but it also wasn’t romantic.”

“Do you regret sleeping around?”

“Yes and no, mostly yes.” Lexa laughed a little

“I’m sorry if I’m intruding.”

“You’re not, like I said I like talking to you.” Lexa smiled,

Clarke stood up brushing the grass off of her dress before holding her hand out for Lexa to take.

“There’s one more place I want to show you.” Lexa took the girls hand leading her past the trees until they were on the edge of the small rocky hill decorated with the view of a waterfall.

The rocks that littered Arkadia had always reminded Lexa of the Grand Canyon but less... grand I suppose.

“This place gets more beautiful by the day.” Lexa walked closer sitting on the edge of the hill, “I bet growing up here was nice.”

“It was, being near a beach is nice but Arkadia has some hidden gems, you just have to know where to find them.”

“Maybe you can show me.”

“I definitely will.” Clarke smiled sitting on the edge with the girl, “I used to be scared to sit here when I was younger.”

“What changed?” Lexa asked,

“I’ve stood on taller cliffs that are much scarier than this.” Clarke mumbled, “What are you most afraid of?”

“Death.” Lexa answered plainly, “But not for the reasons you’d think, I just think the whole aspect of death is scary. Like how people die, and life just goes on, I don’t know how to explain it honestly.” Lexa sighed, “What are you most afraid of?”

“Failing.” She watched the water trying to pick her next words, “Sometimes I don’t handle pressure well and I’m always scared I’ll fail. Fail at school, work, life, relationships just everything. And I’m scared that everyone will realize I’m a failure and leave.”

Lexa looked at the blonde grabbing her hand into her own, “I would never leave you.” Lexa murmured.

Clarke looked at the green eyes and smiled, Lexa was impossibly perfect, she always said the right things and she never judged her for anything. Maybe she didn’t have to hide the messy parts of herself in fear that it will scare the girl away, or maybe she did. It doesn’t matter tonight, tonight she just wants to focus on the now, and now she had an amazing girl in front of her who she really liked.

She took off her heels and loosened her hair before throwing her leg over Lexa’s waist so that she was straddling her.

“Is this ok?” Clarke asks quietly as she moved the brunette’s hands so that they were on her waist.

Lexa nodded not trusting her voice, the look in the blonde’s eyes made her whole body vibrate. She watched as Clarke slowly kissed her neck making her way up to her lips, taking her time mapping out every inch of her lips.

She lightly pushed Lexa into grass before continuing their kiss, she noticed Lexa’s hands hovering over her waist she took the initiative and moved them to her ass which she made her smiled.

Lexa gave the blonde full control and as their kiss got more intense, she could feel herself about to ruin the moment. Whether she knew it or not Clarke was getting her riled up with her kisses and when she put her hands on the blonde ass, she knew she was in trouble.

“Clarke i-.” Lexa pulled back staring at the blonde, she was beyond embarrassed right now. “You’re sort of…. rubbing against my-” Lexa covered her face as the blonde looked down at the girls bulge. “I’m so sorry.”

Clarke smiled slightly as she watched the girl cover her face, “Lex, look at me.” She grabbed the brunettes hand placing a kiss on each of them before kissing the girl’s lips. “You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“It’s just, I don’t want to ruin the moment with a stupid boner.” Lexa groaned,

“You didn’t ruin it.” Clarke pulled the girl up, so they were sitting up, “Plus you’re not the only one who got a little excited.” She whispered in the girl’s ear.

Clarke laughed as the girl groaned again,

“Why do you love teasing me?” Lexa groaned,

“It’s fun but this time I was serious.” The blonde picked grass from the girl’s wild curly hair. “I understand if you’re not ready to be sexual with me.”

Lexa was surprised at Clarkes words, did this mean she was ready? And it wasn’t that Lexa wasn’t ready she just thought the blonde deserved more.

“As beautiful as this place is, I want our first time to be somewhere special.” Lexa lifted the blondes chin so that she was looking at her, “I want it to be perfect because that’s what you deserve.”

“You deserve that too.” Clarke kissed her once more, “Can we just watch the stars for a little longer?”

“Of course.” Lexa laid her jacket out on the grass so that Clarke could lay her head on it.

They laid there enjoying the view for another hour before Lexa drove Clarke home for the night.

“I’m sorry you missed out on the after party.” Lexa said sadly to the girl, she never wanted to be the reason Clarke missed out on things with her friends.

“I would miss out on every party if it meant spending time with you, plus I don’t care about some stupid after party. And I’ll never put you in a situation where there is drinking.” Clarke said firmly, “Plus I think we had a better time together.”

“Yeah, we did.” Lexa smiled.

The whole drive was filled with blonde hair flowing everywhere from the wind and loud music that both girls sung along to. It was a little passed midnight and Arkadia was quiet, but they were wide awake. Lexa enjoyed seeing Clarke being so carefree, hell even she was carefree.

The only thing either of them hated from the day was saying goodbye when they got to the blonde’s house. Clark could see her living room light was on which she sure was her mother, she was always up late due to her hospital shifts.

Lexa being the gentlewomen she was got out and opened Clarkes door for her and walked her to the front door.

“I really don’t want to this night to end.” Lexa sulked,

“Me either.” Clarke pulled the girl closer, “But I had a really amazing time tonight so thank you. Thank you for helping me this week and asking me to homecoming and thank you for being the best date I’ve ever had.”

“Thank you for allowing me to be your date.” Lexa smiled, “This was one of the best nights I’ve had in a really long time, so thank you.”

Clarke felt like Lexa’s lips had some sort of superpower that made everything in her life better. Every time they kissed, she felt on top of the world and she couldn’t think of any other way to end her night. Her lips were always welcoming so when she leaned in to kiss her, they were already meeting her halfway.

“Goodnight Clarke.” Lexa whispered over the girl’s lips,

“Goodnight Lexa.” She smiled kissing her one more time before unlocking her door, “Can I call you tomorrow?”

“I’ll be waiting by my phone until you do!” Lexa laughed,

When Clarke walked into her house, she couldn’t help but fall back on the front door. How did she get this lucky? Is this what’s happens when life is shitty and hard, you get rewarded with someone as amazing as Lexa? Wait has life been too good, is she going to wake up with 20 more problems just because everything’s been so amazing?

“Clarke?” Abby stared at the blonde who was now sitting on the floor, “Everything ok?”

“Everything is amazing.” Clarke grinned,

“I was just getting some ice cream, want some?”

“Yes!”

Abby always kept Chocolate ice cream in the house being as it’s Clarke and Jakes favorite. After scooping some in a bowl for her daughter they took their ice cream into the living room to sit.

“So how was it?” Abby asks eating her ice cream,

“I think this is the best day of my life mom.” Clarke said seriously, “It was honestly amazing and Lexa’s… beyond amazing and I really like her.”

“I can tell, I wish you could’ve seen your face when you saw her on the pier today, it was like you were staring at god or something.” Abby smiled, “I’ve never seen you look at anyone like that.”

“The way I feel for Lexa isn’t anything I’ve ever felt before, I just feel like we had this instant connection. We’re so similar yet so different and she doesn’t judge me or think I’m broken, and I really like her.” Clarke sighed contently,

“I’m glad you found her sweetie, will we be seeing her around more?”

“I hope so.”

“Good, how was the dance did everything go as planned.”

“The dance was perfect, and the band absolutely killed it, there was one hiccup but nothing I can’t handle.” Clarke said, “You remember Costia right?”

“Of course she's Raven's cousin and Your friend from school, right?"

Clarke laughed; friend was not a word she would use to describe their relationship.

“Mom we haven’t been friends since 5th grade, anyways she sort of hates me these days.”

“Why?

“I have no clue honestly but tonight she tried to pour red paint on me while I was on stage.”

“What? Like from Carrie?” Abby asked.

“Yes, exactly like Carrie.” Clarke laughed,

“Clarke that’s not funny, why would she do that?”

“I really don’t know, if anything I should be the one terrorizing her since she’s the one Luna cheated with.”

“Oh Clarke.” Abby sighed, “Well should I talk to the school?”

“No she was caught but I also might be in trouble a little bit.” Clarke murmured,

“Oh no, what did you do?” Abby shook her head,

“I might’ve dedicated a song to her calling her a whore among other things.” Clarke mumbled.

“Oh my god Clarke!” Abby laughed, “Great, you can’t publicly shame people like that.”

“Why not? She was ready to do it to me?” Clarke admitted, “And you laughed, you think it’s funny.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s right.” Abby tried to hide her smile, “What am I going to do with you?”

“Pray I don’t get in trouble?” Clarke suggested,

“I’ll get right on that.” Abby nudged the girl, “Is there a video of your performance?”

“I’m sure I can find one.” Clarke smiled,

“It better be worth getting in trouble for.”

“I have no regrets.” Clarke shrugged, “I’m going to bed, I love you.”

“Love you.” Abby called after the girl.

* * *

After spending most of Sunday catching up on schoolwork and occasional facetime calls with Lexa, Clarke was beyond excited for Monday to come along. Granted that was mostly because she got to see the girl again, but it didn’t matter, she was excited none the less.

Monday morning also meant dealing with the repercussions of her latest stunt and now she was sitting in vice Principle Kane’s office with non-other than Costia fucking Lopez. She figured she wouldn’t be getting away with her little stunt, but she really had no regrets about it. And from the looks of it Costia had no regrets either.

“Ms. Lopez I’m going to give you a chance to explain why you decided to attempt this prank against Ms. Griffin.” Kane said looking at the girl.

“Because she deserves it.” Costia said plainly,

“You deserve a lot of things doesn’t mean I go out of my way to give them to you.” Clarke mumbled.

“Ms. Griffin you’re not innocent here either, after learning about the attempt you then decided to dedicate a song to Ms. Lopez that didn’t paint her in a very good light.”

“It’s what she deserves.” Clarke said in her best Kim K voice,

“So neither of you have valid reasons for the things you’ve done this weekend?”

“I feel like my performance was very good and the song even said Costia has a body like an hourglass. That sounds like a compliment to me.”

“You also called me a whore!” Costia rolled her eyes,

“If the shoe fits.” Clarke smiled,

“Alright girls since nothing is coming from this let’s get onto the punishment shall we. For the next 4 Mondays you two will spend 2 hours of after school time cleaning out the drama room. With the upcoming play in November they’ll need everything organized.”

“What?” Costia gasped, “Why can’t the drama kids do it?”

“Because you will.” Kane smiled,

“Kane is that really necessary?” This was the last thing Clarke needed,

“Yes, clearly you girls have some issues to sort what better way to do it than during your punishment.”

Both girls groaned at the idea of being a room alone together for the month.

“You’ll start after school,” Kane smiled, “You may go.”

Clarke grabbed her bag and flew out of the office, Costia close behind.

“Great thanks a fucking lot.” Clarke rolled her eyes at the girl,

“This is as much your fault as it is mine.” Costia replied,

“You keep saying that but yet you still haven’t said what the problem is!”

“You should fucking know!” Costia walked away leaving the girl in the hall.

Was this her high school life? Being hated by someone for unknown reasons and cleaning drama rooms?

She dragged herself down the hall to her next class, luckily for her it was the one with Lexa in it and she knows the brunette will cheer her up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i knew i wanted to do something with Costia but i didn't imagine this, why do i kind of want her and Clarke to be friends?? I'm crazy that'll never happen but we will find out why she hates Clarke so much soon! 
> 
> Also clarke and Lexa are the cutest and i love them, also anya and raven are adorable! 
> 
> let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Also also for If you want to get a feel for what the band sounds like:  
> HOMECOMING PLAYLIST  
> Radioactive- Imagine Dragons  
> Black Sheep- SPVSTW (metric) Brie Larson  
> Bury a Friend- Halocene Cover  
> Physical- Dua Lipa  
> Celebrity Skin- Hole  
> Off to the Races- Lana Del Rey  
> Cop Car- Mitski  
> Everybody wants to rule the world- TFF  
> Couldn’t stop Caring- The Spiritual Machine  
> Knocking on Heavens Door-RAIGN Cover  
> Counting stars- One republic  
> Don’t Stop me now- Queen  
> Cherry Bomb- The runaways  
> Cool kids- Echosmith  
> Misery Business- Paramore  
> Dead in Justice- Queens of Noise  
> Gasoline-Halsey


	17. Dramatics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter chapter filled with Clexa! ur fav obvi  
> (sorry for any mistakes)
> 
> fun fact i was looking for a picture of Alycia for the last chapter and i ran into Marie's (Octavia) mugshot lmaooo

“I can’t believe I have to do this.” Clarke wined, it was afterschool and she was stalling as long as she could before she had to go to ‘detention’.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, it’s only two hours.” Lexa had been trying her best to be optimistic about the situation, but she knew nothing would help.

“Two hours with the devils spawn who hates me.” Clarke added, “She’ll probably kill me so if that happens just know I really like you.”

Lexa laughed, “I’ve never seen you this dramatic Clarke, it’s kind of entertaining.”

“My misery amuses you?”

“No?” Lexa looked at the girl, “Your dramatics do.”

“Maybe I can call my mom and fake a family emergency.”

“I think it’s probably better if you just go and get it over with.”

“Lexa!” Anya yelled, she was currently sitting in the car waiting for the girl, “Come the hell on.”

“I should get her home before my TGT meeting.” Lexa sighed,

“Oh my god Lexa why are you letting me wine so much, how are you feeling about it?”

“I feel fine honestly, it’s not that bad.” Lexa had attended two meetings at this point, and it wasn’t so bad, “How about you come over after detention and I’ll tell you about it? We’ll eat lots of food!”

“I would love that.” Clarke smiled, kissing the girl before pushing her towards the car, “Now go before Anya kills me.”

“I’ll see you later.”

“If Costia doesn’t kill me.”

“It’ll be fine!” Lexa yelled.

‘We’ll see.’ Clarke murmured to herself.

She walked as slow as she could to the theater room where she was supposed to meet Costia. This was a nightmare come true, but she had to make the best of it, just because they have to be in the same room together doesn’t mean they had to talk.

When she walked in the girl was already there along with Emori who up until this moment she forgot was in the drama club.

“Hey Emori.” Clarke greeted the girl,

“Hey girl, sorry you have to do this. This room is sort of a mess.”

“Yay me.” Clarke whispered,

The first thirty minutes Emori explained where everything was meant to be and made piles for them to organize things in. After they got into a rhythm of things Emori left for rehearsals leaving the two girls alone.

Clarke figured they would just not talk which was fine, but she really wanted to know what Costia’s problem was. She racked her brain all day trying to remember any childhood fights or arguments they had but she came up with nothing. The two had been friends up until middle school started and Costia’s hated her since.

Asking wasn’t getting her anywhere since the girl just expects her to know and maybe she should but she had no fucking clue.

“I’m going to start a pile for Shakespearian era costumes over here.” Clarke said to the girl pointing to a pile.

“Whatever.” She mumbled back,

“So you got any plans after this?” Clarke asks, what’s the harm in trying to be friendly?

“Really Clarke?”

“What?”

“We’re not going to have casual conversation.” She snarked rolling her eyes,

“Why not?”

“Because we hate each other.” Costia replied matter-of-factly,

“Technically you hate me for unknown reasons and even though you had sex with my ex-girlfriend and tried to pour red paint on me, I don’t hate you.”

“Well then maybe I’ll have to sleep with your new girlfriend so you can definitely hate me.” Costia smiled,

Clarke didn’t even bother correcting that Lexa wasn’t her girlfriend yet because it honestly doesn’t matter. Either way she will never be sleeping with her Lexa so she couldn’t even be mad about that comment.

“So you do these things because you want me to hate you?” Clarke asks confused,

“I want you to stop talking so we can get this over with.”

“Fine.”

Only 1 hour and 27 minutes to go, Clarke thought,

* * *

“So Lexa I know you said last time you’ve struggled with looking at pictures of your mom and items that were once hers. Have you made any improvement with that?” Jaha asks,

She was in her TGT meetings and they were doing group sharing which Lexa was hesitant about but after talking a few times it hasn’t been so bad. No on in here judges her or cares what she did in her past because they’ve probably done worse.

“I can walk past pictures of her in our house, but I never linger too long.” Lexa answers, “I did wear a necklace of hers to the homecoming dance a few days ago though.” It had been a couple of years since she even looked at that necklace let alone wear it, but it felt right having it on. It felt like her mom was there.

“That’s good!” Jaha encouraged, “Even the smallest steps are important, I know a few of you in here were at the homecoming. I’m sure there were after parties everywhere did anyone struggle with that? Whether it was figuring out if you could handle it or being pressured into going.”

“My friends were trying to make me go to a party.” A girl says, “Even though I said I didn’t want to be around the drinking they told me it would be fine if I didn’t drink.”

“Clearly, they don’t know what addictions like?” another boy added,

“What did you end up doing?” Jaha asks the girl,

“My best friend and I ended up getting ice cream and then I went home.” The girl smiled, “He knows about my… issues so he kept me company.”

Lexa smiled remembering Clarke did the same for her, even if she doesn’t get triggered by seeing alcohol the girl didn’t entertain going to the party for a second.

“We all need people like that in our lives, people who care about your struggles enough make sure we’re comfortable.” Jaha said, “I’m glad you had a person like that the other night, and I hope you guys have good people surrounding you. Having stability in friends and family can make or break people, I know for me without my loved ones my recovery may not have ever came into fruition.”

After the meeting Lexa stayed behind talking to a few friends she had made through the program. They were all mostly her age but not all of them went to Polis high, so this was the only time she seen them. Everyone was super nice, and she was glad she had friends who understood her struggles and could relate to her feelings.

When she got home, she texted Clarke who said she was on her way over so she figured she should order some food.

“Anya what do you want for dinner?” Lexa called hanging up her coat in the doorway, “Anya?” She called again getting no answer.

She heard the tv so she knew the girl was here, she decided to check the living room it was already getting late and she was hungry.

“Anya?” Lexa walked into the living room seeing a half-naked Raven straddling her sister, “WHAT THE FUCK!!! YOU HAVE A FUCKING BEDROOM!!” Lexa immediately ran past the girls and into the kitchen, she loved Raven but seeing her half-naked was something she didn’t need.

After a moment of her trying to mental scrub her brain an embarrassed Anya joined her in the kitchen.

“What the fuck Anya, on the couch?” Lexa silently yelled at her sister, “Dad could’ve walked in at any time too!”

“We didn’t think anyone would be back this soon.” Anya rubbed her neck, “We were just watching a movie at first but then things just-.”

“You don’t have to explain I just saw your girlfriends fucking boobs!”

“Well.” Anya paused, “I’m sorry?”

“I’m sorry too!” Raven leaned in the doorway now fully dressed,

Lexa didn’t even want to look at the girl luckily for her Clarke was here and she needed to let her in.

“Clarke is here and we’re ordering food, figure out what you want.” Lexa said before going to get the door.

When she opened it, she found the blonde in a black t-shirt dress and converse and a big smile on her face.

“Hi!” Clarke smiled, “Are you ok?”

“I’m probably going to murder my sister and Raven, so I don’t know yet.” Lexa moved aside letting the blonde in.

“Oh no, what did I miss?”

“Seeing Raven’s boobs.” Anya answers, “By accident of course.”

“She walked in on us.” Raven added,

“Because they were in the fucking living room.” Lexa said,

“Well at least you guys all have one thing in common.” Raven smirked,

“Do I even want to know what?” Lexa groaned,

“You’ve all had the pleasure of seeing my perfectly beautiful boobs.”

“Wait, Clarke has seen your boobs?” Anya asks her girlfriend,

“Not in a sexual way of course.” Clarke shrugs, “We’re best friends, I’ve pretty much seen her and O naked more times than I’ve needed too.”

“We’ve seen that bangin bod too.” Raven winked,

“Lucky you.” Clarke smirked,

“Ok, can we please order food I just want to forget this ever happened.” Lexa walked into the kitchen to grab the takeout menus.

“What do you want to eat?” Clarke asks hugging the girl from behind,

“I honestly don’t care as long as it’s up in my room away from those two.”

“Oh come on babe-.” Clarke freezes, “I mean- ah oh my god i-.”

“Who’s rambling now.” Lexa grinned turning around to face the blonde, lifting her chin so the girl was looking at her, “You can call me babe Clarke.”

Clarke sighs in relief, “I just- I know we aren-.”

“We’re us.” Lexa reminded the girl, “We can call each other whatever we want.”

“Ok.” Clarke smiled kissing the girl.

“OH MY GOD, IN THE KITCHEN? WHAT THE FUCK LEXA? GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!” Anya mimicked Lexa’s reaction perfectly and the girl could help but laugh at her sister face,

“I hate her.” Lexa whispered wrapping her arms around the blonde.

They finally decided on Chinese food ordering enough for Gustus to have when he gets off work. When the food arrived Clarke even convinced the girl to eat downstairs with the two girls who weren’t done teasing her yet.

Thankfully, Clarke suggested going up to Lexa’s room after they were done eating for some ‘privacy’.

“Did I tell you how much I like you bed?” Clarke said sinking into the comfortable mattress,

“You have.” Lexa laughed, “Wait, are you using me for my bed?”

“How did you find out?” Clarke frowned,

“That hurts babe.” Lexa pouted laying down beside the girl,

“I do like your bed a lot.” Clarke climbed on the girl so that she was straddling her, “But I like you so much more.”

“I don’t believe you.” Lexa pouted,

“I could prove it.” Clarke suggested leaning down trailing kisses down brunettes’ neck. “How about now?”

“I don’t know, I’m still uncertain.” Lexa smiled, the blonde continuing her kisses until her shirt gets in the way to which she swiftly removes it.

Clarke continued trailing kisses down the girl’s chest, feeling goosebumps cover her whole body.

“It’s getting a little more convincing.” Lexa smirked grabbing the girl connecting their lips with a passionate kiss. Her hands were lost in blonde hair and she was sure Clarke was the best kisser she’s ever met in her life.

The kiss grew hotter until the blonde broke it to pull her black dress over her head revealing a black see-through lace bra and a matching thong. Lexa couldn’t help but stare at blondes’ body in amazement.

Clarke smiles as she watches Lexa admire her body, she takes the brunettes hands running them all over her body which makes the girls eyes go wide.

“How about now?” The blonde whispers biting the girls bottom lip, “Are you convinced?”

“I still have my doubts.” Lexa knew she probably shouldn’t, but she wanted to push the girl to see how far this could go and by the blondes face she knew it could go further.

She gently moved Lexa’s hands, so they were on her ass before she slowly started moving her hips so that she was grinding on Lexa’s crotch. The movements were slow, but it was enough for the girl to get hard and she immediately regretted teasing her.

Clarke-.” Lexa moaned quietly,

“I know.” The blonde leaned connecting their lips speeding up the movement of her hips, “Do you still have doubts?” she moaned in the girl’s ear,

“Definitely not.” Lexa could feel herself painfully growing as the blonde continued her motions and they were only getting faster,

“My panties are soaked Lex,”

Lexa planted kisses down Clarkes neck moving to unhook her bra pausing waiting for approval which the blonde nods to.

“Lexa, Anya I’m home.”

“Fuck.” Lexa panicked, she could hear her dad coming up the stairs, so she hurried and made sure Clarke was covered before putting her shirt back on.

Clarke quickly got off the girl’s lap, lying beside of her trying to situate the wetness currently between her legs. She looks over to Lexa who’s trying to adjust herself as well, Clarke grabs a blanket pulling over the girl before turning on the tv.

After a couple of knocks Gustus peaks his head through the door clearly surprised to see Clarke.

“Hello girls.” The man smiled suspiciously,

“Hey dad.”

“Hi Gustus, how are you?” Clarke smiled wondering if that was overkill.

“Doing well, what are you girls up to?” He asks with a knowing smile.

“Just trying to find something to watch.” Lexa motioned to the Netflix pulled up onto the tv.

“Sounds fun.”

“Very fun stuff dad.” Lexa wanted him to leave,

“Well I was just letting you know I was home, it’s good to see you Clarke.”

“You too Gustus.” Clarke smiled watching the man leave, “He totally knows we were doing something.”

“Yep.” Lexa groaned causing the blonde to laugh,

Lexa moved the blanket aside revealing her very prominent boner and a wet spot she can only assume is from Clarke which made her groan even louder.

“I’m sorry about that.” Clarke whispered, playing with the girl’s hair.

“It’s ok.” Lexa kissed the girl’s forehead before moving to get off the bed.

“Where are you going?”

“To take care of this.” Lexa motioned to her pants, red taking over her face.

“I could do that for you.” Clarke smirked,

“If my dad walks in on us, I’m not sure I can’t take the humiliation.” Lexa moved to sit back on the bed.

“Fair enough.” Clarke wrapped her hands around the girl peppering kisses on her neck before pecking her lips, “Go, then you can tell me about TGT.”

Lexa hurried off to her bathroom leaving Clarke to recount everything that just happened. She hadn’t planned for her visit to turn out like this, but she also wasn’t mad about it either.

Once Lexa was done, they say and talked about the group session Lexa telling her what they talked about and venting how she feels about everything so far. She tried to ask Clarke about detention, but she claimed it was uneventful and boring which she found hard to believe anything could be boring with those two.

After another hour of cuddling and Netflix watching Lexa walked Clarke to her car where they had a very long and steamy goodbye kiss, which neither of them wanted but it was getting late. Eventually after prolonging their goodbye as long as they could eventually Clarke left, and Lexa went back inside.

When she entered the house, she didn’t even notice her dad and Anya sitting awkwardly in the living room.

“We should talk.” Gustus said motioning for Lexa to join them on the couch, but after remembering what happened their earlier, she opted for the chair instead.

“What’s up?”

“We need to talk about the house rules.” Gustus says looking at both Anya and Lexa. “I understand you both are in relationships and I like Raven and Clarke, but we need some rules. Obviously, I can’t stop you guys from having sex but at least tell me your being safe.”

“Yes dad.” Anya groaned, “Even though I feel like you should be talking to this one about being safe.”

“I’m technically not having sex.” Lexa says earning a look from her dad, “But if I do, I will be safe.”

“Good and from now on I want open doors when your girlfriends are here, I can’t control what happens when I’m not here but when I am doors will be open. Got it?” Gustus asks,

“Got it.” The pair chimed.

“Great.” Gustus smiled, “Now I’m going to bed.”

* * *

It was after school Tuesday and Clarke was looking forward to going home because Lexa would be coming over. She hadn’t been able to get their little dry-humping session out of her head all day and it was driving her crazy. Hopefully seeing the girl would be enough to ease her thoughts plus she had something planned.

She asked Sinclair to borrow the paint to do Lexa’s car which he happily gave her. Lexa would be meeting her at her house after dropping Anya off, so she raced to go and set everything up.

Both of her parents were at work, so the house was empty, not that, that mattered but you know. When she got home, she changed into some shorts and a tank top that she didn’t mind getting paint on.

She heard Lexa’s car pulling in, so she ran downstairs to greet the girl with her sketch idea for the car in hand.

“Hi babe.” Clarke smiled, she was really loving this babe thing,

“Hi baby.” Lexa had also started calling her baby which made her melt every time she heard it,

“I have everything set up in the garage which I’ll open in a second but first I should name my price.” Clarke said, “If you say no, I’ll still paint your car, but I’ll be very sad.”

“Oh.” Lexa furrowed her brow following the girl inside, “Ok what is this price?”

“Follow me.” Clarke took the girls hand leading her into the sunroom.

Clarke had spent most of her morning setting this up before school and she was very proud of it.

When she led Lexa through the door, she moved to the side giving Lexa a clear view. Clarke had set her mothers flowers to make a colorful arrangement to go around her sign reading ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’.

“Clarke!” Lexa was grinning ear to ear,

“Not that I don’t love being ‘us’ but I would love it so much more if you would be my official girlfriend. I know this might seem cheesy, but I owed you a romantic gesture.”

Lexa went up to the sign examining the time the blonde put into this gesture, the poster was filled with little designs and flowers it was amazing.

“I can’t believe you did this for me.” Lexa smiled, “Of course I’ll be your girlfriend.”

“Yay!” The blonde cheered jumping into the girl’s arms,

“This is the price for doing my car?” Lexa asks curiously,

“Yep.” Clarke smiled, “Now that I’m thinking it over it seems a little strange?”

Lexa laughs, “It’s not strange at all I still want to pay you but I’m glad you’re my girlfriend now.”

“Pay me in-.”

“Don’t say sex.” Lexa says causing Clarke to laugh,

“I was actually going to say kisses know it all.” Clarke suck her tongue out,

“Well then I’ll take one of those kisses now then.” Clarke happily kissed the girl without any questions.

“Come on I’ll show you what I had in mind for your car.” Clarke led the into her garage opening the gate so Lexa could pull her jeep in.

She laid protective covering over the floor so her mom wouldn’t have a heart attack if any paint stained the floors.

Clarke grabbed her notepad and flipped to the right page.

“I know you want green so I’m thinking we do a lighter green then we can do this with a darker color.” She handed her the pad.

“This is amazing.” Lexa examined the vines and plants decorating the paper.

“I know you miss the forest and nature so I thought maybe I could give you a small remembrance of that on your car.”

If she didn’t know it before she definitely knew it now, she was falling hard for Clarke Griffin. Hard enough that she wasn’t sure if she could ever recover if they ended up not working out.

“I love this.” Lexa finally said,

“Great, I’ll get started them.”

Clarke set up all the equipment, she’s only done this twice and she was beyond scared she’d fuck it up, but she was going to try for Lexa. She started by covering up all the mirrors, taillights and anything they didn’t want paint on. There wasn’t much exterior damage, so she didn’t have to sand or anything.

After mixing the paint for the whole car she ran the color by Lexa who said it was perfect.

“You don’t have to stay you can go inside this house; it might take a little while.” Clarke suggested,

“I’ll watch you work you magic.”

“Then put this on.” Clarke handed the girl a mask, “The paint is strong as hell.”

Lexa watched in awe as the blonde started spraying the car, every move was strategic and precise. Lexa would never be able to do anything like this so she was impressed.

It took about an hour to paint the whole car then they took a break for food before starting the design.

“I’m starting to think you wore these short shorts on purpose.” The shorts barely covered the girls but and she knew it.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Clarke smirked, “I wear these shorts all the time in the house.”

“I’m sure you do Clarke.”

“I would go change but I’ll let you enjoy the view.” She winked,

* * *

_A few hours later_

“Do you hate it?” Clarke observed the girl looking at the car.

Her expression was blank as she examined the vines and plants wrapping around the car. She was getting nervous that she hated it until the girl walked up and kissed her.

“I love it.” Lexa beamed, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Clarke smiled, hugging the girl. “Do you want to get some food while it dries?”

“Yes, I’m starving.”

Abby had just got home with takeout for the girls which they all ate at the table saving some for Jake when he got home.

Lexa liked Abby, she didn’t grill her on her intentions, and she didn’t look at her like she wasn’t enough for Clarke she just welcomed her. Not Abby could ever replace her own mother, but it was nice talking to someone who is a mother, even if it’s not hers.

“Lexa you need to come over more.” Abby smiled as she cleared the table with Lexa’s help.

“I would love to.”

* * *

_An hour or two later_

“You’ve completely charmed my mother.” Clarke was walking Lexa to her car, “I think she’s in love with you.

They had spent most of the day together but now it was time to part ways which they both always hated.

“She’s great.”

“Well feel free to come over anytime.”

“I’ll take you up on that.” Lexa smiled wrapping her arms around the blonde.

“I’ll see you in the morning, Girlfriend.”

“See you tomorrow girlfriend.” Lexa smiled, she’s never been happier to be someone’s girlfriend in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never meant for this story to move so slow but i like it so far, the pace will be speeding up in upcoming chapters!


	18. Alice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day? why not. This wraps up the costia plotline so it's mostly Clarkes perspective.  
> The next few chapters might have some drama or be pure fluff i don't you'll have to ready and find out!
> 
> i know some people will probably hate this but......
> 
> (sorry for the mistakes)

_Monday_

It had been a couple of weeks since Clarke asked Lexa to be her girlfriend and everything was amazing. They barely spent anytime away from each other unless they had to work. Everyone said they were in the honeymoon phase and maybe they were. Everything felt right when they were together and neither of them wanted to lose that.

It was now Monday and Clarke was on her way to what was supposed to be her last detention with Costia. Originally, they were only supposed to have four days but after Kane caught them arguing last week, he added a day making Thursday their last day which neither of them were happy about.

Obviously, she didn’t expect the two to be friends, but she had hoped they would come to some understanding.

When she got to the drama room Costia was kissing some girl goodbye which she figured was her girlfriend. There was no doubt that Costia was beautiful and get anyone she wanted easily but her need for being a bitch kind of ruins her personality.

An hour into cleaning Clarke came across and the school’s version of a play bill for Alice in the Wonderland from a couple of years ago. Clarke used to love doing plays and performing but after middle school she focused more on grades and academics rather than the arts.

“Hey, look what I found.” Clarke showed the girl the play bill. “Alice and Wonderland used to be your favorite.”

Costia didn’t respond instead she rolled her eyes and continued her work.

“Do you remember doing this play in Middle School?” Clarke asks,

“Duh I remember.” Costia rolls her eyes,

“That was pretty fun.” Clarke reminisced,

“Fun because you got the lead.” Costia snarked, “As usual.”

“You never audition for the leads.”

“I always audition for the leads you were just to self-centered to let anyone else play a big part.”

She did always audition for the lead part, but she never remembered Costia to, maybe that’s where jealousy started?’

“I’m sorry if you felt like that, I never meant to hog anyone’s spotlight.”

Costia laughed.

“What’s funny?”

“You.” Costia turned to face the girl, “You are so clueless it’s mind blowing, our whole lives you’ve had to be the center of everyone’s attention and it’s like you don’t even realize.” She huffed, “I didn’t think you were that stupid but maybe you are.”

“So this is it, this is why you hate me? Because I got the roles you wanted?”

“Don’t be ridiculous Clarke.”

“Then what is it because I can’t do this anymore. We used to be friends Cos and then all of sudden you hate me?” Clarke was done with the back and forth, if they didn’t talk this out today then she was done. She would let it go and forget it.

“You know what you did and don’t call me that!”

“If I knew I wouldn’t be asking.” Clarke said calmly, “Something happened in middle school that changed us, but I don’t know what.”

“Then that’s your problem.” Costia spat,

“Wait.” Clarke hadn’t thought of this before, “Was it the letter?”

“Don’t.” Costia warned,

“Why would it be that I didn-.”

“I said don’t Clarke.” She yelled, grabbing her bag to head for the door.

“Who in the world am i? Ah that’s the greatest puzzle.” Costia froze as Clarke continued to talk, “’It’s no use now to pretend to be two people! Why, there’s hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!’ You said those were your favorite Alice quotes and you put them in the letter.”

“The letter you spread around school!” Costia yelled,

“What?” Clarke looked at the girl, she knew she was mad, and she even could see tears building up in her eyes, “I would never do that Cos.”

“I said don’t call me that!” “And I know you did!”

“Why would I do that?” Clarke yelled,

“To humiliate me obviously!” They were shouting at this point but neither of them cared, “And I guess it worked since everyone made fun of me for two years straight because of it!”

“I never told anyone; Costia I swear to you.”

“That means nothing Clarke, I’m not doing this.” The girl grabbed her things running out of the room as fast as she could,

Things were starting to make sense now, of course she thought it was her that told but she didn’t.

Clarke quickly ran after the girl to the parking lot where she was just now starting her car. She opened the passenger seat door and hopped in before it started moving.

“Clarke what the hell? Get out of my car!”

“I didn’t show anyone the letter, and I swear I didn’t tell anyone.” 

“Get out of my car Clarke.” Costia leaned past the girl opening the door,

“Just listen for a sec-.”

“Get out!”

“Cos-.”

“Now Clarke.”

“C-.”

“Clarke please…” The girl paused wiping silent tears from her face, “Just get out of the car.”

Clarke could honestly say she’s never seen the girl look so small, the bitchy demeanor was gone and now it was just... Costia.

“I know you don’t believe me, but I didn’t tell anyone, and I wouldn’t do that you especially after I confessed the same thing. I know what it’s like to struggle with that, but I am sorry someone told. And I’m sorry it ruined our friendship.” Clarke got out the car making her way back to the drama room to get her stuff.

She wanted the truth and she got it but even the truth leaves more questions. This was all because of a secret one secret that set the two of them into a life of hatred and stupid bickering. Clarke was done with that she was going to resolve this one way or another.

* * *

“Please tell me you got chips.”

Clarke had left the school and made her way to Lexa’s house, they pre planned to have dinner together and what Clarke wanted more than anything was chips and salsa.

“Of course.” Lexa pulled the chip out of the bag which Clarke immediately grabbed.

“You’re the best.” She dug right into the chips sitting at the bid dining table, “How was group?”

“Good, I even made plans with a couple of people from there.”

“I’m happy your making friends, what are you guys going to do?”

“Mara a girl from group invited a bunch of us to a concert. Apparently, some band is playing a town over.”

“That sounds fun.” Clarke smiled, “Are you excited?”

“I am actually.” Lexa was excited and a little scared, outside of group she never talked to half of these people. What if they don’t like her?

“I know that face.”

“What face?” Clarke asks,

“You have this face that you make when your kind of worried about something.” Clarke said, “It’s a cute face honestly, is there something wrong?”

“Nothing wrong I just- I mean what if we have nothing in common besides our addiction? What if we have nothing to talk about and they don’t like me?”

“Lex.” Clarke put down her food and moved over to the girl, “They wouldn’t have invited you out if they didn’t like you, the only way to know if you have things in common is if you hangout. Ask questions find relatable topics and if they don’t like you then oh well. You have a girlfriend who likes you very much.” She smiled,

“Is that so?”

“Yes.” Clarke kissed the girl before going back to her chips and salsa.

“Alright you’ve been here almost 30 minutes and you haven’t talked about detention once. What happened?”

“Nothing.” Clarke mumbled opening the rest of her food,

“Just like you know when I’m upset, I know when you are.”

“I’m not upset. “Clarke said honestly, upset wasn’t really the right word it was more confused.

“But something did happen?” Lexa eyed the girl,

“I guess I figured out why exactly Costia hates me.”

“Really?” Lexa was surprised, “Well?”

“It’s sort of a long story but believe it or not we actually used to be friends and she thinks I did something when we were younger, that I didn’t do but I also don’t know how to prove I didn’t do it so now I’m trying to figure out how to fix this!”

“She’s mad about something that happened when you were kids?”

“I was 10 she was 11 and if it were and if it were any other secret, I would say it was stupid but this one was kind of serious.” Clarke sighed, “So now I have to figure out who told.”

“Why does it bother you so much?” Lexa asks, “I mean that she doesn’t like you?”

“Before I just didn’t understand what I did, but now that I know I just want to make it right. When this secret came out Costia went through a lot of bullying and I feel bad because she thinks it’s my fault. If I can fix it then I want to, we’ll never be friends but at least it’s closure.”

“I can’t imagine Costia being bullied.”

“It was pretty bad; things were different then. I remember trying to talk to her during those times, but she never wanted me around. I guess now I know why.”

“You’re trying to fix it now that has to count for something.” Lexa added,

“I guess.” Clarke sighed, “But it doesn’t matter I just have to get through on more detention with her then I’m done. Now I just want to eat this food that I’ve been dreaming about all day and not think about it anymore.”

“And here I thought you were here for me.”

“I am babe.” Clarke smiled, “But the food is a plus.”

* * *

_Tuesday_

It was the next day and Clarke was in her 1st period class that she shared with Octavia. The Costia situation was still on her mind but she didn’t know what she could do about it.

“Hello.”

Clarke looked up to hands waving in front of her face,

“I’ve been talking to you for like five minutes.” Octavia said annoyed,

“Sorry I’m a little tired today, what’s up?”

“Bellamy and Echo are throwing a Halloween party next week.”

“I know Ontari was talking about it at work the other day.” Clarke replied,

“It’ll mostly be people their age, but he said I could invite people from school, you are coming right?”

“I don’t know I’ll talk to Lexa about it.”

“I didn’t realize you had to run things by her.” She grumbled,

Clarke looked up at the girl, “I don’t but if we’re invited somewhere where there’s alcohol then I have to talk to her about it first.” Clarke said firmly,

“She doesn’t have to drink.”

“That’s easy to say when you don’t struggle with addiction Octavia.” Clarke rolled her eyes, “I feel like you’re trying to pick a fight with me.”

“I’m not.” Octavia sighed, “You’re right I don’t want to put Lexa in that situation either she is my friend. I just haven’t really seen you much lately outside of school.”

“Aww are you jealous?” Clarke poked the girl,

“Of course I am! I love Lexa but she needs to learn to share!”

“We just like being together.” Clarke smiled to herself,

“I know and I’m happy for you, maybe we’ll hangout this weekend.”

“Of course, how about a sleepover.” Clarke suggested, “Me you and Rae.”

“Like old times!”

“Now all we gotta do is pry her from Anya’s side.”

“You two are so whipped.” Octavia added, “Must be their genes or something.”

“Oh please when you and Lincoln first got together, I didn’t see you for weeks sometimes.” Clarke rolled her eyes,

“This isn’t about me! But if you must know the first couple months of our relationship, we did a lot o-.”

“Obviously, I don’t want to know.” Clarke plugged her ears,

“I was going to say a lot of fight training.” Octavia said, “But we did have a lot of sex to. Hot sweaty gym sex, I mean that was probably the bes-.”

“You do realize Lincolns like my brother, there’s only so many details I can take.”

“Fine I’ll keep it to myself.”

“How generous of you.”

* * *

_Wednesday_

As the days went on Clarke noticed how Costia avoided her at all cost, it wasn’t like they would talk before, but the girls was going out of her way to not be seen. She planned on waiting until tomorrow to talk to her since they’ll be alone, and it’ll be their last detention day.

She had been thinking about who else could’ve seen the letter Costia wrote and only one person came to mind. As much as she hoped it wasn’t true it was the only thing that makes sense.

So after school she drove over to Sinclair’s, she needed to drop off the painting equipment he lent her before she headed to work.

It was Lexa’s day off and she was spending time with her dad so she knew she wouldn’t be at the shop, but Raven was pretty much there every day.

“Hey.”

Raven was busy fixing something that Clarke wasn’t even going to try and understand when she interrupted.

“Hey princess, what are you doing here?” Raven stopped her work giving her full attention to the blonde,

“I had to bring back Sinclair’s paint stuff and I needed to ask you something.”

“Oh no what?”

“Do you remember when we were in 5th grade and Costia wrote me that letter?”

“Yeah, I basically had to pry it out of your hands to read it.” Raven recalled, “Why what’s wrong?”

“Did you tell anyone what it said?” Clarke asked causing the girl to frown,

It was silent for a second before she said anything.

“Not intentionally.” Raven sighed, “Costia’s my cousin and I know she’s pretty terrible, but I do love her and when we were kids’ things were different. We were sort of friends so when I read your letter, I asked her about it. I didn’t tell her I knew from your letter I just said I read her journal and she believed that.”

“So how did everyone find out?”

“When I asked her about it, we we’re at school, some kids overheard us, and they started telling everyone. I told my aunt the truth about how the rumor spread but she told me not to tell Costia, she didn’t want her to be mad at me, so I didn’t.” Raven sighed,

“Is this why you told me it didn’t matter why she didn’t like me? Because you knew she thought I told everyone?”

“What? No, I didn’t know she thought that. I swear I didn’t know what her problem with you was, I guess now it makes sense though. I told you it didn’t matter because I thought the reason, she didn’t like you was because you rejected her.”

“Rejected her? Like she liked me?” Clarke asked,

“Yeah, I guess I was way off. You two did use to be close though.” Raven shrugged, “Why are you asking me about this?”

“In detention the other day we sort of argued and she said the letter was the reason she didn’t like me. She thinks I told everyone.”

“Then I’ll tell her it was me.”

“No Raven, you guys are family and you already don’t get along because of me. Don’t tell her it was you I can handle Costia bitchy comments.” She smiled slightly, at least she knew the truth even if Costia never will.

* * *

Today was the day, the day Clarke’s been praying for, for the last couple of weeks. It was her last day of detention and she couldn’t be happier about it, she never minded cleaning, but the drama kids were messy. It took her an hour just to get through one closet, but now it’s almost over.

Of course she also has to see Costia which she didn’t know what to say to her. She wasn’t going to tell on Raven so maybe it would be best if she didn’t say anything at all.

When she got to the room she immediately started working, maybe being busy would take her mind off of it. Then again staying busy never took her mind off of anything so when she heard Costia come in she prepared what exactly she wanted to say.

“I know you probably don’t want to hear from me but there just a few things I didn’t get to say the other day that I want you to know.” Clarke turned to the girl,

“Clarke-.”

“Please just let me say this, I know you went through a lot in middle school because of that secret and I’m so sorry but I promise you it wasn’t me-.”

“I know.” Costia said staring at the girl,

“What?” Clarke was confused, not even 3 days ago the girl was sure it was her and now she doesn’t?

“Raven told me the truth about what happened yesterday.” Costia sighed,

Clarke should’ve known Raven would go and tell her even if she asked her not to.

“Oh.” That was all Clarke could muster up to say, “I asked her not to tell you.”

“I know, she told me that to.” Costia said, “Before I slapped her.”

“You slapped her?!”

“Yeah, and then she slapped me back.” Costia laughed,

“God you guys are the weirdest cousins ever.” Clarke laughed, “Either way I am sorry Costia about everything.”

“I blamed you this whole time, every time I would get teased or bullied, I would tell myself it was your fault because you told everyone. Then we grew up and you continuously beat me at everything and got every girl I liked, and I convinced myself you were out to get me. And I hated you more for it.”

“I never did any of those things on purpose, I swear.”

“I know Clarke, I know that now, but I didn’t know it then.” Costia sighed,

“I have something for you.” Clarke walked over to her bag and pulled out a wrinkled envelope, “Here.”

“You still have it?” Costia hesitantly took the 6-year-old letter.

“I have all of my art books from when I was a kid, a couple ago I was cleaning my spare room out and I found it wedged in my 5th grade drawing book.”

“Why did you keep it?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I knew that you hated me, but I couldn’t throw it out, after I found out about you and Luna, I wanted to throw it out.” Clarke sighed, “I just couldn’t.”

“Do you know why I wrote it in a letter?” Costia looked at the blonde, “I couldn’t even say it out loud. I was feeling so many things and it was scary, I was 11 and I thought something was wrong with me until you told me there wasn’t.” Costia smiled, “You this 10-year-old little girl told me it’s ok to like girls and I wasn’t alone because you liked them too.”

“I remember.” Clarke smiled, “You were the first person I told too.”

“’Who in the world am i? Ah that’s the greatest puzzle.’ I thought that quote fully summed up my life.” Costia said looking at the letter, “You had blonde hair, but I always had to be Alice.”

“Now you’re the Queen of Hearts.” Clarke smiled, dodging a nudge from the girl,

“I’m sorry about Luna.” The girl said, “It’s no excuse but being bullied like that for so many years just for liking girls really changed me and I blamed you for all of it. I wanted to hurt you and after years of trying I finally did that with Luna. But it didn’t make me feel better and you didn’t deserve it.”

“Luna made a decision that night too, now it doesn’t even matter.” “It happened and it’s done, just so you know I never knew you asked her out until moths later.”

“It doesn’t matter, she didn’t like me anyways. None of this matters, I hated you for years over something you didn’t do and now we’re in detention cleaning out the drama room because I tried to pour paint on you.”

Clarke could help but laugh and it wasn’t long before Costia joined in.

“I still can’t believe you tried to Carrie me.” Clarke laughed,

“That was really extreme so I am sorry, I can’t believe you call me a whore via a Paramore song at my senior homecoming.”

“That was pretty rash so I’m sorry too, If it’s any consolation I don’t think you’re a whore.”

“I couldn’t even be mad; you honestly killed the song.” Costia laughed,

“I was pretty convinced you’d hate me forever.” Clarke said,

“I was prepared to.” Costia smiled, “You sort of annoyingly hard to hate, your extremely nice and everyone loves you. Even when I slept with your girlfriend the worst you called me was a bitch.”

“Luna didn’t get much aggression from me on that either.” Clarke mumbled,

“I figured, just so you know it was only the once and any other time that was me messing with you.” Costia sighed, “And I am really sorry about that.”

"You know Raven thought you liked me?" 

"No offense Clarke, you're pretty hot but blondes aren't really my thing." She smiled, 

“When you asked Lexa to homecoming was that to get at me too?”

“Originally, yes but she’s hot so I wouldn’t have minded if she agreed to come with me.” Costia smiled, “I see you guys around school you seem happy.”

“I am.” Clarke smiled,

“I’m glad your happy.”

“Are you? Happy I mean.” Clarke asked, “I noticed the girl who walks you here, is she?”

“My girlfriend? No but she does make me happy.” She smiled, “Maybe one day she will be.”

“I know a lot has happened in the six years we’ve been in this little feud and I know we’ll probably never be friends but I’m glad we had this talk Cos.”

She smiled, “Me too Clarke, we may never be friends but I’m not against waving at each in the halls.”

“I think I can do that.” The girl laughed,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Costia was brutally bullied for being gay and she blamed Clarke... does that make up for the things she’s done? Of course not. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who reads this story i've had so much fun writing it! i read all the comments and i know there a few of you who comment on every chapter and i see you guys!! 
> 
> This has been a pretty good release for me this quarantine shit is taking a toll on me but i know i'm not the only one!


	19. Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarkes girls night  
> Lexa's night out  
> Clexa tension?  
> Raven and O  
> And jake being the best dad ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiiiiiiii! hope you enjoy this is more of a filler chapter but i'm excited to build on Lexa's friendships and Clarkes as well. The next chapter deals with Clarkes depression a little more and how Lexa reacts to it.

It was Saturday night and Lexa had plans to hang out with her friends from group. She was going to a concert for a band she’s never heard of, but she figured either way it would be fun.

She had an hour or two before she had to leave and she still hadn’t picked an outfit, it didn’t help that she had Clarke and Anya critiquing every choice she made.

“Does she always take this long to pick a shirt?” Clarke asks Anya.

“You should’ve seen her the day you were showing her around town, I’m pretty sure she tried on every shirt she owns.”

“I can hear you guys.” Lexa said from her bathroom,

“Babe honestly you look good in everything, wear what your comfortable in.”

“I’m just going to wear this one.” Lexa came form her bathroom in a queen shirt,

“That’s the same one.” Clarke smiled, “You wore it that day.”

“You remember?” Lexa asks,

“Of course.” Clarke smiled, remembering the day she took Lexa to the boardwalk,

“Excuse me while I throw up.” Anya mumbled making her way out of the room,

“You look good.” Clarke straightened out the girl’s shirt and fixed all the flyways in her hair,

“Thanks baby.” Lexa kissed the girl, “Do you have any plans tonight?”

“It’s girls’ night, O and Raven are coming over tonight for a sleepover.”

“Sounds fun.”

“Our girl’s nights get pretty crazy, we got face masks lots of food oh and gossiping lots of gossiping. We may even watch a movie.”

“You guys are crazy.”

“O’s been wanting to hangout, so this is me pleasing her.”

“She has been telling me I need to share you.” Lexa adds, “But it’s so hard.”

“Aw your so cute.”

“You’re cuter.” Lexa smiled,

“How much time before you have to go?” Clarke asks wrapping her hands around the girl’s waist.

“Priya, a girl from group should be here soon. I said I we could ride together.”

“Then I’m going to enjoy my time with you while I can.” Clarke pushed the girl on the bed climbing on top of her,

“God Clarke do you have to wear dresses when you straddle me like this.” Lexa groaned looking at the girl’s short dress riding up with every movement,

“Dresses give easy access.” Clarke smirked leaning down to kiss the girl, since they had been dating dry humping and making out had been the stint of their sexual activity. Not that either of them were in a rush to have sex but the want was definitely there, it was just never the right time. Lexa wanted to make it special, she wanted everything to be perfect for the girl and herself.

“Maybe we should stop.” Lexa gasped between kisses, she was already getting hard and she had to leave soon,

“Why?” Clarke continued kissing down the girl’s neck leaving the occasional bite,

“Because as much as I’m enjoying this, I don’t want to start something we can’t finish.” Lexa heard Clarke sigh as she moved off fixing her dress. Before she could say anything, she heard Anya calling her name letting her know Priya was here.

“Give me a second.” Lexa yelled back,

“I should go, I need to clean my room before the girls come over anyways.” Clarke said still straightening out her dress,

“Clarke-.”

“You shouldn’t keep your friend waiting.” Clarke grabbed her bag,

“Wait.” Lexa grabbed the girl’s hand, “Are you mad at me?”

“No.” Clarke looked at the girl, “Of course not, have fun tonight.” Clarke kissed the girl before leaving the room.

Obviously, something was wrong, but it was clear they wouldn’t be talking about it tonight. She quickly smoothed out her shirt before running downstairs to greet Priya. Out of all the people from group Lexa would say she got along with Priya the best. They pretty much bonded instantly after discussing 80’s rock bands one day after group. Lexa knew she didn’t know much about this band either but at least they would have each other.

“Hey sorry I didn’t open the door for you.” Lexa said to the girl inviting her in the living room.

“It’s no problem, if the pretty blonde coming down your stair wasn’t indication enough I’d say you were busy.” The girl smirked,

“That would be my girlfriend Clarke.” Lexa smiled, she loved saying that,

“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

“It’s pretty new, we’ve been dating officially for a few weeks now.”

“How’s that going?” Priya asks,

“Good, I really like her.” Lexa smiled, “Clarkes amazing, are you dating anyone?”

“I have a boyfriend; his name is Jordan.” Priya answers, “We’ve been dating for about a year now.”

“That’s nice, does he know-.”

“About my addiction? Yes, he actually was a big part of my recovery. He even pushed me to do TGT. I’ll have to introduce you two one day.”

“I’d like that, maybe we could do a double date or something.”

“Definitely.” She smiles, “Are you ready to go see this band that neither of us know anything about?”

Lexa laughs, “Let’s do it.”

* * *

Clarke always tried to keep her room clean and for the most part she did, but it had been a long week and shit was everywhere. Most days she was only in here to sleep and change clothes, it had been a while since she spent time in her room.

Octavia and Raven would be there any minute and she couldn’t get Lexa out of her mind. She had left there pretty abruptly, and she hated that Lexa thinks she mad at her. There had been so many times where they were making out and she was sure it would progress, and it never did. At first she thought it was because Lexa wasn’t attracted to her which from the bulge she always feels pressing against her she knows that’s not true. Now she figures it’s because she wasn’t ready which she was 100% ok with. And if she’s not ready then she’s been throwing herself at the girl and she felt embarrassed.

“GRIFFIN, THE PARTY’S HERE!”

Clarke quickly threw some clothes that littered her floor in the closet before running downstairs where Octavia and Raven were waiting in bikinis.

“Hey.” Clarke hugged the girls, “Are we getting in the pool?”

“I know this is girl’s day, but I really need to get some pictures for my photo class and your pool as an amazing view.” Octavia said,

“Ok, I’ll go change.” Clarke started running up the stairs,

“Wait.” Octavia eyed the girl, “What’s wrong?”

She hated how well the girl knew her, she could have the straightest face and she would still know somethings up.

“Nothing, I’m going to get changed.” She quickly ran up to the room before O could say anything else.

She decided on a leopard print two-piece bikini and a black cover up before going downstairs to join the girls.

“Hey sweety.” Abby greeted, “I put some snack out for you guys are you planning on ordering something for dinner?”

“Probably.” Clarke plucked a carrot from the tray popping it in her mouth.

“I have a shift tonight; your dad should be here by 8 he can bring you something.” Abby suggested.

“I’ll call him before he leaves, he can just bring food from the restaurant.”

“Alright, I have to go tell the girls I said goodnight.” Abby gathered her hospital bag, “I’ll make breakfast in the morning.”

“Thanks mom, love you.”

“Love you too, don’t keep your dad up all night.”

“No promises you know he loves girl’s night.” Clarke smiled,

She grabbed the snacks and took them out to the pool setting them on the table. I was only 7pm so it only starting to get dark.

“I didn’t know you were taking a photography class.” Clarke said to Octavia who was currently taking pictures of the sunset.

“I had to do something to fill my time now that you two are always with your girlfriends.”

“Don’t be dramatic.”

“Fine, it looked interesting so I thought I would try it.” Octavia shrugged looking over the shots,

“Do you like it?” Raven asks,

“It fun so far, this week we had to do pov’s hence why I’m taking pictures of my view from the pool.”

“Well are you almost done because I was promised a girls night.” Raven said throwing grapes at the girl.

“Lucky for you I think I have enough, you know I think this is the first time we’ve hung out without significant others in weeks.”

“We still see each other every day.” Clarke mentions,

“No one’s asked me to hangout.” Raven adds,

“As if you’d leave Anya’s side for more than five minutes.”

“I’m here aren’t I?” Raven rolled her eyes, “I could be with her right now.”

“Lucky us.” Octavia mumbled,

“Anyways I’m glad we’re hanging out too, what’s on the agenda?” Clarke asks,

“Obvi swimming, I don’t really care what we do I just want to catch up.” Octavia shrugged, “Oo and I want to take pictures of you guys by the pool to I need practice.”

* * *

The drive to the concert was around an hour so that gave Priya and Lexa a lot of time to talk. They learned they had more in common than they thought so that filled the time well.

“You do know that Mara has a crush on you right?”

“What?” Lexa asks, almost swerving the car. “No she doesn’t.”

“She so does, we go to school together at Sanctum High she was asking about you.” Priya said, “Of course I didn’t know you had a girlfriend then, so I might’ve told her to go for it.”

“Priya!” Lexa shrieked,

“I know I’m sorry, I totally thought you were single now I just feel like an idiot.”

“Oh no I hope she doesn’t ask me out or anything, that would be really awkward.” Lexa said,

“I’ll talk to her; tell her you have a girlfriend and she shouldn’t go for it.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t go tonight.” Lexa suggested, “I can drop you off and pick you up after.”

“Hell no! You’re not leaving me!”

“This could end up being really awkward.”

“It’ll be fine I’ll talk to her.” The girl assured her, but that didn’t make Lexa any less anxious about the situation.

* * *

“So wait you told her you love her?” Octavia asks, “You guys are so cute!”

“It was honestly one of the best moments in my life.” Raven added, “She was being so vulnerable with me and I just had to tell her. We were both crying it was a moment.”

“I’m so happy for you Rae.”

“Me too.” Clarke smiled,” Especially after he who shall not be named.”

“The moment I met Anya I stopped thinking about him all together, I don’t even care about it anymore. Which I never thought would be possible.”

“Well luckily Anya knows how to properly treat you like the queen you are.” Octavia adds,

“Damn straight.” Raven smiles, “What about you, are you and Lincoln good?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Octavia sighed, “He’s been really busy lately, so we haven’t had much private time.”

“Oh I’m sorry O, have you talked to him about it?” Clarke asks,

“Not really, I’m sort of scared to.”

“Why?” Raven asks,

“Because… what if we- what if he’s tired of me?” Octavia wept, “We’ve been together for 2 years, what if it’s not enough? And he leaves me.”

“O.” both girls rushed to the girl. “There’s no way that’s the case.”

“Clarke’s right O, that boy loves you like crazy you just need to talk to him.”

“I’m sorry I ruined girl’s night.”

“Is it even a girl’s night if no cries?” Raven smiled,

* * *

“This is….. not what I was expecting I guess.” They arrived at the place where the concert was, and it wasn’t what either of them thought.

Lexa was expecting a venue or even a small building but no, they were no standing outside of a full-blown club.

“I’m confused, who thought it was a good idea to hangout at a bar? Can we even get in.” Lexa looked to Priya, like her Priya also struggled with Alcohol addiction and there was no doubt there was alcohol inside there. “Should we go?”

Before Priya could answer Mara who invited them came outside.

“Hey guys, aren’t you coming in?” Mara asked,

“Why are we at a club?” Priya asks plainly,

“It’s where the band in playing but don’t worry, they have an underage section blocked off so there’s no drinking.”

“Are you sure you want to go in?” Lexa whispers to Priya.

“I guess, but the moment either of us feel uncomfortable we leave. Deal.”

“Deal.” Lexa agreed following the girls through the open door.

“You looked really nice Lexa.” Mara smiled,

“Thanks…”

“Hey Mar, is there somewhere we can talk?” Priya interrupted,

* * *

“I’m home!” Jake yelled, “And I brought food!”

“Yay!”

“Jakey’s home!” Raven shouted,

Since Octavia’s mini crying session by the pool the girls had moved inside to do face masks and watch trashy reality Tv.

“You girl’s did face masks without me?” Jake gasps,

“Of course not we saved you one.” Raven held up a pack.

“I forgot I shouldn’t joke with you Raven.” Jake laughed, “Alright put it on me.”

_One face mask later_

“We have to take a selfie.” Octavia snickered; Jake was beyond unimpressed with the bright blue paste covering his face. “Smile Jake.”

“The things you do for your kids.” Jake mumbled smiling for their selfie, “How long do I have to keep it on.

“Only 20 minutes dad.” Clarke reached for the bag of food, “Plenty of time to eat!”

“Yes, I’m so hungry.” Raven cheered.

* * *

It had been an hour since they arrived at the club and Priya still hadn’t had a chance to talk to Mara which meant the girl was subtly flirting with her. She had been trying to find a casual way to bring her the fact that she has a girlfriend without being mean, but the opportunity hadn’t presented itself.

“So do you ever go to Skai beach?” Mara asks,

This will have to do, Lexa thought.

“Yeah my girlfriend really loves the beach, so we go often.” Lexa replied watching the girls face fall, she felt terrible.

“Oh.” Mara murmurs, “I don’t go that often but it’s beautiful.”

“Yeah it is.” Lex smiles, maybe she’s not that hurt.

“I’m going to go see when the band goes on I’ll catch up with you guys later.”

“I’m so sorry again.” Priya said once Mara was gone.

“It’s not your fault plus I don’t think she was that bothered honestly.” Lexa shrugged,

“Thank god, I don’t think I could’ve handled a full breakdown or anything.” Priya said, “This band is taking a long time to come on.”

“It has been a while.”

* * *

“So does Kris date Corey?” Jake asks the girl’s; they were currently watching a marathon of Keeping up with the Kardashians.

“Yeah, I think they’ve been dating for a couple of years.” Raven answers,

“Do years add value to a relationship though?” Octavia asks, “Her and Bruce were married for decades and they still ended up getting a divorce.”

Clarke and Raven both look at each-other with worried faces.

“Years absolutely add value to a relationship.” Jake answered, “It’s up to the couple to make those years mean something. Sometimes things don’t workout because it’s not right then other times it doesn’t work because they didn’t work through their issues and then one day it was too late. If I could give you girls one piece of relationship advice, it’s talking can make a world of difference.”

“That’s really wise dad.” Clarke said, “You hear that O.”

“Talking makes the world of difference.” Raven adds,

“Don’t tell me Lincoln wronged you.” Jake looked to O.

“No we just… are having communication issues I guess.” Octavia sighed, leaning onto the man’s shoulder.

“Like I said, talking really does help.” Jake stroked the girl’s hair, for Raven and O he was the closet thing either of them would get to a father and he took that seriously.

“I’ll call him tomorrow.”

“Good.” Jake smiled. “Now as much as I love girl’s night I am old and it’s way past my bedtime.”

“It’s 10:15 dad.” Clarke looked at the man,

“That might as well be 2 am to me.” Jake smiled, “Goodnight girl’s, don’t be up to late.”

“We won’t.” They chimed.

* * *

“So why isn’t your girlfriend here?” Mara asked,

It turns out Mara wasn’t taking anything well, after checking on the band Mara had returned and continued her flirting with Lexa. Luckily, she had Priya there who tried to change the subject every chance she got.

“She’s hanging out with her friends tonight, plus you guys invited me out so I’m here to get to know you guys.” Lexa hoped she wouldn’t twist that to me get to know her on a romantic level because it was clear she didn’t care about her having a girlfriend.

“So Mar how do you know about this band?” Priya asked,

“YouTube actually, I came across one song and just kind of fell in love.” Mara answered, “Have you ever been in love Lexa?”

“Uh.” Lexa just kind of looked at the girl, “I.”

“Mara I don’t really think it matters.” Priya interrupts,

“It was just a question.” Mara replies and Lexa could swear she here’s the girl whisper ‘clearly she doesn’t love her girlfriend.’

* * *

It was almost midnight and Octavia had passed out on the couch when they were watching Tv leaving Clarke and Raven still awake.

“So what’s going on with you.” Raven asks the girl on their walk to her room.

“What do you mean?”

“When we first got here something was clearly wrong with you so spill.”

“It’s nothing Rae.” Clarke plopped down on her bed snuggling her blankets.

“It’s something to you and I care so tell me what’s up.”

Clarke stared at her ceiling for what felt like hours before she finally spoke.

“It’s Lexa.”

“What happened.” Raven asked,

“I went to see her earlier before she left, and things were getting…”

“Sexual?”

“Yes and she pulled away and I kind of got embarrassed and all but ran out of her house.” Clarke sighed,

“Maybe she just didn’t want to rush? You know since she was leaving soon?”

“I know and that’s what she said, but this isn’t the first time she’s pulled away. I just- I mean at first I thought she wasn’t attracted to me-.”

“Are you insane? That girl literally looks at you like you’re an angel or something.” Raven interrupts.

“I know and now I just feel like I’m rushing her or pushing her beyond her limits, and I don’t want to do that. I mean what if she feels like all I want from her is sex or something? Oh my god she probably definitely thinks that now since I left her house after she asks to stop. Oh my god.”

“Clarke stop over thinking it, O isn’t the only one who needs to take Jakes advice.” Raven said, “Just talk to her.”

“You’re right.” Clarke agreed,

“I’m always right.”

“Raven I really like her.”

“I know.”

“I mean I think I’m- I mean I just- feel like I’m falling really hard for her.”

“I know.” Raven repeated with a smile,

“And as exciting as it is, it’s also scary.” Clarke admitted, “I mean I know Lexa would never hurt me, but I thought that about Luna too and she hurt me more than I thought possible. What if… if I’m not enough for her either and she-.”

“Stop right there Clarke, Luna didn’t cheat on you because you weren’t enough she did that because she’s an idiot. I’ve known you my whole life and you’re one of the most amazing people I know. You’re more than enough, Luna didn’t see that but that doesn’t mean Lexa won’t.”

“Love is scary.” Clarke huffed,

“I Agree, but when it’s right it’s also amazing.”

“You’re such a sap now.” Clarke smiled, “I like it.” 

* * *

Lexa was losing all faith that this band would even play tonight, after finally escaping Mara she found a nice corner to sit on her phone. She checked all her socials four times before that got boring. She did get to see pool pictures of Clarke thanks to Octavia’s Instagram so that was probably the highlight of her night.

She only hoped Clarke’s night was going way better than hers.

“This night is kind of a bust.” Priya sighed, sitting next to Lexa. “Mara’s being hell of thirsty, this band is never going on and my head is starting to hurt from this stupid house music.”

“Should we leave?” Lexa asked seriously,

“Before the band goes on?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s the best thing I heard all night, let’s go.” Priya basically ran out of the door and Lexa was close behind.

It wasn’t long before they were on the road back home and both of them couldn’t have been happier.

“Next time we hangout it better just be us two.” Priya said,

“That’s perfectly fine with me.” Lexa replied,

* * *

Raven had fallen asleep not long after they went upstairs leaving Clarke awake by herself with her thoughts. She decided to try and draw to hopefully clear her mind and make herself tired. But that didn’t work.

So then she decided to watch a movie, with O in the living room and Raven in her bedroom that left the kitchen tv. It wasn’t big and her mom mostly used it when she cooked but Clarke didn’t care. She had food and entertainment and that was enough.

She was halfway through Breaking Dawn Part 2 when she got a text.

 **Lexa:** _I really hope you’re not sleep. 12:35am_

 **Clarke:** _Lucky you, my insomnia has decided to plague me tonight._

 **Lexa:** _Then that means you can come outside._

Clarke immediately ran to her living room to peek out the window and sure enough Lexa’s jeep was in her driveway.

She had on sleep shorts and an oversize shirt and she considered going to change, instead she took her hair out of her ponytail brushing it with her fingers before walking outside.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Clarke climbed into the passenger seat.

“I just got back, and I wanted to see you.” Lexa smiled, “I hope that’s ok.”

“Of course it is, how was the concert?”

“I have no clue, we left before they even played.” Lexa laughed,

“What? Why?”

“So it turns out Mara the girl that invited us sort of has a crush on me.” Lexa said, “And I told her I have a girlfriend, but she didn’t seem to care as she continued flirting with me and it was very cringy honestly. Plus the band was taking forever play so me and Priya just decided to leave.”

“Oh.” Clarke took all that information in, “Well am I going to have to challenge this Mara to a duel for your hand?”

“You can issue the challenge, but I already know who I want and it’s not Mara, plus you’re such a badass it really wouldn’t be a fair fight.” Lexa smiled,

“I am a badass.” Clarke smiled,

“Did I do something to make you mad at me earlier?” Lexa asks her joking demeanor quickly turning serious.

“No, and I’m so sorry I made you feel like you did.” Clarke sighed, “It’s just..”

“Clarke you can talk to me, if somethings wrong I want to know.” Lexa grabbed the girl’s hand,

“I- I feel like I’ve been making you uncomfortable with my.. ‘sexual’ advances if you will.”

“What?”

“And I’m sorry if I have because that was never my intention I thought it was mutual, but I’ll tone things down until we’re both on the same page.”

“That’s why you left earlier, because you think I’m not ready to have sex with you and you made me uncomfortable?” Lexa asked,

“Basically yes, you pull away every time things escalate and I’m sorry I didn’t realize you weren’t ready. I’m beyond embarrassed that I’ve been throwing myself on you but I’m fine with taking things slow I-.” Clarke was cut off when Lexa’s lips smashed against hers.

“Clarke you haven’t been making me uncomfortable.” Lexa smiles, “I pull away because I want our first time to be more than a quickie before our parents get home from work. Trust me I want to have sex with you I just… I want to make it special.”

“I’m so stupid.” Clarke hid her head in her head, Idiotic doesn’t even begin to describe the way Clarke felt.

“Baby look at me.” Lexa grabbed the girl’s hands revealing the girls face, “You’re not stupid, I’m sorry that you felt that way.”

“Don’t apologize to me you did nothing but be your usual perfect self.”

“I’m not perfect Clarke.” Lexa laughed at the notion, “But promise me next time you’ll talk to me if somethings wrong.”

“I promise as long as you promise the same.”

“I promise, now get over here and give me a proper kiss.”

Clarke waisted no time climbing over to the girls seat and sat on the girls lap giving her a kiss.

“Please tell me something good came out of going to the concert.” Clarke said hovering over the girls lips,

“Me and Priya got closer so that’s a plus.” Lexa said, “How was girls night? I saw your bikini pictures; I was immediately sad I wasn’t there.”

“Don’t be sad I can always try it on for you.” Clarke smirked reconnecting their lips in a long passionate kiss. “I’d love you have you rip it off of me.”

* * *

_Next morning_

Clarke had spent at least an hour with Lexa in her car just talking with the occasional make out session. She invited her over for breakfast but after talking to Abby she called back and invite Gustus too since Anya would most likely be joining because of Raven. That then prompted her to invite Aurora over which made Clarke tell her to invite Indra and Nyko so Lincoln would come forcing him and O could talk. So now that were having a 12-person breakfast/brunch and Clarke was forced to help cook.

“Why can’t we have lunch instead it’s so early.” Clarke complained,

“At this rate it’ll be breakfast for lunch if you don’t stir that batter quicker.” Abby replied continuing her cooking.

“Why don’t they have to help?” Clarke pointed to O and Raven who were half sleep leaning on the counter.

“They’re going to set the table.” Abby smiled, “I thought we could eat outside today. We never use the big table out there and it’s a nice morning.”

“This is a lot of food just for us.” Octavia said,

“We have to feed us plus Lexa, Anya, Gustus, Indra, Nyko, Lincoln, and Aurora as well.”

“Lincoln!?” Octavia hoped up, “Why didn’t anyone tell me he was coming?”

“We did.” Raven yawned, “Like 4 times.”

“You know you can’t tell me things when I’m half sleep, I have to go do my hair and change.” Octavia run upstairs,

“It’s too early for dramatics.” Raven groaned as someone knocked on the door.

“Clarke go grab the door; Raven go set the table.”

“Abbyyyyy.”

“Raven.”

Clarke quickly ran to the door revealing Lexa, Anya and Lincoln.

“No parentals?” Clarke asks letting them in.

“They’re over there talking about something boring.” Anya pointed next door to Octavia’s yard. “Where’s Raven?”

“She’s should be out back or in the kitchen.” Clarke replied, “And Octavia’s upstairs I think you should go talk to her Lincoln.”

“Uhm, ok?” Lincoln looked at the girl confused, “Is something up?”

“She asked me to send you up when you got here.” Clarke decided O needed a little push, “Think she just wanted to see you.”

“Ok.” Without another word the boy ran upstairs leaving Lexa and Clarke in the foyer.

“Hi.” Clarke wrapped her hands around the girls neck,

“Hi.” She leaned down connecting their lips for a short sweet kiss, “Thanks for inviting us.”

“We used to do big family breakfast’s all the time but I’m glad we’re doing one today.”

“You guys all seem so tight knit.” Lexa said,

“We are our parents pretty much grew up together. Arkadia is a very small place where everyone really does know everyone. Both of my parents are only kids and their parents moved out of town, so this is our family.” Clarke smiled, “And you guys are apart of that to now.”

“Is Raven’s mom apart of that?” Lexa asks,

“Raven’s mom is… complicated I guess. She’s….”

“A raging rich bitch who never has time for her kid.” Raven answers from behind them, “Which is fine because I have Abby and Rory and even Indra and they’re the only mother figures I need.”

“I’m sorry Raven I didn’t mean to pry.” Lexa said quickly earning a glare from Anya.

“It’s fine honestly.” Raven smiled but Lexa knew it really wasn’t fine and there was no doubt she’d be hearing from Anya later about it. “Anyways Abby said everything’s ready.”

“I’ll go get dad and everyone.” Lexa volunteered,

“Sorry Rae I didn’t know how to answer.” Clarke said,

“It’s ok, my real family is right here and that’s all that matters.” Raven smiled at Anya who squeezed her hand in return, “Looks like someone’s kissed and made up.”

Clarke turned to see Octavia and Lincoln walking towards them hand in hand with full smiles. Clarke gives her a look and the girl nods signally the everything was good.

“Is the food done I’m starving.” Octavia said,

“Yeah, lets go sit.”

The table they had in their backyard was pretty big and it fit everyone perfectly, all the adults were sat on side and the teens on the other.

“I love Abby’s food so much.” Raven mumbled between bites,

“Everything is really good.” Lexa adds, “Thank you for having us over Abby.”

“You all are welcome here anytime.” Abby smiled, “Under parent supervision of course.”

“Mom.” Clarke groaned causing Lexa to laugh,

“What? I’m just saying.”

“Anyways, how are you girls liking Arkadia so far?” Aurora asked Lexa and Anya,

“So far it’s been great.” Anya replied,

“Total change from a couple months ago.” Gustus says, “She was complaining the whole time we packed, drove to the airport and then the whole plane ride.”

“I’m sure Raven made that adjustment… what was the world Anya?” Lexa smirked, “Great.”

“She has actually.” Anya flips the girl off quickly, “I’m sure Clarke has made things great for you too.”

“She absolutely has.” Lexa smiled taking the blondes hand,

“Young love.” Abby gushed, “Can you guys believe all of our kids have boyfriends/girlfriends, where do the years go?”

“Abby please don’t cry.” Raven mused,

“It wouldn’t surprise me if she did.” Lincoln smiled,

“Oh you kids leave me alone.” Abby grumbled, “And finish your food.”

“Yes your highness.” All of them chimed laughing at Abby’s face.

The rest of the breakfast went by perfectly, everyone was getting along and chatting and laughing. And even though she didn’t know most of them that well Lexa couldn’t help but feel maybe one day she could be apart of that family.

“Has your room always been this colorful?” Lex asked, it had been a couple hours since breakfast and Lexa decided to hangout with the girl before going home.

“Yes, but the last time you were here you were drunk so maybe you don’t remember.”

“True.” Lexa remembers, “I like it though.” Clarke walls were pretty much covered with artwork and anything that had color on it.

“I actually drew you something but I’m not sure if I should give it to you.” Clarke confessed,

“Why not?”

“It’s…. not ready yet.” Clarke said hesitantly, “I still have some work to do on it.”

“Ok well I can’t wait to see it.” She kissed the girls forehead,

“Can I ask you something?” Clarke asks,

“Of course.”

“When we graduate next year, what do you want to do?”

“I honestly have no clue.” Lexa sighed, “I used to want to be an Author, write books and screenplays but now I don’t know.”

“Why can’t you still do that?”

“I haven’t written in almost 3 years.”

“You can always start again; I’d be the first one in line for a book by Lexa Trikru.” Clarke smiled,

“You’ve never even read anything I’ve wrote; I could be terrible.”

“I doubt it, but you could always let me read something.”

Writing used to be something Lexa loved more than anything, she could always come up with an interesting plot or twist for a story. But writing was also something her mom loved and writing without her just seems… wrong.

“What about you?” Lexa asks, “What do you have planned?”

“I’ve changed my mind a few times but after the past couple of months I’ve been looking into being an Art Therapist. Art has changed my life and if I could do that for others I’d like to.”

“I think you would be amazing at that.” Lexa smiled,

“Can I ask why you don’t write?” Clarke didn’t want to pry but it seemed like something that made the girl anxious,

Lexa took a deep breathe, “My mom used to write, she’s the reason I even started writing. It was something we always did together, whether that was peer reading or just bouncing ideas off of each other. I don’t know if I can do it now that she’s gone.” Lexa sighed,

Clarke snuggled closer to the girl sliding her fingers through her hand.

“What was her name?”

“Elena.” Lexa answered,

“That’s a pretty name, I wish I could’ve met her.”

“Me too, she would’ve loved you. She was a very creative person, she loved art, writing, movies. She would’ve loved your art.” Lexa smiled,

“My mom doesn’t really get my art so it’s nice to know not all parents think art is just a hobby.” Clarke smiled, “Do you have other family in Seattle?”

“No, I never really knew any of my grandparents. I guess there’s my dad’s brother, but he lives on the east coast and we don’t see him often.”

Lexa didn’t know how to feel about how easy it was to talk to Clarke about her family which is something she never discusses.

“Where do your grandparent live?” Lexa asks, “I know you said they don’t live here.”

“My moms parents live in Sacramento and my dads live in New York.”

“I’ve always wanted to go to New York.” Lexa confessed,

“I’ve been a few times, once it was during Christmas and it was so beautiful. Octavia came with me and we had a blast.”

“O goes on vacation with you?”

“Our families usually go on vacations together, I told you we’re very close.” Clarke smiled, “Do you go on vacation often?”

“Not really in the past three years, even before that we didn’t travel much but I’d like to travel one day.” Lexa answered,

“Where to?”

“Is it silly to say everywhere?”

“No, not silly at all.” She smiled,

“Then everywhere.”

* * *

The next day

It had been a couple of weeks since Clarkes last therapy session due to her busy schedule but with homecoming out the way she had free time to start going again.

As crazy as it may seem she honestly felt like a whole new person than a month ago when she had her first session. She felt stronger and happier, but she knew there was still work to be done.

“It’s good to see you again Clarke.” Jackson her therapist said,

“You too.”

“Your mom tells me you’ve been busy; I know homecoming just passed how was that?”

“It was…. Incredible, for the most part everything went as planned and it was a good time.” Reminiscing on that night has been one of her favorite things to do for the last couple of weeks,

“I’m glad to hear that, do you have any fun plans for Halloween next week?”

“Um, I don’t know yet.” Clarke had totally forgot to ask Lexa about the party, “I was invited to a party.”

“It seems you have reservations about going.”

“I do but not necessarily for me but for my girlfriend Lexa.” Clarke couldn’t help but smile. “I’m just not sure if she should go.”

“Why exactly are you feeling that way about Lexa going to this party?” Jackson asks,

“Well, she lost her mom a couple years ago and due to that she’s struggled with alcohol addiction but now she’s working on staying sober and I don’t want to put her in any compromising situations. I’m sure you can guess there will be alcohol at this party, I just don’t want her to be uncomfortable.”

“Have you talked to Lexa about this?”

“Not yet, but I know she’ll tell me it’s fine but what if it’s not really fine and then we go and… she’s worked so hard to get to where she is, and I just don’t want her to relapse because of some stupid party.” Clarke sighed,

“I think the best thing you can do is talk to her about it, I’m sure she’ll appreciate you taking her sobriety into account but ultimately you two have to make the decision together and it’s up to Lexa to know what she can handle.”

“You’re right, I just don’t want her to agree because she thinks I want to go.”

“Then you have to tell her that, communication is key in relationships.”

“You sound like my dad.”

Jackson giggles, “Well your dad must be very wise, what else has been going on?”

“I did talk to my best friend about what happened a couple of months ago.” She admitted,

“Really? How did that go?”

“Pretty good actually, I hadn’t planned on talking about it, but I really felt like I needed to. I couldn’t keep it inside anymore and she was understanding about it.”

“Did you think she wouldn’t be?”

“I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t know if she would understand or think I was completely crazy. But she didn’t and it felt good to talk about it.”

“Do you want to talk about it today?”

“I’m not sure what to say about it.” Clarke murmured,

“Well, let’s start with how you were feeling the days leading up to it.”

“I guess I was feeling scared and tired, tired of the thoughts and just always feeling like I would never be ok. I remember wanting to stop taking the medicine because I was sure it was making things worse, but my parents wouldn’t let me. I guess I was disappointed about that too because I had convinced myself this medicine would be a cure all and it was the opposite.”

“You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want but what about when you were standing on the rocks. How did you feel then?”

There were days where Clarke would put herself back on that edge, where one step could end everything, and it scared her. It scares her to think of what she could’ve done.

“When I was at the rocks I felt like…. my head was on full volume. Like everything I had been feeling was turned all the way up and I couldn’t make it stop. But I actually could if I just jump, one more step and it would be over. And when it came to taking that step I couldn’t, everything was still loud but my whole body was paralyzed and even my mind was telling me to jump I couldn’t. The next thing I remember is seeing my mom’s face, she was crying and screaming, and I was silent and knew she thought I was crazy. When my dad showed up I remember seeing her walk away still crying and I had wished I jumped before they showed up. Any selfish and cowardice thought I could have I had it.”

“Since that day have you had any other thoughts of suicide?”

There is was, the word the word she avoided the word no one would use and she hated that it could relate to her in any way.

“No, when I went off the medicine my mind cleared up, not completely but I could handle it better.”

“I know the possibility of taking medicine again scares you but I promise not all of them will have a negative affect on you.”

“I don’t want to be on anything.” Clarke replied a little to quickly, “Not right now any way, I just I don’t feel like I need it.”

“Ok well that is something we can discuss at a later date.” Jackson said writing something on his pad, “Let’s go back a second to talk about your mom, you said you knew she thought you were crazy. Do you really think that or did you think that in the moment?”

“I used to think that she thought I was crazy especially after what I did, I would always catch her watching me or pick apart every little thing I said. And during the times that I loose my temper I know she’s scared of me. The look she gives me used to make me want to crawl in a hole and disappear.” Clarke sighed,

“Do you think those things can equate to worry? That Abby was worried about your wellbeing.”

“I’m sure it can back then that’s not what it felt like.”

“Have you discussed you incident with your parents since it happened?”

“Not really.”

“Would inviting them into this space help make it easier to talk to them about it?”

“Like family therapy?”

“Just for one session but yes.”

“I guess so.”

“Then we’ll set it up, I think talking about it as a family will help all of you move on and learn how to properly handle each other’s feelings no matter the situation.”

“If that’s what you think is best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter tomorrow! thanks so much for reading i know a lot is going on in the world atm so i'm glad to have you guys here with me!


	20. Depression Session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Depression is different for everyone so Clarkes experience may not be yours but it's very similar to my own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooooooooo...... i don't think i like the ending of this and i'll explain why later but here it is

The Halloween party was in a couple days and Clarke still hadn’t talked to Lexa about it. In her mind she felt like she was making a bigger deal than it was, but she also cares about Lexa and her sobriety. She even came up with different was to keep the girl busy on Saturday but most of them involved roleplay with different costumes, but they haven’t even had sex yet so that idea was void. Now she had two days to either make new plans or talk to the girl about the party and she doesn’t even have a costume.

It was lunch time and she had completely zoned out for most of the talking, ever since her therapy session she’s had a lot on her mind. Things she thought she was over she isn’t, and it was sort of consuming her thoughts. Her looming since of hope had dissipated and now the dread was trickling back in.

There were times throughout the week where everyone would ask her what was wrong, but she said she was fine. And she was fine, but fine isn’t good and just last week she was doing pretty great so why do things change so quickly?

“So, I was talking to Bell about the Halloween party and he said Echo convinced her aunt to let her use her house.” Octavia said excitedly,

“Wait her rich aunt with the extravagant ass house?” Raven asks,

“That’s the one.”

“Wow, I wonder how she pulled that off.”

Clarke should’ve assumed Octavia would bring the party up eventually and she honestly thought it would be sooner than this.

“I still have to get a costume.” Emori explained, “John what are you dressing as?”

“Goth teen perhaps?” Raven smirked,

“Sounds about right.” Murphy rolled his eyes,

“What about you griffin, you always have the best costumes.” Raven turned to the blonde.

“Uh, I don’t know I haven’t really been thinking about it.” She mumbled feeling Lexa’s eyes on her.

“How about you Lexa?”

“I didn’t know we were going to a party, so I have no clue.” Lexa could tell Anya wanted to say something, but she held back

“Well everyone still has a couple days to figure it out.” Octavia added.

When the lunch bell rang Clarke quickly threw her trash away before heading off to her next class Lexa quickly following behind.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the party?” Lexa asks as they walked,

“It honestly slipped my mind.”

“Is that really why?” Lexa pressed,

“I just wanted to talk to you about it first, there’s going to be alcohol everywhere and I don’t want to be somewhere you’ll be uncomfortable.” Clarke explained,

“I knew something was up with you this week.” Lexa sighed, “Isn’t it up to me to decide if I’ll be uncomfortable?” Lexa asks causing Clarke to stop walking,

“Of course it is I was just trying to be mindful of your sobriety.”

“And I appreciate it Clarke but it’s my decision and I don’t have a problem with going.”

“If you’re only saying that because you think I want to go, it really doesn’t

matter to me if I miss a stupid party.” Clarke could tell Lexa was getting a little annoyed,

“If I didn’t want to go I would just say that Clarke!” Lexa argued, “I know everyone thinks I’m this fragile alcoholic who can’t handle shit, but I can.”

“I’m just trying to look out for your best interest Lexa! I’m sorry that I care.”

“I can look out for myself Clarke, I don’t need you to!” 

“Fine.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, she couldn’t handle this right now.

“I’ll see you later I should get to class.” Lexa didn’t wait for a reply before she started her walk in the opposite direction leaving the blonde alone.

That went worse than expected, she hadn’t anticipated for it to turn into an argument, yet it had, and it was their first argument to. Obviously, everything can’t be perfect all the time, but she wished it could.

* * *

Lexa had spent the majority of her day annoyed, at first it was at Clarke and then it was at herself for how she talked to Clarke. She understood why Clarke would be weary about her being around alcohol, but it was frustrating having everyone treat her like a kid. Her addiction has ruined so many things for her and it’s her fault, but she still wanted normal high school memories. She still wanted to go to parties and go out with her friends without worrying about drinking but that will never be her life. Even if she has her addiction under control there will always be someone watching or someone reminding her she shouldn’t go places, or she can’t do certain things.

The truth is once you’re an addict no one will ever let you forget it, you can move on, but someone will be there to remind you and that sucks.

When she got home from school she had tried to call Clarke so they could talk but she said she was busy. She still felt the same way, but she needed to apologize for getting angry with the girl. Having a girlfriend that worries about her is not something she’s experienced before but she did appreciate that the girl cared.

“Hey, dad’s ordering Chinese tonight is that ok?” Anya asks standing by the girls door.

“That’s fine.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” Lexa answered,

“Let’s skip the back and forth and just tell me what’s wrong.” 

“Fine, I kind of got in an argument with Clarke over the party Saturday.” Lexa sighed, “She hadn’t mentioned the party at all, and I guess that was because there will be alcohol there. And I kind of told her I can take care of myself and she doesn’t need to worry about me.” She cringed speaking her words back.

“Oh.”

“You have nothing to say about me going?”

“So you can yell at me to?” Anya smiled, “I don’t want to parent you Lexa, you’ll go no matter what I think and if you think you can handle it then so do I. Have you talked to Clarke?”

“Apparently she’s busy, do you think I ruined everything?” Lexa groaned sinking into her pillow.

“Couples argue Lexa, just because you had a fight doesn’t mean she’s going to break up with you.”

“What if she does? What if she can’t handle my addiction?”

“If she couldn’t handle it she wouldn’t have asked you to be her girlfriend and she wouldn’t be worried about you going to this party.” Anya said, “Don’t start overthinking Lexa just talk to her.”

“I will.”

* * *

School ended a couple of hours ago and since then Clarke had done absolutely nothing but lay in bed. No one was home and she was avoiding everyone at all costs including Lexa. She wasn’t avoiding her because of their fight she just didn’t feel like talking to anyone. She hated having moments like this and it was very reminiscent of the spring she spent hauled up in her room.

She knew this was just apart of her depression but knowing what was causing it didn’t make her feel better. The past few weeks had been so amazing it was naïve to think that would last forever. All she could do was let her low play out and hope everyone will understand.

Her doorknob started moving and she didn’t have time to freak out before Octavia walked in. She hadn’t even heard the door open downstairs.

When the girl looked at her bunched up in her covers it was like she knew what was happening. So instead of asking questions she just took off her shoes and climbed in bed with the blonde.

They laid in silence and Clarke felt like she wanted to cry because she hated feeling like this and not being able to describe it. She hated feeling like everything wasn’t going to be ok especially when she knew what it felt like to be ok. How was she supposed to live like this for the rest of her life?

“Come on princess.” Octavia stood up grabbing the blonde out of bed.

Clarke didn’t protest she let the girl drag her into her art room.

“I’m challenging you.” Octavia smiled handing her a paint brush, as kids they would always challenge each other to an art contest. They each had to draw the same thing in under 20 minutes and the best one would win, of course it was usually Clarke. “We have to draw…. a sunset.”

Clarke grabbed the paint brush and started her drawing; sunsets were easy, and it would most likely take her 10 minutes to finish it. She knew Octavia hated drawing and they hadn’t done this since they were kids.

“You can talk me.” Octavia says, still focusing on her canvas, “You don’t have to but I’m here, I always will be.”

“I’m fine I just, I’m in a mood I guess.”

“Did something happen?”

“Not really this just happens, sometimes I’m ok sometimes I’m not. Broken things can never really be fixed I guess.” Clarke sighed,

“You’re not broken.” Octavia says plainly,

“Octavia-.”

“You’re not broken Clarke.”

Instead of replying she just kept working on her painting,

“You’re incredibly stubborn, caring, strong, smart, funny, talented, sometimes a bitch but broken doesn’t fit into your description. So even if you don’t feel like you are those things I’ll always be here to remind you.”

“Remind that I’m a bitch?”

“If you’re being a bitch then yes.” Octavia smiled, “Your 20 minutes are up, let’s see it.”

Clarke put her paint brush down and flipped her paper around revealing her sunset.

“You could at least let me once in our life.” Octavia rolled her eyes looking at the girls near perfect sunset.

“Maybe one day.”

“So generous.” Octavia teased, “I feel like something else is wrong.”

“Can you just act like you don’t know me so well?” Clarke groaned leaving the room, she needed food and that was in the kitchen.

“Never gonna happen blondie.” Octavia followed, “So spill.”

“Me and Lexa had a fight.”

“Oh, what about?”

“The party, apparently me caring about her staying sober is a bother to her.” Clarke said, “I never meant to overstep I was just trying to be considerate, but I guess I was overbearing instead.”

“You guys just need to talk.”

“I’ll talk to her tomorrow, right now I just want to eat food in my bed for the rest of the day.”

“Can we watch a movie too?”

“Octavia you don’t have to stay, I’m fine.”

“Maybe I’m just hungry and want to eat all your food.” Octavia smiled,

* * *

Missing first and second period probably means you woke up late, missing third and fourth probably means you’re not coming to school and Lexa hadn’t seen Clarke all day. She tried texting the blonde but all she got was short answers about waking up late and deciding to just stay home.

They hadn’t really talked since their argument and Lexa was worried that Clarke didn’t want to talk it out. That maybe she realized Lexa would never get better and it wasn’t worth the stress anymore.

Before she continued her downward spiral she decided to talk to Octavia, she will know if somethings up. So after school she tracked the girl down to Lincolns car to talk to her.

“Octavia.”

“Hey Lexa.” Octavia smiled,

“I’m just going to cut straight to it, is something up with Clarke?”

“What do you mean?” Lexa could tell immediately that something was up.

“Clarkes not here and she’s barely talking to me.”

“I’m sure she’s fine Lexa, I just saw her last night.”

“Look if she’s going to breakup with me you can just say it.”

“What? Why the hell would you think that?” Octavia asked completely caught off guard.

“Because of our argument yesterday.” Lexa was starting to feel hopeless, all she wanted was to talk things out with Clarke.

“Lexa she’s not breaking up with you.” Octavia sighed, she had no clue what to tell the girl, “She’s just…. You just need to talk to her ok.”

“So something is wrong with her?”

“Sort of I guess but she needs to be the one to talk to you about it.”

“But she won’t talk to me.” Lexa emphasized,

There was a short pause mostly due to Octavia trying to figure out what the hell to say. It wasn’t her place to talk about Clarkes depression, but Lexa also looked so defeated and she hated it.

“If she won’t answer then you’ll just have to confront her.” Octavia suggested, it was the best she could come up with.

* * *

“You seriously look dead.”

“Thanks Ontari.”

Friday nights meant working and even though she didn’t go to school she didn’t want to call off last minute. So now she was here but there wasn’t much working being done. It was a slow night and she wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep.

“What’s going on Clarke? You’ve barely said two words to me since you got here.” Ontari sighed,

“I’m just tired.” That’s been her excuse for the past week,

“I know that’s not the full story, but I won’t push.”

“Thank you.”

“So you’re admitting that there is something more wrong?” Ontari snapped,

“I’m going to go ask my dad if I can head out.” Clarke said turning towards the kitchen just in time to see Lexa walking in the restaurant.

“Clarke.” The girl looked beautiful as usual but there was something off,

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

“You’ve been avoiding me, and I really needed to talk to you.” Lexa said, “Can you talk for a second?”

“Sure, let’s go outside.” Clarke led the way to the almost empty parking lot. “I was going to call later; I’m not purposefully avoiding you.”

“Are you ok?” Lexa could see dark circles around the girls eyes, and she didn’t seem fine at all,

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not, this is my fault isn’t it?” Lexa eyed the girl, “I’m so sorry about our fight yesterday I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I know you’re just looking out for me and I do appreciate it.”

“Lexa you didn’t do anything wrong, I’m sorry that I over stepped. You’re right it’s your choice of what you can handle, and I never meant to offend you. We can go to the party if you want.”

“I honestly don’t care about the party right now Clarke, clearly something’s up with you.” She moved closer the blonde caressing her face, “Talk to me please, baby.”

Clarke looked everywhere but into the girls eyes, she didn’t know what to say or how to explain anything. The girl already knew about her depression, but Clarke never explained anything further. What if she couldn’t handle her constant hot and cold behavior and leaves? No one has abandoned her yet but they easily could as soon as they realize just how fucked up she is.

She didn’t even realize the tears rolling down her face until she felt Lexa wiping them away.

“Clarke please tell me what’s wrong.” Lexa had no clue what to do, no clue what to say. All she knew was that her heart was breaking seeing the girl cry in front of her.

“Everything is wrong Lexa,” Clarke sighed releasing more tears, “I’m wrong, I’m- I’m messed up and I’m broken and-.”

“Did something happen?”

“Nothing ever has to happen this is just the way I am, it’s how I’ll always be, and I can’t control it. As much as I want to happy and smiling 24/7 I can’t and I’m sorry and I understand if you can’t deal with that and you want to leave me.”

Lexa finally understood what the girl was saying, she was struggling with her depression and it made sense. She had noticed Clarke had been off all week, but she would always say she was fine, but Lexa should’ve known she wasn’t. She should’ve pushed to really check on her.

“Clarke I’m not going anywhere.” She grabbed the sobbing blonde and wrapped her arms around her, “I’m not leaving you because I- because I care about you and I’m gonna be here to help you through this.”

“I don’t want to be around you like this, you deserve more than someone who can barley get of bed some days.”

“Clarke you are more than anything I could deserve and that’s I don’t plan on letting you go.” She said kissing her forehead lightly, “I want to be around no matter how you’re feeling as long as you’ll have me.”

“I’m not easy to love Lexa.” Clarke murmured, “I’m fucked up.”

She wanted to say it was easy to love her, that it had been the easiest thing she’s done in 3 years but scaring her off was not an option. Showing her she already loves her through her actions would have to be enough for now.

“I’m fucked up to Clarke, but you still found a way to see past all of that and actually see me.” She said, “And I see you and I’m not leaving so please let me in and let me be here for you. Ok?”

The blonde nodded into her chest still wrapped in her arms, she didn’t know she needed to hear those words and she hated that she need assurance, but it helped. It helped knowing Lexa wanted to be here and in the future if she decides she doesn’t want to be anymore then Clarke would understand, it will hurt but she would understand.

“Can you take me home?” Clarke asked barley above a whisper,

“Of course.” Lexa kissed her forehead one more time before walking over to her car and opening the door for the girl.

Clarke had rode with her dad to the restaurant, so she sent him a quick text that she was leaving before settling into the seat of Lexa’s car.

When they got to Clarke’s house Lexa joined her in her room, they didn’t talk much at all. It was mostly Lexa holding Clarke and combing her fingers through her hair until the blonde fell asleep. Lexa knew she couldn’t stay but she did lay with her for a couple more hours before heading out.

As she was walking downstairs she ran into Abby who looked like she was leaving as well.

“Lexa! I didn’t know you were here.” Abby gave the girl a quick hug before going back to packing her bag.

“I haven’t been here long, I just wanted to make sure Clarke got to sleep. I know she’s having a hard week.” Abby looked surprised at Lexa’s words.

“I’m surprised she told you.” The older women admitted, “But I’m glad she did, I feel better knowing she’s talking to someone beside Dr. Jackson. This week has been pretty rough, I know after what happed she might not be so willing but I’m hoping he can convince her to try a new medicine.”

“After what happened?” Lexa asked,

“Oh, I just assumed-.” Abby paused, “Clarke should be the one to tell you about that. Will you be staying?”

“No I was just heading out.”

“Well me too.” Abby smiled opening the door for the girl, they quickly said goodbye for getting into their cars.

Lexa was curious about what Abby was talking about, but she was right, it was up to Clarke to tell her and she wasn’t going to push.

* * *

_Saturday_

It was the afternoon of the party and Lexa wasn’t so sure about going, it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with Clarke. She didn’t want to push the girl into a social setting if she didn’t want to be but alas Clarke said she was fine to go. She wanted to press the girl about it, but she didn’t want to start another argument, so they were going.

Unfortunately, she waited exactly 5 hours before this party to worry about a costume so her and Anya were at the mall.

“What are you going as?” Lexa asks her sister as she combed through costumes,

“Ravens going as Raven from Teen Titans so I’m going as Starfire.” Anya replied,

“I guess that explains the pink hair.” Anya had decided to add pink highlights in her hair late last night because she was ‘bored’.

“I’m thinking of adding black over the pink, I feel like black and blonde could be a look for me.” Anya said pondering the idea,

“You could definitely pull it off.”

“Ok, we’ve been here almost an hour and you haven’t found anything.”

“I don’t like anything.” Lexa rolled her eyes,

“I have and idea, and lucky for you. You have everything you at home.”

“What is it?” Lexa asks suspiciously.

“You’ll see.”

* * *

“Are you sure you want to go Clarke?”

“Yes O for the 50th time.” Despite her mini breakdown last night Clarke felt fine, admittedly a party didn’t sound the most fun idea right now, but she couldn’t take another day of laying in her bed.

She was grateful for how supportive Lexa was last night and it did help a lot with her anxiety.

“I’m just making sure.” Octavia sighed, she had been pretty worried about Clarke the past few days, “Did you find a costume?”

Due to the last minuteness of going to this party she was short on time for finding a costume. Luckily for her she knows all the best shops to look at and she found the perfect one.

“I went down to Delinquents and found this.” Clarke excited held up her dress, it was almost a replica of Vivian’s white and blue dress from pretty woman aka Lexa’s favorite film. She also picked up a blonde bob wig similar to the characters.

“Hot.” Octavia nodded in approval.

“What about you?”

“Me and Lincoln are going as Mr. and Mrs. Smith.” Octavia shrieked, “RIP Bradgelina!”

“Speaking of how you guys are?” Clarke asks,

“We’re amazing, ever since we talked he’s been great. He makes time to see me and call to check on me.” Octavia grinned, “He’s the best.”

“Lincoln is a sweetheart, I’m glad you guys talked.”

“Speaking of talking how did it go with Lexa?”

“How do you know I talked to Lexa?” she eyes the girl,

“I might’ve told her to go and see you.” Octavia admitted, “She was so worried I mean she thought you were breaking up with her! I had to give her some hope!”

“She thought I was breaking up with her?” Clarke’s heart sunk, why did she always make things worse for other people? “I hate that.”

“You guys did talk it out though right?”

“We did.” Clarke smiled remember how supportive Lexa was, she even thought she was going to say-. It couldn’t be what she thought. “I told her about my depression a couple months ago, but I never describe the severity until last night.”

“And what did she say about it?”

“That she wouldn’t leave me when I have a flare up.” That’s what Clarke had decided to start calling her depressive phases, “She wants to help me through it.”

“Good, I knew I liked her.” Octavia smiled, “She’s a good one.”

“She is isn’t she.” Clarke smiled,

* * *

“Please don’t get too drunk tonight.” Lexa turned to her sister, they were currently driving to pick up Clarke, Octavia and Lincoln. Obvious Lexa was the designated driver.

“She won’t.” Raven chimed from the back seat.

“What she said.” Anya smiled, “I probably won’t drink at all, that’s more your thing.” She joked.

“I hate you.” Lexa mumbled, “Get to the back I want Clarke siting up front.” She pulled into the girls driveway beeping a couple times.

“Fine.”

“Come on babe, I can sit on your lap if you want.” Raven smirked, and Anya was in the backseat in record time.

“Holy hell!” Raven shrieked, “How did I get such hot friends?”

Lexa looked out the window seeing Octavia and Lincoln walking towards the car as soon as they were out of view she seen her.

“I can’t believe that’s my girlfriend.” Lexa muttered watching the blonde strut to the car in her costume.

“Me either honestly.” Anya adds, Lexa quickly smacks her before reaching over to open the door for Clarke.

“Hey babe.” Clarke smiled giving the girl a quick kiss, “Oh my god are John Bender from the breakfast Club?”

“Yes I am.” Anya had picked the costume, true to her word she did have everything in her closet except his iconic hand glove. “And your Vivian from Pretty Woman.”

“You like?” Clarke smirked,

“I love it you look-”

“Save the dirty talk for later let’s get to this party.” Raven interrupted, “You do look hot as hell though Clarke,

“Thanks Rae,

Echo’s aunt didn’t live far from Clarkes neighborhood but as soon as they turned onto the street it was basically raining money. Every house was huge with fancy gates and long unnecessary driveways and perfectly mowed grass.

“Wow.” Anya said,

“Welcome to Alpha parkway aka if you don’t make 7 figures a year you’ll never live here.” Clarke added,

“Speaking of Raven why are you riding, you live around here.” Octavia looked at the girl,

“You live here?” Lexa asked,

“Don’t be so surprised, my mother owns a house here and yes I happen to stay in that house.” Raven answered, “And to answer your question I got ready at Anya’s.”

“Is anyone else surprised that Echo’s aunt is allowing this?” Lincoln asked curiously,

“I for one was since her aunt is a raging bitch.” Octavia replied,

“I think raging bitch circulates the air on this street.” Raven adds,

When they pulled up to the address they were given Lexa was in awe. All the houses on this street were incredible but this one took the cake.

After finding a parking space Lexa quickly ran to open the door for Clarke.

“Thank you.” Clarke wrapped her hand through the brunettes as they walked to the door.

“Welcome Everyone!” Echo yelled; she was dressed as a sexy Morticia with Bellemy next to her as Gomez.

“Ok we have to know how you pulled this off Echo.” Raven said the girl, “How did you get the house?”

“It pretty easy actually, I just black mailed ole aunt Char.” Echo smiled.

“Nice!” Raven applauded,

“Wait what?” Bellemy looked at his girlfriend, “You said she owed you a favor.”

“She does.” Echo laughs, “For keeping her affair a secret from her long-suffering husband.”

“I have to hear this.” Raven was eating this up while Anya and Lexa who barley knew her were shocked.

“So I was out a couple days ago with Ontari and we saw her kissing some young dude. It was pretty gross but thanks to T’s quick thinking she snapped a photo.” Echo pulled out her phone showing the picture to the group,

“Ew,” Lincoln mumbles,

“I might tell poor George anyway but for now we have a party to enjoy.” Echo smiled invited the crew in. The house was already nearly full of drunk college students and teens.

“Your friend is very amusing.” Lexa said to Clarke,

“She’s definitely crazy but we love her anyway.” Clarke smiled, “Thank you for yesterday by the way.”

“You don’t need to thank me Clarke, I’m here for you. Always.”

Clarke just smiled and nodded as they walked further into the house, maybe this wasn’t going to be that bad.

* * *

It was a couple hours into the party and Clarke wasn’t totally miserable, but she wasn’t have the best time either, but all of her friends were, and she wasn’t going to kill the vibe. Even Lexa was having a good time and that made Clarke happy, she was proud of how far the girl had come with her addiction. None of their friends were drinking that much which she noticed but didn’t say anything.

After dancing with Lexa for a while she decided to get some air, the house was packed and everyone was either drunk, kissing on the couches or drunk and hooking up somewhere. She didn’t stay outside long but once she stepped back inside she noticed all of her friends were out on the dance floor. Every one of them had big stupid smiles on their faces as they danced on each other.

Instead of joining she decided to sit and watch them for a while for a little alone time.

Watching them made her wonder if she could ever be that happy and carefree without falling back down. Could she stay on cloud9 long enough to enjoy it or would it be ripped from under feet at any moment.

“Alright what’s wrong with you?” Costia asks, she was dressed as wonder woman.

“What do you mean?” Clarke looked at the girl,

“I mean you look like a sad puppy who just got their paw stepped on so what’s wrong?”

“Nothing I’m fine.”

“Wow.” Costia laughed,

“What?”

“It’s been so many years and I can still read you like a book, why aren’t you over there dancing with your hot girlfriend?” she pointed to Lexa who was currently talking to Ontari,

“I just needed a break I guess.” Clarke sighed, “Or maybe I’m just not in the party mood.”

“Maybe you just need a drink.”

“I’m not drinking tonight.” Clarke knew Lexa wouldn’t mind if she did, but alcohol would just make her more jittery, “Tell me you’re having a better time than I am.”

“This house is pretty iconic, I guess the party’s not that bad either.” Costia shrugged, “I did she someone hooking up in the bathroom so that was pretty scaring.”

* * *

Lexa noticed Clarke had been gone a while and she was starting to worry if it was a good idea coming here. Clearly the girl wasn’t in the mood to party, but she wanted to come.

She let her eyes scan the room until she found the blonde surprisingly talking to Costia. Clarke had said they had settled things, but she didn’t know they were to the point of laughing together like friends.

Either way she was glad to see the girl laughing.

On the other hand she has been here approximately 2 and ½ hours and she hadn’t thought about drinking at all. Not even when she spotted her favorite flavor of vodka sitting in the kitchen.

It was pretty obvious that everyone was watching her closely, but she decided to pretend she didn’t notice. If she had to prove to them that she was fine, that she wasn’t going to relapse at the sight of any alcoholic beverage then she would.

After talking to Ontari for a bit she decided to go and see what Clarke and Costia were chatting about. They seemed pretty comfortable around each other which is weird when she seen them look at each other with so much hate.

“Hey.” Lexa interrupted causing both girls to look her way.

“Hey babe, everything ok?” Clarke asks,

“Yeah I was coming to see what you were up to.”

“Just talking.” Clarke smiled,

“I should apologize to you Lexa,” Costia started, “about the whole asking you to homecoming.”

“It’s fine.”

“Anyways I should head back over to my friends, maybe you can convince Clarkey here to have a little fun.” Costia smiled before walking off,

“I don’t know if I told you this, but you look so hot in that dress.” Lexa looked the blonde over for the hundredth time tonight, “Dare I say better than Julia Roberts did.”

“Wow, me over Julia Roberts. You must really like me.” She smiled,

“Something like that.” Lexa smiled leaning down to kiss the girl, “I think the others are ready to go.”

“Lead the way.” Clarke pulled out her phone seeing it was already 2 am,

After gathering the group they all bunched into Lexa’s jeep before heading home. Raven did indeed live in this neighborhood, when Lexa dropped her off she couldn’t help but admire the house.

Next she pulled into Clarke’s driveway letting out the remaining passengers, she put the car in park so she could walk Clarke to her door.

“Thanks for making all my dreams come true with this outfit.”

“It was a pleasure.” Clarke smiled, “Did you have a good time tonight?”

“I did actually.” Lexa smiled,

“I’m happy you did.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t.”

“I did, I’d be happy anywhere with you.” “You should probably go before Anya starts complaining.”

“She can wait.” Lexa leans down gently cupping the girls cheek pulling her in so their lips could finally touch and instantly she had to remind herself not to get lost in the girls lips. The kiss was soft, softer than any of their other kisses, but it said so much, unsaid thank you’s and Lexa felt all of it.

“Beep Beep!” Anya yelled causing Clarke to laugh,

“Go.” Clarke smiled pushing her towards the car, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight baby.”

* * *

_Sunday_

Sunday mornings usually consisted of pancakes with Tari or drawing in the sunroom but Ontari was hungover and Clarke was feeling lazy. She hadn’t slept much during the night, so she was running on a few hours of sleep. Luckily, coffee can fix most things so that helped.

Initially she had no plans to leave the house, but Lexa invited her over and she wasn’t going to refuse. After taking a long hot shower she threw on a black oversized hoodie dress and her favorite chucks. She didn’t bother with pants because her hoodie was pretty long, and she knew Lexa wouldn’t have any objections.

Her pink hair had completely faded so she was back to blonde, after brushing it out a bit and some mascara and tinted lip balm she was ready.

She told her parents bye before heading over to Lexa’s, she had no clue what they were going to do but it didn’t matter as long as they were together.

When she pulled into the driveway she parked before knocking on the door a couple of times. It wasn’t long before her girlfriend appeared looking amazing in just sweatpants and a tight tank top.

“Hi.” Lexa moved aside letting the girl through before giving her a kiss.

“It’s really quiet in here.”

“Anya’s with Raven and my dad is in Seattle until tomorrow morning.” Lexa said, “He’s renting out our old house so he’s sorting everything.”

“So you have the house all to yourself.”

“Yep, with you of course.” Lexa smiled, “I know you haven’t had the best week, so I wanted to do something for you.”

Lexa grabbed her hand leading her upstairs into her bedroom. She opened the door revealing her room which she decorated with lots of fairy lights. Also she had all of Clarkes favorite snacks laid out on her nightstand and a couple of movies as well.

“Lexa!” Clarke was in awe, “Some like it hot and Gentleman prefer blondes?” she held up the movies,

“I know you said those are your feel-good movies so I thought we could watch them, and I know you love fairy lights, so I thought you’d like it.”

“Baby I love it.” Clarke hugged the girl quickly wiping her tear before Lexa could notice, “Thank you so much for doing this for me.”

“I just want to give you at least one day this week where you felt ok.” Lexa smiled, “I’m glad you’re happy with it.”

Once again for the hundredth time in her life Clarke was sure she was crazy not because of her thoughts or her depression but because she knew. She knew there was no doubt in her mind that she was in love with Lexa Trikru. Was it crazy? They had only been dating for a month, but she knew. The way the girl was looking at her with so much care and affection made her feel more loved than she ever has and she was sure she was crazy. But if falling in love after a month made her crazy then she was fine with that.

She wrapped her hands around the girls neck pulling her in, so their bodies were basically glued together. She wanted to tell her, she wanted to say the words but instead she decided a kiss would have to be enough. She would say I love you through her kisses and her touches and when it was time, through her words.

Her lips pressed against the girls hungrily but also gentle as she lightly pushed Lexa on to the bed, climbing on top of her. Clarke swiftly pulled the girls shirt off leaving her in her sports bra, the she pulled her own oversized hoodie off revealing her braless chest and blue panties.

She watched as Lexa greedily scanned over her body and she loved it leaning down to connect their lips. Clarke’s hands were desperately tugging at the girls sweats trying to get them off but Lexa pulled back.

“Wait.” Lexa said breathlessly, “Are you sure?”

“I want this, I want you.” Lexa searched the blondes eyes for any sign of doubt but there was none, only lust and desire and maybe even love?

Lexa nodded kissing the girl once more before flipping them over so that Clarke was laying against the bed causing the girl to gasp. She peppered kisses down the girls neck leading to her nipples, taking one in her mouth causing the blonde to moan.

She continued her sucking as her fingers trailed down to the lace material of her panties running them over the already soaked fabric making Clarke moan even more.

“Please.” Clarke gasped as Lexa’s finger continued to tease her before slipping the panties off revealing the girls already dripping center.

“You’re so beautiful.” Lexa whispered taking in the blondes body, her head still hadn’t wrapped around the fact that this was her girlfriend. “And so wet.” Lexa couldn’t stop the moan that escaped her mouth as she ran her fingers through the wet folds exploring all through Clarke.

She was already painfully hard, but she wanted to take her time, she wanted to make sure Clarke felt amazing.

“ _fuck._ ” Clarke groaned out feeling Lexa taste her with her tongue, she was so delicate taking her time licking her spot of wetness and Clarke didn’t know if she could handle it. Lexa gently teased the girls entrance with one finger before pushing it in.

“You’re so tight.” Lexa murmured adding another finger pumping it into her wetness,

“Please baby I need you.” Clarke moaned pulling Lexa up tugging on her sweatpants, Lexa quickly removed them and her boxers revealing her fully hard length poking at Clarkes entrance.

“Are you sure baby?” More than anything Lexa wanted to make sure this is really what Clarke wanted,

Clarke nodded, reaching her hand down softly stroking the girls dick with her hand. Hearing Lexa’s moans made her head spin and she never wanted this feeling to end.

Lexa leaned into the girls lips her tongue begging for and entrance to which the girl allowed. She moaned tasting herself on the girls mouth as Lexa slowly slipped inside of her completely filling her up.

“ _fuckkk baby you’re so big.”_ Clarke moaned feeling the girl bottom out, Lexa gave her a minute to adjust before she started slowly moving her hips.

“God Clarke you feel so good.”

Clarke buried her head in the girls neck letting out small whimpers as she continued her strokes.

“Fuck, faster Lex,” Clarke begged causing the girls hips to speed up, “ so … fucking big.” Clarke knew she wasn’t going to last much longer, she leaned back looking into those green eyes, “I want to taste myself on you.”

Lexa was sure her eyes were scarily wide at the blondes words, she slowly pulled out of the blonde allowing her to turn her onto the bed. She watched carefully as Clarke kissed and sucked her way down her body leaving marks in her wake.

The blonde paused when she got to the girls dick silently admire how big it was before running her tongue over the slit causing Lexa to groan. It was no secret that Clarke had never sucked anyone’s dick before, but she desperately wanted Lexa in her mouth, she didn’t know if she would be any good at it but pleasing her was the only thing on her mind.

She slowly started pumping her dick slowly in her hands before wrapping her lips tightly around the throbbing length slowly bobbing her head.

Lexa was in awe watching the blonde slowly take every inch of her dick as she delicately sucked it looking right into her eyes while doing it. Neither of them were holding back their moans as Clarke greedily sucked the girl off.

The brunette allowed on her hands to lightly tug on the girls hair guiding her as she sucked. She hadn’t had any sort of sexual contact in two years and she knew she wouldn’t last longer, and she wanted Clarke to finish first.

The blonde couldn’t think of anything better than the taste of herself on Lexa’s dick, she was sure it was her new favorite taste. She kept stroking the girl with her hand she as made her way up to Lexa’s lips eagerly waiting for her. The kiss was invigorating mixing both of their juices making an addictive taste. Clarke continued kissing the girl as she slowly slipped the girl back inside of her dripping center.

“Fuck Clarke, you’re so wet.” Lexa groaned as Clarke started her slow movements, Lexa admired the view of the girl riding her before attacking one of her nipples making the girl scream.

“Only you can make me this wet baby.” She moaned feeling Lexa’s strokes speed up fucking her mercilessly, “your fucking me so good Lex, Fuck baby I’m not going to last.”

“me… either.” Lexa grunted with every stroke feeling Clarkes walls tightening up around her,

“Lex…” She screamed, “I’m coming.”

“Come for me baby.” She moaned feeling the girls juices exploding around her dick letting her ride out her high before quickly pulling out exploding all over her the girls chest and stomach.

She was in as the blonde ran her fingers through her come licking every last drop moaning at her taste.

“You taste amazing baby.” Clarke smirked leaning down to give the girl a taste,

“You’re so fucking hot.” Lexa would no doubt say this was the best sex of her life, she wasn’t drunk with a stranger for once she was with someone she loved and cared about and it felt amazing, “Stay right here.”

“Where are you going?” Clarke whimpered at the loss of contact, watching the girl go into her bathroom and quickly returned with a warm washcloth.

“Let’s clean you up baby.” Lexa gently ran the washcloth through the girls sensitive folds which made the girl moan, she then wiped all the left over come on Clarke’s body that she didn’t get. “Relax beautiful.” She planted a quick peck on the girls forehead.

“Come lay with me.” Clarke whined as the brunette walked over to her closet pulling out two oversized shirts putting one on Clarke and slipping the other on herself.

Lexa climbed back onto the bed with the blonde wrapping her up in her arms and cuddling her. “Will you stay with me tonight?” Lexa knew her dad would kill her if he found out, but she didn’t care, she didn’t want the blonde leaving her side tonight.

“I can’t think of a better way to spend my night.” Clarke smiled leaning farther into the girls chest. Yup she was definitely in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i've only written smut a few times in my days of fanfiction writing, i promise as this story goes on i'll work on it!  
> also i've had this idea for sequel to the this and it won't leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> don't forget to comment i love hearing from you guys
> 
> (sorry for any mistakes i'm sort of an idiot!)


	21. Phone Call from Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiiiiiiiii!! so it look me longer than i thought to update i just had to figure out how i wanted this story to go so i took a few days to plan it out and i think i like where i'm headed so far! 
> 
> anyways thank you so much for reading and leaving comments it makes my day reading them !!!!

It had been a week since Clarke and Lexa spent the night together and everything had been perfect. Clarke had started her regular therapy sessions again and it was helping while Lexa was continuing her group.

School had been hectic with exams and Thanksgiving break coming up so everyone was focused on that. Clarke was determined to ace all of her tests which meant lots of studying, but it was hard to focus when she had Lexa next to her spreading kisses down her neck and her hands on her thighs. Studying would always lead to making out which always lead to sex, so she had to start studying without the girl there to distract her which was less fun but effective.

The day of her last exam she was completely exhausted and thankful it was over and that she had a week break to recuperate. Thanksgiving has always been on of Clarkes favorite holidays, she loved sitting and eating with her assortment of family members while laughing and talking about nothing. They always ate at Octavia’s house because they had the biggest indoor table and Aurora loved to cook so it all worked out. Rory does thanksgiving Abby does Christmas which is Clarke’s all-time favorite because all the kids stay over the night before and they all wake up together for Christmas. This year would be no different except for they had two additional members.

Clarke didn’t know how Lexa felt about the holidays since she lost her mom but she hoped her family would enjoy celebrating with them.

* * *

School was out for a week for break and Clarke had no idea how to spend it, obviously she would be with Lexa the majority of it but she also wanted to do something else. That’s when she had the idea to redecorate her room, the wall color had been the same lilac for years and her style has evolved. She needed something new and fresh. The first step was finding the right paint color, after an hour of staring at different shades of blue she decided why not do wallpaper. Then after a couple minutes of looking at wallpaper she decided she would do and accent wall with the wallpaper and paint everything else white.

Obviously, she needed color so she went online and store hopping trying to find the right art pieces. She was very particular about what she picked because she would have to stare at it on her walls. Luckily, she found some that she could stare at all day that fit what she was looking for.

After getting everything she needed including some new furniture she picked up it was time to start the process. Thankfully, Lexa volunteered to help her and it made everything easier.

**_Day 1 of thanksgiving break_ **

First step, Painting.

“I’m surprised you got white.” Lexa says while dipping her brush into the liquid,

“My wallpaper is very colorful so white will tone it down a bit while still giving the room color.” Clarke explains,

“Makes since.” Lexa looking over to the blonde, she was only in an oversized band tee and panties. Every time she went to raise her arms Lexa would catch a glimpse of her ass. She wasn’t sure if she was doing it on purpose but either way it was driving her crazy.

Ever since their first time they had been having sex a lot which bothered neither of them, they would go back and forth teasing each other until someone caved. She loved every moment of it and neither of them could get enough.

She watched her shirt rise up as the girl tried to reach a place that needed paint, she looked so determined and all Lexa could do was stare.

“You should take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Clarke smirked, she knew what she was doing by wearing no pants, “Get back to painting missy.”

“You’re really not being fair.” Lexa groaned, “At least put some pants on.”

“What, you don’t like?” Clarke motioned to her outfit; Lexa knew there was nothing under there just panties which made her crazier.

“I love and that’s the problem, you’re very distracting.”

“Am I?” Clarke asks innocently before walking over the girl, “I didn’t want to get paint on any of my clothes, but I’m glad you’re enjoying the look.”

“Is that really why?”

“Yes and of course to give you a little show while you help me.” She smirks wrapping her hands around the brunettes neck playing with some baby hairs as she looked into those beautiful green eyes. “Maybe when we’re done I’ll show you just how thankful I am.”

“You’re such a tease Clarke Griffin.” She bends down pecking the girls lips,

“It’s not teasing if there’s payoff.” Clarke smiled, “So you better get back to work.”

“Yes ma’am.” She kissed her once more before returning to her halfway painted wall. Painting turned out to be pretty relaxing for Lexa, she almost wanted to paint her room just because.

“Priya invited us on a double date with her and her boyfriend.” Lexa mentions while continuing her painting.

“Really, that sounds fun.” Clarke smiled, she liked the idea of hanging out with a couple who she didn’t know well, “When is it?”

“Tomorrow night, apparently you guys have Thanksgiving festivals.” Lexa said more as a question, they never had anything like that in her hometown,

“It’s more of a fall festival.” Clarke laughed, “That happens to be around the time of Thanksgiving.”

“Right well that’s where will be going.”

“Sounds fun, I can’t wait to meet your friend.” Lexa and Priya had gotten close since the whole concert fiasco and she was glad Lexa had a friend outside of their normal group,

“And I can’t wait to finish painting this wall so I can get you out of that shirt.” Lexa smirked,

* * *

**_Day 2 of Thanksgiving break_ **

Holidays had never really meant much to Lexa, even when her mom was alive they never did anything special. In a way she was grateful for that because after she was gone they didn’t have to suffer through traditions without her it was just another day.

This year they were invited to the Blakes for dinner which my dad excepted, he had become fast friends with the Parents which Lexa loved. When they moved here this isn’t what she was expecting but she’s thankful that it’s what she got. She had a beautiful girlfriend who she loved and her sister and dad were happy too for the first time in 3 years. Everything was looking up for once and she felt like it could be like this forever.

Today was her double date with Priya and she was excited, she couldn’t wait to introduce her to Clarke. There haven’t been many times where she got to introduce Clarke to anyone so she was excited to show her off.

After she was dressed and ready she drove to Clarkes house to pick her up, a few beeps later the blonde was walking to her car smiling big as her eyes met Lexa’s.

“Hi baby.” The blonde leaned over giving the girl a quick kiss,

“Hi, you look amazing as always.” Lexa smiled admiring Clarkes short shorts and band tee,

“So do you.” She smiled, “Are we meeting them there?”

“Yes Priya said they’re waiting by the entrance.”

When they arrived at the festival it was already packed and the sun hadn’t even gone down yet. Lexa hadn’t been to many festivals so she was excited to be here and do things like win a stuffed animal in a game and give it to Clarke like in the movies.

“This is pretty cool.” Lexa said as her and Clarke walked hand in hand to the gate,

“Winter Fest is better, it’s almost funny seeing all the winter related things decorating a beach town but it’s sets the mood.”

“We’ll have to go to that one too.”

“We will.” Clarke smiled,

“There’s Priya.” She pointed to her friend who was standing with a taller tan boy with dark hair who she assumed is Jordan.

They walked over to them Priya greeting them with a smile.

“Hey guys.” Priya smiled,

“Hey, Priya this is my girlfriend Clarke. Clarke this is Priya.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Clarke smiled,

“You too, this is my boyfriend Jordan.”

“It’s good to meet you guys.”

“Now that everyone introduced what should we do first?” Priya asks, “The Ferris Wheel looks fun.”

“Let’s do it.” Lexa smiles,

The lines for almost everything was long but none of them minded waiting, it actually gave them time to get to know each other. Jordan was really nice and him and Clarke even bonded over art, she knew Clarke was a people person but she didn’t realize how easy it was for her to make friends. Everyone at school loved the blonde and she was almost jealous of her social skills and how easy it was for her. The Seattle version of Lexa didn’t have many friends and the ones she did have weren’t really that close to her. She wasn’t this outgoing talkative person she was just Lexa. But moving here gave her the opportunity to try and be more outspoken and judging by the surroundings of her amazing girlfriend and great friends, she figured she had done pretty well.

After riding most of the rides and finally winning Clarke not one but five stuffed animals the group sat down to eat trashy carnival type food.

“A funnel cake isn’t dinner Clarke.” Lexa smiled watching her girlfriend get powdered sugar all over her face,

“Don’t ruin my fun babe, it’s hard to find funnel cakes outside of festival season.”

“Your girls right Lexa.” Priya agreed also eating her funnel cake, Lexa and Jordan were the only two who seemed get actual food to eat.

“So Clarke how exactly did you meet Lexa?” Priya asks,

“Well her first day of school I was the one to show her around.” She smiled remembering her first-time seeing Lexa, “When I first saw here I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she was.”

Lexa was blushing at the girls words; she had the same reaction to seeing Clarke. She was sure a goddess had walked into the office that day when she saw her amazing blonde hair and breath-taking blue eyes.

“How did you and Jordan meet?” Clarke asks,

“We’ve known each other for years but it wasn’t until last year that we got together romantically.” Priya smiled, “He sort of saved me and I’ve loved him ever since.”

“She also rejected me the first time I asked her out a couple of years ago.” Jordan adds,

“I did not! He claims that he asked me out before but he didn’t.”

“What hurts worse is that she doesn’t remember it.” Jordan laughs,

“Because it didn’t happen,” Priya nudges him,

“You guys are cute.” Clarke smiled snuggling up to Lexa who was beside her.

“So are you guys, I had no clue Lexa even had a girlfriend until we went to that concert.”

“The one you didn’t stay for.” Jordan laughs,

“You would’ve left too if you had been there.” Lexa says,

“With Mara being a total head case and the band taking forever nothing was going well that night.”

“Mara she’s the one that likes you?” Clarke asks Lexa who nods,

“I think she’s over it.” Lexa shrugs,

“She is in fact not over it!” Priya corrects, “I think her exact words were she’s waiting for barbie to mess up so she can save you.”

“Why do I always have to be barbie? There’s more to me than blonde hair.”

“That was your takeaway from that?” Lexa asks smugly,

“Yes, because she’s going to be waiting forever, I’m never letting you go.” She says placing a quick kiss on the girls cheek,

“See? Adorable.” Priya smiles pointing out their interactions with each other,

They spent the rest of the night talking and laughing and everyone got along amazingly. They made plans to hangout again Clarke even swapping numbers with Priya to get together. Everything went great and now they were back at Clarkes house spending some alone time together. They knew their friends would want to see them during the break so they took every minute alone they could get.

“When does Abby come home?” Lexa asks as she laid down on Clarkes bed,

“In a couple of hours.” Clarke responded taking her shorts off leaving just her shirt, “Why?”

“Just wondering how much longer I have with you.” She smiled watching the girl crawl onto the bed,

“How should we spend that time?” Clarke smirked already unbuckling the brunette’s pants,

“Seems like you have a few ideas.”

“I do, and all of them you’ll love.” She pulled the pants off leaving just her boxers, then she reached for her own shirt leaving just her bra and panties. Over the last couple of weeks Lexa had learned she loved red on Clarke and the blonde noticed. She always wore red lingerie when they saw each other and it drove her crazy.

Looking at her now in a red lacey bra and a matching thong was like heaven on earth.

“Just going to stare?” Clarke grinned, Lexa pulled the girl onto her lap so that she was straddling her. She peppered kisses all down her neck leaving bites and marks down to her chest. “People will see these.”

“Good.” Lexa smirked, “Then they’ll know you’re mine.” Chills ran down the blonde body at the girls words.

“All yours baby.” Clarke whispered in her ear making her groan,

Lexa made her way down the blondes body admiring every inch, “You’re so beautiful baby.”

Clarke pushed the girl back taking her shirt off so she could see more of her body, luckily for her Lexa had an amazing body that she clearly worked hard for.

Both of them tried to take the lead but it usually ended in Clarke submitting to Lexa which she had no problem with at all. She loved watching Lexa admired her body and she loved how gentle and caring she always was even if they were rough Lexa was still somehow gentle with her. She wanted to say the words, she wanted to tell her she loved her but it was never the right time.

If she said it during sex she could think it was only the heat of the moment, she could say it when they were just laying around but that wouldn’t be special. It does have to be special right? There was a right time to say it she just needed to find it. Or maybe there was no right time at all.

“Lexa i-.” The blaring ring of Lexa’s phone interrupted, “Are you going to answer?”

“Nope.” Lexa smiled, she picked the girl up connecting their lips while she laid her down on the bed, “What were you saying baby?”

“I just wanted yo-.” Once again Lexa’s phone started to ring interrupting the two, “You should answer it Lex.”

“I’ll just silence it.” Lexa got off the bed walking over to her phone and turned the ringer off, just as she was about to put it down it rang again, “Ugh it’s Anya I’ll just answer,

_Phone call….._

_Lexa: What?_

_Anya: What the fuck I called like 4 times!_

_Lexa: I was busy,_

_Anya: Listen Lexa, you need to get the hospital. Dad was in a car accident, Raven’s driving me there now. I don’t know what happened just meet me there please!_

Lexa could feel her throat closing up, or her lungs shutting down she didn’t know which it was she just knew she couldn’t breathe. Her dad was in a car accident, her only remaining parent was in a car accident and she couldn’t move or breathe. She could feel Clarke’s hands on her but everything was silent, she wanted to collapse but she couldn’t. She needed to get to the hospital and she needed to do it now!

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update either tomorrow or thursday!  
> sorry for the shorter chapter the next will be longer


	22. I didn't get to say goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes flashbacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had this ready so i thought why not!  
> also i'm not good with medical talk sorrryyyyy

**_September 17, 2017 Seattle, Washington_ **

_“Mom I can’t find my snowshoes!” Lexa yelled, her friend Callie would be picking her up for the school trip tomorrow and she had nothing packed. They were going to the mountains for a couple of days to snowboard and Ski so she needed those shoes._

_“You mean these?” Her mom asked holding up a pair of boots,_

_“Mom you didn’t have to buy me a new pair it’s just for a couple of days.”_

_“I know but these are so cute and your old ones are probably in the basement somewhere.” She smiled; Lexa helped her sit on the bed next to her while she tried on the boots._

_It had been 4 months since her mom was diagnosed with cancer and she hadn’t gotten any better. For a while, her breathing was fine but after an incident they decided to give her a portable oxygen machine._

_Lexa hated seeing her the way she was now compared to her upbeat lively self; she didn’t even want to go on this trip but her mom insisted._

_“What are you thinking?” Her mom asks stroking her hair,_

_“That I don’t really like skiing.” Lexa murmured,_

_“You love skiing.” Elena laughed, “I’ll be fine Lexa, I’ll be sitting right in the house when you get back.”_

_“You promise?”_

_“I can’t promise but I’ll try really hard to be.” She smiled, “Plus with all of Anya’s nagging it’s sure to keep me up.”_

_“What’s she nagging about now?”_

_“Her and Tris want to drive to Oregon for some concert.”_

_“And you said no?” Lexa asked,_

_“I said pass your driving test and we’ll talk.” She laughed Lexa joining in, “You know I can’t so no to my girls.”_

_“You said no when I asked not to go on the ski trip.” Lexa points out,_

_“Because you’ve been cooped up in here with me for months, you need to live your life.”_

_“I-“_

_“Going to school doesn’t count.” Elena smiled, “I love you angel but I want you to have an amazing life, even if I can’t be there to see it.”_

_“Please don’t say that.” Lexa sighed leaning into her mom, “I’m not ready to have that talk.”_

_“Alright, come on beautiful let’s finish packing.”_

* * *

**_Present Time_ **

“Lexa let me drive.” After a couple minutes of trying she finally got Lexa to tell her what was going on. She called her mom and asked for any details but so far there were none. Now all she wanted to do was get Lexa to the hospital and hope Gustus is ok. She got Lexa’s keys from her and they got in the car. “Talk to me please.”

Lexa couldn’t focus on anything but her dad, he needed to be ok. She needed him to be ok, she couldn’t do this again.

When they pulled into the hospital parking lot they ran into Raven and Anya who were also running inside.

“What happened?” Lexa asked Anya, it was the first time she had talked since the phone call,

“I- I don’t know, I got a call saying he was being brought here they wouldn’t say anything else.” Anya was trying to keep it together not just her dad but for Lexa, if she broke down now she wouldn’t be able to control it and Lexa would get worried, “Let’s go inside.”

They found the doctor but there wasn’t much to be said, all she told them was he was in a bad car accident and he was currently in surgery. Clarke did find out her mom was doing the surgery and she tried to assure both girls that her mom was the best but it didn’t help either of them. She couldn’t get Lexa to talk to her but the girl let her hold her hand and she hoped is was enough.

They sat there for hours until finally they saw Abby walking towards them signaling that the surgery was over.

“Abby is he ok?” Lexa jumped up as soon as she saw the older women,

“The crash was pretty bad; he has a broken leg and ribs but we fixed that easily.”

“So he’s ok?” Anya asked, Abby knew this was their only remaining parent and she wanted to bring them good news but right there just wasn’t any at the moment,

“Right now he has some internal bleeding that we are trying to control, he also hit his head quite hard when the car hit him so we have to keep a close eye on him to see if there is any permanent damage or swelling to his brain. We won’t know more until he wakes up.”

“I want to see him.” Lex says freeing her hand from Clarkes,

“They’re moving him to a room, as soon as he’s settled I’ll come and get you two.”

* * *

**_September 18, 2017 Seattle, Washington_ **

_“Last chance to let me stay home.” Lexa said, her friend Callie was outside but she was hoping her mom would let her stay._

_“Not a chance.” Elena smiled, “Have fun I love you baby girl, take lots of photos.”_

_“I love you.” Lexa hugged her mom before putting her stuff in the car, she looked back one more seeing her mom smiling and waving at her before they pulled off._

_“I’m glad we don’t all have to get on the bus this year.” Callie says as they drove away, “If I had to suffer a 4-hour car ride with Jen It would’ve been like my own personal hell.”_

_“God forbid.” Lexa joked, Callie was the closet thing she’s ever had to best friend so when she asked her to ride with her she jumped at the opportunity, no one likes taking the bus on school trips, “We both know you two would’ve just ended up making out in the back anyways.”_

_“Not this time, we are officially done.” This was something Lexa has heard a million times, “Let’s not spend our trip talking about the wicked witch, play some music.”_

_Lexa hooked her phone up to aux cord and played all their favorite songs, her and Callie liked a lot of the same stuff so they go on pretty well. When they finally got to the place they were staying all Lexa wanted to do was nap. She figured missing one day on the snow wouldn’t be much of a loss._

_Luckily, she got to share a room with Callie who opted to go skiing so she had the room to herself. She took a nap then woke up and showered before getting some food for the night. Halfway through her meal she got a call from her dad which she figured would be him checking in since she forgot to call when she arrived._

_“Hey dad I know I forgot to call I went straight to sleep when we arrived.” Lexa said picking up the phone_ ,

_“Lexa.” Lexa could tell from his voice something was wrong,_

_“Dad what is it?” she didn’t have to ask, deep down she knew_

_“I had to take your mom back to the hospital tonight, the- they don’t think she’s going to make it through the night.”_

“Lexa?” she heard Callie’s voice but she couldn’t breathe, “Lexa talk to me, what’s going on?”

_“My mom.” She whispered, Callie looked at the phone in the girls hand and took it. Lexa had no clue what was said she just saw Callie on the phone with her dad before she hung up._

_“Come on.” Callie grabbed her hand putting her jacket on and shoes before leaving the room._

_“where are we going?”_

_“I’m getting you to your mom.” Callie said, “I’ll text someone and tell them what’s going on and that we left._

_“What if we don’t make it?” Lexa could feel the tears coming down._

_“Don’t think like that Lex, I’m going to try my best to get you there ok?”_

_The whole drive Lexa tried not to think to the worst but she couldn’t help it, she knew she should’ve stayed. No stupid ski trip was worth not getting to say goodbye to her mom._

_Callie was speeding the whole way and in a little under 3 hours they made it back into town. Lexa hopped out of the car and ran into the hospital searching for the room number her dad gave Callie._

_When she finally found it she saw Anya on the ground crying and her dad talking to a doctor._

_“Anya? I’m too late aren’t I?” Lexa mumbled getting her dads attention,_

_“Lexa, I’m sorry.” Gustus grabbed his daughter before she collapsed on the ground crying and screaming,_

_“I didn’t get to say goodbye, I didn-.”_

_“She knows how much you loved her, both of you.”_

_“I shouldn’t have went, I should’ve been here.” Lexa cried, “She died and I wasn’t here, I want to see her.”_

_“Lexa you don-.”_

_“I need to see her please.” Lexa begged,_

_Four months, she had four months to prepare for this day but she knew she would never be ready for it. She was supposed to have longer, they were supposed to have more time together. More laughing and writing, watching movies together, her mom was supposed to see her and Anya graduate and get married and now all of that is gone. All that’s left is someone who looks like her mom but skinny and pale and fragile laying on a bed._

_“No!” Lexa went up to her mom and grabbed her hand, it was cold all she wanted was for her to squeeze her hand back and tell her this isn’t real. That she’s going to get better and be ok. “I’m so sorry.” “I should’ve been here; I should’ve said goodbye and I should’ve thanked you for everything. For being the best mom to us for loving me for everything and I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you. I love you mom.”_

_Lexa sat there as long as she could but eventual her dad had to drag her out so they could take her body. She didn’t want to leave, she wanted to stay for her to wake up but she wouldn’t this time. She was really gone._

* * *

**_Present Time_ **

While the group waited for Gustus’ room to be ready the police filled them in on what happened tonight. Apparently it was a drunk driver that hit Gus on his way home from work. The guy was captured but Lexa felt like that wasn’t enough, she wanted him to be in a hospital bed dying like her dad was right now. She wanted him to suffer far beyond a prison sentence but she was glad he was caught.

“You can leave.” Lexa mumbled to Clarke who hadn’t left her side since they arrived, “I just mean you don’t have to sit here with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Clarke responded stirring her coffee, this was the first time Lexa had spoken to her since they got here,

“You don’t need to be here Clarke.” Lexa replied,

“I want to be.”

“Well I don’t want you to be.”

“Don’t do that.” Clarke sighed, “Don’t push me away, not right now.”

“This isn’t about you Clarke; my dad could be dying right now.”

“I know and I want to be here for you.” Clarke looked at the girl, her face was blank void of emotion but she knew it was an act, she knew Lexa was pushing her away because she was scared but she wasn’t going to let her.

“Why can’t you just leave like I asked?” Lexa snapped,

“Lexa, Anya his room is ready I can take you to it.” Abby said interrupting, Clarke watched as the two-girl walked away leaving her and Raven sitting in the waiting room.

“Are you ok?” Raven asks moving closer to the girl,

“I’m fine.” Clarke lied, she understood Lexa was going through a lot and she was determined to be here for her no matter what. “How is Anya?”

“As good as Lexa I guess.” Raven sighed, “I wish there was something I could do for them.”

“Me too.” Clarke murmured,

* * *

As soon as Lexa walked into her dad’s hospital room she got déjà vu and she hated it. She was right back to ever chemo session and every visit and then eventually the death of her mom. Looking over at Anya she knew she felt the same.

He didn’t look as bad as she was expecting so that calmed her down, all he had was a cast on his leg, some bandages around his body and a breathing mask.

“He’s going to be fine.” Anya said hoping saying it out loud would make it true, Lexa just nodded and sat next to him holding his hand.

She was every machine carefully as if she knew what any of it meant but it made her relax so she kept watching them. As long as they were and beeping she figured that meant he was ok.

“Why did you talk to Clarke like that?” Anya asked,

“I’m not worried about Clarke right now Anya.”

“For once in your life don’t push people away when things get hard, you did it to me when mom died don’t do it to Clarke. He’s not dying, he’s going to be ok.”

“We don’t know that.” Lexa cried, Anya walked over and pulled her sister into her arms,

“He won’t leave us; you know he won’t. He’s going to be fine.”

* * *

**_Day 3 of Thanksgiving break_ **

After arguing with her mom for what felt like hours her and Raven both went to her house to shower and change. Neither of them wanted to leave but Abby also suggested getting Lexa and Anya some clothes as well which was incentive enough so they did. They were back in an hour sitting in the waiting room waiting for news, Anya had texted to say they were fine and to give Raven her love. While Lexa hadn’t talked to Clarke at all which was fine, Clarke knew this wasn’t about her she only wanted to be here for Lexa even if she didn’t want her to be.

“I’m sure she’ll talk to you soon.” Raven said looking at the blonde check her phone, Clarke just nodded.

Soon Octavia and Lincoln joined them in the waiting room which made for a good distraction. Abby told them Gustus was doing better but he still hadn’t woken up which she claimed wasn’t bad news.

“Looks like the whole gang is here.”

“Wells!” Clarke smiled at the boy, she hadn’t seen him in a while and this is the last place she expected to have a reunion at, “What are you doing here?”

“Volunteering, figured I could spend the break doing something good.”

“You always were the charitable type.” Octavia smiled giving the boy a hug,

“You know me.” He smiled, “Is everything ok? Why are all of you here?”

“Their girlfriends dad was in a car wreck.” Octavia answered,

“Oh no, is he going to be ok?”

“We don’t know yet but we think so.” Raven answered,

“I have a while before my shift how about I get you guys coffee?”

“I’ll come with you.” Clarke volunteered; they walk over to the coffee maker which thankfully doesn’t suck. “Your dad told me you were back in town; I’ve been meaning to call.”

“Me too, I spend most of my time at the center and I know you’re always busy as well. I’m glad to see you now though.”

“My girlfriend actually goes to the center; her name is Lexa.”

“Ah I know Lexa! She’s a very lucky girl.” Well smiled,

“I’m the lucky one.”

* * *

Lexa had spent most of her night crying and staring at her dad too scared to go to sleep in case something happened. She didn’t want to miss him waking up but after all night of being awake her tiredness eventually overtook her.

She had no clue how long she was asleep but when she woke up light was streaming inside the room and Anya was across from her texting.

“Goodmorning.” Anya said looking up from her phone.

“Any news?”

“Abby says the swelling in his head has gone down, so that’s good. Hopefully, he’ll-.”

“What?” Lexa asked looking at her sister, she looked over at her dad seeing his eyes move around frantically.

“Go get Abby!” Lexa called to her sister who was already running out of the room.

* * *

“Do I even want to know what happened with Luna?” Wells asks the blonde.

“We broke up.” Clarke said, “For good and now I have Lexa.” She smiled,

“And you’re happy?”

“The happiest, how about you? What girl or guy do you have your eye on these days?” Talking to Wells was a good distraction from wondering how Lexa was, she hoped the girl would text or come out with news but until then she would catch up with Wells.

“No one actually, I’ve been focused on work and school since I’ve been back.” Well answered, “Bellamy has been trying to drag me out to meet people but I don’t know if I’m ready for anything serious.” He sighed, “How is she?”

“She’s good.” Clarke knew who he meant,

“That’s good.”

“Are you thinking about calling her?”

“Do you think I should?”

“I don’t know.” Clarke says honestly, “You guys are both important to me and I know how hurt both of you were when you left. I want to say call her but I also want to say let her move on.”

“I get that, does she know I’m back?”

“I didn’t mention it but I’m sure Echo told her.”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to hear from me then.”

“Maybe or she could be waiting for you to make the first move.”

“She’s not seeing anyone?” Wells asks,

“Not that I know of.”

“I’ll think about calling her.” Wells decided, “She did tell me to never call her again though.”

“We both know she didn’t mean that.” Clarke smiled, “When Ontari’s mad she says things she doesn’t mean. Just think about it.”

“I will.”

* * *

After running to get Abby Lexa watched as her dad slowly started opening his eyes and the weight on her shoulder started getting lighter. When Abby came in he checked him out but everything looked ok.

“Gustus can you hear me?” Abby asks the man and he nods, “You were in an accident do you remember?”

“Yes.” His voice was barley audible but it was enough for Lexa,

“You might feel a little drowsy it’s just the pain medicine we have you on, are you having any headaches or trouble seeing?”

“No.”

“That’s good.” Abby smiled, “We’re going to get you into an exam room to check out your head and make sure everything’s ok but first I’ll let you talk to your girls.”

“I’m so sorry for scaring you girls.” Gustus looked at his two daughters, he knew the impact this would have especially after looking their mother,

“It’s not your fault.” Lexa said squeezing your hand,

“They caught the guy who did this.” Anya added, “He was driving drunk and I wished he had fucking died for doing this to you.”

“Don’t say that Anya, you never wish death on someone ok?” Anya nodded at her dad but she still felt the same way, “What he did was stupid and irresponsible but I’m still here with you and that’s all that matters. I love you girls.”

“We love you too.”

A few minutes later Abby and a few nurses came and took him into a new room where they could scan his head. They couldn’t go with him but Abby gave them his new room number so they could go and wait for him there.

“I’m going to go see Raven before we go up.”

Lexa knew she should apologize to Clarke; she didn’t deserve to be yelled at especially when she was trying to help.

When they got to the waiting room Lexa didn’t see Clarke sitting with the others and she was scared she actually did leave last night.

“She’s getting coffee.” Raven pointed to the hall where the machine was. She walked over and saw Clarke sitting with Wells which was very unexpected.

“There’s your girl.” Wells pointed to her causing the blonde to turn around. She could tell she probably slept here or didn’t sleep at all which made her feel worse.

“Hi.” Lexa greeted the boy.

“I’m sorry to hear about your dad Lexa.” Wells said, “I hope he gets better as soon as possible.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m going to go start my shift, I’ll call you Clarke we’ll get lunch or something.”

“Ok.” Clarke smiled as the boy walked away, “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, he woke up.”

“That’s great.” Clarke smiled, “Did you get to talk to him?”

“For a second, Abby’s looking at his brain right now to make sure he’s ok but once he’s in a permanent room we’ll know more.”

“I’m so glad he’s awake and talking that’s a good sign.”

“Thank you for being here and thank you for not leaving.” Lexa looked at the blue tired eyes standing in front of her,

“You don’t have to thank me, that’s what you do for the people you love.” Clarke said not realizing her slip up until it was too late, “I brought you clothes I’ll go get them.” Clarke left Lexa there shocked at the blondes words.

“She loves me?” Lexa whispered to herself,

“Duh.” Raven says from behind her, “Here.” Lexa took the clothes from the girl recognizing her shirt.

“How did you get my actual clothes?”

“I picked you lock, obviously.” Raven smiled, “Clarke didn’t want to but we figured you and Anya would want clothes of your own.”

“I shouldn’t be surprised you know how to pick a lock.”

“You shouldn’t be surprised that Clarke loves you either yet here we are.”

“Where is she?” Lexa walked back into the waiting room looking for the blonde,

“Bathroom, she probably freaked out thinking you don’t love her.”

“Of course I love her!” Lexa said quickly, “I just- it was unexpected is all.”

“Don’t think about it too hard, go change she’ll be here when you get back.”

After putting her new clothes on Lexa wondered back into the waiting room to find Clarke. She wanted to properly apologize for her behavior and tell her she loves her too. She wanted her to know how grateful she is that she didn’t leave her.

The blonde was talking to her mom when she walked back in which she took as a sign that her dad was done being examined.

“Is everything ok Abby?” Lexa asks joining the two women,

“Yes, your dad seems to be on the road to recovery but we are keeping him for a couple more days just to keep and eye on him. He should be home before thanksgiving.” Abby smiled, “You can head to see him whenever you want.”

“Thank you Abby, for everything.” Lexa hugged the women,

“Of course sweetheart.” Abby smiled, “I’ll leave you two.”

“Thank you for breaking into my house to get me some fresh clothes.” Lexa said grabbing the blondes hand,

“For the record that was all Raven I just happened to be there, either way you’re welcome.” Clarke smiled, “You should go see your dad, Anya and Raven already went up.”

“Can we talk for a second?” from the look on Clarkes face Lexa knew she should’ve worded things differently. “When Anya called me and told me my dad got in a car crash it brought back a lot of memories from the day I lost my mom. I’m sure you know I don’t handle grief well and the first thing I always do is push people away so they won’t see me fall apart. I did it to Anya and I tried to do it to you and I’m sorry. I’m so grateful you didn’t let me and I’m grateful that you’re here by my side. I love you Clarke and I know it’s probably too soon but I do and I’m so happy I have a girlfriend like you especially at times like these.”

Clarke was sure her face was going to cramp up from her smiling so hard, she had been freaking out over her slip up but it didn’t matter because Lexa loved her back.

“I love you too Lexa.” She smiled kissing the brunette, “Even if you don’t know it you’ve done a lot for me too so I’m glad we can be there for each other.”

“Me too.” She smiled, “Will you come up with me?”

“Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you think i would kill Gustus? i'm not that much of a monster!


	23. Happy Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're back bitches! if Octavia doesn't say that one more time in the show before it ends I'm going to be even more disappointed in the show than i already am!
> 
> sorry for spelling errors, i'm an idiot!!!

It was the day before Thanksgiving and Gustus was finally able to go home from the hospital. The doctors said he was lucky his head injury wasn’t worse and all he come out with was a broken leg and cracked ribs. They wanted to keep him longer but he insisted on going home, after agreeing to an at home nurse they discharged him.

Clarke and Raven volunteered to set up the downstairs for him since he can’t climb the stairs. They tried to make the couch as comfortable as they could for the man and arranged everything me might need in arms reach like the remote or a phone charger different thing like that.

When Lexa and Anya arrived home with the man he was all smiles as usual giving both girls hugs and thanking them for everything. The two had barely left their girlfriends side and he was grateful they had the support.

With Gustus’ condition and inability to travel they could no longer join them for dinner tomorrow night which bummed out everyone but he was alive and well so that’s all that mattered.

“We have to go but we wanted to make sure everything was set up for you Gus.” Raven smiled,

“Thank you girls for doing this and for taking care of my girls.”

“Do you have to go?” Lexa asks the blonde sitting beside her,

“We promised Rory and my mom to help cook.” Clarke had in fact asked her mom to skip out this year but she refused, she already wasn’t happy about the amount of time she spent at the hospital. It had nothing to do with Lexa and more to do with taking care of herself but she wanted to be there,

“It’s sort of a tradition.” Raven added, “We always cook together the day before making the desserts,

“Sounds fun.” Gustus says,

“We’ll bring food over for you tomorrow.” Clarke said hugging the man goodbye,

“I’ll walk you out.” Lexa opened the door for the blonde and the other two girls before walking over to her car,

“I’m sorry I can’t stay, I want to.”

“I know, but I’ll try and see you tomorrow.” Lexa smiled, “Thank you for everything.”

“You’re very welcome, I’m happy to help.” Lexa leaned down giving the girl a kiss,

“Go before Abby kills me.” Lexa smiled, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She would never get tried of saying that.

* * *

_A few hours later_

“Pies are done.” Octavia announced,

“Hopefully, they’re edible this year.” Raven snarks,

“Shut up I’ve been practicing.”

“And if they are terrible don’t worry.” Aurora says cover O’s ears, “We have backups.”

“No one has faith in me.” Octavia sighed dramatically,

“I think they’ll be good O.” Clarke added,

“That’s why you’re my bestie.” She kisses the blondes cheek before wrapping her pies,

“Alright girls it looks like everything’s done for the night.” Abby announced,

“Are you girls sleeping over?” Aurora asked,

“Of course.” Clarke replied, she asked her mom to stay with Lexa obviously she said no, “It is a tradition after all.”

“Don’t stay up too late.” Abby ordered heading towards the front door, “I’ll be back in the morning. Love you girls.”

“Love you too.” They chimed,

Just like every year the girls grabbed all the fluffy blankets and pillows into the living room so they can make a cozy bed. Of course they could go up to O’s room and sleep just fine but this is what they’ve done since they were kids. After they got their makeshift bed made they put in a movie which none of them ever made it through.

* * *

“Happy Thanksgiving!”

“You too baby.” Lexa smiled; she was on facetime with Clarke while they both got ready for their day.

“How’s Gus?” Clarke asked,

“He’s good, bummed he has to stay home for a few weeks but his nurse starts in a couple of days so that’s something to look forward to.”

“And how are you?”

“I’m fine.” Lexa said but Clarke wasn’t convinced, “I’ll tell you if I’m not I promise.”

“Ok.” Clarke watched as Lexa got changed,

“Enjoying the show?” Lexa smirked,

“I am.” She smiled,

‘CLARKE!’

“I’m sorry babe I have to go.” Clarke pouted, “I’m going to try and see you later.”

“It’s ok if you don’t, enjoy your time with your family.” Lexa smiled,

“You are my family too; I’ll be over later.”

“Ok.” She smiled “I’ll see you later.”

After hanging up Lexa went downstairs to check on her dad and see what Anya was up to.

“What are we watching?” Lexa walked over and sat on the couch with her dad and sister,

“Football, clearly.” Anya snarked, “We’re trying to be a normal family on thanksgiving for once.” Anya added,

“Sounds like an interesting idea… if any of us liked football.” Lexa points out.

“I like football.” Gustus said,

“No, you don’t.” Lexa laughed, “Mom liked football, you just acted like you knew what was going on.”

“And during that time I sort of figured out some of what was going on.” Gustus added, “Sort of.”

“What team are we rooting for?” Lexa asked, she was pretty amused by this whole situation.

“Which ever one is winning.” Anya answers,

The three of them sat and watched every football game they showed even though none of them knew what the hell was happening. They cheered for whatever team was winning and surprisingly it was pretty fun.

Lexa hadn’t heard from Clarke much today so she figured she was busy; she still missed the girl though. She could tell Anya was missing Raven too and it made her wonder how they both got so sappy. It was funny to think they could be so lovey dovey but neither of them minded.

After Gustus’ accident it made Lexa think about the day she lost her mom, it made her relive it which was hard but therapeutic. She had spent the last three years trying to run away from that memory and it never did her any good. Not saying goodbye to her mom would always be the thing that hurts the most but it was out of her hands. Her mom knew she loved her and that will always have to be enough.

When the last football game was over Lexa went up to her room and did something she never thought she would be able to do. She went on her laptop and pulled up her videos and listened. As soon as the video played she regretted not playing it sooner. It was a video of her mom on her last birthday before she died. She wasn’t sick yet and she looked like the women Lexa had known her whole life. Her hair was curly and dark with blonde highlights like Anya, her eyes her bright and glossy and her face was full and tan.

Lexa watched as her mom’s smile took over her whole face as they sung happy birthday to her. When they were finished she blew out the candles and told them she loved them giving each of them a kiss.

“I thought I heard her voice.” Anya mumbled walking into Lexa’s room, “I almost thought I was going crazy.”

“I miss her.” Lexa whispered still staring at the video, “I miss her smile her laugh, her talks she would give us.”

“Me too.”

“What did you say to her the day she died?” Lexa asked, “At the hospital before she..”

“I told her that I was sorry for being a bitch to her about that stupid concert.” Anya sighed, “I told that I loved her and she was the best mom anyone could have. She told me to take care of you and she was proud of us for the things we will do even when she’s not here to see them. She said to be happy even if it feels like we can’t because all she wants for us is to be happy.”

“Are you?” Lexa looked at her crying sister, “Happy?”

“Now, not then.”

“Me too.”

“I know you wish you could’ve talked to her and I’m sorry you didn’t but she knows everything you wanted to say. She knows how much we loved her and I tried to make sure she knew how amazing she’s made all of our lives.”

“I know.” Lexa nodded, “Thank you.”

“I’m going to check on dad.” Anya wiped her tears before heading back downstairs. For them it was the first time they talked about that day, and she was glad they did.

When Anya was gone Lexa pulled out her phone and searched for a contact she didn’t know if she would have anymore. She found the name but there was no telling if it still belonged to the same person.

_Phone call…….._

_“I had to check the name about 20 times to make sure I wasn’t seeing things.” The voice said as she picked up._

_“I was hoping this was still your number.” Lexa smiled, “It’s good to hear your voice Callie.”_

_“You too Lexa, it’s been three years what’s the occasion? Don’t tell me you called to wish me a happy holiday.”_

_“I called because I’ve been thinking about my mom a lot lately and it reminded me that I owe you an apology and a thank you.” Lexa said, “Thank you for driving me to the hospital that night.”_

_“You don’t have to thank me Lexa, you were my friend I’m just sorry we didn’t get there on time.” Callie sighed,_

_“It wasn’t your fault; you were already speeding it just wasn’t meant to happen I guess.” Lexa said, “Once I lost my mom I sort of lost my mind so I’m sorry I stopped talking to you after that, I got all your texts and calls and I appreciate it. Basically I’m calling you to say thank you.”_

_“Well your very welcome, I heard you moved.”_

_“Yeah, I live in California now.”_

_“And you’re doing better?”_

_“So much better.” Lexa smiled,_

_“That makes me happy, I hope this means we can keep in touch.”_

_“We will.”_

_“Happy Thanksgiving Lexa.”_

_“You too Callie.” She smiled hanging up the phone,_

“LEXA CAN YOU GET THE DOOR PLEASE!” Lexa Gustus yelled from downstairs.

‘Where the hell is Anya?” Lexa said to herself as she walked to the front door. When she opened it she was not expecting what she saw.

“Surprise!” Clarke yelled, behind her was everyone including her parents, O’s family, Lincolns family, Murphy, and Raven.

“What are you guys doing here?” Lexa asked,

“We figured we could bring Thanksgiving to Gustus since he can’t leave the house.” Raven answered.

“If that’s ok.” Abby added,

“Of course, come in.” Lexa moved aside so everyone could come inside. Gustus was surprised but happy to have everyone and Anya was just happy to see Raven.

They set up all the food with the adults eating in the living room with Gustus and the teens ate in the dining room.

“Thank you guys for doing this.” Lexa smiled looking around the table, she still couldn’t believe she had such amazing people surrounding her,

“We’re happy to do it.” Lincoln replied,

“Just so you know I made that pie your eating.” Octavia added,

“It’s really good O.” Lexa laughed,

“See? I told you!” Octavia said pointing to Raven,

“Last year she accidently used salt instead of sugar, I’m pretty sure my taste buds are damaged forever from that.” Raven said, “But this one’s good.”

“What did you make babe?” Lexa turned to Clarke,

“I made the apple crisp cheesecake.” Clarke answered, “Here taste it.” She scooped up some cheesecake on her fork and held it to Lexa’s mouth who gladly accepted it.

“It’s really good.”

Clarke leaned over to wipe some whip cream off of Lexa’s mouth, it was more sexual than she intended causing Lexa to smirk.

“Get a room.” Bellamy shouted breaking both of them from their trans, they both just smiled.

“Alright it’s time to do that cheesy thing people do when they go around and say what they’re thankful for.” Octavia said, “I’ll start, I’m grateful for all of you of course and I’m thankful to be happy and loved.”

“I’m thankful for my amazing girlfriend.” Lincoln smiled, “And that I get to have all of you in my life forever.”

“I’m thankful that I met this crazy blonde girl the first day of Kindergarten who later gave me my family.” Raven winked at Clarke, “And obviously my hot as hell girlfriend.”

“I am thankful that I have so many people who love me and that I ever got to meet someone as wonderful as Lexa.” Clarke looked to her girlfriend, “I’m just grateful that I’m here and alive.” Lexa didn’t miss the looks between Clarke and Octavia, she wondered what that was about.

“I’m grateful to have moved here and met all of you but mostly I’m thankful to have met my beautiful girlfriend who woke me up and made me realize life is worth living.” Lexa smiled, Clarke grabbed the girls hand placing a kiss on it and mouthing ‘I love you’.

“I’m just grateful that I get to blackmail my rich aunt into getting what I want.” Echo grinned, “Have you seen my new car?”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” Aurora said as she walked through the kitchen,

“Love you Ro.” Echo smiled,

“She bought you a car?” Raven asked shockingly,

“As a graduation present.” Echo explained,

“You don’t graduate college until next year.” Clarke points out.

“I got it early.” Echo smiled, “She even pays my insurance isn’t she an angel?”

“Why doesn’t she just divorce her husband?” Anya asked,

“And lose all of her money? George is very smart, poor Char signed a prenup.”

“I’m trying to get her to delete the photo.” Bellemy sighed,

“All I got was a car and a house party, I could’ve asked for more.”

“True, I would’ve asked for a house where she pays all the bills.” Raven says,

“Please don’t give her any ideas.” Bellamy begged,

The rest of the dinner was filled with laughs and hugs and kisses all throughout the night. When it was finally time for everyone to leave Clarke convinced her mom to let her stay which was fine with Gustus, surprisingly. They didn’t have to deal the cringey don’t have sex talks or anything of that nature which they were both grateful for.

When everyone left for the night Lexa and Anya made sure Gustus was ok before they retired to their rooms.

“I can give you a shirt to wear.” Lexa suggested to Clarke who was laying on her bed.

“That would be good, thank you.” She smiled taking the shirt from Lexa before going to the bathroom to change.

Lexa took off her clothes as well and put on some shorts and her sports bra. When Clarke walked back out she was in the shirt and her blonde waves were wild around her face, she looked beautiful.

“What?” Clarke asked as she laid back on the bed.

“Nothing, you’re just so beautiful I can’t help but stare.”

“You’re such a flirt.” Clarke smiled,

“Thank you for staying with me.” Lexa joined the girl in bed,

“There’s no where I’d rather be.” She said cuddling up to the girl,

“Why do you torture me?” Lexa groaned feeling Clarke had taken off her bra and once again just had a shirt and panties on.

“It’s only torture if you let it, if you see something you want you should take it.” Clarke smirked as she felt Lexa’s hands explore her body. “I promise I won’t bite, unless you want me to.” She winked,

“God, you drive me crazy.” Lexa shifted her weight on top of the blonde kissing her urgently, it was messy and unromantic but they both loved it. “It’s going to be a long night.”

Clarke whined feeling Lexa teeth sink into her skin, “I’m counting on it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i wanted to post this early than i am but life got in the way, my family is being so annoying lately so thank you, all of you for giving me the chance to write this story it's a good escape. any who more to come of course.
> 
> on another unrelated note i was reading a fic the other day where Lexa died protecting her and Clarkes daughter and it triggered me i was like wtff!!!! i was shook to say the least
> 
> what are you guys thinking about season 7? i haven't watched all the episodes sometimes i just read spoilers and people think Lexa's coming back, do you? 
> 
> review review review!!!!


	24. Authors Note:)

So it’s been a while! Not too long but longer than I hoped to not post. I’m posting this because I got a message asking me to update and I just wanted to to let you guys know I’m not giving up on this story just yet! I will finish it and the only reason I haven’t updated is personal stuff. I know we all are going through a lot right now and unfortunately quarantine and all this COVID bullshit has been terrible on my mental health. I know so many people out there can relate to that and I just wanted to you know that you are loved and cared for an I know I’m only some amateur writer on the internet but if anyone ever feels like they need to talk I’m here! Tomorrow is my 21st birthday and I will probably spend it in bed watching tv! **recommend some shows and movies!!!** I will update soon and until then stay safe and take care of yourselves!!!!!!


	25. Chapter 24: Whoever said you can always go home was a Liar!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bit of a time jump don't worry you didn't miss anything!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm backkkk! I know it's been a while so thank you for being patient and thank you so much for the birthday wishes!! You guys are the best! 
> 
> all mistakes are mine because i suck ;()

**MARCH**

“Lexa do you have a second?” Gus yelled just as the girl was about to leave the house.

It had been a few months since his accident, and he was now fully functioning and back to normal. Things were hard at first but having a home nurse helped and Gustus seemed to take a liking to her, which Lexa didn’t know how to feel about.

“What’s up?” Lexa asked, sitting next to the man on the couch. She hardly noticed Anya who was wrapped in a huge blanket and a scowl on her face, “What’s your problem,

“He woke me up.” Anya groaned,

“It’s 3 in the afternoon.” Gustus replied, to which the girl rolled her eyes,

“Can you just tell us what’s going on?” Anya sighed,

“Somethings going on?” Lexa tried not to panic but having no clue what could come out of the mans mouth added to the fear factor,

“It’s nothing serious.” Gustus said, “As you girls know the company, I work holds a yearly seminar during March and with spring break coming up I was thinking you girls could join me.”

“Why?” Anya groaned, “That sounds like the worst idea ever.”

“Well the seminar is in Seattle this year and I thought it would be nice for you two to go and visit.”

Visit Seattle? Lexa thought, she wasn’t exactly against the idea, but she had planned on spending the break cuddled up to a very attractive blonde on the beach.

“No thanks.” Anya said plainly,

“I wasn’t exactly giving you an option; I have to go and I’m not leaving you to here alone for 3 days.” Gus replied, “God knows what I’d be coming back to.”

“So, we have to spend our spring break in some boring ass seminar about business shit because you don’t want to leave us alone?” Anya clearly wasn’t happy, and Lexa hadn’t said a word still digesting the fact that they were going to be in Seattle again.

“Obviously, you won’t be at the seminar with me, you guys can catch up with old friends, go to your old haunts.” Gus smiled,

“Haunts?” Anya cringed, “You might as well have suggested Lexa go back to whatever cracked out party house in the suburbs she used to frequent!”

“Why do you do this to me?” Gus sighed,

“Did you stop to think we already had plans for spring break?” Anya asked,

“We will only be gone for a few days; you will get to finish your break here with your friends.”

“Ughhh.” Anya groaned cover her head with the covers,

“That being said we leave in two days so pack accordingly.” Gus smiled,

Anya gathered her cover and dragged herself upstairs while Lexa headed to the door, she had plans with Clarke and she was already late.

“Lexa.” Gus called after her, stopping her at the door. “You didn’t say a word, how do you feel about going back?”

“I don’t really feel anything about it, like you said we don’t have a choice.” Lexa answered, which was true. She didn’t feel bad or even happy she just felt… nothing?

“I just want to make sure you’ll be ok.”

“If you mean you want to make sure I don’t go hangout with my alcoholic party friends then don’t worry. I’m way past that dad.” It had been 6 months since her last slip up on her mom’s anniversary and she had come along way. TGT was helping and she also had Clarke who kept her grounded. The last five months with her have been like walking on clouds. She was the happiest she’s been in 3 years. “I’m running late can we talk about this later?”

“Ok, be back for dinner.”

“Will do dad.” Lexa called running to her car,

* * *

Lexa would be here any minute and she still had so much to set up. She wanted to surprise the girl for their anniversary which technically was a few days ago but both of them had work and didn’t get to celebrate. So, Clarke decided to take advantage of her empty house and give Lexa the special night she deserves.

5 months ago, she asked the girl to be her girlfriend and she couldn’t be happier. The last 5 months had been nothing but amazing, they spent almost everyday together and Clarke was sure she would never get tired of the girl. Of course, they had their ups and downs dealing with their separate issues but both girls still did therapy which grounded them.

Clarke finished setting everything up and texted Lexa to come up whenever she arrived. She had a special outfit she knew the girl would love her in.

* * *

When Lexa got the blondes house, she let herself in as she usually did these days, and the house was empty.

“Clarke?” the girl yelled,

“Up here!”

Lexa followed her voice up the stairs where she noticed rose petals leading to the girl’s room, she couldn’t help but smile.

“Baby what’s going on?” Lexa asked as she opened the door holding in her gasp, “wow.” She was sure her eyes were about to pop out of her head, but she didn’t care, this girl was going to give her a heart attack.

She stood by the door unable to move as a smirking Clarke laid on the bed naked with a big red bow wrapped around her chest and see through red lace panties.

“Well are you just going to stand there.” Clarke smirked, “Or do I have to unwrap your present for you?”

“What did I do to deserve such an amazing gift?” her legs felt like jelly but eventually she made it over to the bed taking in the full view.

“Well,” Clarke started as she stood up on her knees still on the bed giving Lexa a better view, “For the past five months you’ve been nothing but amazing and I want to show you how much I appreciate it.” She made her way over to the brunette pushing her onto the bed, “So sit back and enjoy.”

Clarke quickly went to her phone pressing it to play body party by Ciara, when she decided she wanted to do a dance for Lexa this was the song her friends recommended.

After being pushed on the bed Lexa expected the blonde to be all over her but instead, she stepped away grabbing her phone. It wasn’t until the music started and the lights dimmed that she realized what was happened.

She watched in all as the blonde slowly made her way over sitting ever so gently on her lap and grinding to the music. If this wasn’t heaven, she wasn’t sure what was, she felt herself growing as she watched her girlfriend slowly unwrap the bow that was hiding the beautiful chest she loved so much.

With chest fully uncovered all that was left were the panties and Lexa could see the blonde was teasing her as she slowly pulled them off. Lexa couldn’t help but reach for her pants, she needed them off _immediately_.

“Uh uh.” Clarke smirked shaking her head, “I’m in charge tonight _commander_ which means you don’t get to touch yourself or me unless I say.” Commander was a nickname Clarke had given her because Lexa was always the more dominant one when they had sex, it was cute, and Clarke wasn’t complaining. She loved obeying her _commander_ ,

“I thought this was my present.” Lexa groaned causing Clarke to laugh,

“Don’t worry babe, I won’t make you wait too long.” The blonde winked going back to her dance. She knew Lexa was probably at her full length by now, she had that effect on the brunette and she knew it. But a little teasing never hurt anyone,

As the song was ending, she slowly crawled her way back to the bed stopping when she reached the huge bulge waiting for her. She stayed on her knees as she rubbed her palm against the girls restricting jeans feeling just how excited the girl was and Clarke wasn’t better off as she could feel herself dripping.

“Clarke.” Lexa groaned,

“Say _please_.” Clarke smiled,

“ _Please_ baby.” She moaned as Clarke pressed harder,

She had planned on making the girl beg as she often does to Clarke but how can she refuse such a cute face? Her hands reached for the zipper and soon all that was left were her boxers.

Clarke slowly ran her tongue over her length, even through the fabric of the boxers she could feel the girl throbbing. Ok maybe she did have a little more teasing left in her ;)

“How bad do you want my mouth right now baby?” Clarke smirked watching the girl getting impatient with her, she wasn’t used to having this much power and Lexa wasn’t used to giving it to her. _She loved it_

“So bad Clarke.” Lexa mumbled trying hard not to touch herself, “Please baby.”

“Because you said please.” Clarke smirked reaching to pulling the boxers off revealing her big hard length, “Mhm, I missed you.”

“She missed you too.” Lexa smirked watching the blonde ogle her dick, she was practically worshiping it and it drove Lexa wild. The blonde slowly licked the head and even the smallest amount of contact made Lexa crazy.

“You don’t get to cum until I say, if you do, I’ll stop.” Clarke ordered and Lexa would be lying if she said dominant Clarke didn’t turn her on, even though she knew she would be taking back control before this was over.

Clarke couldn’t hold off anymore she needed her girlfriend in her mouth so after telling Lexa the rules she greedily took the girl into her wet mouth. She loved Lexa’s dick and most of all she loves it in her mouth. It was amazing seeing what her mouth can make Lexa do and say. The moans and grunts only made her wetter, and seeing Lexa come undone was exhilarating.

This girl had her under a spell, one that she never wanted out of. Five months isn’t long, but Clarke knew she wanted this for life, and people might say it’s just young love and they could say what they wanted. She was happy to prove them wrong. It didn’t take long for the girl’s full length to be down her throat as she let Lexa throat fuck her, of course she couldn’t obey the no touching rule. At least she obeyed the first ten minutes,

“Fuck Clarke, you’re mouth always feels so fucking good.” Lexa moaned, holding the blondes head down as she rocked her hips into her mouth. “Fuck baby please can I cum.”

She could feel Lexa tensing up and she wasn’t going to refuse her, she wasn’t a monster; )

“Cum in my mouth baby.” Clarke moaned, seconds later feeling the warm liquid sliding down her throat. She wanted more, good thing they had all day. After milking her for everything she could get she made her way up to the girl and onto the bed straddling her.

“Feel how wet I am for you baby.” Clarke whispered guiding the girl’s hand to her center,

“Fuckkk.” Lexa shuddered,

“Do you see what you do to me baby?” the blonde murmured, “No one else can do this to me and I’m going to fuck you so good just so you know how much I appreciate it.” Clarke smirked, moving the girl’s length through her wet folds

“I want a taste.” Lexa pouted and it was the cutest thing ever, _damn her_ why does she have to make being in charge so hard,

“Not yet baby.” Clarke braced herself because even after five months she still wasn’t used to how big her girlfriend was, “Fuck me then you can taste.”

She didn’t have to tell Lexa twice she thrusted slowly feeling the blonde relax around her, she wanted to go slow to punish the girl for taking control,

“Fuck me like you mean it.” Clarke growled and it awoke something in Lexa because her trusts became almost animalistic and Clarke wasn’t prepared.

“ _Fuck fuck fuck!”_ the blonde screamed, it was all she could get out, “Baby!”

Lexa pulled the blonde down by her next crashing their lips together as she fucked the blonde mercilessly, this is what she asked for after all,

“Fuck baby, I love you so much.” Clarke moaned, “Harder baby,”

Ok, Lexa was in heaven watching the blonde unravel on top of her, she grabbed one her erect nipples in her mouth while she sped up her pace. All she could hear was their bodies smacking against each other and Clarke loud moans.

“Lexa! Fuck I’m going cum.”

Lexa kept her pace feeling her walls tighten around her and finally release her juices,

“Fuck, I don’t think you’ve ever fucked me that hard.” Clarke could barley breathe it was so good,

“I love you baby.” Lexa said flipping them over so that Clarke was laying on the bed, she couldn’t hold back anymore. She needed her favorite taste.

“I never said you could taste.” Now Clarke was the one pouting, Lexa was taking her power back,

“We both no you wanted me to take back control.” Lexa smirked, she wasn’t wrong, “Now it’s time for me to take care of you princess.”

Clarke didn’t have the energy to fight her if she wanted to, she watched the girl slowly kiss her way down her body making sure to leave marks in her wake. She loved when Lexa gave her hickies so that everyone can see just what this girl does to her.

“Happy Anniversary baby.” Lexa said before dipping her tongue into the blonde’s warm center. There was nothing that wasted better to her and knowing this was all for her drove her crazy.

“That feels so good baby.” Clarke moaned, Lexa’s tongue was amazing

It didn’t take long for her to make the blonde cum again all over her face and she didn’t hesitate to lick up every last drop.

“Wanna taste?” Lexa smirked as she watched Clarke devour her fingers and moan at her own taste,

“Come here.” Clarke smiled pulling the girl up and, onto her lips, god she’s never loved someone more in her life.

“I’m not done with you yet princess.” She said peppering soft kisses down the girl’s neck,

“I hope not.” She smiled,

“Get on your hands and knees.” Lexa demanded and Clarke quickly obeyed, that was the commander voice she loved so much, “What do you want Clarke?”

“I want you inside of me _commander_.” She smirked,

“How bad do you want me inside of you baby?”

“So bad.” Clarke moaned feeling Lexa push inside of her then push out, “Don’t tease me!”

“Doesn’t feel good does it.” Lexa smirked, “Luckily I love you too much to tease you.”

“Thank you _, commander_.”

Lexa pushed her full length inside the girl immediately trusting hard not giving her a chance to adjust. Lexa heard her name being screamed as she desperately fucked the girl from behind, Clarke could barely keep herself up, so Lexa grabbed her mushing their bodies together.

“Talk to me baby,” Lexa moaned, “Tell me how I feel inside of you.”

“So fucking good.”

“You love my dick, don’t you?”

“I love your big dick so much baby!” Clarke screamed,

“Then show me how much, cum for me baby.”

Clarke was positive she hadn’t had this many orgasms in one night before and she still wanted more. She still wanted more as Lexa rammed her huge dick into her and she could barely hold herself up.

“Cum inside me baby.” Clarke moaned, they had never done that, but she didn’t care. She needed to feel her warm cum filling her up.

“Fuck Clarke.” There was no way she was lasting after hearing that,

Clarke moaned loudly feeling the warm liquid she loved in her mouth now inside of her, Lexa grunting and moaning was the cherry on top. She felt Lexa soften and slowly slide out of her and the cum gushing down her thighs, “Fuck.”

“I loved having you fill me up baby.” Clarke collapsed on the bed; she didn’t know how the hell she was supposed to move let alone walk after this.

“That was amazing.” Lexa smiled contently laying beside the blonde,

“I’m glad you enjoyed,”

“When will your parents be home?”

“Not until late.”

“Come on.” Lexa sat up grabbing the blonde,

“Baby I can barley move.” The blonde groaned,

“Fine wait here.” Lexa disappeared off to the bathroom, she got Clarke’s favorite bubble bath and ran a hot bath and set a few candles out.

When she walked back into the room Clarke was sprawled out on the bed with a lazy smile on her face.

“Come on princess.” Lexa smiled picking the girl up and carrying her to the bathroom,

“Have I mentioned you’re the best girlfriend ever.” Clarke moaned as the warm water engulfed her body.

“You have but I love hearing it.” Lexa smiled,

“Get in.”

* * *

_20 minutes later_

“So, I have to tell you something.” Lexa said as she wrapped her arms around the blonde, they were still in the tub neither of them wanting to move.

“Are you pregnant?” Clarke smirked,

“Ha Ha blondie.” Lexa snarked,

“Ok, what is it baby?”

“My dad is taking me and Anya back to Seattle-”

“WHAT?” Clarke jumped, “What do you mean he’s taking you back? Forever? You’re moving back? Why?” Clarke was panicking, I mean could they do long distance. She would do anything to be with her, will Abby let her move to Seattle too? They have hospitals in Seattle and people love sea food so an Ark restaurant could probably do well down there and what the fuck is happening? She just got Lexa she can’t lose her now,

“Clarke!” Lexa yelled, “Calm down and let me finish, he’s taking me and Anya there for the first half of spring break.”

“Oh, thank god.” Clarke leaned back into the girl, “Why the hell didn’t you say that?”

“You interrupted and started freaking out internally.” Lexa laughed, “It’s nice to know you would miss me though,”

“Of course, I would miss you idiot!” she said splashing water on the girl, “I already had a full plan in place to move my whole family to Seattle in 30 seconds.”

“God, I love you.” Lexa laughed, “I would never willingly leave you baby.”

“I know.” Clarke smiled, “Why didn’t you tell me you were going back?”

“My dad only told us right before I left to come here?”

“And how are you feeling about it?”

“Honestly, I don’t know, i didn’t know if I’d ever go back.” Lexa sighed, “I guess I’ll know how I feel when we get there.”

“Maybe you’ll enjoy being back.”

“Maybe.” Lexa mumbled, “Can we talk about something else?”

“We don’t have to talk at all.” Clarke smirked turning around kissing the awaiting girl,

* * *

_A few days later…._

“Girls, we’re leaving in 10!” Gus yelled,

“I’ll miss you.”

It was the day Lexa left for Seattle and Clarke and Raven drove over together to say bye. Even though it was only three days Clarke was sad to see the girl go.

“I’ll miss you to baby.” Lexa smiled, “But I’ll be back before you know it.”

“And I’ll be sitting here waiting.”

“No! It’s spring break, do something fun don’t sit around waiting for me.”

“It won’t be fun if you’re not there baby.” Clarke pouted,

“I don’t want to leave you, but I’ll make it up to you when I get back.”

“Mhmm, something to look forward to.” Clarke wrapped her arms around the brunette’s neck, “You try to have a good time too, and remember I’m here if you need me.”

“Always.” Lexa smiled, giving the girl a quick kiss,

“Always.” Clarke repeated,

“GIRLS NOW!!” Gus yelled,

“Come on before Gus kills us.” Clarke grabbed one of Lexa’s bags and they headed down where a brooding Anya was waiting for them.

“Where is he?” Lexa asked,

“Putting the stupid bags in the stupid car.” Anya mumbled,

“Are you going to brood the whole time?” Lexa rolled her eyes,

“Probably.”

“She better not.” Raven warned, “I’ve already told her if she broods the whole-time, she won’t be getting her welcome home present.”

“Really?” Anya groaned, “You can’t hold my brooding against me I don’t want to go.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to be a bitch the whole-time babe.” Raven replied, “So cheer up if not for me then for your dad. He’s looking forward to this trip.”

“I hate when you make things reasonable.” Anya groaned again,

“I know.” Raven smiled,

“Alright you girls ready?” Gus asked walking back into the living room.

“Yes father.” Anya forced her best smile which ending up looking like she was in pain,

“Great let’s go.”

“Call me if you start feeling like you want to talk.” Clarke said turning to her girlfriend, the other had gone to the car and she wanted to make sure Lexa was really ok, “Or just call me if you want to call me!”

“I will baby. Now kiss me like you’ll miss me blondie!”

* * *

Lexa had been gone for one day and all she done was sit in her room and paint stupid paintings and wait for her to call. She wasn’t going to bug the girl, she promised herself she would give her space and let her enjoy this time with her family so that’s what she’s going to do.

That being said this was a very boring spring break without her, so she needed to find something to fill her time.

“Pack a bag bitch!” Octavia screamed as she busted into the blonde’s room and suddenly her prayers were answered,

“Where are we going?” Clarke asked as she put away her paints,

“LA, my mom is letting us stay at the beach house!” During Aurora’s divorce she had what we call a midlife crisis where she needed to do something to feel young. Somehow that equated buying a beach house, everyone’s still foggy on that but she never used it which meant it was all theirs.

“How did you pull that off?”

“Begging and wearing her down.” Octavia answered, “Obviously! Now hurry Raven, Lincoln, Murphy, Emori, Echo, Bell and Ontari are all at my house waiting.”

“I’m the last to know?” Clarke asked,

“I tried calling you didn’t answer, Bells going to drive can you drive too?”

Did she really want to go to LA? Lexa would be back in a couple of days and she wanted to be here.

“Don’t even think about staying!”

“Get out of my head!” Clarke replied,

“Don’t worry we’ll be back before Lexa comes home; I promise!” Octavia smiled, “Please! We haven’t been to LA I so long Clarke.”

“Fine!” Clarke agreed, she hadn’t been to LA in a while and she loved it there. Some of her best memories with her friends were in LA. Granted most it was illegal but what isn’t? “Give me 20.”

“Yay!” Octavia jumped on the blonde kissing her cheek, “I’m so excited.”

“Honestly, me too.” Clarke said honestly, this is what she needed.

* * *

When they arrived at the hotel Lexa went straight to sleep to Anya’s displeasure, but she didn’t care. Flying made her tired and she didn’t feel like going anywhere.

When she woke the next day she felt better, she was rested and hopefully prepared for whatever this trip would bring her. They had only been gone for six or seven months so too much couldn’t have changed right?

“About time.” Anya grumbled, “Dad went to his seminar, can we go get food or something? Sitting in here all day is going to make me brood and you know what happens when I brood.”

“Yes, Raven has you pretty whipped”

“She does, it’s getting out of hand.”

“You love it.”

“I kind of do.” Anya pondered, “Anyways get ready, we’re meeting an old friend.”

She had no clue who this friend could be, and she didn’t ask, she quickly took a shower and got dressed.

Being on the streets of Seattle again was weird, not much had changed but Lexa and even Anya had. They weren’t the same people as when they left, they were…. Better.

“So where are we eating and who are we meeting?” Lexa asked as they walked,

“We’re going to your old job and we’re meeting Tris, surprisingly she answered my call.”

Oh no, Lexa thought. Tris aka the girl who she lost her virginity to then stopped being friends with her sister because of it and neglected her when their mom died.

“I didn’t know you were still friends with her.” Lexa murmured, she had to tell her but she’s going to be pissed.

“Well I thought it would be worth a try to call her and surprise, she picked up.”

“Great.” Lexa said, she was panicking maybe she should call Clarke.

“While we’re here you should see Callie.”

_Right, Callie._

“I’ll text her later.”

When they arrived at Joe’s Lexa was greeted by her old boss and a couple other employees. The diner was small, but it was easy and at the time easy was what Lexa needed.

After catching up with them she joined Anya at the table and waited for what was doomed to be the most awkward lunch ever.

“It looks the exact same in here.” Anya commented,

“Nothings really changed.” She even noticed the crack was still in the window from a year ago.

“Hello ladies!”

What happens next Lexa had no clue she completely zoned out when she saw the girl. She looked the same, her hair was a little longer but she wished she would’ve just told Anya the truth so she wouldn’t be feeling this sick about it.

“Lexa!” Anya called, “Stop being weird.”

“Sorry.” Lexa mumbled, “Hi tris.”

“Hey Lex.” The girl smiled, “You guys look so different, Ahn I see you added some black to your blonde. I love it!”

“Thank you, what about you! I see your growing yours out.”

“Yeah -.”

God the hotel room seems more fun than this, her nerves quickly went away when she became a third wheel, and no one acknowledged her existence. She didn’t know if this was worse.

“Wow you two bagged you a couple of beach hotties!” Tris smiled, bringing Lexa out of her thoughts. “Lexa, I didn’t know you were into Blondes.”

“What?” Lexa asked confused,

“Anya just showed me a pic of your girlfriends, she’s hot.”

“Oh.” Lexa said, can this end? “Clarke is amazing.”

“Well I’m glad you found someone to tie you down.” Tris winked, “You were quite the player.”

“Player, womanizer. Tomato tomatoe.” Anya smirked looking down at her phone, “Wait did you know Clarke, Raven and pretty much everyone is in LA right now?”

“No.” Lexa answered honestly, she needed to call Clarke to check in, but she was too busy panicking, “But it’s spring break I didn’t except them to sit in Polis.” Lexa could see Anya was upset,

“I should totally be there right now.” Anya groaned,

“Oh no your brooding.” Lexa warned,

“You would brood too if your girlfriend was posting bikini pics and you weren’t there to enjoy, oh wait she is.” Anya turned her phone around revealing a pic of Clarke in a very amazing red bikini, she knew that was on purpose. She knew red was her favorite color on the blonde. She would have to have her try it on for her when she got back.

“Oh, hot.” Tris smiled,

Lexa squinted at the girl, this was the third time she called Clarke hot and it was getting annoying.

“You know this is perfect timing; I’m having a party tonight you have to come!” Tris exclaimed,

“No-“

“Sounds fun!” Anya interrupted, ignoring the what the fuck from Lexa,

“Yay! It’ll be fun guys, I moved so I’ll text you my new address.”

“We’ll be there.” Anya smiled,

“Great! I’ll see you later ladies.” Tris shot Lexa one last wink before leaving the dinner,

“Don’t even give me that look.” Anya groaned,

“Why are you upset they went to LA?”

“I’m not.”

“Whatever, as you would say I’m not doing the back and forth.” Lexa left money on the table before leaving, she wanted to call Clarke and then maybe hit some shops for a gift to give her girlfriend.

She heard the phone ring a couple times before the girl picked up,

“Hi baby!” She could basically picture the blondes smile as she spoke, “How was the flight?”

“Honestly exhausting, I slept as soon as we got to the hotel. Are you driving?” Lexa asked, there was a lot of background noises and she heard beeping sounds,

“Yes, O surprised us with a trip to her beach house in LA so me and Ontari are getting some groceries for the house.”

“Oh, how long are you staying?”

“Just a couple days, don’t worry I’ll be back in Polis awaiting your arrival.”

“I’m glad you’re having some fun.” She truly was the last thing she wanted was for Clarke to sit the house moping around.

“The real fun begins when you get back.” Clarke smirked, “Have you guys done anything yet?”

“Actually yes, unfortunately- “ Lexa was interrupted with loud car sounds and very obnoxious horns honking,

“Sorry baby, LA traffic is a bitch,”

“It’s ok, call me when you get back to the house and we’ll talk more.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, plus it’s rude to Ontari if we talk on the phone the whole car ride.”

“It’s even more rude to have it on speaker and showcase your amazing, cute relationship!” She heard Ontari say,

“You’re the one that wanted to ride!” Clarke snapped back,

“Did you really expect me to stay in there with him?”

“Excuse her babe, she’s being a bitch today!” Clarke said,

“You two be nice and drive safe! Call me later.”

“I will, love you.”

“Love you back!” Lexa smiled hearing a groan from Ontari before the call ended,

‘Ok, now let’s shop’

* * *

They arrived at the beach house a few hours ago and Clarke decided to go shopping mostly to get Ontari out of the house who was not happy to say the least. It all started right before they were leaving polis.

Clarke had just packed her bag while the others waited outside in the cars, since they would be taking her jeep, she cleaned out the back to make some room.

When she went outside, she was greeted by a surprise guest who was welcomed by all but one.

_“It’s really not that bad Tari!” Clarke said trying to calm the girl down, they had been driving for 30 minutes and the whole time Ontari was freaking out. To the point that chill low-key Murphy chimed in from the back seat. In her car she had Raven, Murphy and Emori in the back and Ontari in front driving her crazy._

_“How would you feel if I invited Luna!” She yelled,_

_“She’s kind of right.” Raven chimes in,_

_“I’m not the one who invited Wells, Bellamy is so scream at him!” Clarke replied,_

_“This is going to suck.” Ontari sighed,_

Now it was hours later, and the girl was still freaking out.

“Just talk to him.” Clarke suggested, “Clear the air so you both can just have a nice few day here.”

“He hasn’t even tried to talk to me! He didn’t even have the balls to tell me he was back!”

“You two are unbelievable,” Clarke laughed, “I’ve never seen two people who clearly want each other fight it so hard.”

“We don’t want each other anymore it’s why we broke up.” Ontari mumbled, that was in fact not the reason but that was irrelevant right now, “I want to punch Bellamy in his stupid face.”

“How about you try to talk to Wells.” Clarke suggested for the 100th time since they arrived in LA earlier today.

“There’s nothing to say.” Ontari sighed, sinking down into her seat.

“Clearly.” Clarke rolled her eyes, “If you’re not going to talk to him then just ignore that he’s here and try to have a good time. For me please.”

“Fine.”

“Good!”

When they arrived back to the house everyone was dressed to go out. It was practically dark out but still on the early side for LA.

“Hurry and get dressed.” Octavia said to the two girls who were putting the groceries away. “The neighbors are these cute college footballers and they invited us their beach party. Who knows Ontari maybe you’ll get lucky?”

“I could use a distraction.” Ontari shrugged, “I’m going to change.”

“Come on blondie, I’m picking your outfit tonight.” Octavia shrieked, grabbing the girl and pulling her into her room for the next couple of days. Her Raven and Ontari decided to share since everyone else were a couple excluding Wells who had his own room.

“I miss coming here.” Clarke said as she watched her friend pick through her clothes,

“Me too, when was the last time we came?” Octavia thought trying to remember,

“Probably last year when me, you, Luna and Raven went to the Lana concert.”

“Oh yeah! That was so fun!” Octavia smiled, “Especially that after party.”

“I still can’t believe you us in.” Clarke laughed, it took a lot of graveling and puppy dog eyes but Octavia in fact got them into a vey exclusive party. And it was one of the most fun nights the blondes ever had.

“Never doubt my skills.” “Ok here, put this on.” Octavia sat out a pair of denim shorts and a leopard one shoulder crop top.

“It’s cute.”

“Don’t be so surprised.” Octavia rolled her eyes, “Hurry and change so I can braid your hair.”

Clarke quickly threw the outfit on and sat on the floor so the girl could braid her hair.

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“How dare you.” Octavia flicked the blonde on her arms, “I’m always nice to you.”

“Yeah but you’re picking my outfits and doing my hair, it’s too nice.” Clarke squinted,

“Since Lexa left you’ve been like a sad puppy, so I want to cheer you up until she returns and dickmatizes you, so you lose the tude.”

“I don’t have a tude, I really am trying to have fun.” That was true, she wanted to enjoy being here with her friends.

“Good, now we need to get Ontari on board.”

“I can’t believe Bell invited Wells without at least telling Ontari.” Clarke sighed, Wells and Ontari were a couple for most of high school but when they graduated things got complicated and things haven’t been good since. That was 3 years ago.

“I think they should just bang it out.” Octavia shrugged, “They clearly still care about each other, you should’ve seen him on the drive down here. He was so nervous.”

“Let’s just hope the alcohol doesn’t make things worst tonight.”

* * *

When Lexa got back to the hotel room Anya was there doing her favorite pass time, brooding. Lexa ignored her and went to pick out an outfit instead, she didn’t really want to go this party, but she wasn’t letting Anya go alone plus she invited Callie, so she was excited for that.

“Tris moved to a rich neighborhood.” Anya commented, she was laying on the bed with the covers absorbing the girls’ body.

“Great.” Lexa replied, “I talked to Clarke, she said they will be back when we get home.”

“I know, I talked to Raven. She couldn’t talk long though because Octavia was dragging them to a beach party with their hot football playing neighbors.” Anya snarked,

“She said they were hot?”

“No Octavia did in the background.”

“Are you really upset that she’s having fun?”

“No.”

And she says I’m the complicated one, Lexa thinks rolling her eyes.

“I’m going to get dressed, we’re leaving in 10.” Anya stated before disappearing into the bathroom.

Lexa changed her shirt before going over to her dad’s room to tell him they were leaving.

“Dad?” Lexa yelled,

“In here.”

Lexa walked into the bedroom of the room where she found her dad watching tv.

“You girls want to grab some dinner?” Gus asked when he seen his daughter,

“Actually, we made plans with Callie and Tris.”

‘That’s great!” Gus smiled, “I’m glad you two reached out to your old friends.” “What are getting into?”

“Probably just food, talk maybe go back to Tris’s house.” Technically that was half true.

“Ok, just don’t be back too late.”

“We won’t.” Lexa was surprised by the trust she was given from her dad, it’s not like she didn’t deserve it, but it was still surprising. He hadn’t asked her about drinking or warned her not to go to any parties. So now she felt like shit because she was going to a party, not to drink but still.

“You trust me?” Lexa asked, insecurely. “Just like that?”

“I do, you’ve done nothing but prove yourself to me for last 6 months and I’m proud of you Lexa.” Gus nodded, “You should be proud of you to, so have fun with your friends.”

“Thank dad.” She smiled before going back to her own room, was she breaking his trust by going to this party even if she wouldn’t drink?

“There you are.” Anya sighed, “Come on before we’re late.”

**_And so, it begins._ **

* * *

The beach party was pretty packed, this was also spring break for Mount Weather college and Arkadia University which are a couple hours’ drive to LA, so most students were here. Clarke even ran into a lot of her own classmates including but not limited to Harper, Monroe, Monty, Jasper, Luna and her soccer friends, most of the sports kids and last but not least her ex bestie.

“God I just can’t escape you, can I?”

Clarke turned around and immediately had a smile on her face,

“You can’t escape me? More like I can’t escape you.” Clarke smirked, “You’re the scheme queen not me.”

“You wish I was obsessed with you Griffin.” Costia smiled, “Why every time I see you at a party you never look like you’re having a good time?”

“I’m actually having fun this time.” Clarke had been dancing most of the night with Raven and Ontari, but she needed a break. “What about you?”

“Have you seen the hosts?” Costia smirked, “Anyone can have a good time looking at those faces.”

“Be careful, you bi is showing!” Clarke winked, her and Costia weren’t exactly friends but they did talk every so often. Is it so bad that maybe Clarke wouldn’t mind having her as a friend?

“Yeah, yeah.” Costia waved her off, “Where’s Lexa?”

“In Seattle, she’ll be back day after tomorrow.”

“Hey cuz.” Raven greeted the girl; their relationship was also on the ups. “I didn’t know you were coming down here?”

“Last minute thing.” Costia shrugged, “This is more exciting than Polis.”

“True that.” Raven agreed, “I need a drink, Clarke do a shot with me! Costia too!”

“Someone’s having a nice time tonight.” Costia smiled,

“It’s spring break! Come on don’t be boring.” Raven pouted,

“I’m down.” Costia shrugged, “Clarke?”

Clarke usually didn’t drink at parties, usually that was because Lexa was with her but also because she didn’t like being drunk. But it was one drink….

“Fuck it, give me the glass.”

“Woo! We got blondie to have fun!” Costia yelled and Raven joined in causing her to laugh,

“To spring break bitches.” Raven screamed before the three girls downed their shots, “Let’s dance!”

* * *

Tris’s house was in fact in the rich part of their old neighborhood, the house was huge and definitely a switch from her old house. When they entered, they were instantly greeted with crowds of teenagers drinking beers and dancing like idiots. The music was insanely loud, and Lexa wanted to leave.

“I’m going to find Tris!” Anya yelled over the music enough for her sister to hear. Lexa on the other hand decided to go sit by the pool where there weren’t as many people then she texted Callie to meet her there then went on social media to pass the time.

She scrolled through everyone’s photos from LA and she would admit she was a little jealous. They looked like they were having fun and if she didn’t have to come here, she’d probably be there too. Her jealously reached an all time peak when she saw a video posted by Raven and Clarke and Costia dancing around the beach laughing and hugging. She knew the two had made amends and she wasn’t jealous because they were together, she trusted Clarke completely, she was just jealous, she wasn’t there to see and hear Clarkes laugh in person.

“Is that your girl?” A voice said from behind Lexa,

When she turned around, she saw her old friend, she still looked the same with exception of her hair was cut into a bob and she has a nose.

“Callie!” Lexa smiled pulling the girl in for a hug, she didn’t have many friends in Seattle, but Callie was always the best, “You looks so good! I loke your hair and nose.” Lexa pointed to the ring,

“Thank you! I needed some change; you look amazing too. Still super-hot I see with your long hair and smoldering eyes”

“My eyes aren’t smoldering!”

“Ok stud,” Callie winked, “I didn’t know you were friends with Tris.”

“I’m not.” Lexa groaned, “Anya is.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot. Are you not a fan?”

“It’s not that I’m not a fan it’s just that I’d rather not be around her.”

“I feel that, she has a bitchy vibe. I suppose that’s why her and Anya get along so well.” Callie laughed, “So tell me what has Lexa Trikru been doing in California for the past 7 months?’

So, Lexa told her everything about her new life, about her friends and her school. Most of the time was spent telling her about Clarke though, how they met and how their relationship started and how it’s going. She loved bragging about her girlfriend anytime she got the chance to.

“Clarke sounds really good for you.” Callie smiled,

“She is, we’re good for each other.”

“This is so weird I’ve never seen you in love!” Callie shrieked, “A good, weird, I’m happy you’re not a women whore anymore!”

“Slut shaming is so not cool.” Lexa joked,

“Hey there’s no shame, I myself am a bit of a slut.” Callie laughed,

“I recall!” Lexa winked, “So are you still seeing Jen?”

“Oh, hell no! We haven’t been together for a year. I’m single.”

“Single is nice.”

“It’s what I needed after being with her for so long, plus there no one in this stupid town worth dating.” Callie replied, “You know, you probably slept with them all!”

“Hey!” Lexa smacked the laughing girl, “Ugh, I really did sleep with a lot girl’s around here.” Lexa groaned,

“Some of them may be in this very house.”

Lexa didn’t think about that, she had no problem seeing them. Everyone she slept with agreed to know feelings so there were no hard feelings or heartbreak.

“I’m sure some of your conquests are as well.” Lexa snarked back,

“True.” Callie shrugged, “Not that this party isn’t great, but do you want to leave and get food?”

“I’d love nothing more.” Lexa has been waiting for an excuse to leave this house since she stepped foot it’s in. “Just let me tell Anya.”

“My cars right out front just meet me there.”

Lexa made her way through the drunken idiots and sweaty bodies and she couldn’t find Anya anywhere. The house was huge so there was no telling where she was, so she opted to text the girl to meet her at the door.

While she was waiting, she indeed saw some of her past hookups who just waved and eyed her from a far. Soon her nightmare made it way over.

“Hey Lexi, not having fun?” Tris smirked, leaning against the door beside the brunette,

“It’s ok I guess, but I have to head out I’m just waiting for Anya so I can tell her.” She did not want to be alone with her at all,

“Leaving already? I didn’t even get to give you a tour.” The girl moved closer to Lexa basically cornering her in the foyer.

“What the hell Tris! Move.”

“What’s wrong Lexi? Don’t you remember our little night of fun?”

“Back up Tris.” Lexa demanded to no avail,

“We can start the tour with the bedroom!” she smirked, “I know a few things we can do in there!”

“I know a few things I could do to you right here.” Anya said pulling the girls hair and shoving her away from Lexa,

“What the fuck Anya?” Tris yelled grabbing her head,

“She said back up or did you not hear?” Anya replied,

“Anya it’s fine, calm down.” Lexa could see her sister’s fists in balls, they were protective over each other and Anya wouldn't hesitate to hit the girl,

“I was just joking around Anya jeez.” Tris said still holding her head,

“Were you joking around when you slept with my little sister too?” Anya asked seriously, Lexa was sure she didn’t hear right

“How do you know that?” Lexa asked, panicking,

“You told me dumbass.” Anya rolled her eyes, “Granted you were drunk off your ass, but you told me.”

“It was one time.” Tris added, “It’s not that serious.”

“You know I was willing to not even bring it up Tris, I was willing to forget it but then you. My ‘best friend’ abandoned me when I needed you the most. All for what? Because you were scared to tell me you slept with my sister?”

“I-“

“And then 3 years later you try and get her in your bed again when you know she has a girlfriend.” Anya interrupted, “Did you answer my call today because you wanted to see me, or did you just want to get into Lexa’s pants?”

Lexa felt like she shouldn’t be here, like this was a private conversation but she couldn’t escape it because she was right in the middle of it.

“You know what Anya I wish I never picked up the call! And your right I did abandon you but not because of Lexa.” Tris moved dangerously close to the blonde. “I stopped being friends with you because I couldn’t take your constant bad moods and bitchy comments!”

“My mom died!” Anya yelled, “What the fuck did you want me to act like?”

“And after that it was worse, and I could deal with the constant sadness and crying! So, no It wasn’t Lexa’s fault it was yours!” Tris barley got the words out before Anya fist hit the girls face,

“You can go to hell Tris.” Anya mumbled before walking out of the front door leaving a shocked Lexa and a crying Tris,

“That was amazing.” Callie smiled from the doorway, “Come on!” she grabbed Lexa running to her car, “We’re in a rich neighborhood, where they press charges we should go.”

They all got in the girl’s car and drove off to the closet all night diner they could find. Callie was always good at cheering people up so Anya’s mood didn’t last long. They all laughed at what just happened and Lexa felt stupid for stressing over something she already apparently told Anya. She wasn’t mad just disappointed her friend was such a raging bitch. She did need to ice her hand though which was bright red.

“You might want to wrap that.” Callie suggested, they were outside their hotel.

“Great, let me prepare myself for the questionnaire dad’s going to give me in the morning.” Anya groaned,

“Just say we went to an arcade, and you hit to hard on the boxing game.” Callie said,

“Wow, I’ve never seen anyone come up with a lie that quick.” Anya said impressed,

“I may have hurt my hands on one of those before.” The girl laughed,

“Thanks for the getaway car and the ride.” Anya smiled, hugging the girl before going up stairs.

“I should thank you to, tonight was great.” Lexa smiled,

“It was, like old times. Are you ever coming back to visit again?” Callie asked,

“I don’t know, there isn’t really anything here for us. The only reason we came this time was for my dads’ job.”

“So then this is goodbye forever?”

“Absolutely not! Next you can visit me in California.”

“I am a California girl at heart.”

“And we’ll call and text.” Lexa added,

“I’m holding you to that.” Callie pointed at the girl.

“You have my word.” Lexa smiled, “Now give me a hug!”

“Until next time Lexa Trikru!” Callie smiled pulling out of their hug and walking to her car.

Lexa waved as the girl drove off, maybe this wasn’t as bad as she imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two will be posted tomorrow this was really long so i broke it up! anyways i want to ask you guys how you feel about the 100 finale........ yeah it's the way I got triggered seeing Lexa on screen 4 years later for me!
> 
> as always leave comments and let me know what you think!!!


	26. Chapter 25: Spring Breakers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter chapter sorry!  
> here's what you're in for:  
> Drunk Clarke and Raven  
> Annoyed Octavia and Lincoln  
> Jealous Clarke  
> And a lil bit of sexy time ;)
> 
> all mistakes are mine because i suck:)

15 tequila shots, 15! That’s how many Clarke had, and she was definitely feeling it as she danced around the two equally as drunk cousins. This would not be kind to her in the morning but that’s tomorrow’s problem. As she looked around, she noticed all of her friends with huge smiles and laughs and she was happy. Everyone was having a good time, but one was missing.

“I have to make a call.” Clarke slurred before walking off,

“Clarke!” Raven shouted running after the girl, “Don’t call anyone you’re drunk!”

“But I miss her.” Clarke whined, “I miss her cute face.”

“You don’t think I miss Anya’s cute face!”

“We should call them together!” Clarke smiled like it was the best idea anyone ever had,

“Oh my god,” Raven grinned, “Should we?”

“Yes!”

All of what was left of Raven’s rationality went out the window at the thought of seeing her girlfriends cute face.

Clarke quickly pulled out her phone finding Lexa’s contact and facetiming her, it was 2am but that didn’t matter in her mind. It rang for a few minutes before Lexa answered very confused.

“Baby?” Lexa asked,

“Commander!” Clarke cheered,

Lexa could see a very happy Clarke on the screen and also Raven who was just as excited. They had to be drunk.

“Clarke are you ok?” Lexa asked trying not to laugh but she’s never seen the blonde like this,

“No, I’m not ok.” Clarke pouted, “I miss your face and I wish you were here!”

Lexa laughed,

“I miss your face too baby, how much have you had to drink?”

“Oh my god, well Raven wouldn’t stop handing me shots!” Clarke exclaimed, “I must’ve had like so many!”

“Raven are you trying to get my girlfriend drunk?” Lexa joked,

“YES!” Raven yelled, “Now where’s my girlfriend I miss her face too!”

“Anya come here.” Lexa yelled; she’s going to die when she sees them.

“What is it I’m trying to wrap my stupid hand.” Anya groaned,

“What happened to your hand?” Raven yelled her voice filled with concern,

“Raven?” Anya furrowed her brows looking into the screen surprised to see her girlfriend very drunk,

“Hi babe!” Raven smiled, “I miss your face too!”

“Are they drunk?” Anya looks over to an amused Lexa who nodded,

“We miss you guys, fly back already!” Clarke said,

“It’s just one more day baby.” Lexa smiled; she would love nothing more than to get on a plan right now.

“Guess I’ll have to find someone else’s face to miss then.” Raven joked,

“Raven I will literally kill you.” Anya grumbled,

“Jokes babe!”

“Not funny, you should go lay down.” Anya replied,

“Boo!” Raven whined,

“Clarke, I think you should probably call it a night too.” Lexa suggested, “You guys seem really drunk.”

“Boo!” Clarke repeated, “Ok commander.”

“Ooh, is that like a daddy kink?” Raven asked,

“She loves when I call her commander.” Clarke smirked, “Especially when-“

“Ok!” Lexa interrupted laughing nervously, “That’s enough of that!”

“I texted Lincoln to escort you guys back to the house.” Anya added,

“Boo!”

Clarke watched Octavia and Lincoln walk towards them,

“We should run!” Clarke looked at Raven who smiled in return,

“On 3!” Raven said.

“Clarke-“ Lexa started but the phone dropped and all she could hear was laughing and screaming and a very annoyed Lincoln, a second later O picked up the phone

“Your girlfriends are being complicated tonight.”

“Did they drink a lot?” Anya asked,

“Seems like it.” Octavia shrugged, “We’ll get them to bed, the party is dying down anyways.”

“You hot neighbors party?” Anya rolled her eyes,

“Aww, jealously is so cute on you!” Octavia laughed,

“Bite me.”

“Commander we have to go to bed.” Clarke said grabbing the phone from O, clearly, they got tired of running from Lincoln and gave up,

“I think it’s for the best baby.” Lexa smiled, the blonde’s hair was everywhere, and her frown was adorable.

“Your face is so cute!” Clarke smiled,

“Ok, stop flirting and come on.” Octavia said pushing the blonde toward the house,

“Commander I have to go I think I’m in trouble.”

“Be good for Octavia and Lincoln!” Lexa laughed as soon as she said it, like Clarke was her child.

“Bye Anya! I love your face!” Raven yelled,

“Just my face?” Anya smirked,

“And you-“

“I’m going to stop you there.” Lexa interrupted, “Get some rest and call us in the morning.”

“Fine.” Raven sulked,

“Ok, baby.” Clarke frowned, “Bye I love you.”

“I love you too Clarke.” Lexa smiled before hanging up the phone,

“She’s so amazing.” Clarke dazed and Octavia practically carried her into the house, “I’m going to marry her, oh my god I should ask her!”

“Clarke your 17, you’re not marrying anyone.” Octavia said while she took the girls shoes off,

“I need a ring first though.” Clarke continued completely ignoring her friend, “Do you think she’ll say yes?”

“I don’t know we’ll find out in 10 years.”

“That’s too long!” Clarke sighed,

“Go to sleep Clarke.” Octavia begged, she wasn’t having this conversation with her drunk, “If you go to sleep you can wake up and call Lexa and see her cute face.”

“Yay!” Clarke smiled, getting under the cover next to an already passed out Raven, “Love you sis.”

“I love you too crazy.” O smiled,

* * *

It was their last night in Seattle and Gus decided to take the girls out for dinner before their flight in the morning.

“How’s your hand Anya?” Gus asked while he cut up his steak,

“Fine.” She mumbled back a reply, “He didn’t believe her story of hitting it at the arcade, so she had to tell him the truth. He wasn’t upset but she did get the ‘violence isn’t the answer’ speech,

“Next time don’t punch someone so hard.” Lexa smirked earning a glare form her father, “Or not at all…”

“I have no regrets.” The older girl shrugged,

“Beside Tris did you two have a good night with Callie?”

They hadn’t told him about the party, Lexa just earned his trust, and she didn’t need to give him an excuse to take that away.

“When left Tris’s house we wen to a dinner and talked, it was really chill but nice.”

“I should’ve been friends with Callie instead of that bitch Tris.” Anya grumbled,

“You live and learn, not all friends are friends for life.” Gus replied, “I’m just glad you two enjoyed your time here. Maybe we can visit every so often.”

From the looks on his daughters face he could tell they didn’t share the same desire.

“You don’t want to come back?” Gustus asks,

Lexa looked at Anya who was staring down at her plate,

“I can’t speak for Anh, but beside wanting to see Callie. There is nothing in Seattle for me. We don’t have family here and we don’t have many friends, in my eyes Polis is home.”

“What she said.” Anya murmured,

“I get that.” Gustus sighed, “Maybe instead we can start having family vacations. I want to spend more time with you girls.”

“That sounds nice dad.” Lexa smiled,

“We’ll discuss it more later let’s enjoy our last night here.”

* * *

Clarke spent the next day nursing her hangover and being miserable in bed until her headache went away. She also listened to Lexa tease her about her drunkly call which she was mortified over. But the brunette thought it was the cutest thing.

Pretty much everyone in the house was also hungover that day so one went out that night except for Ontari who met a guy and went out with him mostly to spite Wells.

It was the day Lexa was meant to be back in Polis and Clarke was still in LA at the beach house. They were supposed to leave but everyone wanted to stay the extra few days and Clarke couldn’t leave them since she drove half of them there.

Sure, she could drive home then come back but that was a lot and so she opted to beg Lexa and Anya to drive down to LA for the rest of spring break. It didn’t take much effort to convince them, so they were driving down to join them after they landed.

Clarke was beyond excited to see her commander, even though it had barley been three days. It felt like twenty years and it was torture. When she heard a car pull up, she looked out the window to see her girlfriend’s jeep in the driveway. She quickly ran downstairs, Raven not far behind her.

She barley allowed Lexa to get out of the car before she was jumping into her arms.

“BABY!”

Lexa laughed catching the blonde in her arms and holding her so tight like she might disappear.

“I missed you.” Clarke whispered, finding the green eyes she fell in love with.

“I missed you too baby!” Lexa could see the blonde got a nice tan and the more she examined her she noticed she was only in a bikini top and booty shorts.

“See something you like commander?” Clarke smirked,

“Get a room!” Octavia yelled from the balcony, looking down on the two couples.

“I’d love to show you to a room.” Clarke smiled,

“Lead the way.” Lexa smirked,

Up until now Clarke had been sharing a room with Ontari and Raven but she cleared out another room last night when she knew Lexa was coming. The beach house was pretty spacious it was just a mess from only being occupied a couple times a year.

When they got to the room Lexa immediately pinned Clarke to the wall crashing their lips together. It was messy and needy but neither of them cared they needed each other now.

Lexa lifted the blonde into her arms her back pressed against the wall as Clarke moaned softy into their kiss.

“Bed.” Clarke managed to say between kisses, Lexa moved them towards the big bed in the middle of the room and laid her down,

“Have I mentioned that I missed you?” Lexa smiled, admiring her girlfriend.

“Show me how much.” She smirked,

The two didn’t care how loud they were or who heard they needed this, and they were going to take their time. They spent a couple hours in the room before showering together. It was nighttime when they immerged and everyone was downstairs dressed,

“About time.” Octavia winked,

“These two aren’t any better.” Ontari pointed to a kissing Raven and Anya,

“Why are you all so dressed up?” Clarke asked, everyone had on party clothes and she hadn’t heard of any plans.

“Ontari bagged one of the hot neighbors and he got us into a club tonight!” Octavia answered,

Clarke looked over to Well who was pretending to not listen, but he looked sad and its broke Clarkes heart. She needed to talk to him.

“Do you want to go?” Clarke looked to Lexa,

“Sure, it’ll be fun.”

Clarke and Lexa quickly changed before heading out with the group, the club was in walking distance, so they didn’t have to worry about driving. When they arrived, they were escorted to the VIP lounge which surprised everyone. The club was packed with people and the music was blaring.

“Wells.” Clarke mad her way over to the boy who opted to sit instead of dancing with the others,

“Hey Clarke.” The boy tried to put on his best smile, but Clarke saw right through it,

“I know it’s not my place and I’m sure Ontari will kill me for even saying anything but I really think you should talk to her.”

“She clearly doesn’t want me to.” Well stared off at the girl dancing with presumably the basketball player,

“What if I said I know she does.”

“What do I say?”

“What do you feel?” Clarke asked,

“Regret, heartache, I shouldn’t have left and I ruined everything.” Well sighed,

“It wasn’t you leaving that broke her Wells and you know that.”

“I thought it was what she needed,”

“You can’t make that choice for her, thinking about the past helps no one. Fix it.”

“What if I can’t?”

“Then at least you tried.” Clarke wrapped her arms around the boy, “I know you Wells; I know you still love her, and I know she still loves you. Work it out or let it go.”

Clarke made her way back over to Lexa who was also sitting instead of dancing and she wasn’t alone. Some tattooed brunette was sitting too clearly flirting with her.

“I think you would look amazing with tattoos.” The brunette smirked, making Clarke want to smack her the way she was looking at _her_ Lexa.

“Hey baby.” Clarke thanked god that she wore the tightest dress she owed tonight as she sat on Lexa’s lap.

“Hey babe.” Lexa smiled, “This is Kat.”

“Hi Kat, come dance with me commander.” Clarke smirked cupping her girlfriends face giving her a quick kiss,

“Ok.” Lexa nodded, “Nice to meet you Kat.”

“You too hun!” Kat smiled before walking off,

Clarke led Lexa to the dance floor grinding up against the girl who was indeed enjoying it. Clarke didn’t want anyone else flirting with her girlfriend not that she blames them. Lexa is hot but she’s taken.

“Someone’s jealous.” Lexa said amusingly in the blonde’s ear, “It’s cute.”

“You would be too.” Clarke replied,

“I’m not the jealous type.” Lexa shrugged,

“Ok.” Clarke smiled, “Then you won’t mind if I ask that girl to dance.” Clarke pointed to a dark-skinned girl in a short skirt a few feet from them.

“Nope.”

Clarke nodded accepting the challenge, she walked over to the girl.

“Hi, do you see that very attractive girl on the dance floor staring this way.” Clarke watched the girl spot Lexa and nod, “That’s my girlfriend.”

“Lucky.” The girl smirked,

“Well she claims she’s not the jealous type and you’re very beautiful, I was wondering if you would be willing to help me prove her wrong.”

“Sounds like fun.” The girl laughed, “I’m Ivy by the way.”

“Clarke.”

“Well Clarke come dance with me.” Ivy took Clarkes hand as they weaved through the crowd stopping at a spot that gave Lexa the perfect view.

Clarke grinded on the girl to the beat as they laughed and joked, Clarke even grabbed the girl’s hands running them all over her body looking right into Lexa’s eyes. The brunette’s face was unreadable, but Clarke knew she had won, it wasn’t until Lexa walked away that she got scared. She thanked Ivy before running after her finding her outside.

“Someone’s jealous, it’s cute.” Clarke mimicked, pinning Lexa against the brink wall

“I will admit I was a little jealous but a little turned on too.” Lexa smiled,

“Glad you enjoyed the show.” Clarke smirked,

“But no one’s allowed to touch your body except me.” Lexa said in full commander voice,

“Sorry commander.” Clarke pretended to pout, “There’s an empty house where I can show you how sorry I am.”

“How can I turn down such a cute face.”

As soon as they got into the house, they were all over each other, clothes were coming off, shoes were flying. They hardly noticed the other couple on the couch kissing.

“Oh my god!” Clarke shrieked, it was Wells and Ontari. They needed to go before they spot them and stop. “Come on.”

When in their room Clarke pushed Lexa against the wall and getting down on her knees. Before she met Lexa, she had never given anyone a blowjob but now it was one of her favorite things. At first it was a challenge fitting all of Lexa in her mouth but now she could easily deepthroat the girl.

She unbuckled the pants and pulled them down revealing the hard on the girls been sporting since they left the club.

“God you’re so big.” Clarke moaned taking the tip into her mouth and slowly bobbing her head taking more,

“You love having me in your mouth baby.” Lexa moaned as she felt the girl hum in agreement, Clarke was the best everything she ever had. Best sex best girlfriend, she lucked out.

Clarke felt a hand snake behind her head pushing her forward until her nose touched the girl’s stomach, she let Lexa use her mouth until she felt the warm release entering her throat. Another feeling she loved.

“Fuck Clarke.”

“I love your taste commander.”

I know you do baby.” Lexa pushed the blonde on the bed who clearly wasn’t expecting it, “But now I have to punish you for letting someone touch your body.”

“Ok commander.” Clarke loved when Lexa was in this mood, her punishments were never really punishment since Clarke loved every moment of it but neither cared.

She watched as Lexa slid up her dress and inserted herself in her wet folds,

“You’re so wet already.”

“Only for you.” Clarke moaned feeling herself being stretched out, “fuck lex,”

“Beg.” Lexa demanded as she stopped her slow thrust,

“Please fuck me baby.”

“Why should I?”

“Because I need you baby please.” Clarke whined,

“Whose body is this?”

“It’s yours baby.”

“That’s right baby, and only I can touch it.” She started her thrust again speeding up after the first couple,

“Yess baby fuck.” Clarke screamed; she wasn’t going to last but she didn’t care. They had all night to finish this.

The next few days were spent on the beach or in the bed as the two simply couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. They were in love and their whole relationship seemed like one big honeymoon phase. Does that mean there aren’t bad times? No, they had their moments but right now it was all good.

Hands down best Spring Break Ever…….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i decided to end this at 30 chapters, i have a sequel planned so you'll get to see college Clarke and Lexa and what their life consists of. 
> 
> the remaining chapters will be out soon i promise! 
> 
> leave me some comments i love reading them <3 <3


	27. Chapter 26: Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiiiiiiii ;)
> 
> all mistakes are min because i suck:)

“What do you think this is about”

“I honestly have no clue.” Lexa answered, it was after school and Abby texted Lexa for her and Anya to come over.

She knew Clarke wasn’t home since she had student council after school, so she didn’t know what was happening. Abby had been nothing but welcoming to the sisters, so she doubted it was something bad.

“Maybe it’s about house rules,” Anya suggested, “Since Raven moved in, I’ve been over a lot.”

A few weeks after Spring break Raven got into a huge fight with her mom, none of them knew details but they knew it was bad. She moved in with the Griffins who gladly took her in.

“They don’t really have house rules Ahn, but I guess that could be it.” Lexa shrugged,

When they pulled up to the house Lexa parked behind the family’s range rover and they made their way to the front door. Lexa knocked not really knowing if she should walk in.

Abby opened the door with her usual smile greeting the girls with hugs,

“You two don’t have to knock, come on in.” Abby moved to the side offering a clear pathway for the girls, “Can I get you something to drink?”

“No thanks Mrs. Griffin.” Anya smiled,

“Anya, please call me Abby.”

“Sorry Abby.”

“I know you guys are wondering why I asked you here and from the looks on your faces you obviously think you’re in trouble.” Abby laughed, seeing the girls visibly relax, “I promise it’s nothing bad, let’s sit.”

They sat in the living room, Lexa and Anya on one couch and Abby across them.

“I don’t know if you girls are aware, but the town hosts a Mother daughter dance yearly sort of as a tradition for Mother’s Day.” Abby started, “It’s always in April since the kids are busy with prom and graduation in May. I know you girls lost your mom and I would never in a million years try to take that role from her. That being said Clarke and Raven are my daughters and they love you girls and I do as well. I was hoping you both would let me be your escort to the dance.”

Lexa and Anya didn’t say anything they were shocked, and they didn’t know what to say to the women.

“I’m so sorry if I overstepped.” Abby said seeing the girls faces, “You don’t have to say yes I completely understand.”

“What about Clarke and Raven?” Anya asked,

“Jakes parents are coming into town and their Gigi is dying to take them and I’m dying to take you two.” Abby smiled,

“You really want to take us?” Lexa asked shyly,

“I do.” Abby nodded, “Only if both of you are comfortable with it, I talked to your father and he was ok with it. But like I said girls please don’t feel any pressure to say yes.”

Lexa looked over to Anya who had a small smile on her face, they both knew what they wanted. They loved their mom and no one in the world could ever take that from them but they also missed having a women figure. They missed having that connection and even if Abby couldn’t fill that spot 100%, they weren’t going to miss out on a chance for her to try.”

“We would love that Abby.” Lexa smiled,

“Really?” Abby smiled,

“Yeah.” Anya nodded,

“Thank you so much girls.” Abby jumped up and pulled both of the girls into a big bear hug. “We’ll have so much fun and don’t worry I’ll be a fun date.”

The girls sat and talked for a while mostly Lexa and Anya asking questions about the dance. Apparently Raven and Clarke had no clue what Abby was planning which made the sentiment mean so much more. The women genuinely did want to take them.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you but what are you doing here?” Clarke asked her girlfriend, it was later in the day and Abby was cooking dinner, so they decided to stay,

“Your mom asked us to come over.” Lexa smiled,

“She asked us to the mother daughter dance.” Anya adds, popping a cherry tomato in her mouth,

“Really?” Clarke smiled; she had no clue her mom was planning to do that,

“She likes us better than you.” Lexa shrugged,

“She never stops talking about you, so I’m not surprised.”

“Girls dinner, Anya maybe you can go wake Raven?” Abby suggested,

“I had no clue she was even here.” Anya replied, “She said she had an appointment.”

“She did, she came home and went straight to sleep.”

“I’ll go get her.” Anya smiled before running upstairs.

A few minutes later a cranky Raven joined them, and they ate, Jake was at the restaurant, so it was a girl’s night. It was nice, there was laughing and joking, and Lexa was happy. She was genuinely happy and even though she’s had 6 months of happiness it still surprised her how happy she could actually be.

* * *

The next day Clarkes grandparent arrived in town and Clarke wanted to introduce everyone. Lexa would be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous. She had never met anyone’s grandparents before, hell she had never met anyone’s parents before Clarke and that seemed to turn out fine. But this was different, grandparents were known to be tough to significant others of their grandchild. What if they hate her? What if they want Clarke to break up with her? What if they are those small, minded people who don’t want their grandchild to be with someone intersex? They have to be at least decent people since they raised Jake, right? He’s one of the nicest people Lexa’s ever met and parents have a huge role on how their kids turn out, so if he’s nice they must be nice…. Right?

“Aren’t you nervous?” Lexa asked Anya, they were meeting everyone at the school where they would apparently be dancing. Lexa has never really slow-danced but she figured it could be that hard.

“No, Raven said their really nice.” Anya shrugged, “Plus you’ve met Jake, he’s a softy.”

“What if they don’t like me?” Lexa asked, “What if… what if they find out I’m intersex and don’t approve.”

Anya stopped in her tracks finally looking over to her sister who genuinely was panicking,

“Lexa calm down.” Anya grabbed the girl’s arms, “They will love you.”

“What if they don’t?”

“Do you really think Clarke needs anyone’s approval to be with you? She loves you.”

“That doesn’t mean I want her family to not like me.” Lexa sighed,

“Look if you want to turn around and go home, we can but I really think everything will be ok.”

Lexa sighed; they were in front of the school 3 feet from the door. She would have to meet them eventually, if they hate her it’s better to get it over with.

“It’s fine, come on.” Lexa opened the doors walking towards the gym, it was filled with other students and their moms, grandparents, parent figures.

She spotted Clarke and Octavia talking to an older couple by the bleachers. She took a deep breathe feeling Anya’s hand in hers which calmed her down a lot.

Clarke spotted them and ran jumping right into Lexa’s arms,

“Hi baby.” The blonde beamed,

“Hey.”

“Lexa you’re shaking.” Clarke said worriedly, she looked into the girl’s eyes and knew something was wrong, “Come on.”

Clarke took the girls hand walking them to the hallway where it was quiet,

“Talk to me babe.” Clarke said gently caressing the girl’s cheek,

“Do your grandparents know I’m intersex?”

“What?”

“I mean...” Lexa sighed, “What if they don’t like me because of it, people are really small, minded Clarke. Especially older people and I don’t want them to hate me.”

The blonde could see this was something her girlfriend was truly worried about and it broke her heart. It broke her heart knowing that she’s probably faced ridicule and hate for just being her. But Clarke would make sure she knew she would never allow anyone to make her feel that way, even her own family.

“Gigi and Pops are older but they’re more open than you might think.” Clarke smiled, “They’re not closed minded and they despise hatful people, they would never make you feel less than because you aren’t Lexa. You’re beautiful and amazing and they know I love you so they’re excited to meet you. And to answer your question no they don’t know you’re intersex and it’s your choice to share that but it’s not necessary to. I’m sorry you’re so nervous, you don’t have to meet them today if you’re not comfortable.”

“No.” Lexa smiled, “I want to I just, I was overthinking it. I just want your family to like me.”

“You’ve charmed my parents; I know you’ll do the same to my grandparents.” She smiled,

“Thank you.” The brunette leaned down giving the girl a quick peck, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

When they re-entered the gym Lexa could see Anya talking to the older man and he seemed to be laughing. God knows What she could be saying but she prayed it was appropriate.

“Gigi, Pops this is Lexa.” Clarke beamed as she introduced her girlfriend, the older women had deep blue eyes just like Clarke and Jake while the older man had their smile,

“Oh Lexa, it’s so good to meet you!” the older women grabbed the girl pulling her into a hug,

“It’s good to meet you too Mr. and Mrs. Griffin.” Lexa smiled pulling out from the hug,

“Please you don’t have to be so formal! I’m Freya and this is Jake Senior.” Freya smiled, “But you can just call us Gigi and Pops.”

“Clarke here just doesn’t shut up about you young lady.” Pops smiled, “I see you got her under some spell.”

“She got me right back.” Lexa laughed, looking over to her girlfriend, “Clarke is amazing, I’m lucky to have her.”

“You should join us for dinner tonight.” Pop suggested, “Anya you too, I have to hear more about this band.”

“What band?” Lexa asked amused,

“Phantom.” Anya smirked, “It’s a new band.”

“Pops loves rock music.” Clarke laughed,

“Yes, and I’m sure he’ll gush about going to a guns and roses concert before we leave.” Freya rolled her eyes,

“It’s a good story.” Pops defended, “If I didn’t have to meet Jake, I would tell it!”

“Later then.” Freya smiled giving her husband a quick kiss before he left, “So I guess I only get one date this year.”

“Octavia’s going with Indra, so I asked Aurora to be my date.” Clarke explained,

“I’m not complaining!” Freya smiled,

“Raven is her favorite.” Clarke commented,

“It’s true.” Raven smirked joining the group, “Gigi!” Raven ran to the women giving her a big hug,

“There’s my girl.”

“Sorry I’m late, I had work.” Raven replied, “I heard I get you all to myself.”

“Lucky you.” Freya winked, “By the way Raven your girlfriend is lovely, I think your pop is in love with her.”

“Did you talk about rock music?” Raven smiled, greeting her girlfriend “he loves his rock music,"

“We did.” Anya nodded hugging the girl,

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here to introduce you.” Raven whispered to the girl,

“It’s ok.”

“Alright ladies, who’s ready to dance?” Abby beamed; she was one of the parents helping set up so she had been running around most of the day.

Since Abby was taking both Lexa and Anya, they took turns dancing with the women, even dancing together at one point. After a few rounds of practice Lexa let Anya have her turn while she watched.

“Lexa would you like to dance?” she turned to see Freya,

“Sure.” Lexa smiled walking onto the floor with the women,

“So, Raven told me a bit about your mother, and I wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss. I know this is hard for both of your girls and I hope my two girls are there for you.” She said referring to Clarke and Raven.

“They are.” Lexa smiled, “Clarke has helped me more than I can explain.” Lexa looked over to the blonde who was laughing with Octavia’s mother.

“I can see that you helped her too.” Freya smiled, “I don’t get to see Clarke much but seeing her today so happy is something I haven’t seen in a long time. I’m sure you have a lot to do with that.”

“I try and make her as happy as I can, she deserves it. But she’s also working really hard on her own to find happiness so I can’t take all the credit.”

“So, then you know of her depression?”

“I do.” Lexa nodded,

“I’m glad you two have each other then.” Freya smiled, “After Clarkes incident I was scared to death of what could happen next, but now she’s hopeful and that makes me hopeful."

This was the second time over the last few months that Lexa had heard someone mention this ‘incident’ of Clarkes. She had no clue what they were talking about and she wasn’t going to ask Clarke. This was something Clarke should tell her on her own time, and she was going to let her. Until then she would continue to be there for her.

“Raven says you moved here with your father; you must ask him to join us for dinner.”

“I’m sure he would love that.” Lexa smiled snapping out of her thoughts,

“Great, well it looks like it’s your turn.” Freya pointed to Abby who was waiting for her dance,

* * *

Later that night the group gathered at the Ark for dinner, Jake closed for the night so the group could have some privacy. The group included Abby, Jake, Freya Jake SR., Clarke, Lexa, Anya, Gustus, Raven, Octavia, Aurora, Bellamy, Echo, Lincoln, Nyko, Indra, Murphy and Emori.

This was Clarkes family; it wasn’t made up of lots of cousins and aunts and uncles it was these people. The people she grew up with and had the most amazing memories with and now she had an amazing girlfriend to add to that. She was content for the first time ever and she prayed that it would last. She prayed she could make it last but there was always the thought in the back of her mind that it wouldn’t.

“Hey.” Lexa whispered to the blonde, they were at dinner and Clarke had zoned out. “Everything ok?”

“Everything is perfect.” Clarke smiled, “Beyond perfect.”

“Gustus I have to tell you; your girls are just the sweetest.” Freya said to the man,

“I know this one is but are you sure about that one?” He joked pointing to Anya,

“Oh, she’s an angel.”

“I’ve never heard those words to describe Anya before.” Lexa added, she loved joking with her sister. Her sister loves to put on this grungy grumpy facade, but she really was just a nice person.

Dinner went on and Freya had taken a liking to Lexa, mostly talking to her throughout the night. Clarke admired their instant bond and let them chat not wanting to interrupt. When they were leaving Clarke could see the two still talking and laughing so she joined.

“Hey Lex, did Gigi tell you she’s an editor?” Clarke said, taking her spot next to the girl.

“Really?”

“I used to be yes.”

“Now she owns a publishing company back in New York.” Clarke added, she knew Lexa didn’t write anymore and she didn’t want to push but she figured it would be something for them to talk about.

“That’s amazing.” Lexa smiled, “Have I read anything you’ve published?”

“Probably, we have a couple big names. Have you ever heard of Gabriel Santiago?”

“I have! I loved his debut novel.” Lexa said excitedly, “That was you?”

“My company published it, but all the credit goes to Gabriel. He’s an amazing mind. Do you write or just a literature fan?”

Clarke could see Lexa tensing up at the question, maybe brining up the publishing company wasn’t the best idea.

“Lexa and her mom shared writing together, so she has a love for literature.” Clarke smiled, squeezing the girl’s hand,

“Well I personally think we all should love literature.” Freya added, “Maybe one day I’ll be lucky enough to read something by you.”

“Maybe.” Lexa nodded; she had no plans to start writing anytime soon

“We’re leaving the day after the dance, but I would love to spend more time with you Lexa.” Freya smiled, “With all of my girls.”

“I would like that.”

“Good, we’ll discuss it tomorrow after the dance.” Freya hugged the two girls before walking to the car where Abby and Jake were waiting.

“See, she adores you.” Clarke nudged the girl,

“She’s really nice, I guess I worried for nothing.”

“Anya’s sleeping over with Raven, maybe you want to have a sleepover too.?” Clarke smirked,

“My dad agreed to that?” Lexa said quirking her brow,

“After Raven promised they would sleep downstairs in the open living room and got reassurance from my parents that there will be no funny business.” Clarke laughed,

“Sounds like him, I would love to have a sleep over with you beautiful.” Lexa smiled kissing the blonde,

* * *

_A few hours later…..._

“When you said sleepover, this is not what I thought you meant?” Anya groaned, they were all four currently cuddled together downstairs with face masks, while Raven decided on a movie.

“What did you expect?” Clarke smirked,

“Sex no doubt.” Raven added,

“Not sex, but also not face masks and braiding each other’s hair.” Anya complained,

“I think your braids look nice.” Lexa smiled,

“Not the point.”

“And you’ll wake up with a nice smooth face.” Clarke added,

“You guys are impossible.” Anya groaned,

“Ok, how about Nightmare on Elm street?” Raven suggested, no one had any complaints, so she turned it on.

Halfway through the movie Clarke could feel Lexa pressing up against her butt. It wasn’t the first time this happened when they were laying down, but it was the first time it happened around others. Not that they could see, they had a huge fluffy cover over them but still.

The blonde turned around seeing the apologetic look on the brunette’s face,

“I’m sorry but you were pressing against me and it doesn’t help that you’re wearing a sleep dress you're practically naked.” Lexa whispered to the girl,

“It wasn’t intentional I just love being close to you.” Clarke knew exactly what she was doing,

“You’re so evil.” Lexa groaned, feeling the blonde hand snake down her pajama pants, “Clarke, Raven and Anya are right there.” Granted they were half sleep, but they were still there.

“So, don’t make any noise.” Clarke smiled, stroking the girls hardening length,

She turned back around so that she was watching the movie, but her hand was still pleasuring her girlfriend. She could hear Lexa’s quiet pants against her neck, and she had to admit this was really hot. Knowing they could get caught any minute did something to her.

She wanted to drag this out, she wanted to have Lexa panting against her as long as she could.

“Clarke.” The brunette moaned quietly, “I’m going to cum.”

Clarke reached over to the table grabbing a napkin,

“Cum for me baby.” Clarke mumbled against her neck stroking the girl faster, she could feel her tensing up. Lexa was very vocal; it was one of things Clarke loved about having sex with her, so she knew being quiet was torture for her.

“I shouldn’t have started this because now I really want to you inside of me.” Clarke murmured still stroking, they had a rule. No sex while their parents where home, they were way too loud, and they didn’t need that talk from them.

“I know you’re dripping just thinking about.” Lexa murmured back, gently running her fingers over the girl’s panties,

“No fair.” Clarke pouted,

“You started this.”

“And I want to finish it, so cum for me commander.” Clarke smirked, she sped up her strokes leaving the brunette gasping, she grabbed the napkin catching the girls’ release. “That was so hot baby.”

“I wanna return the favor.”

“Tomorrow.” Clarke kissed the girl, getting up to throw the napkin away before returning to her spot. They cuddled together and finished the movie before joining the other couple in going to sleep.

* * *

The next day Clarke, Raven and Octavia were getting ready for the dance in Clarkes room. It wasn’t super formal they were saving the good expensive dresses for Prom next month.

“So how excited is Rory to have me as a date?” Clarke joked; Rory was basically her third parent she’s known the women her whole life.

“She’s excited, you are her favorite like Raven is Gigi’s favorite.” O said rolling her eyes, “Why am I no one’s favorite?”

“Because you’re a daddy’s girl, you’re Jakes favorite.” Raven replied,

“So true, I love my Jake.”

“And Indra adores you.” Clarke added,

“True.” Octavia smiled, “I guess I am someone’s favorite.”

Clarke got up to walk to her closet for her dress, it wasn’t anything special just a long blue lace dress she already owned.

“Why are you limping?” Raven asked the blonde,

She was hoping it wasn’t noticeable, but she was in fact having a hard time walking all thanks to Lexa. The girl had indeed returned the favor this morning before leaving to go home. Abby and Jake had left to finish setting up and Anya and Raven were still sleep so the couple took advantage of it.

Long story short they had very hot steamy shower sex which left Clarke barley able to walk afterwards.

“I uh-.” She had no clue what to say, “Me and Lexa were having sex and it was very-.” Clarke smiled reminiscing her shower escapades with her girlfriend,

“Rough?” Raven smirked,

“And amazing.” Clarke added, “But I’m kinda sore.”

“Well damn Lexa, I didn’t peg her for the rough type she seems really into sentimental sex.” Octavia replied,

“She calls her commander for gods sakes, that screams rough sex.” Raven adds,

“Trust me guys she can do it all.” Clarke smiled happily,

“Good for you.” Octavia smirked, “I never thought I’d see the day we would all be in happy relationships together.”

“It’s a miracle.”

“One we deserve.” Clarke smiled,

Once all the girls were ready, they waited for their dates to arrive since all the adults seem to have disappeared today.

Eventually they heard a knock on the door which they assumed was one of them, but it was Lexa and Anya. Lexa was dressed in all black looking amazing with her hair down like Clarke loves it. And Anya had a black dress on with her hair pulled up, it wasn’t super formal, but it was very Anya.

“Wow, you two look so hot!” Clarke exclaimed, letting the sisters in.

“You too blondie.” Anya winked before walking off to find Raven,

“You look beautiful as always baby.” Lexa leaned down giving the girl a chaste kissed,

“Thank you.”

“Where’s my compliment?” Octavia smirked, joining the girls in the foyer,

“Octavia you look amazing.” Lexa replied,

“Aw, thanks Lex!”

“Where’s everyone?” Lexa asked,

“We have no clue, my mom said she would be back at 6.” Clarke shrugged.

Just as Lexa was about to reply they heard beeping outside,

“Must be them.” Octavia said walking towards the door opening, “Oh hell yes!”

“What?” Clarke asked walking to the door revealing a white stretch limo in front of her house.

“Wow.” Lexa mumbled from behind them,

They all just stood there kind of shocked, they weren’t expecting this at all, but they weren’t opposed either. A few seconds later Jake who was dressed in regular clothes but had a chauffer’s hat on.

“Well ladies are you just going to stand there?” He gestured for them to get in,

They all walked over to the limo getting in where their respective dates were waiting.

“Mom did you do this?” Clarke asked the older blonde,

“It was all Freya.” She smiled,

“I don’t get to see you guys often I figured we might as well make it an event.” Freya shrugged; this limo had to be expensive, but Clarke knew the older women didn’t care.

“Thanks Gigi this is amazing.” Octavia cheered taking her spot next to Indra,

“Anything for my girls.” Freya smiled,

* * *

When they arrived at the dance Jake took pictures of everyone, Freya wanted one with all the girls including Lexa and Anya. And Abby of course had to have a hundred picture with her two dates. Clarke and Lexa also snuck a few pics before they went inside.

The dance was at a venue and decorated to perfection thanks to Abby no doubt who was a perfectionist.

Clarke went to dance with Rory who always kept a smile on her face, she kept her eye on Lexa just in case she got uncomfortable. She knew this was probably hard for the girl no doubt wishing she was here with her own mom.

“She won’t disappear hun.” Aurora joked,

“I know I just want to make sure she’s ok.”

“I love seeing you in love.” Aurora smiled, “It’s refreshing.”

“When are you going to fall in love Rory?” Clarke asked turning her attention back to the women who looked like a deer in headlights.

“Maybe never.” The women shrugged, the divorce with Bellamy and Octavia’s father was hard on all of them but especially Aurora.

“I know someone who might be interested.” Clarke smiled; she had the perfect person in mind she just didn’t know how others would feel about it.

“Clarke, I don’t need you to set me up.”

“You don’t even know who I was going to suggest.” Clarke whined,

“Either way, if I want to date, I’ll find one on my own.” Aurora said with her lawyer voice on and Clarke knew she was serious.

“Fine.” Clarke pouted,

“Now back to you, why are you walking so weird?” Aurora asked seriously,

“Yeah Clarke are you ok?” Raven who was dancing next to them asked smirking at the blonde,

“I uh went running yesterday and I’m just really out of shape.” Clarke said hoping that was believable, the last thing she needed was for her family to know she was sore from sex. Very good, amazing mind-blowing sex.

“Right.” Aurora smirked,

“Ugh.”

* * *

Lexa would admit the thought of coming here did make her nervous, it made her wonder if her mom would mind. If her mom would be hurt by her daughters sharing this intimate moment with someone who isn’t their mother. But that’s not the kind of person her mom was. She would be thankful to Abby for asking them and bringing them here.

She was even surprised how comfortable Anya was with Abby the pair dancing and laughing which made her smile. She loved seeing her sister smile.

“Excuse me, but I was dancing over there, and I couldn’t help but notice how gorgeous you were. I was hoping you would dance with me?"

Lexa turned around to see Clarke with a huge grin on her face,

“My girlfriend wouldn’t like that.” Lexa smiled, “She’s the jealous type.”

“Well I’ll gladly fight her if you want.” Clarke laughed, “And I’d win.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Lexa held out her hand for the blonde to take.

“You should know everyone’s making fun of my walk.”

“I asked you if we were going to hard.” Lexa murmured,

“It felt too good to slow down.” Clarke shrugged, “Worth the backache.”

“Glad I could satisfy.” Lexa smirked,

“I hope my mom is being a gentle woman.”

“She is.” Lexa nodded, “Thank you for letting her take us.”

“You don’t need to thank me Lexa, she wanted to do this. She really cares about you guys.”

“I know, I just- this is new for me and Anya too, we haven’t had this kind of motherly attention in 3 years.”

“I know, and If it’s not something you want or if your uncomfortable, I will talk to my mom about it.”

“No.” Lexa said quickly, “I mean it’s nice.”

Clarke nodded,

“I want to ask you something, but I don’t really know how you’ll react.” Clarke mumbled against the girl’s chest.

“You can ask me anything Clarke.”

“How would you feel if your dad started dating?”

The question completely caught the brunette off guard, she assumed the question would be about them not her father.

“I uh- erm.” Lexa had no clue what to say, she never imagined seeing him with anyone other than her mom. That being said she wasn’t selfish enough to stop her dad from dating. He deserved to be happy too, but she also didn’t know how she would feel seeing that. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, when I was dancing with Rory it reminded me how she hasn’t dated since O’s dad left. I want to set her up and your dad is the only person I would even trust enough to go out with her. He’s an incredible guy and she deserves someone like that.”

Wow, Lexa thought.

“You want to set him up with Octavia’s mom?” Lexa asked just to be clear that’s what was happening,

“Only if you and Anya are ok with it, and of course if your dad is even interesting.” Clarke replied trying to read the girls face,

“I- can I think about it?”

“Of course, Lexa, it was just a suggestion. I would never rush your dad or you guys into anything.” Clarke smiled,

“Sorry to interrupt ladies.” Anya said from behind them, “I was wondering if you wanted to dance.”

“Sure.” Lexa replied,

“Not you, Clarke.”

“Really?” Clarke smiled,

“Yeah plus it’s your turn to dance with Abby Lex.” Lexa nodded looking between the two girls, “Don’t look so surprised Clarke.” Anya rolled her eyes dragging the girl onto the dance floor,

“I’m not I just-.” Clarke searched for the word, “Huh, I guess I am surprised.”

“I can’t dance with my sister’s girl without it being suspicious?”

“I never said it was suspicious.” Clarke smiled, “And I really wouldn’t call this dancing, we’re more… swaying.”

“Whatever, we’re friends too. You’re not just dating my sister.”

“I know.”

“So, it shouldn’t be weird that we’re swaying together.”

“Ok, it’s not weird.” Clarke laughed, “But I feel like you want to talk about something.”

“It’s Raven.” Anya replied,

“Is she ok?” Clarke stopped dancing to look around, seeing the girl dancing with Gigi full of smiles.

“It’s about her mom.” Anya said nervously, “Do you know what happened?”

Clarke looked at her for a second not sure what to do, of course she knew but it wasn’t her place at all. Not with this.

“Anya, Raven is basically my sister I can’t break her trust.” Clarke watched the girl sigh, “That being said if there’s one thing you need to know about Evelyn, it’s that she’s a cold-hearted bitch who doesn’t care about her daughter. She repeatedly chooses men over her child and thinks money solves every problem. Her and Raven have never been close, and she doesn’t deserve to know how amazing her daughter is anyways. Raven has been through a lot and unfortunately that’s caused her to build some pretty strong walls.”

“Not strong enough to keep you out it seems.” Anya commented causing Clarke to laugh,

“Anya I’ve known Raven most of my life, I know her better than myself sometimes. She couldn’t keep me out if she tried.”

“I know, I’m sorry it’s just frustrating because I want to help but she won’t let me.” Anya huffed,

“Don’t give up on her.” Clarke grabbed the girl’s hand, “I know it may seem like you’re not helping her, but this is the happiest she’s ever been. But if this is too much for then you should go.”

“What?” Anya semi yelled, “It’s not I just, I just want to make sure I’m doing everything I can for her and right now it feels like I’m doing nothing.”

“She needs you and sometimes that might just mean holding her and other times that may mean listening. Just promise me you wont give up on her.”

“I won’t Clarke.”

“Try and talk to her later, I know it may not seem like it, but she does wish she had a mom to bring to these things. My family is her family always, but I know she wished she had someone who as just hers.”

“I’ll talk to her.” Anya nodded,

“Good now go ask her to dance I’ll distract Gigi.” Clarke laughed walking over to the couple as Raven was showing Freya some dance move, she didn’t need to learn, “Gigi I would like to at least have one dance with you tonight.”

“Of course, Clarke.” Freya beamed, “Are you having a good time tonight?”

“I am.”

“We haven’t really had a minute to talk alone, how have you been?” Freya asked, “You mom tells me therapy is going well.”

“It is, it’s helped me a lot. I feel like a new person honestly.” Clarke replies, “I know that sounds dumb.”

“It doesn’t sound dumb at all sweetie. I’m just happy you’re happy, maybe you can come visit me this summer in New York while you and Octavia are on your road trip.”

Oh no, Clarke thought. She totally forgot about the road trip, granted Octavia hasn’t brought it up in a while and this was preplanned for almost a year. They were set to travel the summer before senior year, Raven refused to be in a car that long, so it was just the two of them. But now she has Lexa, and she doesn’t know if she wants to leave for that long without seeing her.

“You forgot didn’t you.” Freya laughed,

“So not funny, O’s going to be pissed.” Clarke sighed,

“Do you not want to go?”

“I do I just, it’s 3 months away from Lexa.” Clarke frowned, “Not to sound clingy.”

“It’s not clingy at all, perhaps you can condense it to two months that way you’ll have a month break to spend together.”

“That sounds reasonable.” Clarke thought, she just hoped Octavia would be fine with it.

Before Freya could say anything else another person walked up and joined them and to Clarkes surprise it was Luna.

“Hi Clarke.” The girl smiled,

“Hey Lu.” This is isn’t awkward at all,

“It’s good to see you again Gigi.” The girl beamed,

“Oh, please dear call me Mrs. Griffin.” The older women smiled, and it took everything for Clarke to hold her laugh in. Gigi never liked Luna much granted they only met once and Clarke lied and told her that Gigi loved her. “How have you been.”

“Good.”

“That’s great I didn’t realize you and Clarke were still friends?” Freya motioned between the two and Clarke wanted a hole to crawl in immediately,

“Gigi, we’re friendly,” Clarke tried to give her grandmother a look which she ignored,

“You must know Lexa?” Freya asked, “I’m sure you’ve met at school.”

“I uh- we haven’t really met officially but I’m sure she’s great.” Clarke could tell Luna regretted coming over here,

“I think she’s just lovely,” Freya beamed, “Oh look she’s walking by Lexa!” Freya yelled calling the girl over.

‘Oh no Gigi.” Clarke thought mentally preparing herself for what could come out of the women’s mouth next

Lexa smiled looking around seeing not only Clarke and her grandmother but Luna as well, which was… strange.

“Lexa dear you look just fabulous tonight.” Freya grinned at the girl,

“Thanks Gigi, you look beautiful as well.” Lexa smiled; she noticed the frown on Luna’s face. “Am I Interrupting?”

“Nonsense! You’re Clarkes girlfriend, you could never interrupt. In fact, I was hoping you could dance with Clarke my feet are just not what they used to be.” Freya winked before walking off,

Clarke turned around hoping to apologize to Luna, but the girl was gone,

“What was that?” Lexa asked the blonde,

“That was my 60-year-old grandmother being petty.” Clarke rolled her eyes, the look on Lexa’s face told her she needed to explain, “She doesn’t like Luna, she never really did so when she came over I assume she wanted to make her jealous by flaunting you in her face.”

“Why didn’t she like her?”

“She said Luna wasn’t a good fit for me, back then I didn’t see it but now I know she was right.” Clarke smiled,

“Am I right for you?”

“Being with you is the rightest thing I’ve ever felt.”

“Me too.” she smiled, “One last dance?” Lexa asked,

“I’d love to.”

When the dance was over everyone went back to the griffin residence for dinner which Jake and his dad prepared for them. It was amazing and it was the last night Gigi and Pops would be there, so they enjoyed it. Pops bonded with Lexa and Anya telling them stories of all the concerts he went to in the 80’s which was surprisingly a lot.

Gigi even got Lexa to talk about writing, which is something she never really does, but it felt nice talking to someone who appreciated literature as much as her mom did. She even considered writing again, but she still had to think about it.

When they night was over Clarke walked Lexa to her car while Anya and Raven said goodbye inside.

“I have a surprise for you tomorrow.” Clarke said, “Not just you, Anya and Gus too. Don’t ask me any questions just be ready at noon.”

“No questions at all?” Lexa pouted,

“Nope, just trust me.” Clarke smiled,

“Fine, we’ll be ready.”

“Thank you.” Clarke wrapped her arms around the brunette’s neck bringing her into her lips, “Love you commander.”

“I love you too Princess.”

* * *

The next day Lexa and her family were ready at noon like she promised, and she still had no clue what was going on. She tried to interrogate Anya, but she didn’t know anything either. Gustus was the only one who seemed to not be suspicious about anything which maybe Lexa wonder if she knew. But after an extensive investigation she concluded that he didn’t know anything either.

At 12 on the dot Clarkes blue jeep pulled into the driveway beeping for the trio to join. Raven was also in the car which added more questions.

“Can someone tell us what’s going on?” Anya asked from the back seat,

“Nope.” Raven smiled, “You’ll see soon.”

The drive was mostly silent expect for the occasional complain from Anya and Lexa who wanted to know where they were going. They pretty much drive past everything and were in the next town over before Lexa had an inkling of where they could be headed. When she saw the tree’s, her suspicions were right.

They were in Sanctum at the dedication garden, the one Clarke took her to on homecoming night. She had no clue why they were here now though.

Clarke found a parking spot and ushered everyone out of the car,

“Ok, I know everyone’s wondering why I brought you here. This is Sanctum, it’s a dedication garden where you can plant a tree for someone you love.” Clarke explained, “Lexa told me her mom was buried in Seattle with her parents so me and Raven thought it would be nice to have a place for her here as well.” Clarke motioned for them to follow, she stopped at a newly dug up spot with a small tree in the middle.

“It’ll grow to be as big as the others.” Raven added then shook her head, “Obviously you know that.”

The two girls watched as the trio stood over the tree examining it and the stone wit their mother/wife’s name on it.

“You can have the stone redone if you don’t like it.” Clarke added quickly, “Or have it removed if you don’t want it here, I’m so sorry for not talking to you about it first.”

“Clarke.” Gustus interrupted, “This is amazing, thank you so much for doing this for us. You too Raven.” The man said pulling the girls into a hug,

“You two are ok with it?” Clarke asked the sisters,

“I love it baby.” Lexa smiled warmly,

“It’s nice, thanks Clarke.” Anya smiled, “Thanks babe.”

“It’s a Mother’s Day present.”

“She would’ve loved it.” Anya mumbles staring at the tree.

“She would’ve.” Lexa agreed,

Clarke and Raven gave them a moment opting to go look at the other tree’s including the one her and Octavia planted as kids.

“I still can’t believe you guys planted this.” Raven laughed,

“We were kids, it was for all of us.” Clarke nudged the girl, “How have you been?”

“Fine,” Raven replied, she knew what the girl was referring to, “I’m just glad to be out of her house.”

“You never have to go back there Raven.” Clarke squeezed the girl hand,

“I know.” The girl nodded, “I’m so glad I met you.”

“I’m glad I met you too Rea.” Clarke hugged the girl,

“I think I’m going to tell Anya the full story with my mom.”

“Really?” Clarke was surprised,

“I love her, and I know she’s trying to understand, and I want to talk to her.”

“She loves you too, I’m proud of you for taking this step.” Clarke smiled, “She’s looking over here maybe now would be a good time to talk.”

“Thank you, Clarke.” Raven smiled, “For being here, always.”

“This is forever Reyes; you couldn’t get away from me if you tried.”

“I’ll never try.” Raven winked before walking over to Anya, Clarke walked over to the rocks standing on the edge.

It gave her déjà vu standing so high up like this, but it also gave her a chance to appreciate how much has changed since then. She no longer this sad shell of a person who couldn’t except that she needed help. She wasn’t as angry anymore and she didn’t have medicine that made her feel worse. She was stronger.

“Hey are you ok?” Lexa walked side the blonde ripping her from her thoughts,

“Do you remember the night after you got drunk, I took you to the diner and explained why I hadn’t been at school?” Clarke turned to her girlfriend,

“Of course.” Lexa nodded,

“Well I mentioned that a couple months before that I sort had a mental break.” Clarke paused, “I want to tell you about it and I wanted to that day but- I just didn’t want you to judge me.”

“We don’t judge each other Clarke.” She took the blondes hand, “You can always tell me anything and I’ll still be right here.”

Clarke took a deep breathe before sitting on the edge of the rocks,

“When I was first diagnosed with depression, they gave me a prescription that I took daily. Instantly it was like I felt worse, everything just felt wrong and it was hard articulating what I felt so I just kept taking them like my parents and the doctors wanted. After a month or two it got to the point where I couldn’t even function, I was so frantic, my thoughts were scattered, and I was pain but not physical pain… I can’t explain it not even now I just know I needed it to stop.”

Lexa squeezed the girl’s hand,

“So, I did the only thing I thought would make it stop, I drove to the top of the rocks near Skai beach and I was gonna jump.” Clarke could feel Lexa tensing up beside her, “I wanted to so bad because if I was dead then it would be over, but I got there and I just stood. I don’t know how much time passed but eventually my mom showed up and stopped me. I left behind letters for everyone I love, and she found them then found me.” Clarke didn’t even realize she had tears running down her cheeks until she felt Lexa wiping them away.

“I know now that wasn’t my only option, but it felt like it was back then. And I never knew why I couldn’t step off that cliff until I met you and I realized I couldn’t because I wanted to live. I wanted to be ok and I wanted to know if there was a possibility where I could be happy. Now I know what I would’ve missed, I would’ve missed you, I would’ve meeting you and falling in love with you and our future together which I know we’ll have. I would’ve missed out on so much and I would’ve never known there is a future where I’m ok and happy.” Clarke smiled looking at a crying Lexa, “So damn happy, so now writing those letters and driving to that cliff is my biggest regret and i just want you to know i'm so happy i didn't follow through and i'm so happy i'm here with you now." 

“I love you.” It’s all Lexa could get out and she hoped it was enough, she hoped it told Clarke all she needed to know. That she was happy she didn’t jump that she didn’t know what her life here would be like without her.

Clarke wiped the girl’s tears bringing her in for a kiss,

“Promise me something.” Lexa whispered on the girl’s lips as their foreheads pressed together,

“Anything.”

“Promise me this is forever.”

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you guys think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	28. Chapter 27: Perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter chapter today, sorry in advance but it was too much fluff i needed dramaaaaa! plus i needed to plant some plot lines for the sequel:)
> 
> all mistakes are mine because i suck:)

Graduation was in a month and all though it was only Clarke’s junior year she was apart of student council which meant she had to help with the ceremony. She planned to be there anyways for Anya and some other seniors she knew so she didn’t mind helping.

Organizing events was kind of her superpower but this time she wasn’t in charge, the most she had to do was create the flyers which she decided to hand draw. She figured she could make them different from the usual boring monotone ones they usually had. So, after school she decided to stay in the art room for an extra hour so she could finish the design. She could always work at home, but Raven and Anya would be there, and she liked working in the quiet.

An hour into her drawing she heard a faint arguing in the hallway, school had been over for at least an hour and usually everyone was gone by now. Clarke put away her supplies before walking into the hallways to check it out. To her surprise it was Luna, she was on the phone with someone and she didn’t sound very happy. Clarke watched for a second before the girl hung up and noticed the blonde.

“Hey.” Clarke smiled,

“I didn’t know anyone was here.” Luna sighed running her fingers through her long curls,

“Me either.” Clarke said walking over to the girl, “I’m glad I seen you I wanted to apologize for Gigi the other night.”

“It’s fine Clarke, I knew she didn’t like me.” The girl laughed,

“Are you ok?”

Luna sighed, sliding down the lockers to sit on the ground Clarke joining her.

“My mom.” That was enough for Clarke to understand, the whole time she dated the girl she saw firsthand how hard her mom was on her. She half expects the girl to be perfect and blatantly told her one day that she wished Clarke was her daughter instead. “She’s driving me crazy, but what’s new?”

“I’m sorry Lu.” Clarke squeezed the girl’s hand, Luna resting her head on the blonde’s shoulder. “What been going on?”

“It’s nothing Clarke.”

“You can talk to me.”

“Can i?” Luna asked seriously, “We’re not dating and we’re not friends so I don’t see how I can talk to you?”

“I know but I-.” Clarke paused trying to figure out what to say, she was right they weren’t anything to each other so could they still confide in each other?

“I should get back to practice.”

“Luna wait.” Clarke reached for her hand to stop her, “We may not be together but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”

“Shouldn’t you go be with Lexa somewhere.”

“Don’t do that.” Clarke sighed, “Don’t push me away, just tell me what’s going on.”

“You want to know Clarke?” the girl yelled, “Fine! My mom thinks I’m the biggest disappointment that’s ever lived but you know that! She wants me to have perfect grades and the perfect soccer record. The only time she was happy was when I had the perfect girlfriend, but I fucked that up to and she doesn’t hesitate to remind me like I don’t have to live with it every day!”

Clarke sighed, of course this was about her. They haven’t been together in over 7 months.

“And I take responsibility for that, I messed up not you. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt seeing you with her, seeing you happy with her. Your Gigi liking her and hating me.”

“Luna this is so off base.”

“It’s not Clarke, you asked what’s wrong and I’m telling you.” The girl walked closer to the blonde, “Everything is wrong.”

“I wanted you to be happy too, I’m not trying to rub it in your face.”

“I know you’re not.” The girl sighed, “Of course I know that.”

“I’m sorry things aren’t better with your mom.” Clarke said trying to stir the conversation away from her, “I know it doesn’t matter what I think but I think you’re doing amazing. The soccer team is undefeated and if it wasn’t for you, I would’ve failed 10th grade math, so I know your grades are great too.” Clarke smiled, “As for the perfect girlfriend that was never me, I’m not perfect and our relationship wasn’t either and that’s ok. We just weren’t right for each other, but you will find someone who is right for you.”

“And Lexa’s right for you?”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile as she thought of her girlfriend,

“I almost think she was made for me.” Clarke smiled,

“So, then I never stood a chance.”

“You had a chance.” Clarke corrected, “Not all relationships are meant to last forever.”

“I should go.” Luna whispered, tucking some the loose blonde hair behind Clarke’s ear, they were closer than they needed to be, but Clarke thought nothing of it. She genuinely wanted to help the girl or offer up some sort of advice,

Before she could say anything, the brunette was wrapping her arms around the blonde,

“I hope this one lasts for you.” She whispered, “I like seeing you happy, even if it hurts like hell.”

“I want to see you happy too.” Clarke sighed into the hug,

“Maybe one day when hell freezes over.” She smiled,

“You can only be happy if you choose to be.”

“Thanks Clarke.”

As she was heading back into the art room, she got a text from Lexa saying she was outside. She happily packed her things before practically running to parking lot where she was waiting.

“Sorry if I took long.” Clarke leaned over the seat kissing the girl,

“It’s fine.” Lexa answered starting the car not giving Clarke a second glance,

They were fine a few hours ago before Lexa left early for her doctors appointment, so she didn’t understand why the girl was acting… cold.

“How was group?” Clarke asked, maybe that’s why she seems to be in a bad mood.

“Fine.”

“ok.” Clarke mumbled, “Have you talked to your dad? Is he excited for his date this weekend?” After they left Sanctum last week Lexa asked Clarke to set up a date with Aurora. She didn’t know the context of the conversation but apparently, she and Anya were ok with him dating so he decided to give it a shot.

“I don’t know Clarke we haven’t talked about it.”

Ok something was up, and she needed to know what so when they pulled into the driveway Clarke grabbed the keys out of the ignition and locked the doors.

“What’s wrong with you?” Clarke asked,

“Nothing Clarke, give me my keys.” Lexa said completely serious but also annoyed,

“No, not until you tell me what’s going on. You were fine at school and now you’re acting like this.”

Lexa didn’t reply she just looked straight forward with her arms crossed as if this was the most boring conversation she’s ever had.

“If it’s about your dad I can talk to Aurora about canceling.” Clarke said softly,

“I don’t care about the fucking date!” Lexa yelled,

“Fine!” Clarke yelled before getting out and slamming her door,

“Really Clarke?” Lexa got out following the girl, “You’re the one who’s cuddling with your ex after school and now you’re mad at me?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Clarke couldn’t even believe what she was hearing, 1st she wasn’t ‘cuddling’ with anyone and 2nd why is she making it a fucking mystery, if she saw them talking she should’ve just said that.

“No Clarke I’m not.”

“I gave her a fucking hug, how about you ask me to explain before you make assumptions!”

“I don’t want an explanation I want my fucking keys!” Lexa held out her hand, and Clarke just stared at her. Were they really fighting over this?

“Fine.” Clarke said as calm as she could, she handed the girl her keys before running into her house hoping Lexa didn’t see her tears.

Her and Lexa had only ever had a couple of fights and each time she hated it, fighting with Lexa was heartbreaking. Especially when they’ve been doing so good.

If she knew talking to Luna would do this much damage, she would’ve stayed in the damn art room.

* * *

Lexa drove home in silence ignoring the tears rolling down her cheeks and focusing on the road. She had to focus on the road because if she thought about anything else, she would breakdown and that wasn’t an option.

It wasn’t an option to think about the fight she picked with Clarke or the news she got today that could affect their future together. She just had to focus on the road.

When she got home, she stripped into her boxers and t-shirt before burying herself in blankets. All she wanted was to lay here and forget everything but as soon as she heard the door slam downstairs, she knew that wasn’t going to happen.

“Are you ok?” Anya busted through the door a little out of breathe,

“I’m fine Anya.”

“Clarke was crying when she came in the house and she wouldn’t say what happened.” Anya sighed, “I came to see if you were ok.”

“Like I said I’m fine.” She wasn’t fine, knowing that Clarke is crying because of her stupidity makes her feel worse,

“Did something happen at the docto-“

“God dammit Anya!” Lexa yelled, “I said I’m fine get out!”

“I see we’re back to the Lexa who pushed people away at the slightest sign of hardship.” The girl rolled her eyes,

“I guess so.” Lexa mumbled hearing her door close.

**Life sucks……**

When she opened her eyes, everything was dark she checked her phone seeing it was a couple hours later. She also noticed she had no texts or calls from Clarke which she didn’t know what she expected after the way she acted. It wouldn’t surprise her if the blonde broke up with her, god knows she deserves it.

“Lexa.” She could hear her dad knocking on her door, part of her wanted to fake sleep but maybe she needed this.

“Come in.”

She heard the door open and the bed shift a little when the man sat down,

“You should eat.” Gustus sighed,

“I’m not hungry.” She mumbled,

“What’s going on?” “Is this about what the doctor said?”

“yes.”

“Lexa, he gave you options, this isn’t set in stone.”

“But what if none off the options work and she-.” Lexa pauses feeling her voice crack,

“Oh Lex, I know you love Clarke and If you two have a future together she will understand.”

“What if she doesn’t?” Lexa sighed wiping her tears, “What if I’m not enough and she leaves?”

“Do you really think that little of Clarke?” Gustus asked,

“I don’t know.” The girl huffed,

“I think you do know and trying to push everyone away has never solved any problem for you Lexa.” Gustus said, “You get your stubbornness from me but your compassion and love, that’s all your mom.”

“what do you think she would say right now?”

“Maybe, stop being an idiot and go talk to Clarke instead of avoiding her.” He smiled,

“That sounds like her.” She laughed,

“I wish she was here to give you better advice than I can.”

“You’re doing great dad.” Lexa reassured, “thank you.”

“Come here kid.” He smiled holding out his arms,

* * *

Clarke hadn’t done much since Lexa dropped her off, that’s a lie she spent most of the day over analyzing her talk with Luna. She needed to make sure she didn’t cross any boundaries and if she didn she needed to apologize.

But no matter how long she thought about it she didn’t find anything wrong; she was being nice and comforting someone she cares about. Lexa has to know she has no romantic feelings and if she doesn’t, she’ll tell her.

She decided to call it an early night at 8, the sun was set, and it was dark and laying in the dark sounded nice. No faking conversation with her parents or Raven asking her what’s wrong just darkness.

The crying had worn her out and she was almost asleep when she heard her door open. When she heard it close, she figured it was her mom or Raven seeing if she was awake but then she smelt a familiar scent.

She felt the covers lift up and warm hands wrap around her, she knew it was Lexa but neither of them said anything. They both just laid there, in silence in the other’s arms listening to the noise of cars and crickets coming from the window.

“I didn’t hug her to be romantic, I don’t have feelings for her and i would never do anything to hurt you on purpose.” Clarke said, finally breaking the silence, 

“I know.” Lexa whispered taking a deep breathe, “I need to talk to you about something.”

“ok.” Clarke turned around facing the girl, she could see that the girl had been crying too. She wrapped her arms around the brunette resting head on her chest.

“I have to get yearly check ups and my dad took me for mine today, it was just like the others the doctors ran some test and everything is fine I’m healthy but there was one problem.” Lexa sighed,

“Lex.” Blue searched green and Clarke didn’t know what to expect, was she sick? “I’m here baby talk to me.”

“I can’t have kids Clarke.” The girl said quickly, “He said there’s options but there is a chance I’ll never have kids. And hearing that was devastating because I want kids one day, I want them and when I saw you with Luna it was the perfect excuse to pick a fight instead of having to tell you this and I’m sorry.”

“I know we’re young, but you already know I don’t plan to live without you, but I can’t give you a family and I don’t want you to be miserable with me.” Lexa sobbed, “I don’t want that so if you decide you want to be with someone who can give you that then I’ll understand.”

“I don’t want anyone else.” Clarke wiped the girl’s tears, “I want you and when we’re ready to settle down and have our kids we’ll discus all our options. You can’t get rid of me Lexa, I promised forever remember?”

Lexa nodded,

“I’m sorry we fought.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“Can you drive me home I sort walked here. I couldn’t see through the tears.” Lexa laughed sadly,

“Stay here with me instead.” Clarke said more as a question than a statement,

“That sounds good too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i'm like tinkerbell, i need applause to live!! (shoutout if you know where thats from;) )
> 
> leave comments and kudos!!


	29. Chapter 28: Senior Fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the group hangs out before graduation!
> 
> all mistakes are mine bc i suck:)

“Alright this meeting has officially begun!” Raven announced.

They were all meeting at the Griffin house to discuss how to spend senior ditch day. Granted the only senior in their group was Anya but that didn’t matter, they were participating anyways.

“Graduation is in 20 days which means we only have 3 weeks until school ends and my baby leaves me.” Raven frowns,

“Stop being dramatic, Arkadia University is an hour drive from here.” Anya rolled her eyes,

“Still!” Raven exclaimed, “This is the last time we’ll all be together like this, sure you’ll be here weekends, but it won’t be this.”

“So then what’s the plan?” Octavia asked the girl who truly looked like she might cry,

“We still have prom, but ditch day is coming up and I was thinking we could camp out on the beach like we used to as kids.” Raven suggested,

Camping on the beach wasn’t the most common thing in Polis but it all started when Clarke complained about not being able to go on the camping trip in 3rd grade. She had broken her arm goofing off with Octavia which meant she had to stay home. In turn Raven, Octavia, Murphy, and Lincoln stayed home too. Initially they were just going to have a sleepover at the griffins but after Clarke’s incessant whining about missing out Jake came up with an idea.

They went down to the super store and bought all the camping essentials tents, sleeping bags, wood for their bonfire and marshmallows of course. Then they headed down to the beach and set up camp, it was fun, and it became a tradition for years to come.

“We haven’t done that in a while.” Clarke said leaning into Lexa who was snuggled into her side on the couch,

“Sounds fun.” Lincoln added,

“I always get sand in everything and it’s never fun.” Murphy complained,

“Murphy I will not have you complaining about this, it’s happening, and you will be there!” Raven pointed at the boy; everything has to be perfect.

“Relax.” Murphy said rolling his eyes,

“We’re all going to relax, at the beach this weekend so everyone be ready I’m not asking you’ll be there!” Raven demanded, and everyone nodded.

“Someone’s a little bossy today.” Lexa whispered to Clarke.

“What was that?” Raven squinted at the girl,

“She said she’s never camped on the beach before.” Clarke smiled, Raven was in crazy mode, it’s best no to rock the boat. “It’ll be fun babe.” Clarke winked,

“I’ll text everyone the details.” Raven announced, “This meeting is adjourned.”

After the so-called meeting Clarke and Lexa journeyed upstairs to Clarkes art room. It had been a couple days since their ‘fight’, but everything was great. Hearing Lexa might never have kids made them actually think about the future and what that would look like. Of course, they knew they wanted to be together, but they never discussed details. That being said they were 17 and still had so much time before they had to make those choices but if Clarke’s learned anything the past 7 months it’s that time flies.

It wasn’t that long ago that she was in a different relationship where nothing seemed optimistic. Life wasn’t great and her mental health was declining, and she never thought she’d get better and now she was. Neither of them had no clue where they would be in another 7 months, they just knew they wanted to be together.

They haven’t discussed college, whether they would go to the same one or try long distance. What about after college, would they be able to find jobs in their career path in the city? Those were question they hadn’t asked nor wanted to think about, but they had to sooner or later. This time next year it will be them graduating and as we know time really does fly.

“When did Anya get her acceptance letter?” Clarke asked, she was working on a painting for a local art contest and Lexa was keeping her company,

“Yesterday, she was pretty excited.”

“I would pay to see her excited about something.” Clarke smiled, “Something other than Raven that is.”

“She isn’t very expressive, but she does get excited every blue moon.”

“Have you thought about where you wanted to apply?” Clarke asked hesitantly,

“Not really, I did look into Arkadia and a few other colleges near LA.” Lexa answered, “Have you?”

“Ever since I was young, I wanted to go to Polis University, they have a good art program and it’s close to home.”

“But?” Lexa asked, she knew the blonde well and there was something she wasn’t saying.

“But I’ve also looked into school in New York and they also have good art programs. New York is very far away though and I don’t think I can be that far away from home.” Clarke sighed, not from home from Lexa but it’s one and the same

“You know I’ll support you no matter where you go right?” Lexa walked over to the girl wrapping her arms around her waist,

“I know.” She leaned back into the girl’s strong arms,

“We still have a year to figure it out, and who knows maybe I’ll like schools in New York too.” Lexa shrugged,

“Really?” Clarke smiled,

“I’m not opposed to it, but like I said we’ll figure it out.”

Clarke nodded going back to her painting, it wasn’t done, and it was missing something she couldn’t pinpoint,

“Who is she?” Lexa asked, looking at the canvas.

“My commander of course.” Clarke smiled, the theme was love and who better than her girlfriend. She didn’t want to do a traditional portrait though, so she decided to go in a different direction, “It’s not finished yet, when it is it will look more like you.”

“I like it, I look very…... badass.” Lexa commented, “I love the war paint.”

“I’m going for post-apocalyptic warrior queen.”

“I can’t wait to see it when it’s done.” She kissed the blonde’s cheek before going back to the couch that sat in the corner.

Clarke stared at her painting for a few minutes trying to figure out the issue, to the untrained eye there was no issue. They would think it was complete, but she knew better, she needed one thing but what?

She looked over at Lexa who was reading trying to see if it was a feature she missed. Maybe the pout in her lips or the way her eyes always have this amazing green sparkle, but she captured those things perfectly. She kept scanning over the girl landing on her tattoo. It was small and, on her wrist, almost hidden by her sleeve.

Clarke could remember asking what it meant, and Lexa saying it was something her mom would draw. She never knew the exact meaning but to her it means having apart of her mom with her at all times. And suddenly Clarke knew what she was missing.

She grabbed her gold paint mixing it with a little black and bronze creating a dark metal tone. Then she grabbed a small brush imitating the design onto the forehead of her commander.

When she was done, she stared at the symbol, it resembled a gear and Clarke knew this was what she was missing. Now she was done.

“Wow.” Lexa gasped; she couldn’t believe how talented Clarke was. The painting was stunning it featured a very different Lexa sitting on a throne. One who was confident, she was protruding power and knowledge and Lexa could feel how powerful this woman truly was. The face paint and the braids stood out the most to her right after the gear in the middle of her head. It was her tattoo and for some reason it just looked like it belonged there.

“You like it?”

“I think this is the most amazing painting I’ve ever seen.” Lexa exclaimed, “And not just because I’m in it, you’re so talented.”

“After the competition I want you to have it.”

“Really?” Lexa asked with wide eyes,

“This is my best work and there’s no one else I trust enough to keep it.”

“Well then after you win the competition, I will gladly take it off your hands.” She smiled,

“Thank you.”

“What’s it called?”

“Commander Leksa.” Clarke smiled, “Misspelling your name gives it the post-apocalyptic feel I’m reaching for.”

“Hmm, I like it.”

“I’m glad.”

“What now?” Lexa asked, “Do you want to get dinner?”

“I could think of a few things, none of them being dinner.” Clarke smirked,

“Abby and Jake will be here soon.”

“Then we better hurry!”

* * *

**_Senior Ditch Day & 16 days until Graduation_ **

“Alright do we have everything?” Raven asked Clarke who was checking things off the list Raven made. To say she’s been a bit mental about this all week would be an understatement. She almost bit Clarke’s head off because the store didn’t have Anya’s favorite chips.

“We do.” Clarke nodded,

“Are you sure? What about the wood, is it the right kind?” Raven asked,

“Yes Rae, dad said it was.”

“Ok, good.”

“It’s going to be perfect Raven.” Being encouraging had worked much for her this week but maybe Raven was calm enough to hear it now.

“What if it’s not and this is the worst last couple weeks of senior year she’s ever had?” Raven looked so defeated; it was honestly soul crushing, but Clarke had seen this before. The girl was incredibly hard on herself much like how Clarke is, they both share that trait.

“Truly Raven I don’t think Anya would care if we spent the day sitting in the driveway. As long as she was with you, she’s having a good time.” Clarke smiled,

“Blondie’s right.” A voice said startling them both since they were the only two in the house,

“When did you get here?” raven asked her girlfriend,

“Just now, thought I would come by early and help.” Anya replied,

“You’re not helping this day is for you.”

“Raven it’s not my birthday it’s just ditch day and I love you for doing all of this, but I don’t want you to stress yourself out about it either.”

“I’m not stressed.”

Clarke couldn’t stop the giggle from escaping her mouth causing Raven to scowl at her.

“I’m not stressed.” The girl repeated, “I just want this to be fun.”

“It will be, now boss me around tell me what you need to do to.”

“Oh, I actually like the sound of that.” Raven smirked, and suddenly Clarke felt like she be anywhere else. She quietly snuck off to the kitchen to pack any food they could take. Obviously, nothing refrigerated, maybe chips, lots of sweets and then als-.

“Hey!”

“AHH!” Clarke screamed dropping everything in her hands, “What the hell Lex!”

Lexa couldn’t stop laughing,

“It’s not funny.” Clarke pouted picking up all her snacks,

“I wasn’t even trying to scare you.” Lexa laughed,

“Well you did.”

“Aw, I’m sorry baby!”

Clarke looked over to the girl, she was dressed in grey joggers and a black tank top that annoyingly showed off her amazing abs.

“See something you like.” Lexa smirked,

“Nope, just my annoying girlfriend.”

“Ouch, and to think I came bearing gifts.” Lexa held out a bag,

“What is it?” Clarke asked trying not to sound too interested,

“Open and see.” Lexa smiled,

Clarke grabbed the bag opening it slowly as if something was going to jump out at her.

“Oh my god!” Clarke cheered, “Where did you find these?”

“Online.” Lexa smiled watching the girl pull out the contents of the bag, “They were surprisingly hard to find.”

“You’re the best.” Clarke pulled out the candy smelling it, she had only mentioned it once, but this was her favorite candy ever and she couldn’t believe Lexa got them. “Try one!”

“Eh, I don’t know if chocolate covered strawberry gummies are really my thing.” Lexa cringed, “Plus I got them for you.”

“Just try it.” The blonde rolled her eyes pushing a gummy bear in the girl’s mouth, she watched her chew and her face scrunch up,

“This is awful.” Lexa wined and Clarke gasped,

“We might have to break up.”

“A deal breaker is it?” Lexa laughed, she needed this horrible taste out of her mouth, so she grabbed a soda,

“It is, but I have enjoyed our time together.” Clarke smiled continuing to eat her candy.

“This is what I get for spending hours on the internet finding a place who ships these.” Lexa fake pouted,

“I guess I can give you a second chance for the effort.” Clarke shrugged, “Thank you.” She placed a soft kiss on the girls’ pout.

“Anything for my princess.”

“Hate to interrupt.” Anya said clearing her throat, “But Raven says to come on or she’ll- well what she said isn’t important just hurry.”

They all four piled into Clarke’s jeep and headed to the beach, it was almost sunset which was the perfect time. It’s the prettiest time of day in Arkadia and the time they agreed to meet.

When they arrived Octavia, Lincoln, Murphy, and Emori were already there to Raven’s annoyance. She wanted to get there first to pick the spot and set up everything accordingly and I bet you can guess who she blamed for them being late.

“I really hate the both of you.” Raven scowled at Clarke and Lexa who opted to ignore the girl,

“Hey, I hope this spot is ok.” Octavia said to the group as they approached,

“It’s not.” Raven said plainly, “Let’s move everything over there near the rocks.”

Everyone knew it was better just listening, so they packed up and moved to Ravens desired spot. Technically it was a better spot especially for the bonfire, but they were still annoyed they had to move everything.

They set up their sleeping bags opting out of tents since none of them cared to learn how to set one up. Clarke started the fire how her dad taught her, and they all grabbed their food and snacks and gathered around.

None of them had anything special planned for the day and it wasn’t meant to be an activity. Today was about spending time with each other, talk and laughing. Reminiscing, it was especially entertaining for Lexa and Anya because they were hearing stories about the group that they never heard. It was nice but there was a lingering feeling for all of them, like this was ending. Sure, they would all be together next year, but Anya wouldn’t and that would suck for all of them but especially Raven. The next 3 weeks were about being together and making sure it was memorable.

“Ok, how about we play a game.” Octavia suggested,

“What are we five.” Murphy commented,

“What kind of game O?” Emori asked after nudging her boyfriend,

“Never have I ever?” she recommended,

“Like the drinking game?” Lexa asked,

“Yes, but instead of drinking you put a finger down.”

“I’ll start.” Octavia grinned. “Ok, never have I ever…. Slept with someone whose name I didn’t know!”

Lexa and Raven put a finger down,

“Lexa!” O shrieked,

“I hate to admit it, but it happened a few times actually.” Lexa sighed,

“Lexa was quite the whore in Seattle.” Anya smiled, “What’s your story?” she turned to Raven

“Last year, Bellamy had this crazy party and I got really drunk. Long story short I slept with this guy from school. I have no clue what his name was but that being said the sex wasn’t that memorable either.” The girl shrugged,

“I’ll go next.” Lincoln said, “Never have I ever skinny dipped.”

“Oh, come on this is child’s play!” Raven put a finger down along with Octavia and Clarke.

“Babe when did you go skinny dipping?” Lexa asked Clarke, she was very amused. She would never expect that

“July last year, maybe a few weeks before who guys moved here there was an end of the summer party.” Clarke explained, “Afterwards me O, Raven and a very annoyed Echo were walking back to my house. We were passing the beach when Raven dared me, obviously I wasn’t back down, and Octavia wasn’t letting me do it alone. So, we did it and Raven felt left out or so she said so she joined.”

“Echo was so pissed!” Octavia laughed, “It took her 30 minutes to get us out of the water.”

“You surprised me more and more everyday blondie.” Anya added, “You have a very innocent façade to you.”

“She’s far from innocent.” Octavia smirked, “Just ask Lexa.”

“Ugh.” Anya groaned,

“Who’s next?” Lexa said,

“I’ll go.” Raven grinned, “Never have I ever…… hmm so many come to my mind.” She said laughing evilly,

“Get ready whatever it is will be about sex or just inappropriate.” Clarke murmured to the brunette sitting beside her,

“Ok, never have I ever been walked in on while having sex.”

Clarke, Octavia, and Lincoln put a finger down

“I unfortunately walked in on them.” Clarke pointed to the snickering couple, “To be fair they were in my house and I didn’t know.”

“My mom was home, and your house was empty.” Octavia shrugged, “I have no regrets.”

“Except for we should’ve locked the door.” Lincoln adds.

“That would’ve been great!” Clarke says,

“What about you, I know I’ve never walked in on you.” Raven asked Clarke, “Have you.”

“No.” Octavia answered,

“My mom did, and it was mortifying.” Clarke groaned,

“How’d that feel Lex.” Murphy asks the girl,

“It wasn’t me.” Lexa says quietly, this was a bit awkward,

“Anyways my turn.” Clarke said, “Never have I ever peed in the ocean.”

“Oh, everyone has.” Raven scoffed, “We were all kids once!”

“I’ve never.” Clarke shrugged,

“Liar.”

“It’s true.”

“Ok, ok my turn.” Lexa says, “Never have I ever…. Had sex on the beach.”

“Ah!” Raven laughed, Octavia joining in soon after,

“That one’s all you Clarkey.” Octavia winked,

Clarke could feel her cheeks reddening from embarrassment,

“Really?” Lexa asks and Clarke nods,

“I would’ve never guessed.” Lexa says out loud but more to herself, seeing as it was probably with Luna kind of makes this a little awkward,

“Clarkey here is a little exhibitionist it seems.” Anya smirks,

“It was nothing like that!” Clarke defended, “Murphy put a finger down too!”

“Murphy you freak you!” Raven smirked, “How was it?”

“Horrible, sand was everywhere.” He sighed, “Wouldn’t recommend.”

The game went on for a bit the group learning all sort of things about each other, some of them surprising some not. One thing for sure Never have I ever really makes you realize how much of a hoe you are! Especially with the questions this group asks,

“Are we even allowed to sleep on the beach?” Lexa asks, they were winding down for the night and everyone climbed in their sleeping bags.

“Not really but no one really checks so we should be good.” Clarke shrugged, she bought a sleeping bag big enough for her and Lexa so they could share.

“This is kind of nice, sleeping under the stars.”

“It is.” Clarke smiled getting comfortable in the girls’ arms, “I’m sorry about the questions, I know it’s a bit awkward.”

“We all have a past babe.” Lexa smiled, “But we’re together now so none of it really matters.”

Clarke nodded,

“I mean if beach sex is your thing, I’d be happy to oblige.” She smirked,

“Please don’t!” they heard Anya yell a few feet from them,

“Maybe another time.” The blonde teased,

It wasn’t long before most of the group was either sleep or playing on their phones. Clarke wasn’t tired but she had a very adorable Lexa sleeping next to her, so she didn’t want to do anything to wake her.

Finally, after staring at the stars for an hour she decided to take a little walk. Skai beach has always been a safe haven for her, even in her darkest times it’s made her smile.

Like when she was 8 and her mom wouldn’t let start fight training at grounders because she was too young, so she decided to run away. Running away really meant sitting on the beach and feeling sorry for herself but to her it was the end of the world. It was also the day she discovered the power Skai beach had on her, how sitting and watching the waves and playing with the orange sand can make her feel 100 times better. From that day on it became her safe haven and has been ever since.

Being here today she had no issues she needed solved; she had no problems that were holding her hostage. She simply just wanted to enjoy the waves and the stars and hopefully get sleepy in the progress.

She was so wrapped up in her own thought she hadn’t noticed another person sit next to her.

“Can’t sleep?”

“No.” she looked over to Anya, “You either?”

“No, I’ve never slept outside before, and I feel like we could probably get killed in our sleep at any moment.”

“It’s possible.” Clarke laughed, “Murders don’t really happen here though.”

“That’s how every true crime show starts.” Anya replied, “In the small town of Arkadia where nothing bad ever happens eight teenagers were brutally killed on the beach after stupidly sleeping there for fun.”

“Fair enough.” She laughed, “If it makes you feel better, I have a taser in my bag and amazing fight skills.”

“It’s a little comforting.”

They both sat and watched the waves in silence, it was a comfortable silence though and neither of them minded.

“So.” Anya said breaking the silence, “I know I’m only going to be an hour away, but I’ve never been away from Lex especially after our mom died. I need to know that you will look after her. I know she’s not a child and I know she’s doing good, but I just need to know you’ll be there for her. She likes to run when things get hard just… please don’t let her do that.”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile, she knew Anya and Lexa’s relationship was a little rocky after their mom, but they are still close. They look out for each other and seeing Anya in protective sister mode is nice.

“I won’t.” the girl nodded, “We take care of each other and I promise I will always look out for her. She does the same for me.”

“Good, I know it goes without saying but look out for Rae too.”

“Always.”

“Then my overprotective sister/girlfriend speech is over.”

“Usually an overprotective speech has a few threats like if you hurt my sister, I’ll kill you!”

“I know you’ll never hurt my sister.” Anya said seriously, “I just hope my sister doesn’t hurt you.”

“Lexa would never hurt me.”

“Not intentionally but like I said she self isolates when things get hard.” Anya sighed, “She’s a complicated person.”

“So am I but me and Lexa have talked about our issues and I know more than you might think. I can handle whatever she throws at me and she can try and push me away, but it won’t work.”

“Then I’m glad she has you.” Anya comments, "I know I’m asking you to watch out for them but don’t forget to take care of you either.”

“I won’t.”

Anya nods, “I’m going to attempt to sleep, you should too.”

“Good night Anya.”

“Night blondie.”

* * *

The next morning when Lexa woke up the sun was blinding but there was a small shadow hovering over her. When she opened her eyes fully, she saw the shadow was actually a small child. Her hair was dark, and her eyes were a dark brown, she was starring at Lexa curiously.

“Uh, hi.” Lexa smiled at the child,

“Are you dead?” She asks and Lexa laughs,

“I don’t think so.” Lexa held her arm out, “Pinch me, If I can’t feel it then I’m definitely dead.”

The little girl reached over and pinch Lexa’s arm so hard that the older girl gasped,

“Well looks like I am alive,”

“Then are you homeless?” The little girl asks,

“No.” Lexa smiled,

“Then why are you guys sleeping on the beach?” The girl asked,

“For fun I suppose we made a camp on the beach.”

“That does sound fun.”

“What’s your name?”

“Madi I’m 7.” She smiled,

“Well Madi, I’m Lexa and I’m 17.”

“Ohhh, you're old.”

“Hey! I’m still very young!” Lexa gasped causing the girl to laugh, “Are you here alone Madi?”

“No, my mommy’s over there.” Lexa followed the girl finger finding an older woman with dark hair setting up their towels and some snacks. She could see her looking around frantically before running over.

“Madi!”

“Mommy, this is Lexa!” the girl cheered, “She’s not homeless and she’s not dead! They had a camp here, isn’t that cool?”

“It is.” The women laughed, “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s ok, Madi here has been great company.” Lexa smiled,

“Does this mean we’re friends now?” Madi asks her eyes wide,

“Sure, you can never have too many friends.”

“Cool!”

“Alright Madi, let’s let Lexa and her friends wake up.”

“Ok.” The girl pouted, “Bye Lexa!”

“Bye Madi.” She waved watching the girl and her mom return to their towels,

“ughh.”

Lexa looked over to the blonde who was laying beside of her, her blonde waves were messy,

“Goodmorning baby.” Lexa peppered kisses down the blonde’s face,

“It’s too bright.” Clarke groaned pulling the sleeping bag over her head, “I can’t even open my eyes.”

“Hold on.” Lexa got up and grabbed her bag and pulled out her sunglasses, “Here.”

“You’re an angel.” She slid on the glasses, “I need pancakes and ice coffee.”

“I heard pancakes!” Raven cheered,

“Pancakes?” Octavia popped out of her sleeping bag,

“Ugh, why the fuck is it so bright?” Anya grumbled,

“Can we get off this damn beach already.” Murphy complained,

Everyone packed up their stuff agreeing to meet at TonDC for breakfast. Before she left Madi ran back up to Lexa and hugged her bye which made the blondes heart flutter. Lexa introduced her to the little girl and now they're friends too.

When they got to TonDC dinner the other were waiting, Clarke ordered her usual Pancakes with whip cream and Lexa got the same.

“Last night was nice.” Octavia said,

“It was thanks for planning everything babe.” Anya kissed the brunette’s cheek before returning to her food.

“It was my pleasure.”

“Now she won’t be such a bitch.” Octavia murmured,

“Thank god.” Clarke agreed,

“Whatever, maybe if you guys knew how to follow orders right, I wouldn’t have to raise my voice!” Raven scoffed,

“Sorry mom.”

“I hate you.” Raven rolled her eyes, “Anyways next is prom.”

“That’s all on Clarke to stress about.”

“No stress this time, everything is sorted.” Clarke replied, “There is one thing, maybe you guys can play?”

“I’ll have to ask Tari and Echo but I’m sure they’ll agree.” Octavia shrugged,

“Amazing, it’s going to be perfect.” Clarke cheered, “Some may even say a night to remember.”

“Cheesy.” Anya added,

“What’s the theme?” Emori asked,

“Hollywood, it’s going to be very glitz and glam.” Clarke smiled, “You guys will love it.”

“I can’t wait.” Octavia shrieked,

“10 more days.”

“Then its graduation and it’s all over.” Raven sighed,

“Don’t say that.” Anya scolded, “Things will be different but that doesn’t mean it will be worse.”

“Alright enough with the sad faces, we’re supposed to be celebrating remember.” Clarke smiled holding up her ice coffee, “To Anya graduating and getting accepted into Arkadia!”

“Really?” Anya squinted,

“Just shut it and hold up your glass.”

“Fine.” The girl sighed, “To me!”

“To Anya!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few more chapter left! Thank you to everyone who comments i read them all and i appreciate it! I'm currently writing the last chapter and i can't believe it's almost over!! But don't worry there's more to come!


	30. Chapter 29: A night to remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter chapter, i've written a few dances in this story so i thought i would try to make this one a little different. 
> 
> all mistakes are mine bc i suck:)

Prom. The epitome of high school, the thing that every teenage girl and guy looks forward to. You get to dress up in over expensive dresses and tux and pay people to do your hair and makeup like it’s your wedding day. And when it’s over movies will have you believe you’re meant to rent a hotel room and lose your virginity.

Well it’s 2020 bitches and that’s unrealistic, Prom is a dance where you do indeed spend too much money on but it’s also a last hurrah. For some students it’s their last high school memory before they graduate so of course that means it has to be epic.

And if you’re lucky you live in rich town where parents will easily fund your school dance sparing no expense so their child will be happy. And if you’re Clarke Griffin, school class president, planning extraordinaire you use those funds to host prom on a boat. No not a boat a fucking yacht.

It all started a week before Prom when everything started going to shit.

_“Do we have any other place we can go or any venues open?” Clarke asks the teacher,_

_The gym where all dances are usually held had flooded thanks to busted pipes, luckily none of their decorations were damaged but now they were without a venue._

_“I’ve called everywhere, everything is either booked or closed.” Mrs Green answered,_

_“Well we have to do something; this is Senior Prom for some of us!” Costia added, like Clarke she on the dance committee and was very pissed to say the least,_

_“I’m sorry girls but unless we find a new place to hosts, we have to choice but to cancel.”_

_“That’s not happening.” Clarke’s mind was on overdrive, she was a fixer upper. She created solutions to every problem, and this would be no different she just needed to think._

_Think Clarke, who do you know who owns a big enough space, her dad owned The Ark and a few other buildings but none where big enough, she was going to fix this._

_“Give us time to find a solution.” Clarke said, “I have an idea.”_

_“I’ll keep making calls as well.” Mrs. Green nodded,_

_Clarke knew this was a long shot, but she needed to fix this and if it works out this could be the best prom Arkadia’s ever seen._

_“You coming?” Clarke turned to Costia,_

_“Where?”_

_“To see a friend of mine.” Clarke smiled,_

_They hoped in her jeep and drove the hour drive to the college district of Arkadia._

_“Who’s this friend?” Costia asks the blonde, she had been confused since she got into the car. That being said she knows Clarke and if anyone can fix this is was her._

_“You’ll see, come on.” Clarke parked her car before heading to the apartment she was looking for. When they got there, she knocked and waited hoping they were here and not in class._

_“Clarke?” Bellamy answered the door, “Not that I’m not excited to see you but what are you doing here?”_

_“It’s sort of a long story, is Echo here?”_

_“Yeah, come in.” she could see the boy eyeing Costia, none of her friends liked her for good reason but Clarke was over it,_

_They walked through the apartment and into the kitchen where echo was cooking,_

_“My favorite blonde!” The girl cheered before eyeing Costia, “And her ex-girlfriend’s mistress.”_

_“I have a name.” Costia snarks,_

_“I know.” Echo smirks, “What do we owe the pleasure ladies?”_

_Clarke explains the situation about how prom is ruined by old pipes and if they don’t find a place then it will be cancelled, and everything will be ruined!_

_“That sucks babe, sorry that happened.” Echo sighed, “You’re here so I’m assuming I’m apart of whatever solution that’s brewing in that mind of yours.”_

_“Well.” Clarke says nervously, “I was hoping your aunt would let us use her yacht, it’s huge and I see it on the docs all the time and every other place is booked, and I need this too work! We can pay her!”_

_Echo smirks, “You want me to ask my old hag bitchy aunt to use her yacht for the night so a bunch of teenagers can have a school dance on it?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“I love it! Consider it done.” Echo shrugs, “I recently found out she was sleeping with her yoga instructor, cliché’ right?”_

_“Very.” Clarke and Costia said in unison,_

_“Blackmail is so fun guys, prepare to have the best prom night of your lives.” Clarke could see Bellamy shaking his head, but Echo was smiling mischievously, and Clarke loved every minute of it. “I’ll have everything sorted by the time you get back to town.”_

_“You’re the best, I love you.” Clarke jumped on the girl,_

_“Tell me something I don’t know babe!”_

_After a few minutes of talking Costia and Clarke started their journey back to school to announce the good news,_

_“I can’t believe we’re having prom on a fucking yacht.” Costia said, “Only you can pull that off Griffin.”_

_“It helps having rich friends.” Clarke shrugged,_

_“Clarke you’re rich, most of us in this town are rich.”_

_“But not own a yacht rich or live on Alpha parkway rich.” The blonde points out,_

_“Fair enough, this really is going to be the best prom this town has seen.”_

_“Damn straight!” Clarke smirked,_

* * *

Cut to prom night and Clarke had out done herself, the decorations were hung they had a separate area for photos by the water. It was perfect.

“You look beautiful baby!” Lexa admired her girlfriend in her long skintight bronze dress that hugged her in all the right places. It was very old Hollywood and on theme.

“So, do you Commander.” Lexa in a suit was like Crack for Clarke, she wanted nothing more than to take her into on of the rooms and be there all night.

“I still can’t believe you got a yacht for prom.” Lexa said admiring the boat in front of them, they hadn’t left yet since everyone was still arriving and taking pictures.

“Your girlfriends a miracle worker.” Costia replied, the girl was in a flowy red dress with a beautiful girl on her arm,

“Stop you’ll make me blush.” Clarke grinned, “Who’s the hot date?”

“This is Kassie, my girlfriend.” Costia smiles, “Kassie this is my ex arch enemy and her girlfriend Lexa.”

“Ah, so you’re the ex.” Kassie joked,

“The won and only!”

“It’s nice to meet you guys.”

“You too.” Lexa replied,

“Save me a dance Griffin.” Costia winked before walking onto the boat,

“Weirdest friends ever.” Lexa laughed,

“We really are.” Clarke thought out loud,

Soon everyone was on the boat and it left the doc, they weren’t going out to far but far enough to feel like they actually left Arkadia.

Everyone was having an amazing time even the teacher chaperons were excited. By the time the band played Clarke was sure this was the best night of her life.

She was dancing with her girlfriend, watching her friends kill it on stage and it was perfect.

“So, what do you think?” Clarke asked Anya, “A night to remember or a flop?”

“Hmm, could be better this is a small yacht considering.” The girl smirked,

“Just admit it, this is the best night of your high school life.”

“People who say that usually peak in high school.” The girl shrugged, “But I will say this is the best dance I’ve ever been to.”

“Yay! A compliment!” Clarke cheered,

“So dramatic blondie.”

They continued dancing and laughing and taking selfies all through the night. The music was loud, and the boat felt like it was rocking but no one cared. Clarke even saw people sneaking past teacher looking for a private room and it was the most teenage thing she’s ever seen but also, she felt that.

“Thank you again for this.” Clarke pulled Echo into a hug,

“It was my pleasure plus it’s fun annoying my aunt. It may be my favorite pass time.”

“Have I ever told you you’re my idol.” Raven smirked, “The scheming the blackmail, and you pull it off so well.”

“Flattery, another one of my favorite things.” Echo smiled,

The dance was almost over, and the boat was returning to the docs, there was an after party on the beach, so they all agreed to go. But Clarke had other plans for Lexa.

After the boat boarded everyone got off and decided to meet after they changes out of the formal ware.

“Do you want to meet back here?” Lexa asks the blonde,

“Actually, I have a surprise for you.” She smirked, “Follow me.”

Clarke grabbed the girls hand leading her onto the beach, they walked past almost everything and down to the rocks. She could see the brunette was very confused.

“Remember that day I showed you around Arkadia?” Clarke asked, “When you first moved here?”

“Yes, I was very nervous even though it wasn’t a date.” She laughed.

“Well I promised a part two, 7 months later and I never gave you part two of the tour.”

“Is this part two?”

“Kind of, I wanted to show you this place that day, but we ran out of time.”

They came to a stop in front of a cave that just looked like the rest of the rocks but had a huge opening on the side.

“Come on.” Clarke smiled pulling the girl inside the cave.

The cave itself was spacious, it was filled with sand and had a small stream of water running through it. The further they walked she saw a large fluffy blanket laid out with a couple of pillows and several electric lamps.

“You did this?”

“I came down here an hour before the dance.”

Lexa walked closer to the setup, the whole scene was very romantic, and Clarke did it for them. The more she looked around she noticed the water was glowing a bright blue color.

“It has bioluminescent plankton in it, it’s in the water on the beach too but they only glow during the night and sometimes they don’t glow at all.”

“This is amazing Clarke.”

“We can join the others later, but I thought I’d steal a few moments with you tonight.” The blonde wrapped her arms around the brunettes, her front pressing against her back. “Plus, I promised sex on the beach and this is technically on the beach.”

Lexa didn’t reply she just turned around, the look on the blonde’s face almost made her heart burst. It was loving and filled with desire and vulnerability, it wasn’t like the other times they had sex. This would be different, a good different. No, a great different. It was would be slow and passionate, they weren’t in a rush. They could be here all night if they wanted to.

She watched as Clarke slowly pushed off the sleeves of her dress, letting it fall revealing herself in just a pair of red lace panties. As many times as she seen Clarkes body, she still gets surprised by how beautiful she is.

Slowly she runs her fingertips down the girl’s chest feeling her shudder from the touch. Any other time this would be teasing but this was Lexa appreciating every inch of the blondes’ body.

She continued her exploration planting soft kisses along the blonde’s neck and chest until finally she reached her lips. Slowly enjoying the softness and the unspoken words, she let Clarke remove her suit jacket then shirt and pants.

“Will anybody come in here?” Lexa asks softy,

“If they do, I’ll kill them.” The blonde smiled slowly dropping to her knees. Her big blue eyes glowing almost as much as the water.

Lexa watched as she laid down on the blanket slowly pulling her panties down revealing her wet center.

“All this for me?”

“Hmm.” Clarke nodded pulling the girl on top of her, “All this time and you still don’t realize the affect on me commander.”

Lexa smirked capturing the girl’s lips in her own, moaning as she feels Clarke’s hands exploring ever sensitive spot on her body. Slowly she moves her kisses now her neck leaving marks in her wake. She paused briefly when she came face to face with just how wet Clarke was for her.

She wasted no time running her tongue through it moaning at the taste,

“Baby” Clarke moaned softy feeling the girl tongue explore every inch if her. It was delicate and gentle, but she hit all the right spots.

Lexa watched the girl unravel as she fucked her with her fingers, her moans were like music and she wanted to hear it all night.

“Lex,” Clarke moaned pulling the girl up to her, her lips shining with the girl’s wetness and Clarke didn’t hesitate to taste it. Moaning as soon as their lips touched, “Please fuck me.”

Lexa pulled down her boxers throwing them with her other clothes shivering as the air hit her erection. She leaned back down kissing the girl and moaning in her mouth as she feels Clarke stroking her then guiding it to her entrance.

Slowly she pushed her whole length in stopping to let the girl adjust.

“Ahh, I’ll never get used to how big you are.” The blonde moaned,

Lexa’s strokes were slow but steady and she could feel everything, this wasn’t their usual rough play. This was passion and love and even though they loved being rough what they were doing now felt just as good if not better.

Clarke was in a trance; her whole body was on fire and all the could think was how much she loved this girl. The girl moaning above her was giving her everything she needed, and she didn’t want it to stop. Ever.

* * *

A few hours later after several orgasms and a shower Lexa and Clarke returned to the beach where the party was in full swing. Alcohol was everywhere and music was blaring, she was surprised no one called the cops to shut it down.

“There they are.” Raven smirked, “Have fun?”

“We had more than fun.” Clarke winked causing Anya to groan, “How’s the party?”

“Good but we were thinking we could just leave early maybe have a slumber party!” Raven clapped,

“No face masks and no hair braiding.” Anya added,

“Boring.” Octavia and Raven chimed,

“I could be down for a sleep over.” Clarke shrugged, “What about you babe?”

“Sounds fun.”

They set up camp in the living room of the Griffin house, Abby was happy to have everyone over and demanded to get them all ice cream. They stayed up most of the night talking and laughing no one really wanting the night to end.

Lately it seemed like the only thing happening were endings, they tried not to dwell on that, but they all thought it. After every joke or every laugh, they would think about how it could be the last all together like this. Because even though it was only Anya graduating, they all would be soon enough and who knows where everyone will end up. So even if it’s not the end it is a new chapter and there’s no way of knowing who all will be there. And even though it won’t be easy, it will be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my prom was in our school cafeteria and it was a Titanic theme, i went very last minute and it wasn't the greatest time of my life but neither was high school so there's that lol. I even sent my prom dress to the wrong address so i had to track it down it was very dramatic
> 
> What was your prom like? Hopefully better than mine


	31. Chapter 30: Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sort of a sad chapter!
> 
> all mistakes are mine bc i suck:)

“Anya we’re going to be late.”

Today was the day, the day her big sister would be graduating and leaving her behind. Obviously, it’s not that dramatic but as proud as Lexa was, she was also sad. Her and Anya have always gone to the same school their whole lives. There was 5th grade and 8th grade where Anya wasn’t in her school and it was the worst. Anya was her safety blanket and in a way her protector, they took care of each other but how is she supposed to take care of her if she’s an hour away? How is she supposed to make sure her big sister is ok if she doesn’t see her? It’s only an hour drive but Anya doesn’t have a car, but Lexa does, and she will gladly drive the hour. What if she has a hard time making friends and hates her life down there?

There were an endless amount of scenarios playing through Lexa mind, but she had to push them out. She would never tell Anya any of them because she knows the girl would stay if she even felt a little bit scared to live without her every day. She knows her sister and she can’t let her sacrifice her future, she will be fine, and they’ll talk every day. Everything **will** be ok.

Now all she had to worry about was getting Anya to the graduation on time since the girl has decided to take her time getting ready.

“Anya?” Lexa yelled, her door was shut, and she didn’t want to barge in, “Can I come in?”

There was no answer, but she did hear sniffles and that was enough for her to walk in without permission.

“What’s wrong?”

She watched as Anya stood in front of the mirror staring blankly, mascara and eyeline running wild thanks to the tears leaking from her eyes.

“Anya.”

“Nothing, I’m fine.” Anya sucked in a breathe before grabbing some makeup wipes to fix her face,

“Tell me what’s wrong, please.” It clearly wasn’t nothing and she refused to let it go, they were talking about this.

She watched Anya take a few deep breaths before turning around to face her.

“She’s not here and this feels wrong.” Anya murmured, “She was supposed to be here, taking stupid pictures in this stupid cap and gown and she was supposed to fucking be here!”

Lexa didn’t know what to say, she felt the same way when she woke up this morning. She knew their mom wouldn’t be here for these events but now that the day was here it was real and she really going to be there. She really never will see either of them graduate or get married or even buy their first house. They won’t get to see her face when they achieve anything because she’s not here. She’ll never be here.

“On thanksgiving you told me that she said she was proud of us, even for the things she won’t be here to see.” Lexa finally says trying to hold in her tears,

“It’s not the same.” The girl said shaking her head,

“I know and I wish she here, I would do anything for her to be here, but she can’t. So, we both have to remember that she is proud of us and if this world is even remotely fair then she is watching us and she sees it.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“It’s not but this is how it’s going to be.” Lexa wipes her own tears before moving to wipe Anya’s. “I need you to know that I’m proud of you, beyond proud. You’ve always been the best big sister to me even when I failed you and I need you; I **really** need you to know that I’m always going to be with you. I’m always going to be here for you and at every accomplishment and every graduation or wedding I will there tell you how proud I am, for the both of us. I know it’s enough and I know it’s not fair but I’m glad I still have you and dad and so many other people who love us.”

Anya nods crying on her sisters’ shoulder, mourning never really ends. That’s what people say and it’s true. It’ll sneak up on when you’re not expecting it and it will make feel everything all over again. It does get easier, but it will always be there, lingering and waiting.

Lexa took the makeup wipes from the girl and started wiping the black off of her face. Once she was done, she reapplied her makeup and brushed her hair out and braided it.

“Perfect.” Lexa smiled turning the girl towards the mirror, revealing her work.

“Thank you, Lex.”

“You never have to thank me, dad already left he’s going to meet us there.”

“Why?” Anya asks, “Why wouldn’t we just ride together?”

“I don’t know.” The girl shrugged, “He said something about dropping papers off.”

Lexa watched as her sister once again stared at herself in the mirror, her expression was blank, but she knew she was still thinking about her.

“Ready?” Lexa says holding out her hand,

“Yeah.”

* * *

They arrive 20 minutes before the ceremony starts which is late if your graduating, but they were there. They met Clarke and Raven out front before Anya had to run to her spot.

The whole thing was outside on football field and the weather was perfect, not burning up and a nice cool breeze going.

Clarke, Lexa and Raven take their seats with all the parents. Anya was the only graduate in their group but that didn’t matter, all the parents wanted to be there to cheer for her.

So, when her name was called everyone made sure to scream and cheer the loudest, they could. Lexa could see the small smile on her sister face hearing them all go crazy, she’d never admit it, but she loved it.

When everyone received their diploma’s and speeches were given the graduates stood up and through their caps. They were officially done with high school.

Everyone crowded in the parking lot waiting for the graduates to join them and when Lexa seen Anya, she ran up to the girl giving her the biggest hug.

“I love you.” Anya whispered, squeezing the girl as hard as she could

“I love you too.” She smiled,

“My turn!” Raven said excitedly, “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks babe.”

“Con-graduation!” Clarke yelled holding a small box,

“I’m ignoring the fact that you just said that. You got me a gift?” Anya asks taking the box,

“Not exactly.” She smiled pointing to Gustus, “He got you a gift, I was just in charge of getting it here.”

Anya looked at her dad who just had a smile on his face then she looked at Lexa who was just as confused. Finally, she just opened the box.

“No way.” She whispered, “No fucking way!” she pulled out a set of car keys from the box, “Is this a joke?”

“You got a car?” Lexa asked,

“Well, you finally passed your driving test after several tries.” Gustus smiled, “So when Jake told me he had this car sitting around I thought of you.”

“YOU GOT ME A CAR!!!” Anya screamed, 

“So, this is Anya excited?” Clarke whispered to Lexa,

“This is a rare sight I should record.” Lexa pulled out her phone watching the girl jump up and down,

“Where is it?” Anya asks,

“Right this way.” Clarke motioned for the group to follow and she led them to a cherry red Mercedes convertible. “Here she is.”

“Holly shit! A convertible!” Anya unlocked the girl jumping in the front seat, “This is the best day of my life.”

“You guys just had a convertible sitting around?” Lexa asks Clarke,

“It was my first car but after I started working and selling some art online, I saved to buy my jeep.” Clarke explained, “I only got the jeep maybe a month before you guys moved here, and we were going to sell this one, but we never got around to it.”

“Did you know?” Anya asks Lexa,

“I had no clue! They kept this secret very well.”

“To be fair I didn’t know until my dad asked me to drive it here today.” Clarke shrugged,

“This is your responsibility Anya; I’ll pay the insurance but if you wreck this car somewhere it’s up to you to buy a knew one.” Gustus warned,

“Did Lexa get this speech?” Anya said rolling her eyes,

“Lexa’s the responsible one.”

“Right I forgot, drunken nights at 15 and pregnancy scares scream responsibility.” Anya smirks and Lexa flips her off, “Whatever I promise I’ll take care of it!”

“I’ll be right back.” Clarke murmured to Lexa before walking off, “Hey.”

“Hey.” Costia smiled,

“Congratulations, I heard you got into Polis Uni.”

“Full scholarship.” The girl smirked,

“God knows you couldn’t possibly pay for it.” Clarke laughed,

“Shove it Griffin, if memory serves me right you also wanted to go to Polis.”

“It’s on the list of options.”

“Then maybe I’ll see you next year.” The girl smiled,

“Maybe.” Clarke gave the girl a hug,

* * *

Later that night the group gathered at The Trikru residence for a cookout to celebrate. Gustus was on the grill while everyone else hung around and chatted, the day was pretty chill. Most of it spent hearing Anya brag about her car but no one minded, Lexa was happy she got a car. It meant that she could drive home to see them anytime she wanted.

“They seem to be getting along well.” Raven said to Clarke motioning to Gustus and Aurora, the date was successful as the two seemed to have a lot in common. Clarke tried to pry detail from Rory, but she wasn’t letting up.

“Yeah, Lexa says they all had dinner one night and it wasn’t bad.” Clarke smiled,

“If this works out and they get married Lexa, Anya, Bellamy and Octavia will be step siblings.” Raven points out, and Clarke had never thought of that

“Holliday’s will be interesting.”

“So, when do you guys leave for the road trip?”

After talking to Octavia and lots of begging she agreed to cut the trip down to 2 months. Their final destination will be New York where Lincoln and Lexa will fly out to meet them. Then they’ll spend the last month of break staying at one of Gigi’s apartments and drive back to Arkadia together.

“Two days.” Clarke replied, “Last chance to join us!”

“Still a no, plus I need to spend as much time with Anya as I can get.” Raven sighed,

“I understand that, I don’t have to tell you everything will be ok do i?”

“Yes?” Raven mumbled,

“Everything will be fine; Bellamy and Echo are in town basically every other day and they go to Arkadia. It’s just an hour.”

“I know, I’ll just miss her being a 5-minute drive away.”

“Next year you’ll be there with her, try to focus on that.” Clarke smiled,

“I will.”

“Hey.” Clarke felt warm hands wrap around her waist and her girlfriends amazing scent fill her lungs,

“Hi.” She leaned back into the girl’s arms,

2 months, 2 whole months which is equivalent to 8 weeks or 60 days hell that’s 1460 hours. That’s how long she would be without these arms wrapped around her. Without getting to kiss her girlfriend’s lips and run her hands all over her body.

“I’m going to find Anya.” Raven announces before walking off,

“I don’t know how I’m going to get through two months without you.” Lexa sighed, she understood this trip was preplanned way before Clarke and her met but still she hated it. She hated that they wouldn’t be together for 2 months, but Clarke was looking forward to it and they would get through it,

“It’ll be hard for sure” Clarke replied, “But we’ll be together in New York in no time walking in central park.”

“And riding those bikes that people ride on vacation.” Lexa smiled,

Clarke laughed, “Whatever you want to do.”

“We still have two days together and I don’t plan on letting you out of my sight.”

“Good.” Clarke smirked,

“Ok everyone gather around.” Abby yelled, “I just wanted to say congratulations to you Anya. I’m so proud of you and I can’t wait to be there for all the amazing things you do after this.”

“Thanks Abby.” The girl smiled giving the women a hug, “Thank you for everything.”

“Of course!”

“Alright me next.” Gustus smiled,

“Were we supposed to prepare a speech?” Lexa asks semi panicking,

“No but I do want to express how proud I am of my oldest daughter. Anya, I know you and Lexa have been through a lot but throughout this all you’ve been a rock for both of us. I remember after your mom died you tried to make me dinner and failed miserably.” Gustus laughed, “But seeing you run around the kitchen trying to clear out smoke was the first time I laughed in months and seeing how amazing you turned out I know your mom would be just as proud as I am. So, I love you and congratulations.”

Anya didn’t say anything she just wrapped her arms around her dad, she knew if she even attempted to talk it would be a tear fest.

“To Anya!” Aurora said raising her glass,

“Do we get champagne too?” Octavia asks,

“Sure.” Aurora shrugged,

“Really?”

“Of course not, you can raise your sweet tea.”

“To Anya!”

* * *

Two day felt like two minutes and before Lexa knew it, she was standing in Clarkes driveway helping the girls but their luggage in the car. They hadn’t separated at all; Lexa had been glued to the blonde’s side and she wished it could stay that way. But she reminded herself it was only two months and they would be together soon, in New York alone with no adults. Sure, Gigi and Pops will be there, but they will be in there house miles away from the apartment they were staying in.

“What are you thinking about?”

“How much I’m going to miss you.” Lexa said honestly, 8 months ago she moved to this town broken and hopeless now here she was. In an amazing relationship with an amazing girl and she’s not hopeless anymore. She’s happy, “But I’m also thinking of New York so that cheers me up.”

Clarke stared at the girl in front of her and she immediately wants to unpack everything in her car and lock them in her room. As much as she wants to stay, she does want to go, and she made Octavia a promise they would do this.

Before Clarke could reply Abby, Jake and Aurora came and joined them in the driveway.

“Ok, I still can’t believe we’re letting them do this.” Abby said,

“They saved the money and they’ve been planning for the past year.” Jake added, “It’ll be fine, right girls?”

“Yes.” Clarke and Octavia answered,

“Let’s go over the rules one more time.” Abby demanded,

“No sleeping in the car.” Clarke said,

“Never stay at a motel, stay at a hotel with security.”

“Always call.”

“Don’t drive tired.”

“And don’t die.” Octavia finished,

“I still don’t want them to go.” Abby whined,

“They will be ok Abs.” Aurora laughed,

“Fine give me hugs.”

Clarke and Octavia buried the women in hugs the other adults joining in,

“We’ll call when we stop at the first hotel.” Clarke promised,

“We love you.”

“We love you guys too, now go inside before Abby starts crying.” Octavia smiled,

Now all that was left was the two couples to say goodbye,

“Be safe.” Lexa said,

“I will.”

“This is for you.” Lexa handed the girl a white folder, “Don’t open until you’re on the road.”

“Ok.” She smiled bringing the girl in for a hug, their last hug for 2 months. Then the blonde connected their lips savoring every second like it was the last they’ll ever have. She wanted to cry, for some reason this felt like a goodbye forever, but it wasn’t. Her mind was just making her be dramatic. “I’ll facetime you when we get to the hotel.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

“Try to have fun this summer, spend time with Anya and Priya. Promise you’ll try to have fun.”

“I promise.” Lexa nodded,

“I love you.”

“I love you too princess.” She smiled opening the door for girl, giving her one last kiss through the open window.

She watched with Lincoln as they pulled out of the driveway and up the road. She felt like she was standing there forever but eventually she dragged herself home. She didn’t get to mope too long as Anya and Raven dragged her downstairs to watch a movie, it took her mind of the girl and a couple hours she got a text from none other than her princess.

* * *

Their first stop was Vegas which was a 5-hour drive, and they would be there for a few days exploring. They were a few hours into the drive and Clarke realized she hadn’t opened the folder from Lexa. She had no clue what was in it, but she was excited to find out.

As soon she opened it a small envelope fell out reading ‘Princess’ she smiled opening it and pulling the paper out.

_Dear Clarke,_

_You once told me that your biggest regret was sitting down and writing letters telling everyone you loved goodbye. Well now I’m writing you this letter but it’s not a goodbye it’s just the beginning for us. So, I guess I’m writing this to tell you how happy I am that you didn’t go through with that plan. Because if you had I would’ve missed out on meeting such an amazing person who changed my life forever. I met you at a time where I honestly thought I would die unhappy. I lost my mom, and I didn’t think life had any meaning after that. But it’s **because of you** I know that’s not true. It’s **because of you** I feel like I can breathe again I feel like I’m not going to always be broken and I owe that to you I know that may seem weird but now I know it’s possible so thank you. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and showing me what love is, **real** love. You’re one of a kind Clarke Griffin and I never plan on living my life without you in it!_

_  
_ _p.s I didn’t want to say anything but I started writing again after I met your Gigi, I wanted to make sure it was something I was confident in before I shared it with anyone and you’re the only person I trust to read it._

_-I love you princess <3_

Clarke wiped her tears and opened the folder again pulling out the stack of papers. She removed the cover page instantly smiling.

**_The Skai Princess and The Commander_ **

**_Chapter 1_ **

She pulled out her phone sending the girl a text,

 **_Clarke:_ ** _If you’re writing our love story it better have a happy ending._

**….**

**_Lexa:_ ** _I think the Skai princess will love how her story ends._

**…..**

**_Clarke:_** _I can’t wait to see if I prove her right_

**…..**

**_Lexa:_** _You will._

 ** _Lexa:_** _The commander doesn’t plan on letting her Skai Princess get away once she finds her._

**…..**

**_Clarke:_** _Then I like the Commander all ready._

 ** _Clarke:_** _She’s smart._

**….**

**_Lexa:_** _She’s lucky._

**….**

**_Clarke:_** _Something tells me they both are._

**…**

**_Lexa:_** _They are._

Clarke smiles staring at the papers, Lexa wrote a story about her. Her first story since she lost her mom. She didn’t know what brought her Lexa, whether it was luck or fate, but she knows she’s never letting her go. They fixed each other when neither thought it was possible and now, well now they had forever to be grateful about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decided to do one more chapter! We'll see Octavia and Clarke on the road and the New York reunion! I'm going to post the next chapter and the new story on the same day!


	32. Authors Note;)

**Hi everyone! It's me your author here obviously lol but i'm posting this sort of as a message board! As you know i planned on writing a part two to this story and i still am. Basically i'm here to ask what you would prefer.**

**Create a new Story for the sequel**

**or**

**Continue it on this story**

**Let me know and i'll have it posted within the week! Love you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1**


	33. Epilogue: Get me out of this Car Already!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The file for this story will not open! i've been trying for weeks but finally i decided to just re-write it and that is what you have today! So sorry for the wait and don't forget to go read the next part of this story!!!!!!!!!!!

“Remind me why I wanted to do this again?” Octavia groaned from the passenger seat,

The trip started out exciting, they were taking pictures everywhere, exploring all the tourist attractions but now 2 months in and several states later, they were over it.

“This was your idea if I recall.” Clarke replied,

“Worst fucking idea ever!”

“At least we got to see so many amazing states.” Clarke shrugged trying to find an upside, truthfully, she was beyond over this road trip.

“Yeah that’s cool and all but I need you to get me out of this fucking car already!”

“We’ll be in New York in 2 hours.”

“Thank god.” Octavia sighed,

The past two months had been hard, although they did see a lot of amazing things and meet so many great people, they missed home. They missed their boyfriend and girlfriend, sure there was facetime and text, but they couldn’t feel them or touch them.

Luckily, Lexa and Lincoln were already on their flight and should be waiting for them as soon as they arrive in New York which gave them something to look forward too.

Clarke would admit this trip but kind of a strain on her and Lexa’s relationship, it was nothing they couldn’t fix but it was there. When Clarke would call, she could tell Lexa was sad and a huge part of that was because she wasn’t there. They both thought they could handle this time apart, but it was harder than they anticipated. They were fighting and hanging up on each other almost daily and it wasn’t because they had any underlying issues it was simply because the two missed each other and they didn’t know how to handle it.

When they drove past the ‘Welcome to New York’ sign Clarke could feel her nerves kicking in. She didn’t know what she was walking into, would Lexa be upset or happy to see her? Would they be able to pick up where they left off in Arkadia? In a couple of hours she would find out.

* * *

Seeing Clarke again has been the only thing on her mind since she watched the girl drive away two months ago back in Arkadia. In the beginning everything was fine, sure her days were boring and hanging out with Anya, Raven and the others was ok, but it got old quickly.

It was summertime and everything was supposed to be fun, but every time Lexa found herself doing something it felt forced. And an hour in she would want to leave but she would always push herself to stay because she couldn’t be in the house sad thinking about Clarke. Basically, she overthrew Anya by a million for the position of brood Queen.

One month in she found herself arguing with Clarke about the stupidest things like she didn’t call at the times they discussed, or the calls would end to quickly because her and Octavia had plans. Mostly she just wanted attention and it felt like Clarke didn’t have any to spare because she was always busy with some activity.

Obviously, Lexa knew she was being ridiculous, the whole point of a road trip was to explore and see everything, but she just missed her girlfriend.

A month and a half in Lexa decided to spend her doing more than brooding and that led to learning to be alone. Her and Clarke couldn’t always be around each other and this taught her that. She needed to learn how to be ok on her own because even if Clarke wasn’t there physically, there was no doubt in her mind that she would always be there for her.

So, after some time she started enjoying her time alone, she even taught herself how to play the guitar. Sort of.

She isn’t very good right now, but learning has helped her, and she was excited to be excited about something. This time also gave her the space to write her story, when she first started The Skai Princess and The Commander it was supposed to be a short story but somewhere down that line it spiraled into a full-blown book.

It wasn’t finished and she wasn’t sure if anyone besides her would ever read it, but she was proud of it. This story was an ode to her love story with Clarke so even if it never see’s the light of day she’s still happy it’s on paper.

Her story aside she did find other ways to fill her time during this two months and even though her Clarke were still fighting she was excited as she boarded the plane to New York with Lincoln.

New York is a place she’s always dreamed of visiting so doing it with the love of her life only seemed fitting. Her only worry was what would happened when she saw Clarke again, would it be a warm welcome or will she be mad about their fighting?

When they landed, they were greeted by Gigi and Pop who were there to pick them up. Since Freya and Jake sr. own property they volunteered one of their apartments so they group didn’t have to pay for a hotel.

The whole ride her nerves were a wreck, she knew Clarke and Octavia wouldn’t be there for a couple of hours, but she was still nervous.

When they pulled up to a building Lexa was shocked, it was full brick and huge she knew the rent was at least 5 grand.

“This is it.” Gigi smiled handing Lexa and Lincoln the keys, “How about a tour?”

The apartment to Lexa was more like a loft and it was beautiful. The rooms were huge and well spread apart and it had a nice living room and Kitchen. Perfect place to live for a month.

Gigi showed them a few more things about the place before heading off promising to have dinner with them sometime during the week.

“Octavia said they should be her in an hour.” Lincoln said while he typed on his phone. Lexa ignored her thoughts about how she hadn’t heard from Clarke all day and convinced herself it was because she was driving.

“I’m going to take a shower.” She grabbed her bags before heading upstairs picking the room with the biggest window.

The view was mostly of the small garden that was planted on the side of the building, but she loved it.

She got into the huge shower standing under the hot water hoping it would melt her nerves away.

* * *

The drive to the apartment was quicker than Clarke thought it would be and she knew Lincoln and Lexa were waiting inside for them. Octavia couldn’t have hopped out of the car fast enough, sprinting into the apartment and right into Lincolns arms.

Clarke didn’t grab their bags she just joined the pair inside searching for Lexa, but she was no where to be found. Was their fighting that bad that the girl decided not to get on the plane at all?

“She’s upstairs.” Lincoln smiled reading the girls face, Clarke nodded before heading up.

She’d only been in this apartment a few times, but she had an idea of which room Lexa would pick and of course she was right, the one with the few of the garden. The room was empty, but the shower was running and the thought that the girl she loved was 10 feet away after two months made her heart do flips.

She sat on the bed awkwardly wondering if she should wait here or wait downstairs until the girl was done and dressed. After two more minutes of deliberating she shed her clothes and walked into the bathroom.

Lexa hadn’t noticed the blonde’s arrival so when she felt warm hands slip around her waist, she jumped a bit before recognizing the touch.

No words were said just the two enjoying each other’s touch until Lexa turned around finding blue eyes waiting for her. Her hair was longer almost touching her waist and she noticed a small tattoo below her right breast that definitely wasn’t there before. 

“I can leave if you want to shower alone.” Clarke murmured, running her hands around the girl’s waist,

“No.” the brunette shook her head, “stay.”

“I missed you so much.” Clarke sighed leaning into the girl’s arms,

“I missed you too baby.”

Lexa leaned down claiming the kiss she’s been waiting for, for the last two months and she wasn’t disappointed. Clarke sunk into the girl’s lips giving herself over completely to her girlfriend.

They knew they needed to talk but that could wait right now they just needed each other, to feel each other and touch, everything they couldn’t do for the last two months.

Clarke stroked Lexa’s growing length as she went to get on her knees the brunette pulled her back up shaking her head.

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked self-consciously, did Lexa not want her? Were their fights really this straining?

“Nothing I don’t need that.” Lexa pushed the stringy blonde hair behind the girl’s ear, “I just need you, to feel you.” Clarke nodded as their lips connected again, Lexa picking the blonde up turning away from the hot water pouring down on them.

She could feel herself rubbing against Clarke’s wetness as she pinned the blonde to the shower wall.

“Lex.” Clarke gasped, “Please.”

Without a second thought she lined herself up with the girl’s entrance before sliding her full length inside earning moans from the blonde that echoed all throughout the bathroom.

Two whole months without this was too long, she missed being inside Clarke and she had no plans on ending this anytime soon.

* * *

An hour later the pair were laid in bed in silence as they tried not to think about all the things they still needed to talk about. Sex wasn’t a problem solver, but it was a good distraction.

“10-6-20?” Lexa asked tracing the tattoo under the girl’s breast with her finger, “Is that…”

“The day of our first date.” Clarke finished, “The one you invited Raven and Anya to because you were too scared to be alone with me.”

Lexa laughed at the memory, “More like scared I’d do something stupid if I was alone with you.”

“I was nervous too you know?” Clarke admitted,

“I couldn’t tell, why were you nervous?”

“Because even then I liked you so much and I didn’t know if I would be enough for you. For anyone really, being cheated on really ruined any hope I had for relationships then came you. So even though I was nervous I wouldn’t be enough, the way you love me cast away all my doubts.”

“Why’d you get it?” Lexa asked still running her fingers over the ink,

Clarke sighed turning to face her girlfriend,

“It was a month and a half ago; we were in New Mexico and we had a fight because I promised to call before you had to go in for work and I forgot. Then once I called, I could tell you were upset but we talked, and you played me a song you learned on the guitar which I loved by the way.” Clarke smiled, “After about an hour of talking O came into the room to get me because we had plans to go out and you got mad at me because it was the first time we talked in a few days and I was cutting it short.”

Lexa winced remembering the fight, it was probably the worst one they’ve had during the two-month separation.

“You said I was choosing to go out instead of talking to you and that I clearly didn’t miss you as much as you missed me. So, after you hung up on me Octavia dragged me to some bar, and she got very drunk after like two hours, so I had to drag her back to our room. After I got her settled, I tried to call you, but you ignored me, so I went for a walk. There wasn’t much near our hotel but there was a small tattoo place, so I went inside. I didn’t plan on getting anything, but I was thinking of you and our first date and how much has happened since, and I missed you so fucking much. So, the next thing I knew I was in the chair getting this date on my body and I don’t regret it at all. When we were on the road or Octavia was dragging me to some place, I didn’t want to be it was a good reminder that you’re always with me.”

“I’m sorry.” Lexa whispered, “About our fights.”

“Don’t be, it was my fault I was missing the calls and not making enough time for you and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry if I didn’t prioritize our relationship as much as I should and made you feel unwanted or unmissed because I did miss you. There were so many moments where I just wanted to turn the car around or leave Octavia and hop on a plane because I wanted to be with you.” Clarke confessed, “I wanted to feel your arms around me and feel your lips, I just-.”

“I know baby.” Lexa sighed tightening her arms around the girl, “The fights weren’t just on you Clarke, I was being difficult and getting mad over small things. I missed you more than I can explain, and it was just so hard not being able to feel you or talk to you at any moment that I want like I’m used to.”

“But we’re ok right?” Clarke asked hesitantly,

“We’re always ok baby, we’re back together now and that’s all I want to focus on.”

“We have a whole month to do whatever we want.” Clarke smiled, “What do you want to do first?”

“Right now, just lay here with you.” Lexa pulled the girl closer, “Can we do that?”

“Of course, baby.”

* * *

The next time Clarke opened her eyes It was pitch black outside and the bed was empty. For a second, she thought she was still on the road in a hotel, but she remembered she was in fact in NY with Lexa, but she wasn’t in bed.

Since she left her clothes in the car, she slipped on one of Lexa’s oversized shirts and boxers before going downstairs.

It was already ten pm and she was sad she slept most of the day away when she could’ve been up and talking to Lexa. Even though they did talk on the phone she still wanted to hear all about the girl’s summer, how the guitar was and her writing she wanted to know it all. They had a month, but she wanted to cherish every moment of it.

When she got downstairs, she smelled food and heard voices coming from the kitchen.

“Finally.” Octavia said looking at the blonde, “You’ve been sleep all day.”

“I was tired.” Clarke shrugged making her way over to Lexa wrapping her arms around her waist, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep that long.”

“It’s ok.” She smiled, “I just woke up too, I figured you be hungry, so I got pizza.”

Clarke grabbed some pizza out of the box excitedly realizing it was her favorite banana peppers and pepperoni.

“You’re the best.” She moaned biting into her first slice, “This is so good.”

“Gigi said they make the best pizza.” Lexa said,

“So, what do you guys have planned for the month?” Octavia asked the couple who shrugged,

“There are a few things we want to do but other than that we’re just going with the flow.”

“Rae told me her and Anya are flying down our last week.” Lincoln mentioned,

“Really?” Lexa asked clearly having no clue her sister was coming,

“Well I know with Anya going to college you’d want to spend as much time with her as you can, so I invited them.” Clarke answered, and Lexa smiled,

“Have I mentioned I love you?”

“Yes, but I’m open to hearing it anytime you’d like to say it.” She smiled,

“You guys are so cute it’s gross.” Octavia added, “Why aren’t you wearing clothes?” she asked examining Clarke, she had no bra on, and a big shirt and she wasn’t sure if there was anything under it.

“My clothes are in the car this is the best I could do!” she defended,

“I’ll go get them for you.” Lexa volunteered putting her food down, but Clarke stopped her,

“After we eat.”

* * *

The next couple days Clarke and Lexa planned to explore some of Clarkes favorite places to go when she visits. Most of them were art related and Lexa loved seeing her in that element. The way she would fawn over a painting and gush about the artists made her smile and she could see it was something Clarke truly was passionate about.

When they left the last place on Clarkes list on day 3 Lexa suggested they go out for lunch, but Clarke said she had a surprise planned for them.

“I can’t even get a hint?” Lexa asked as Clarke dragged her down the busy New York streets.

“It’s food related!” Clarke smiled, “Just trust me and stop asking questions, you’ll love it.”

“Fine.”

They continued down the street until they came to a small café decorated on the outside with rows of flowers which Lexa appreciated. When they walked in Lexa noticed Gigi waving at them and someone else was sitting but she couldn’t see.

“Lexa, good to see you again.” Gigi smiled pulling the girl into a hug,

“You too Gigi.”

“And there’s someone else I’d love to introduce you to.” Gigi motioned for the man to stand and when he faced Lexa, she was sure she stopped breathing, “This is my very talented author Gabriel Santiago.”

The man smiled holding his hand out and Lexa shook it not being able to properly greet him with words since apparently, she stopped functioning.

“We were out at lunch and I was telling Gabriel about you and I thought you like to meet him.”

“Freya says you liked my first book.” Gabriel smiled motioning for Lexa to sit,

“I loved it!” She said quickly, wondering if she sounded too eager but Gabriel didn’t seem to mind. She sat down across from the man hearing Clarke mention she was going to go order before turning her attention back to Gabriel. “It was the first book I read after going through a hard time and I related to it a lot. Did you always plan to write about yourself?”

“No actually, from the very beginning I wanted to write fiction but as my life went on, I realized I wouldn’t be able to write anything until I wrote down my own story.” He answered, “It started as journaling, purely for myself then it branched off into its own thing and there I was with a 350-page book and no publisher or anyone interested. Then one day I met Freya and she gave me a chance; without her I wouldn’t be here.”

“Nonsense!” Gigi interrupted, her and Clarke handed out the coffee before joining the group, “There is no doubt in my mind you would still be here without my help, but I am glad I got to meet you first!”

Lexa couldn’t believe she was even in the same room as one of her favorite authors let alone sitting with them. If anyone told her she’s be here a year ago after reading Gabriel’s book she wouldn’t believe it and he’s just as genuine as he comes across in his writing.

“Not that I’m not flattered by why were you telling Gabriel about me?” Lexa asked Gigi,

“Well I was discussing with him how amazing I thought your story was and he agreed.” She smiled,

“My story?” Lexa asked looking at Clarke who was just as confused,

“Yes, the one Clarke sent me.”

Lexa looked back to Clarke who was already looking at her,

“I didn’t- I never sent you a story Gigi.” Clarke said trying to figure out what was going on,

“Sure, you did, you called me while you were in Illinois and said you found some vintage stock paper and you were going to send to me for my scrapbooking.” Gigi explained, “When I opened the package the story was in it.”

Clarke sighed realizing what she did and hoped Lexa wouldn’t be pissed at her even though it was an accident.

“I didn’t mean to send the story; my stuff was a mess around the room, and it must’ve been under the stack when I went to package it.” Clarke explained, “When I realized it was gone, I thought I left it in the hotel, I’m so sorry Lexa I didn’t mean to, I know you didn’t want anyone seeing it.”

“It was an accident Clarke, it’s ok.” Lexa reassured; she knew it was an accident but knowing that others have read what she wrote made her a little self-conscious especially since Gabriel read it.

“Still I’m sorry.” Clarke repeated grabbing the girl’s hand, “Was the note in the package?”

“It was, but when I realized what it was, I stopped reading.” Gigi smiled, “It’s at the house I’ll have it returned to you. Even though it wasn’t meant for our eyes we enjoyed it, you’re very talented Lexa.”

“It’s true, usually I’m not into Love stories but this was different.” Gabriel said, “For a first chapter the two mains are well flushed out, have you written more?”

Lexa couldn’t believe what was happening, a number one best seller likes her writing.

“I uh- yeah I’ve been writing pretty much all summer.” Lexa admitted feeling a little embarrassed by the whole situation.

“Well if you’re comfortable with it I’d love to read more.” He smiled,

“Really?”

“Yeah, the cliff hanger at the end of chapter one was brutal I need to know what comes next.”

“See babe, I told you it was amazing.” Clarke beamed, “It’ll be a best seller one day.”

“I wouldn’t go that far Lexa laughed,

“It wouldn’t surprise me.” Gigi agreed.

After lunch Lexa and Gabriel exchanged numbers with the promise of Lexa sending more chapters which she agreed to. She surprised herself with how willing she was to share her writing, but she was excited too.

When they got back to the house Octavia and Lincoln were out, so the pair decided to have a movie night in the living room.

“Thank you.” Lexa mumbled into the blonde’s head as they cuddled on the couch as the movie played in the background,

“For what?”

“For today.” She smiled,

“It was all Gigi, but I’m glad she suggested it and I’m glad you’re excited about writing.”

“I can’t believe he likes my story.”

“I told you it was amazing.”

“Yeah but you’re my girlfriend you’re supposed to encourage me.”

“True.” Clarke agreed, “But I would also never lie to you and maybe I’m biased but you’re writing is incredible and I can’t wait for you to realize that.”

“I love you.”

“I love you back.” She smiled,

* * *

_A few days later_

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Clarke asked staring at her girlfriend who was currently sitting in a tattoo chair in downtown NY, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to because I did.”

“I want this Clarke, plus I think it looks good.” Lexa smiled holding up the drawing she asked Clarke to do. It was just a heart with Clarkes initials, but she wanted something Clarke drew herself.

“It’s just a heart Lex.”

“I know but I love it.”

“Ready?” The tattoo artist asked, and Lexa nodded.

She decided to get the tattoo on her hip, where her dad wouldn’t see just to save herself from the speech she’d most likely get. She could already here his words ‘Lexa your 17, I know you love Clarke but getting her initials tattooed on you is extreme.’ But she knew that wasn’t true.

Looking at the blonde who was holding her hand she knew in her heart that this was forever. There is no one else out there that’s a better fit for her than Clarke Griffin.

“Alright all good.” The artist smiled, giving Lexa the space to stand up and look in the mirror, “What do you think?”

“It’s perfect.” She smiled looking at the blue heart that is now engraved on her body forever.

* * *

“Are you sure you like it?” Lexa asked for the fourth time, they had left the tattoo parlor and were on there way home.

“I love it.” Clarke answered honestly,

“Then what’s wrong?”

Clarke had been silent since they left, and Lexa was sure it was because she hated the tattoo but that wasn’t it at all.

“Everyone’s going to think we’re crazy.” She said finally turning to the girl, “They’re going to say how young we are, and tattoos are forever, and our relationship may not be. They’re going to say it was a mistake.”

“I don’t care what they say Clarke, we know our relationship in ways they never will. I’ll love you forever, I even have the tattoo to prove it.” She smiled nudging the blonde finally getting her to smile as well.

“Your dad is going to kill you.”

“At least I’ll die loving you.”

“Stop!” Clarke smacked a laughing Lexa,

“Seriously Clarke, do you regret your tattoo?”

“Of course, I don’t.”

“Then it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, when we’re old and still together we can prove to them how wrong they are.” She said, “Okay?”

“Okay.” Clarke said after a minute, she knew what her parents would think and Gustus, but Lexa was right it simply didn’t matter. They loved each other and they would twenty years from now too.

* * *

A few weeks went by in a flash and the next thing Lexa knew they were at the airport picking Anya and Raven. It was their last week in New York before they had to go back for school and Lexa was sad.

This past month her and Clarke had gotten into a routine and it almost felt like they were living here together. Mornings usually started with Lexa writing on the balcony and Clarke bringing her a fresh coffee. Then the blonde would usually paint next to her and they would stay like that for a couple hours.

They explored all the places Lexa was excited to see like central park, statue of liberty of course, Times Square, and all the other tourist attractions as well. They even saw Wicked on Broadway and sat on the met steps more as a gag for Lexa who’s guilty pleasure show is apparently Gossip Girl. Which she isn’t ashamed of by the way.

But as the weeks went by, they found themselves in the house cuddled up in bed not wanting to leave each other’s side because soon it would all be over. Soon real life would kick in and they would be back in Arkadia starting their senior year and there would be no more exploring or waking up together there would only be meeting after school and work or whenever they had time to see each other.

Lexa imagined it would be hard going back to that after having this much time together, but she was happy. Happier than she’s ever been, and she found herself feeling that way often since she’s met Clarke. Especially now as she sat back watching her girlfriend splash around the pool with Raven who looked very annoyed.

“Do you ever wonder what life would be like if we stayed in Seattle?” Lexa asked Anya who was laying beside her trying her best not to be in the sun even though they were laying out by the pool.

“Honestly, no.” Anya shrugged, “Seattle hardly crosses my mind especially after the last visit, but I will say this is better than any potential future we had in Seattle.”

“I agree.” Lexa smiled,

* * *

“Torture.” Anya exclaimed, “This is torture.”

“You said it was fine.” Raven reminded the girl.

It was their last night in New York and the group decided to have a movie night, they were going to go out, but they had been doing that all week so low key night it was.

The current dilemma was finding a movie to watch and after almost an hour of discussion they finally decided on Hush a scary movie from a couple of years ago. None of them had seen it and Anya the wimp of the group agreed to watch but clearly, she was having second thoughts.

“You always suggest a scary movie no matter what.” Anya pointed out,

“You could say no.”

“Whatever.”

“I heard it’s not even scary more suspenseful.” Lincoln added hoping to help,

“Just start it.” Anya groaned,

“Good idea.” Lexa said grabbing the remote and pressing play. Her and Clarke had their own small couch to lay on which she took full advantage of, cuddling as close as humanly possible to the girl.

The movie was the last thing on her mind honestly, this was their last night here and she’d rather spend it with Clarke alone, but they agreed to watch the movie, so she just needed to get through that.

Occasionally she would feel Clarke moving her butt against her which was annoying, she knew she was doing it on purpose, and she wanted to take her upstairs more than anything, but this stupid movie was taking too long to end.

“Stop.” Lexa whispered,

“What?” Clarke smirked her eyes still on the huge flatscreen in front of her.

“You know what.”

“This movie is really long.” The blonde complained,

“You’re the one who said we had to join them.” Lexa reminded,

“Everybody makes mistakes Lexa.”

“We can hear you Hannah Montana.” Octavia yelled, “Whisper better or just go upstairs and have sex already.”

“Ugh! Really O?” Anya groaned,

“What?”

“You seriously think I want to hear that shit?”

“Well-..”

Clarke decided this was the best time for them to slip away since no one else seemed to care if they were there or not. She had no clue what was going on in that movie and she didn’t care. The only thing on her mind was getting Lexa up to their room and into bed.

When they finally crossed into their room Clarke wasted no time ripping the girl’s shirt off along with her own.

“In a rush, are we?” Lexa smirked,

“I could always slow down.” Clarke smiled slowly pushing her shorts down,

“I like rushing.”

Clarke threw her short and panties across the room before recapturing the brunette’s lips and palming her already hard length through her shorts.

“You always tease me when we’re watching a movie with our friends.” Lexa said, “Always grinding on me and running your hands down my shorts. That’s not ok baby.”

“I’m sorry commander.” She pouted, her big blue eyes on display

“Show me how sorry.”

Clarke nodded dropping to her knees pulling Lexa’s shorts and underwear down along the way revealing the already fully hard dick. She didn’t waste any time before taking the head in her mouth, slowly taking the girls full length.

“Fuck Clarke.” Lexa groaned watching the blonde, it always surprised her how good she was at this. Almost routinely her hands landed on the blonde’s head taking full control ultimately face fucking the girl. Her hips were moving quickly, and Clarkes mouth was taking everything she gave her willingly. “You like when I use your mouth don’t you baby?”

Clarke couldn’t talk the best she could do was hum a reply which made Lexa crazier and she couldn’t help but let her own hand makes its way to the pool of wetness dripping down her legs.

It wasn’t long before Clarke felt warm liquid gushing down her throat and down her face when her mouth became too full.

“Fuck, you’re amazing.” Lexa admired the girl and she licked up any remaining come left on her face, “Impatient much?” she watched the blonde remove her hand with a guilty face,

“You know what it does to me when you use my mouth like that.” Clarke shrugged standing up meeting Lexa’s gaze,

“I know baby and you did so good now tell me what you want.” Lexa smirked watching the blonde bend over the dresser spreading her legs and looking back at her,

“Please fuck me commander.” She begged knowing this was Lexa’s favorite position. The brunette didn’t answer instead she lined herself up with the blonde’s dripping wetness and slid all the way in. “wait.”

Lexa stopped letting the girl adjust,

“Ok.” Clarke nodded moaning softly as Lexa’s slow thrust, “Faster baby.” Clarke begged causing the girls hips to speed up, “ so … good.” Clarke was in heaven as Lexa thrusted into her relentlessly, “Baby!” Clarke gasped feeling Lexa hit a spot she didn’t even know was there, what was this girl doing to her?

“Come for me baby.” Lexa whispered in the blondes hear not slowing down her pace at all,

“Come with me baby.” Clarke moaned feeling the brunettes hand rubbing her clit while still fucking her from behind, “Fuck!”

“Let go baby.”

“Ahh!” Clarke was sure if the dresser wasn’t here her body would’ve hit the floor by now, “I’ve been waiting to do that all day.”

“Shouldn’t have volunteered us to for movie night.” Lexa smirked kissing the girls back,

“Fuck off.” Clarke smiled,

* * *

The next day Clarke and the others were preparing to leave New York since school started in a week and their parents refused to let them stay any longer. Truthfully, Clarke felt like she could stay here forever with Lexa by her side. In a sense they became very domesticated and it felt like they were adult living alone in the big city but alas that is not the case.

It did get both of them excited for the future though, their future together mostly and it gave them something to look forward too.

“Ready?” Lexa asked bringing her out of her daydream,

“No.” she said truthfully, “Can we just runaway and live here forever, Gigi wouldn’t mind.”

Lexa smiled wrapping her arms around her waist, she understood completely how Clarke felt because she wanted to stay too. Unfortunately, reality was calling them back and they had to go.

“I wish baby, at least you don’t have to drive, I know you were dreading that.”

The plan was always for Clarke and Lexa to drive back since she had her car, but Clarke couldn’t be bothered. So, Gigi being an angel volunteered to have it sent back to Arkadia even though it was very pricey. But she said Clarke could pay her back once she became a famous artist. _Gigi was the best._

“The only upside to leaving.”

“Cheer up princess, we have senior year then College and we’re free.”

“Well when you say it like that.” Clarke smiled,

“Gigi’s here let’s go!” Raven yelled up the stairs and both girls sighed,

They grabbed their bags and took one last look at their home for the last month before joining the others downstairs. After everything was in the car the group packed in the car and drove to the airport.

For some reason for both Clarke and Lexa this felt like the end of something, but it was far from that. The end of a chapter maybe but it was just the beginning for them, they had so much more life to live and they would do that together. Forever no matter what comes there way…………..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are amazing and i'm so thankful that you chose to read this story but it's far from over! Adult Clexa coming your way


	34. Sorry!

Hi I’m only posting this because I accidentally posted a chapter for my other story on here!!! I deleted it quickly but I thought I’d come on here and explain just in case anyone got the notification! Lol anyways have a beautiful night or day wherever you are!!!!!! 

** if you haven’t read part two yet go do it!!! **


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